Cads on the subway

[Miss_Bella_Hell]

Ugh. Why should a man give me his seat? I'm know I'm just a weak little girl, but really.... Even in 4 inch heels I have my dignity.

 

[klind65]

I ride the #2 train every day, and in my 40 years plus experience of riding the NYC subways, I'd say the rule of thumb is this. Men don't give up their seats to women of the same general age range at all. But they will often, not always, but often, give up their seats to an elderly or pregnant woman.
However I'd say that I see young unpregnant women give their seats to pregnant women immediately, but the men take a minute or so to decide.
So there is some code of courtesy in the system, but a rough one.
As far as the class of people who ride the trains, really, EVERYONE rides the subways in New York.

Thanks for your post. I realize now that perhaps my view of who rides the subways is not quite accurate. I am not a native and ergo don't benefit from the perspective time would bestow. I formulated my opinion based on the people I've seen personally - maybe I'm just riding the wrong train!

 

[klind65]

It's seldom an issue for me - standing-room only on the bus is nearly newsworthy around here.

That said, though, there is a code of sorts, much like what dhermann said. People tend to move for the elderly and pregnant women, and i would add disabled to that. Also, if someone has small children with them they are often juggling their and the kid's stuff and people are pretty helpful about it. Of course, busses also have drivers, who have been known to enforce politeness . But, as uncrowded as out public transit is, giving up your seat usually just means moving farther to the back, not standing.

Thanks for your post. I realize my question concerned the subways but as a general issue of courtesy do you find it a function of location or region? I see you are from the south so, if you have travelled to NY or some other part of the country, do you find a greater preponderance of gracious or traditional behaviour in the South? By the way, I love your quote and agree with it.

 

[klind65]

Bus from Jersey into NYC and my 70 year old, frail little grandmother (lol) Had to stand. She ended up politely asking someone to move their hand off their arm rest and half sat on that holding onto me for balance. While there were several young gentlemen about with seats. Made me a bit angry... It wasnt the only time either, but then again, sometimes people are very polite and courteous.

Thanks for your post. Yes I have seen this sort of thing and it is really unconscionable! I simply can't abide it. I read many of the other posts wherein the men credit their good form to having been "raised that way". So, perhaps that is the answer: People having kids and raising them are not instilling the correct values? Or is that too facile an answer. Likely more factors are involved. But it makes me cringe and as much as I would loathe causing a disturbance, I feel equally strongly that if we don't stand up/ speak up for what is kind and civil, things will simply degenerate into complete barbarism.

 

[Elaina]

Klind I have a question then...if you see it, do you set an example and give up your seat or do you wait for men to do it?

I make my son do it, because that is what I was taught, but I also do it myself. I don't ask him to do what I myself won't.

 

[klind65]

Someone once told me that etiquette is the art of making others comfortable. Given that and what I’ve heard of New Yorkers, I would say that it would almost be poor etiquette to offer one’s seat on the subway to a stranger. On the other hand, I have given up my Lansing bus seat for certain Midwestern ladies, and they’re ordinarily quite pleased, so it’s all about judging the recipient of your offer.

-Dave

Thanks for your comments. I agree with the definition of etiquette that you cited. Yes, simple consideration. Wonder why that is so hard for many people to practice? But I'm glad you do. Never change!:

 

[olive bleu]

Sounds reasonable to me. I don't see why a healthy, able-bodied woman is more deserving of a seat than a man is.

I agree completely.i have given up my seat to the elderly, disabled, to a man with a baby in his arms, or to a woman with her arms full of groceries. I have also had seats offered to me on many occasions.sometimes i accept, sometimes not.I think it all comes down to using common sense and courtesy.When someone is in a situation of potentially being uncomfortable, you put their comfort before your own. That's good manners.Gender is not the deciding factor. i think generally, if anyone is seated on a crowded bus and a person gets on who needs the seat more than they do,they KNOW they should be getting up.whether or not they choose to listen to that little voice is something else.

Last time I rode it, a kid with more gold in his mouth then my jewelry box and sagging jeans gave me his seat. When I had to ride buses consistently, I was offered their seat more then I had to stand by men of all ages.

because i live a block away from my kids school, my 2 teenage boys often bring home classmates for lunch. My house is full of several grill-wearing, baggy-clothed kids on any given day of the week.They are all exeptionally polite, and full of please and thank you. I have seen them relinquish seats on the bus many times, while others (men and women) in business attire hide behind their newspapers and pretend not to notice.


"Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use."

-Emily Post

 

[Elaina]

My comment on the youth was to paint a portrait of what one would consider not the norm for doing it.

Rudeness comes in all sizes, shapes and socioeconomic packages, as does politeness.

 

[olive bleu]

I agree completely.

 

[klind65]

I agree completely.i have given up my seat to the elderly, disabled, to a man with a baby in his arms, or to a woman with her arms full of groceries. I have also had seats offered to me on many occasions.sometimes i accept, sometimes not.I think it all comes down to using common sense and courtesy.When someone is in a situation of potentially being uncomfortable, you put their comfort before your own. That's good manners.Gender is not the deciding factor. i think generally, if anyone is seated on a crowded bus and a person gets on who needs the seat more than they do,they KNOW they should be getting up.whether or not they choose to listen to that little voice is something else.




because i live a block away from my kids school, my 2 teenage boys often bring home classmates for lunch. My house is full of several grill-wearing, baggy-clothed kids on any given day of the week.They are all exeptionally polite, and full of please and thank you. I have seen them relinquish seats on the bus many times, while others (men and women) in business attire hide behind their newspapers and pretend not to notice.
"Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use."

-Emily Post

Thank you for your post. I was surprised by what you said and VERY PLEASED! My opinions are often based on what I personally observe and I have never seen those of a "hip hop" orientation display traditional courtesy. But your post proves that they do! It is so easy to assume that because a chap is well-dressed, he will have been well-raised and will practice good form. Not always! Thanks for sharing your experience.

 

[Miss Neecerie]

I keep reading this as Cats on the Subway...which is really a lot more interesting topic then the same old 'no one has manners discussion'

Although I usually see cats on subways as being related to gypsy musical groups on subways.....related phenomena...

 

[Paisley]

I'd like to see, at least once in my life, a young and able-bodied woman give up her seat to a young but not so able-bodied (read: exhausted) man.

.

I wonder if many of them would accept it. [huh]

I'd like to see more people get up and move from their seat in the front to make room for a wheelchair or baby stroller without being chased off by the bus driver.

 

[Shirin]

Gender is not the deciding factor. i think generally, if anyone is seated on a crowded bus and a person gets on who needs the seat more than they do,they KNOW they should be getting up.whether or not they choose to listen to that little voice is something else.

"Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use."

-Emily Post

And this is what it all boils down to, well said!

 

[olive bleu]

I keep reading this as Cats on the Subway...which is really a lot more interesting topic then the same old 'no one has manners discussion'

Although I usually see cats on subways as being related to gypsy musical groups on subways.....related phenomena...

lol lol Now THAT's funny.

 

[Fleur De Guerre]

If a man offered me a seat on the underground/bus, I'd probably think I needed to lose weight, or buy a girdle! lol Likewise I have a terrible fear of offering my seat to a 'pregnant' lady, only to find out she's not actually pregnant! It helps that pregnant ladies can get badges from the Undergound saying 'Baby on Board', still, I have seen many a row of young bankers bury their noses further into their copies of City AM in order to 'not notice' the pregnant woman standing in the aisle in front of them. And while I would never expect to be offered a seat out of the blue, it does bug me to be constantly be barged out of the way by men trying to get on first so as to get a seat. That is just rude, in my opinion.

 

[Fleur De Guerre]

I keep reading this as Cats on the Subway...which is really a lot more interesting topic then the same old 'no one has manners discussion'

Although I usually see cats on subways as being related to gypsy musical groups on subways.....related phenomena...

This cat catches the bus! I hope he doesn't hog the seats! lol

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-447527/Mystery-cat-takes-regular-bus-shops.html

 

[ladybrettashley]

I keep reading this as Cats on the Subway...which is really a lot more interesting topic then the same old 'no one has manners discussion'

Although I usually see cats on subways as being related to gypsy musical groups on subways.....related phenomena...

lol lol
reminds me of this story: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-447527/Mystery-cat-takes-regular-bus-shops.html

 

[Fleur De Guerre]

Check the post above yours! lol

 

[mike]

"Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use."

-Emily Post

I like that a lot.

 

[LaMedicine]

This cat catches the bus! I hope he doesn't hog the seats! lol

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-447527/Mystery-cat-takes-regular-bus-shops.html

Heck, we have a cat who's a stationmaster lol lol lol
Tama, the Stationmaster