Bring back dating?

[PrettySquareGal]

"....Now a new book on this not-so-new subject is drawing fire in some quarters for its conclusion: That hookups can be damaging to young women, denying their emotional needs, putting them at risk of depression and even sexually transmitted disease, and making them ill-equipped for real relationships later on.

For that, Laura Sessions Stepp, author of "Unhooked" and a writer for The Washington Post, has been criticized as a throwback to an earlier, restrictive moral climate, an anti-feminist and a tut-tutting mother telling girls not to give the milk away when nobody's bought the cow...."

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070309/ap_on_re_us/hooking_up

Growing up I always lamented that old-fashioned dating wasn't in. All my my favorite shows and films from the 40's and 50's had a fellow showing up in a suit to pick up his date, far different from the high school "yo, you want to make out?" lol . In my adored Victorian books, courtship was much more romantic. The "hooking up" culture isn't something recent. Kids did it in the 50's even, of course. But definitely the attention to stylish dating and a cultural acceptance of waiting seems to be gone. I think that men and women are missing out by cutting out the courtship. OK, maybe just women. Do men like courting? What do you think?

 

[scotrace]

Know what?

Thought it's a relief to not have to worry about dating and trying to find The One...
One thing is certain.

If I were in a situation where I had to start dating again? I'd know exactly how to go about it now!







Women would be helpless in the onslaugt of my relentless charm.

 

[LizzieMaine]

I was just naive enough growing up to think that the way it was done in old movies was the way it was actually going to be -- imagine my disappointment when I found out otherwise. I ended up not dating at all until I was 25 because I was scared to death of all the manipulative cat-and-mouse game-playing that went along with it -- and there was no way I could train myself to be emotionally aloof about that sort of thing.

I've only been on two dates in the four years since my breakup, and the modern etiquette makes even less sense to me now than it did when I was a kid -- so when I hear people talking casualy of "hooking up" it's like something from another planet. I guess some folks are just born with the ability to emotionally disconnect and live for the moment, but I know myself well enought to realize that's not something I'll ever be able to do. If that makes me a non-empowered retrograde throwback, so be it -- nobody can say I haven't been upfront about it.

 

[Flitcraft]

non-empowered retrograde throwback

Count me in! I agree with you completely!:eusa_clap

 

[herringbonekid]

i thought dating was still the norm in the U.S. ? going out for dinner and all of that.... a kind of mini interview to check your date's eligiblity factor ?

or is that just among an older than college crowd ?

 

[Senator Jack]

Didn't Bogart and Bacall 'hook up' in To Have and Have Not?

 

[Fletch]

i thought dating was still the norm in the U.S. ? going out for dinner and all of that.... a kind of mini interview to check your date's eligiblity factor ?

or is that just among an older than college crowd ?

Who routinely get ignored when our journalists are sniffing up a Hot Trend?

I'll bet.

I hate dating too, but this hookup stuff is no better and maybe worse. Sex is dehumanized enough already. OTOH, maybe young women will learn it's OK to feel desire for its own sake, rather than channeling it into wanting the alpha dog.

 

[Feraud]

Didn't Bogart and Bacall 'hook up' in To Have and Have Not?

He also "hooked up" with the bookstore girl in The Big Sleep, after she removed those glasses.

 

[scotrace]

Don't want to be thought a cad

Just to clarify:

I'd try dating the old fashioned way. Call for a date, set the time, pick her up with maybe a small gift, dressed nicely, dinner, conversation, maybe a little window shopping. Then take her home and hope to get permission to call again (if all went well).

My question is, how would that be received? Would I be written off as a hopeless dullard? Or - worse! - as "too nice!"

 

[Feraud]

I recently tried to bring back dating...but my wife wouldn't have it.
Bah-dum-dum! cymbal crash.

 

[Senator Jack]

The cad is getting a bad rap these days. I'll have to do something about it.

 

[Jay]

I tried the date thing. A couple trips to diners for coffee, one time a movie, and then a trip to the Philadelphia Art Museum. I figured what the hell, told the girl I'm dressing to the nines for the trip, threw on my brown Herringbone 3 button 1943 suit, yellow shirt with dark stripes, red deco tie. Walking around the Modern Art section some random girl walks up to me and says "excuse me, but you look awesome." I said my thanks and was on my way. Driving home I said to my date "You're kind of quiet, jealous of my compliment." To which she replies " I don't need a costume to get compliments."
That was the end of that. I have no idea what provoked that. She's both gone to my parties dressed up and out to breakfast with big groups of my friends and knows that this is what I do. Anyhow, in my experience, trying this dating thing did not work out too well. Maybe it was the suit or the hat or just me.

 

[BegintheBeguine]

Just to clarify:

I'd try dating the old fashioned way. Call for a date, set the time, pick her up with maybe a small gift, dressed nicely, dinner, conversation, maybe a little window shopping. Then take her home and hope to get permission to call again (if all went well).

My question is, how would that be received? Would I be written off as a hopeless dullard? Or - worse! - as "too nice!"

Not too nice or a dullard, rather too good to be true as in non-existant. I would flip over this guy.

 

[Bebop]

Just to clarify:

I'd try dating the old fashioned way. Call for a date, set the time, pick her up with maybe a small gift, dressed nicely, dinner, conversation, maybe a little window shopping. Then take her home and hope to get permission to call again (if all went well).

My question is, how would that be received? Would I be written off as a hopeless dullard? Or - worse! - as "too nice!"

As a recently divorced guy (after 27 years with the same wife) I asked myself that same question many times and came up with the fact that it depends on the person you are dating. Some ladies find that boring and dull . Some find it a refreshing experience . Some feel disappointed . Some are confused [huh] . Generally speaking, first dates have always been awkward to say the least. I think the more you date, the more you figure out what to do with whom.

 

[Miss Neecerie]

Here is my take on the Cad vs nice guy thing.

A cad is only refreshing and different and thus attention grabbing, when its in contrast with something else.....The Nice Guy.

Its all about the unexpected....if everyone is nice, then someone less so, grabs attention and gets the girls.

But since currently, pretty much everyone expects and deals with cad like behaviour as if it were the norm, its not that attention getting anymore.

On the contrary, being the Nice Guy is...different and refreshing. This does not mean Spineless Nice Guy....there is a difference.

 

[Samsa]

I have largely avoided the "dating scene" as it is. I'm 24, which I suppose means I'm a member of the "hook-up" generation. I don't go looking for romance; I live my life, and it just tends to happen. There are, however, plenty of people I know who do not fit the stereotype that has been suggested by this thread - I know a good number of people my age, myself included, who are "waiting" until marriage. That said, I do realize that contemporary mores are not the same as those of earlier generations.

 

[Senator Jack]

We're mixing up cads with frat boys here. A cad takes a woman out to the best restaurant in town and orders champagne. A frat boy takes her out to McDonalds where they split the check.

 

[Samsa]

Cad:

NOUN: A man whose behavior is unprincipled or dishonorable.

 

[Fletch]

I don't go looking for romance; I live my life, and it just tends to happen.

Unfortunately, some of us live our lives and it tends not to happen.

 

[Samsa]

Unfortunately, some of us live our lives and it tends not to happen.

Aye! I didn't mean to suggest that it works for everyone. I have nothing against dating at all, nor did I mean to suggest that people should simply wait around until someone special falls in their laps. I just meant that, for me, I've never been too caught up or worried about not having a girlfriend, so have never felt the need to go about dating random women.