Are There Any Men Who Do Not Talk Much Left?

[Fading Fast]

My Dad, born in the 1920s, was from the school of men do not talk much. Growing up, that was normal to me. My Mom chatted, but only rarely did my Dad participate in a long conversation. He would watch a baseball game and maybe say thirty words throughout in two word bursts like "bad choice" when someone got thrown out trying to steal second. If we were debating something at home, he would normally say nothing and then give his opinion, sometime with nothing more than a look. He had friends like this who also hardly ever talked, but would come over and sit with my Dad for hours watching a game and not talking much, maybe share some food or a drink, say thank you and go home.

My girlfriend's Dad, also born in the 1920s, is a bit more of a talker, but he still has the same style of only occasionally chatting, normally listening and then saying nothing or offering a brief comment. At Christmas, when the women go shopping or something, we'll watch a movie or a game and we'll hardly exchange a word for hours at a time. I enjoy this - it's a comfortable way to be in someone's company, but not have to keep a constant stream of conversation going - versus the non-stop verbal assault that seems the norm today, but it got me to thinking if others on this board have noticed that it seems that an entire breed of men - or at least a style of conversing - is going away?

Not that I am against conversation - I'm more of a talker than my Dad, but way less than the standard of today - but I think we are losing that subset of men.

 

[HudsonHawk]

My Dad, born in the 1920s, was from the school of men do not talk much. Growing up, that was normal to me. My Mom chatted, but only rarely did my Dad participate in a long conversation. He would watch a baseball game and maybe say thirty words throughout in two word bursts like "bad choice" when someone got thrown out trying to steal second. If we were debating something at home, he would normally say nothing and then give his opinion, sometime with nothing more than a look. He had friends like this who also hardly ever talked, but would come over and sit with my Dad for hours watching a game and not talking much, maybe share some food or a drink, say thank you and go home.

My girlfriend's Dad, also born in the 1920s, is a bit more of a talker, but he still has the same style of only occasionally chatting, normally listening and then saying nothing or offering a brief comment. At Christmas, when the women go shopping or something, we'll watch a movie or a game and we'll hardly exchange a word for hours at a time. I enjoy this - it's a comfortable way to be in someone's company, but not have to keep a constant stream of conversation going - versus the non-stop verbal assault that seems the norm today, but it got me to thinking if others on this board have noticed that it seems that an entire breed of men - or at least a style of conversing - is going away?

Not that I am against conversation - I'm more of a talker than my Dad, but way less than the standard of today - but I think we are losing that subset of men.

I guess I'm wondering why you're suggesting that being friendly and engaging is somehow a character flaw.

 

[LizzieMaine]

I guess I'm wondering why you're suggesting that being friendly and engaging is somehow a character flaw.

It was a necessity if you ran a gas station. My grandfather, born in 1904, could carry on a conversation with anyone at any time, from little kids to old people, and he never kept his opinions to himself. Watching baseball with him growing up is how I learned to swear properly.

If there were any Gary Cooper strong-silent-type men around when I was growing up they weren't living in my neighborhood.

 

[Shangas]

The oldest man I know personally, is my uncle (born 1935, currently 78 years old). The stories he could tell...

He's a great conversationalist. I love talking to him. He's always funny and has amazing stories and tales to tell. He's witty and extremely eloquent - one would expect nothing less from a man who was an English teacher for 40 years. He loves talking about the past, and I've learnt a lot of family history from him.

 

[HeyMoe]

There is a story about President Calvin Coolidge, a Vermonter, being a man of few words. He was at a function and was told by a lady in attendance that she had made a bet that she could get him to say more than three words.

His response to her was "You loose"

From whitehouse.gov

"Both his dry Yankee wit and his frugality with words became legendary. His wife, Grace Goodhue Coolidge, recounted that a young woman sitting next to Coolidge at a dinner party confided to him she had bet she could get at least three words of conversation from him. Without looking at her he quietly retorted, "You lose." "

 

[Fading Fast]

I was not and hope I didn't imply that there is anything wrong with people who are good conversationalist or who talk more than these men (I even referenced that I am much more of a talker than these men), I was more trying to bring out the fact that there was a subset of men (not on my Mother's side of the family for sure) that had a style of "not talking" that seemed much more prevalent then than now. And I wasn't making a moral or ethical connection as some of those "silent" men had great character and some not, just as some very talkative people have great character and some not. Again, more just highlighting something we do here in this forum in that a style that was more prevalent in an earlier period seems to be going away.

 

[HudsonHawk]

I was not and hope I didn't imply that there is anything wrong with people who are good conversationalist or who talk more than these men (I even referenced that I am much more of a talker than these men), I was more trying to bring out the fact that there was a subset of men (not on my Mother's side of the family for sure) that had a style of "not talking" that seemed much more prevalent then than now. And I wasn't making a moral or ethical connection as some of those "silent" men had great character and some not, just as some very talkative people have great character and some not. Again, more just highlighting something we do here in this forum in that a style that was more prevalent in an earlier period seems to be going away.

Well, you described those who talk more as launching a "verbal assault" and the silence as "comfortable". There are certain implications in there, intended or not. But back to your point...I think there have always been those men (and women) who are less talkative than others. I don't think that it was necessarily more or less prevalent during a certain time. Although admittedly, with social media, facebook, twitter, etc, there is a generation out there today who believes they must broadcast every thought that pops into their head, the moment that it does.

 

[Fading Fast]

Well, you described those who talk more as launching a "verbal assault" and the silence as "comfortable". There are certain implications in there, intended or not. But back to your point...I think there have always been those men (and women) who are less talkative than others. I don't think that it was necessarily more or less prevalent during a certain time. Although admittedly, with social media, facebook, twitter, etc, there is a generation out there today who believes they must broadcast every thought that pops into their head, the moment that it does.

I stand corrected of unintentional bias. But to your last point, the "verbal assault" comment was not aimed at talkers in general, just the subset of today's generation that needs to express every thought. And even my "comfortable" comment was not a fair representation of how I feel about other styles of conversation - which I can enjoy greatly - just that there are times when the laconic version is nice.

All that said, and maybe I just grew up with an unrepresentative sample, but it does seem to me that the "silent" style was more prevalent in the generation born before WWII - but that is not a scientific observation, just anecdotal.

 

[HudsonHawk]

I stand corrected of unintentional bias. But to your last point, the "verbal assault" comment was not aimed at talkers in general, just the subset of today's generation that needs to express every thought. And even my "comfortable" comment was not a fair representation of how I feel about other styles of conversation - which I can enjoy greatly - just that there are times when the laconic version is nice.

All that said, and maybe I just grew up with an unrepresentative sample, but it does seem to me that the "silent" style was more prevalent in the generation born before WWII - but that is not a scientific observation, just anecdotal.

I think most of us could probably cite examples of both types you mention. Also, I think men are more likely to be non-verbal than women, at least that's my anectdotal experience. As you describe, two men can sit together watching a ballgame, or in a boat fishing, and not say two words for hours, yet still think "wow, great time with my best friend". I find that kind of non-verbal comraderie rare in women.

 

[R.G. White]

I don't think not talking or talking is really a norm in any time. There's people who do and people who don't. My grandpa (born in 1930) never shut up. He probably talked ten times as much as my grandma. My dad on the other hand (born 1961) can just stand there for hours and maybe say one or two words (unless he's drunk).
I've known a lot of guys my age who don't say very much either. I'm 19. If I'm interested in what you're saying I can talk your ear off, or I can not say anything at all for long periods of time.
It's all pretty arbitrary.

 

[cchgn]

IMO, that phenom hasn't gone away, it still holds true today. Folks talk or not, for various reasons, but there is a common thread that goes back to the old saying that it's better to remain silent and thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.

Another school says that the more words a person uses, the farther from the truth they get.


IMO, there's 4 types of folks:
1. those that can't speak well, so they don't.
2. those that can't speak well, but do anyway.
3. those that speak well, so they do.
4. those that speak well, but don't.

Folks can determine which are the fools( and is debatable).

My Grandfather was from the "Golden Era" and he was a man of few words. He said that back then, you minded your own business and didn't get too "fresh". He was also of the opinion that most folks love to talk and give up information, so he'd let them and hold his business close to his vest. His opinion was that most talkers were fools.

I'm of the opinion that the measure of intelligence is the ability to state the truth( or complex concepts) in as few words as possible, in a single sentence, so that a child can understand..

 

[HoosierDaddy]

I'm of the opinion that the measure of intelligence is the ability to state the truth( or complex concepts) in as few words as possible, in a single sentence, so that a child can understand..

Well..you see..sadly..egoism just doesn't allow for that opinion to hold much credibility.
HD

 

[AtomicEraTom]

I don't know many people who aren't chatty, especially in my own family. My Grandfather was born in 1930 and he'll talk non-stop, if you let him. Same with my father, who was born in 1959, and I certainly was given the gift of gab as well.

My Grandfather on my mom's side was born in '42 and is fairly soft-spoken, unless you get onto a topic he's well versed in.

I imagine there were talkative and non-talkative people in every generation.

 

[cw3pa]

There is something to be said about being laconic.

 

[Fading Fast]

I started this thread believing that there was a cultural meme in the the pre-WWII generation that encouraged a subset of men to develop a taciturn communication style - didn't "chat" much, listened and only made concluding comments, in general, just liked silence - and that something changed after WWII that produced less of these men. To be sure, my Mother's side of the family showed that not all pre-WWII men were laconic, but my experience growing up was that there were a lot more of these "silent" type of men around then versus now.

However, so far, the comments on this thread do not support this hypothesis. My guess is my experience growing up just represented an atypical sample. Interesting. Thank you all for your comments.

 

[Blackthorn]

Talking a lot or a little is more of an individual personality trait, not an era, IMHO.

 

[cw3pa]

My Dad was born in the '20s and served in the ETO during WW2. He was not given to verbosity. He generally kept his own counsel.

 

[Feraud]

Talking a lot or a little is more of an individual personality trait, not an era, IMHO.

Agreed.

 

[cchgn]

Well..you see..sadly..egoism just doesn't allow for that opinion to hold much credibility.
HD

Wow, so that really bothered you, huh? Why? Obviously you (mis)perceived me as being egotistical? Hmmm, well, that opinion is the same opinion that I learned in college( psychiatry/psychology/sociology), I just happen to agree.


I wonder why you perceive the gauge of intelligence as being the ability to use fewer, more simple words, as being incredible and that being my opinion as being an egoism.


Btw, you do realize that you( attempted) the very thing that I suggested, in disparaging it? What's sad is that it had nothing to do with what I said.

 

[cchgn]

I started this thread believing that there was a cultural meme in the the pre-WWII generation that encouraged a subset of men to develop a taciturn communication style - didn't "chat" much, listened and only made concluding comments, in general, just liked silence - and that something changed after WWII that produced less of these men.....

well, you're asking a sociological or psychology question. That would be something that those folks in those fields would have studied( and I'm sure somebody did). I'm not aware of such a study( but I haven't ever looked for it , either), but my Grandfather on my Dad's side said that in those days, you minded your own business and kept all public converation to small talk( getting personal was getting fresh). My Grandfather on my Mother's side was shell shocked and never uttered a word, as a result of WWII.

Btw, that brings up anther issue, private conversation vs public conversation.