Are There Any Men Who Do Not Talk Much Left?

[HoosierDaddy]

Wow, so that really bothered you, huh? Why? Obviously you (mis)perceived me as being egotistical? Hmmm, well, that opinion is the same opinion that I learned in college( psychiatry/psychology/sociology), I just happen to agree.


I wonder why you perceive the gauge of intelligence as being the ability to use fewer, more simple words, as being incredible and that being my opinion as being an egoism.


Btw, you do realize that you( attempted) the very thing that I suggested, in disparaging it? What's sad is that it had nothing to do with what I said.

Sorry..I was being somewhat sarcastic..but it 'simply' didn't seem to come across well..I guess. I was agreeing with you about simplicity...but often a persons ego can stand in the way of allowing that to happen. Some most often must elaborate rather than simplify because of it. (not you)
HD

 

[Seraph1227]

My wife always tells me before a visit to the inlaws...." be friendly and talk". When we are there, however, we always talk about the same things, same stories, etc. Sometimes someone new is there and the conversation can be lively, but mostly not and i find it hard to just talk for the sake of talking. My brother and I can sit in the same room for hours not exchanging a word, and the wife is astounded by this.

 

[GHT]

IMO, that phenom hasn't gone away, it still holds true today. Folks talk or not, for various reasons, but there is a common thread that goes back to the old saying that it's better to remain silent and thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.

Some credit Lincoln for coining that phrase, but I've also seen Mark Twain being credited as the author. Skillful use of language makes for easy listening, but it's a talent, and for those for whom a few, yet succinct words are not so easy, there's always a useful retort:
"We have two ears, but only one mouth, which is why we should try to listen twice as much as we speak."

 

[Stanley Doble]

It used to be that having a personality of your own was not considered a disease or mental illness.

Some people are shy, or don't like to talk much. There was a time when this was acceptable behavior. I remember a magazine article about the Studebaker car factory, written about 1960. The writer asked one man, while he was assembling engines, if he ever made a mistake. The answer was, Not unless some bird stops to shoot the breeze. He moved on to the next man and said, I guess he doesn't like to talk while he is working. The man nodded and gave him a look that convinced him to move on again.

There could be endless examples of quiet men and noisy, talkative men all valued for who they were. But as I said, that was back when people were allowed to be themselves.

 

[elisabethm]

It used to be that having a personality of your own was not considered a disease or mental illness.

This is very true. I had a friend in college (10 years ago) who told me, and not in a joking way, that I needed professional help because I was too quiet. She only aggravated the problem because after that conversation I never spoke to her again.

I am naturally the quiet type (no, not all of us are men!), but I only feel free to be that way around close friends and relatives. I exert a lot of effort to talk more around other people because I don't want to be thought rude or have people get the impression that I don't like being with them. So yes, we the laconic are still out there, only perhaps many of us have gotten better at hiding the fact. I've observed that silence tends to have an unsettling effect on quite a lot of people.

 

[Fading Fast]

This is very true. I had a friend in college (10 years ago) who told me, and not in a joking way, that I needed professional help because I was too quiet. She only aggravated the problem because after that conversation I never spoke to her again.

I am naturally the quiet type (no, not all of us are men!), but I only feel free to be that way around close friends and relatives. I exert a lot of effort to talk more around other people because I don't want to be thought rude or have people get the impression that I don't like being with them. So yes, we the laconic are still out there, only perhaps many of us have gotten better at hiding the fact. I've observed that silence tends to have an unsettling effect on quite a lot of people.

Interesting. I wonder if silent people were more accepted in the Golden Era, so it appeared to me that we had more of them, but now, they "hide" themselves as talkers because that is what is expected of them? I've already conceded that my original premise - that men talked less in the Golden Era - was wrong and that I just had an atypical sample of men around me growing up, but this is an interesting thought. Is it possible that our very chatty society today has made silent people talk more to fit in? So, could we have the same number of silent people as a percentage of the population today as in the Golden Era, but it feels like less because of cultural norms?

 

[Atticus Finch]

I've met a few people over the years who were born with the gift of gab. I'm afraid that I have a low tolerance for anything...man, machine or beast...that keeps a constant noise.

AF

 

[Stanley Doble]

You have given me something to think about. Casting my mind back, I don't really know of any difference. The only thing that comes to mind is that we aren't used to silence because of radio and TV. It could be that 100 years ago people did not expect to be nattering constantly.

I think 2 men could sit comfortably smoking and reading or thinking without talking all the time. But in a larger party, like a dinner party, one had an obligation to keep a conversation going. If everyone stopped talking it was an awkward silence.

 

[herringbonekid]

Interesting. I wonder if silent people were more accepted in the Golden Era, so it appeared to me that we had more of them, but now, they "hide" themselves as talkers because that is what is expected of them? I've already conceded that my original premise - that men talked less in the Golden Era - was wrong and that I just had an atypical sample of men around me growing up, but this is an interesting thought. Is it possible that our very chatty society today has made silent people talk more to fit in? So, could we have the same number of silent people as a percentage of the population today as in the Golden Era, but it feels like less because of cultural norms?

i definitely think that being perceived as 'quiet' today comes with a stigma attached. TV has made life noisier and if you're NOT HAVING A GOOD TIME and making a lot of noise about WHAT A GOOD TIME YOU'RE HAVING you're seen as a spoil sport. it goes much deeper than that though; you become a foil for the niggling insecurities and existential anxieties of others.

i've always been naturally quiet and averse to small talk. thankfully i find that there's an innate ability among humans to spot - at a glance - those who will be receptive to chattiness and those who won't; so i get left alone on public transport.

in my experience, natural reticence tends to be more of a colder-climate northern tendency, and more common among communities where life is tough.

 

[Two Types]

There's also the issue of people who might appear to be the quiet types but only appear that way in certain circumstances. My father would sit for hours just reading a book and wouldn't say much. I always thought it was because he worked in a factory operating heavy machinery - after all that noise I guess he just wanted some peace and quiet. I also think he was just knackered when he got home from work.

Then you get older and see him in his natural habitat: the pub. He'd talk with his mates, usually making very sharp comments that made the rest of them laugh. Or when he took me to football - I remember hearing him tell a policeman to '**** off' when he tried to move us on. Those things were a surprise.

At least people who don't rattle on about their lives keep a bit of mystery. I recently heard a funny story about my dad from his cousin. It turns out my dad was his godfather (and Dad was not a religious man!). I asked him if dad had been a good spiritual role model. He replied "No, your Dad didn't make me religious, he made me into a Marxist"

I suppose what I'm saying is that we all know people we think are quiet, but it doesn't mean they are always quiet. It just depends on circumstances.

 

[Horace Debussy Jones]

maybe it's still considered "odd" by a lot of people if one is less talkative than they are? I work in a frame shop days, on my own time I have always been an artist. My art is very precise and detailed, and I am very precise and detailed in all the jobs I've had in the last 20 years or so, having been a machinist for 15 years prior to now. I tend to focus intently on everything I do as a result of all my work experience over the years, either on the clock or off.
Our district manager was at our store recently, chatting up a storm as she did her audit of our shop, while I silently just concentrated on what I was doing at the time, which was a fairly complex multi-opening mat I was cutting. She made the comment, "You don't talk much do you?"
I think my only reply was something like, "Uh-huh."....but I was simply trying to concentrate on what I was doing at the time so as not to foul it up and then have to do it all over again. I just can't gab and do precision design work and math in my head at the same time. I honestly don't see how anyone really could. It's like trying to drive a car down the road while yapping on a cell phone, it's just an accident waiting to happen. I can totally identify with that Studebaker technician.
I think nowadays we have the recent phenomenon known as "multi-tasking", which a lot of people seem to think they should be capable of doing. In reality however, far better results are obtained by concentrating upon one task at a time. There is a time for everything.
As to the OP's thoughts on taciturnity being confined to a bygone era as a part of said era's culture,...I dunno. There were quiet men in my family, as well as more loquacious types.
I tend to think like others have stated, that it's a matter of individual personality and perhaps one's occupation. Also, different cultures around the world with different social mores and customs, and whether an individual was raised within some of those different cultural influences, can certainly be a factor as well.

It used to be that having a personality of your own was not considered a disease or mental illness.

Some people are shy, or don't like to talk much. There was a time when this was acceptable behavior. I remember a magazine article about the Studebaker car factory, written about 1960. The writer asked one man, while he was assembling engines, if he ever made a mistake. The answer was, Not unless some bird stops to shoot the breeze. He moved on to the next man and said, I guess he doesn't like to talk while he is working. The man nodded and gave him a look that convinced him to move on again.

There could be endless examples of quiet men and noisy, talkative men all valued for who they were. But as I said, that was back when people were allowed to be themselves.

 

[Shangas]

I personally have always been a quiet-loving person. I hate loud noises and places. And I have a lot more fun standing or sitting around with friends and chatting in a quiet restaurant or a private room at a bar or something, rather than in some noisy, pulsating nightclub where my ears feel ready to explode. I never understand how people go to those places and enjoy it.

I'm talkative if the crowd and mood is right. But other than that, I tend to be rather quiet.

 

[Fastuni]

You described me very well, Shangas.
I am reserved towards strangers but like (good) conversation when socializing.
And conversation is impossible in violently noisy, chaotic nightclubs (with crappy music and criminally overpriced drinks) - unless one wants to cry oneself hoarse.

(As a result my hearing ability is excellent - the doctor testing me for an health exam was astonished that a young man can hear so exceedingly well. A large part of under-30 year olds have been permanently deafened down by the constant barrage of noise - pardon... certain forms of "contemporary music" - coming from clubs at night and earphones at day.)

 

[Big J]

You described me very well, Shangas.
I am reserved towards strangers but like (good) conversation when socializing.
And conversation is impossible in violently noisy, chaotic nightclubs (with crappy music and criminally overpriced drinks) - unless one wants to cry oneself hoarse.

(As a result my hearing ability is excellent - the doctor testing me for an health exam was astonished that a young man can hear so exceedingly well. A large part of under-30 year olds have been permanently deafened down by the constant barrage of noise - pardon... certain forms of "contemporary music" - coming from clubs at night and earphones at day.)

Beats being permanently deafened by gunfire. I used to have to speak in an uncomfortably loud voice to communicate with my grandfather, and onlookers seemed to assume I was patronizing him, and gave me dirty looks.

 

[Fastuni]

Being deafened by gunfire is seldomly voluntarily.
No one forced the youngsters to expose themselves to the noise barrage of headphones (turned to the max) and nightclubs.

 

[rjb1]

In the US being partially deafened by gunfire is quite voluntary, at least it used to be. When I was growing up we would shoot all afternoon with no ear protection. It's not a good idea - in fact a very bad idea - but a lot of people did it in those days.
Now I wear double ear protection when shooting to keep what little hearing I have left. (Huh??)

Add in hot-rod engines and and race cars it's a wonder any of us baby-boomers can hear at all. The non-musical kids found other ways to lose our hearing.

 

[Renault]

What????

 

[Big J]

I'd rather say that I lost my hearing to gunfire or hotrod engines, than an iPod!

Kids today, don't know what they're missing!

 

[Shangas]

I have a minor hearing-loss in my left ear. I have no desire to lose any more!!

My cousin LOVES his music BLASTING LOUD. My uncle went into his bedroom and stuck up all these stickers about how if you lose your hearing, it won't ever come back.

...I'm not sure if my cousin ever paid attention to them!!

But at any rate, because of my hearing-loss I hate NOISY PLACES. And I hate overly loud people/sounds. My father wanted me to get a hearing-aid. I consulted my doctor and he said that it wouldn't help. Yes hearing-aids amplify the volume of speech...but they also amplify everything else! So it wouldn't make any difference!

Maybe I should get one of those ear-trumpets...

 

[Stearmen]

In the US being partially deafened by gunfire is quite voluntary, at least it used to be. When I was growing up we would shoot all afternoon with no ear protection. It's not a good idea - in fact a very bad idea - but a lot of people did it in those days.
Now I wear double ear protection when shooting to keep what little hearing I have left. (Huh??)

Add in hot-rod engines and and race cars it's a wonder any of us baby-boomers can hear at all. The non-musical kids found other ways to lose our hearing.

Between firearms, airplanes and motorcycles, I am not doing to good. Most of the noise came from the right side through the years, so there are people with voices at just the wrong pitch, that come up on my right side, and I can not hear a word they are saying!