Antisocial.....is this normal?

[Brinybay]

That sounds like a great idea. I tried a ladies night once to have girls come over for making hair flowers. Most didn't show and the ones who did gossiped most of the time. They kept making me uncomfortable talking about my boyfriend and his ex's that I really never wanted another ladies night. Maybe I should try with couples instead. Hmmmmm.

That's a great idea too! I should make a once a month project night for the ladies. That's perfect.

???? I don't get it. If all they do is gossip and bad mouth your BF in front of you (incredibly rude, ill-mannered, and disrespectful!), why would you want to submit yourself to that?

First off, you're normal. I'm old enough to remember complaints from folks of the "greatest generation" about how the "boob-tube" destroyed the old way of socializing of being actively involved in community-based activities and recreation. Now that the "golden age" of TV is history and there's mostly garbage on, I feel the boob-tube has been replaced by the internet and contraptions like x-boxes and game-boys to the extent that they're warping kids minds and stunting their social growth. It's the same complaint the generation before me had about TV, but I feel it's valid.

For me personally, my social life and friends are almost entirely centered around my primary hobby of scuba diving. It is by necessity a social activity for safety reasons (never dive alone). Most of it I do locally and there's nothing like a good dive to work up an appetite and head to the nearest bar and grill afterwards for a good "debriefing" over food, beverage, and some belly-laughs. I enjoy it immensely and do that on the average of once a week.

I only have a cell phone, but use it very little. I have a few friends and family I keep in touch with. I don't get many calls and don't make many calls. That suits me fine.

My other friends, family and acquantinances usually just send me jokes via e-mail, and vice-versa, which is ok, but I really hate it when they send me the latest internet rumors about various stuff. I check them out on Snopes and 99% of the time it's bogus.

I have a couple of rules about socializing with others. First one is, I don't socialize with co-workers. All they do is gossip and talk shop. I spend 40+ hours a week at my job, and I like my work, but I don't want to spend my off-time talking about it or spending time with the people I work with. One of my friends works for the same outfit I do, and I sometimes talk to him about work, but his role is as a mentor (he's been working there 25+ years, me only about 3 1/2 years) and I knew him long before I started working there too. He's also a fellow diver.

My second rule is, if they don't have time for me, I don't have time for them either. Doesn't mean they have to put me on their daily agenda, but if I contact them three or four times about anything and get the brush off, so be it. I can take a hint. I don't take it personal and don't wish them any ill-will. I treat everybody with respect and expect the same in return. If it's not reciprocated, I'm not going to punish myself by going back for more.

 

[MrNewportCustom]

Sometimes I make eye contact, sometimes I don't - usually I do. It depends on my mood. I try to always smile and speak in a friendly manner. It just makes life a little better for everyone.

I also don't care much for going out, but I sometimes find myself wishing for some like-minded group to join. Unfortunately, scheduling again. For instance, I looked at photography groups in my area last night. Not one of them schedules meetings that are not either Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday evening. I work those evenings! Why can't at least one club meet on a Saturday morning, even if just once or twice a month? [huh]

Second rule is, if they don't have time for me, I don't have time for them either. Doesn't mean they have to put me on their daily agenda, but if I contact them three or four times about anything and get the brush off, so be it. I can take a hint. I don't take it personal and don't wish them any ill-will. I treat everybody with respect and expect the same in return. If it's not reciprocated, I'm not going to punish myself by going back for more.

That's a very good rule and one that, as I look back, I see that I have slowly adopted.


Lee

 

[metropd]

I've been thinking about this all morning ever since I talked to my boyfriend about it last night. I'm just wondering if I'm normal. I have so much to do on a daily basis that I find that I don't have time for others except for family and my boyfriend. I dread calling people on the phone. The only person that I even consider a friend is two hours away. I feel like I don't have time for friends and My boyfriend is always on the phone or hanging out with a buddy, so I feel like it's not right that I'm this way. I'm wondering if anybody else sometimes feels this way.
Also....
Were women in the past like this? Were they the busy mother, there for their husband, and social only when they had other couples over for cocktails....???

There is no such thing as normal.

 

[Flivver]

Like several of you on this thread, the phone is one of my pet peves too. When I lived in Detroit 20 years ago, I actually went for four years without a phone in my apartment. It was bliss...no time-wasting interruptions!

These days I have a landline phone, but no answering machine and no cel phone. And if I'm busy doing something, I'll sometimes not answer the phone at all. Yet, more often than not, the phone will ring five minutes after I start watching a movie!

 

[MrNewportCustom]

Yet, more often than not, the phone will ring five minutes after I start watching a movie!

Or just as you sit down for dinner.


Lee

 

[Flivver]

Or just as you sit down for dinner.


Lee

Almost every evening!

 

[MrNewportCustom]

I once wrote a humor article about it. lol


Lee

 

[Lola Getz]

MrNewportCustom, I can so relate to your frustration at friends who interrupt and just go about their own train(s) of thought. It drives me nuts! I have a friend who will just drop you mid-conversation (and never come back!) I find it so rude and it influences how much I want to see her.

I used to be much more social than I am now. However, my tolerance level for rude people, gossips, or just plain dopes is pretty low nowadays. Snobby? Perhaps, but life is too darn short to waste it wishing you were doing something else. My hubby is the best person to talk to, my best friend lives hours away and I don't see him that often and I consider a half hour playing with my dogs more fun than chatting on the phone. Different strokes, I guess. Whatever works for you and makes you happy is "normal."

 

[Chas]

I love people, and consider myself a social person. Unorthodox, perhaps (ergo my presence on this board) but normal.

I "hermitize" on occasion. I consider it important to my mental well-being to be able to shut out the world and everyone in it in order to de-compress or to do some serious thinking/planning. I belong to a Masonic Lodge which provides some balance as far as the social aspect of it is concerned; as my dayjob is that of a Psychiatric Nurse. So I work with mostly women, and socialize largely in a male "scene".

There are certainly times when I get a little "Owly" around people in general, and I just want them to go away. Especially when I am in the mood to write.

Writers find solitude to be absolutely necessary, in the vast majority of cases.

 

[Lady Day]

Would it just be the fact that it's my personality to not call and be more of a homebody? I know my boyfriend has a social personality, but is saddened at the fact that I have one friend which makes me sad and I think I need to start calling people up.

Ill be your local friend RBD PM me!

I abhor the phone. I think I have about 3000+ roll over minutes or something and that is on the cheapest plan I could find. Even as a teen at home, Id let it ring and ring if I was the only one home, cause I knew it wasnt for me.

My brother on the other hand LIVES on the phone, so I think hes one of those 'power callers' or whatever.

I cant gather the concept of being on the phone for phone's sake. I got crap to do.

Im a loner too RBD. I retreat into my head a lot. But I have a dog, and walking her everyday gets me out and into the world. Yay pets! Who needs people!?

LD

 

[RetroBabydoll]

Pink Dahlia- agree with you completely. I also notice people don't have control of their kids anymore in stores, restaurants, etc......but that's another discussion.

Brinybay- The girls I know are my boyfriend's friends' girlfriends and I try to be social with them. I don't think I'll be hanging out with them unless it's necessary since I'm always being reminded how wonderful my BF's ex's were. I don't understand how girls are just plain mean. ......No wonder I'm more introvert than ever. I tried for my BF, but I can't do it anymore. At least I tried. I like your rules.

metropd- Good point. lol

ohairas- Thank you so much for the survey. I tend to avoid confrontation since it ends up rocking the boat even with a little nudge. I just put up with whatever is happening, but I take note not to talk to the person as much. My BF even noticed I didn't talk to our neighbor (who was a friend before a neighbor) but he understood. He knew she'd make me uncomfortable, but I'll still talk to her within a social gathering. Oh, and you're right about people only talking to you when they need their hair done. I only realized that this past month.

Lady Day- You're so kind. Thank you. I'll be sure to PM you.

 

[jayem]

Sounds like you're not antisocial as much as just, well, busy with life. If it depresses you and makes you worry about it too much, maybe than it'd be a problem, but I don't think so. I think as everyone gets older and grows up, our lives slowly drift in that direction.

 

[Diamondback]

Opinion: most people are overrated, if not completely useless.

That, dear young Miss RBD, is "antisocial" (even if the verdict of my experience). I'd say you're still a ways short of it... lol

 

[metropd]

Pink Dahlia- agree with you completely. I also notice people don't have control of their kids anymore in stores, restaurants, etc......but that's another discussion.

Brinybay- The girls I know are my boyfriend's friends' girlfriends and I try to be social with them. I don't think I'll be hanging out with them unless it's necessary since I'm always being reminded how wonderful my BF's ex's were. I don't understand how girls are just plain mean. ......No wonder I'm more introvert than ever. I tried for my BF, but I can't do it anymore. At least I tried. I like your rules.

metropd- Good point. lol

ohairas- Thank you so much for the survey. I tend to avoid confrontation since it ends up rocking the boat even with a little nudge. I just put up with whatever is happening, but I take note not to talk to the person as much. My BF even noticed I didn't talk to our neighbor (who was a friend before a neighbor) but he understood. He knew she'd make me uncomfortable, but I'll still talk to her within a social gathering. Oh, and you're right about people only talking to you when they need their hair done. I only realized that this past month.

Lady Day- You're so kind. Thank you. I'll be sure to PM you.

That was very genuinley kind of you Lady Day. I second that.

Feel free to PM Me if you please, If you ever have a problem I'll be glad to help and I'm sure most of us at the lounge would be glad too as well. I'm in San Diego so If you ever in San Diego you have my support. We at the lounge are like minded people so we have to stick together so we can grow and feel that we have something valuable to contribute to our family, friends, society, but most of all ourselves.

 

[metropd]

Is there a certain switch that no matter how bad of day you are having something that you hear, feel, see, smell,....ect will instantly trigger that appreciation for life and the grattitute for what you have? Mine is a song called "Get up for the Downstroke" by Parliament. It does not matter if the world would end in 10 minutes because the full song is less than that.

 

[RetroBabydoll]

Is there a certain switch that no matter how bad of day you are having something that you hear, feel, see, smell,....ect will instantly trigger that appreciation for life and the grattitute for what you have? Mine is a song called "Get up for the Downstroke" by Parliament. It does not matter if the world would end in 10 minutes because the full song is less than that.

My switch is food.....very sad...but I get really happy if I have sushi or some ice cream. I tend to crochet at work to pass the time and in a way it is therapeutic for me.

Thank you so much Fedora Loungers for your support!!