All You Need to Know About Hat Etiquette

[Scott Wood]

There is a fine line between courtesy and affectation, though, and I try to stay away from affectation. For example, to me (and I'm in my 60's and old fashioned) I never could tip my hat without it feeling like an affectation. So I don't do it.

I am kinda in agreement on this point. I am trying a bit to find a way that wouldn't seem an affectation but haven't got there yet.

Woody

 

[Ephraim Tutt]

I agree with Jim and Scott on the hat tipping thing. Vintage headgear does not automatically come pre-packaged with vintage customs and social norms. Most of these have now lost all meaning and can just appear silly these days.
Having said that, I still remove my hat when entering a home or a place (like a courtroom) where respect is expected. In public places it stays on. I also remove it when being introduced to a lady for the first time. That feels more natural to me than the hat-tip.

 

[Quapaw]

+1. Well said Jim

I have to agree...

As far as when I remove a hat it really depends on the situation and location. The more formal the situation the more formal the hat and the more I follow the "rules".

There is a fine line between courtesy and affectation, though, and I try to stay away from affectation. For example, to me (and I'm in my 60's and old fashioned) I never could tip my hat without it feeling like an affectation. So I don't do it.

As far as what I think of how others wear their hats, frankly there are better things for me to be concerned about and any rudeness of theirs hardly justifies retaliatory rudeness on my part.

 

[Blackthorn]

In The Big Sleep (1946), when Bogart kisses Baccall he keeps his hat on. When watching the film with my older brother he remarked that it was strange that he didn't remove it. What's the hat etiquette for whether to keep the hat on or not when kissing one's sweetheart?

The answer to that is obvious. Bogart made his own rules. Whatever he did was cool, whether it was commonly done, or had never been done before. At least that's the way it seems to me.

 

[JimWagner]

Tonight my wife and I went to dinner and as usual I left my hat in the car instead of dealing with having it at the table with us. For the first time in years (meaning any restaurant) the hostess asked us if we wanted to check our overcoats. So we did. Got the numbered check and everything. If I'd known they'd do that I'd have worn my hat into the restaurant. So, there is at least one upscale restaurant that still does it right.

For the curious, Ruth's Chris Steakhouse. Hope naming names doesn't violate a forum policy.

 

[J. M. Stovall]

I still contend that although these rules are a great guideline for modern times we really do not know exactly what things were like for regular folks, case in point. Here is a photo I ran across called "Bowery Lunch". Now according to the "rules" it's ok to keep your hat on at a counter but not tables, but here is a whole cafe full of men wearing their hats. Is it because no ladies were present? Is it because it's lunch and not dinner? Who knows, the answer is lost in time. And the likelihood of this being some isolated case I think would be pretty small.

 

[Midwest Boater]

my two cents

i forgot who told me this, but it was someone that i pay attention to, anyway they said if an establishment has a place to hang your hat then hang it up, if not you can wear it.

 

[frussell]

Hard to Tell

Everything is different today. I see men wearing hats indoors, at the table with ladies, inside other folk's homes, etc... I got used to taking off my hat when I was little, but got accustomed to wearing it inside during the 80s and 90s western bar craze. Later, after being barked at by more than a few old cowboys, I started taking it off again. My favorite is "Son, is your head cold?" With dress hats, the rules seem to be hazy today. I try to do what the situation calls for, but often I take mine off and look around to see several other men with theirs still on. Some even forget to take it off during the National Anthem, which galls the hell out of me. I guess the old rules will only come back when hats in public become more commonplace. Frank

 

[NeilA]

To start off, I didn't read all this, so if this has been submitted, please forgive me. So I submit for consideration my method of observing period etiquette, I have been watching a lot of period films, where everyday habits would show through, since the actors would have been wearing headgear off-stage.

 

[MadDawg]

Sadly, I believe that etiquette in general has gone out the window with the "screw your parents" generation. In fighting against conforming, they have all conformed to sloppiness. I am 33, and have two younger brothers, and we may smack talk and curse a storm on the golf course together, but when it comes to conversing with others, it is yes ma'am, no ma'am, yes sir, no sir, please and thank you all the way. Maybe we were raised differently, but it is almost natural reaction for us to remove any hat we are wearing as soon as we walk indoors. And you only wear a hat at the table if Dad isn't within throwing distance of you. The other day my mother introduced me to a friend of hers outside a local shop, and I shocked the smile off the woman when I stood up and removed my hat to shake her hand. She said she couldn't remember the last time a "youngster" did anything buy say "hello" when they were introduced. Etiquette is simply a sign of humility and respect. To show others that you are aware of THEIR comfort, not simply after your own. I think anytime you are acting in a way that will help cause others to be more comfortable around you, you are using proper etiquette regardless of the times.

 

[avedwards]

This morning as I was exiting a shop a lady with a walking stick was going to come in. I immediately held the door open for her and let her enter first before I left. She said "thank you young man" to me, but all I could do in return was smile as tipping my hat would have meant I'd either have had to let the door slam on her or drop the eggs I was carrying. I suppose it demonstrates that practicality must be considered with these rules.

 

[bigbjorn]

Planes, trains, automobiles

Can we attempt to reach consensus on the etiquette of hat wearing on various commuting conveyances? I live and work in NYC, so the daily commute is frequently by means other than personal car, and I base my hat-wearing on whether I would take off my coat, which leaves me with:

In a taxi - on
On the subway - on
On the bus - on
In GCT or Penn Station - on
On Metro-North - either, but I would likely take it off unless working on my computer or reading the paper, even while wearing the coat
On a ferry - on
On airplanes - off, since coats and jackets are removed

So I guess the real question is commuter rail, of 30-45 minute duration.

Thoughts? Any disagreements with my other assessments?

Thanks!

 

[Tango Yankee]

Can we attempt to reach consensus on the etiquette of hat wearing on various commuting conveyances?

So I guess the real question is commuter rail, of 30-45 minute duration.

Thoughts? Any disagreements with my other assessments?

Thanks!

I'd say that it depends on a lot of things but mostly it's gonna be situation-dependent. For me that means that if I'm starting to sweat with it on I'll take it off if I can otherwise it's probably going to stay on.

Of course, there's no such thing as commuter rail in my state, but I wish there was!

Cheers,
Tom

 

[jamespowers]

Can we attempt to reach consensus on the etiquette of hat wearing on various commuting conveyances? I live and work in NYC, so the daily commute is frequently by means other than personal car, and I base my hat-wearing on whether I would take off my coat, which leaves me with:

In a taxi - on
On the subway - on
On the bus - on
In GCT or Penn Station - on
On Metro-North - either, but I would likely take it off unless working on my computer or reading the paper, even while wearing the coat
On a ferry - on
On airplanes - off, since coats and jackets are removed

So I guess the real question is commuter rail, of 30-45 minute duration.

Thoughts? Any disagreements with my other assessments?

Thanks!

I'd leave it on in an airplane. Where are you going to put it safely? [huh]
Gone are the days when the stewardess would bring you your hat when the plane landed. You can crush your jacket or coat but not my hat.

 

[Scott Wood]

I'd leave it on in an airplane. Where are you going to put it safely? [huh]
Gone are the days when the stewardess would bring you your hat when the plane landed. You can crush your jacket or coat but not my hat.

Actually, the last time I flew, a year or so ago, I gave my fedora to the Stewardess and she stowed it last thing before the flight left the gate and retrieved it for me after things had settled some after landing.
I guess perhaps this is exceptional service but I wouldn't think it completely isolated. [huh]

Woody

 

[jamespowers]

Actually, the last time I flew, a year or so ago, I gave my fedora to the Stewardess and she stowed it last thing before the flight left the gate and retrieved it for me after things had settled some after landing.
I guess perhaps this is exceptional service but I wouldn't think it completely isolated. [huh]

Woody

It is indeed the exception to the rule. The last time I flew, I was told to put it in the overhead compartment. Riiiiggghhht. It stayed on my head.

 

[Wolfmanjack]

So I guess the real question is commuter rail, of 30-45 minute duration.

When I regularly rode the Amtrak from Washington, D.C. to Western Maryland, I kept my hat on, unless a lady joined me in the adjacent seat or one of the seats facing me. I can't tell you how many times an attractive lady opened a conversation with me after I made this chivalrous gesture.

 

[Pompidou]

I typically keep my hat on unless I'm in someone's house, or in a restaurant worthy of any sort of extra measures. If in doubt, I leave it on, because while etiquette might be a thing of the past, depending on who you ask, hat-hair and red-forehead aren't. Both are fully alive and well. The only one who can make me take my hat off otherwise is my mother.

*Sitting in a restaurant*
"Matt, take your hat off. You're in a restaurant."
"Look around. There's like seven other people with hats, and that's pretty much everyone that seems to have a hat, and they're all still wearing them. Nobody cares anymore."
"Matt..." *evil look*
*Takes off hat*

 

[Zombie_61]

I must say, I've found this thread to be interesting, informative, and humorous.

I've only recently started wearing hats on a semi-regular basis; say, within the last year or so. Having been raised to be polite, well-mannered, and respectful of others, naturally the first thing I did was to attempt to educate myself with regards to proper hat etiquette; neither my father nor uncles ever wore hats, so I had no examples to learn from first-hand as I was growing up.

With the Internet being a readily available wealth of information, I found several websites pertaining to hat etiquette--some brief, some thorough, several that seemed to contradict others on specific points. Needless to say, I found this confusing, and was somewhat surprised to find the rules regarding hat etiquette had not been properly updated for several decades.

Regardless, I learned what I could from the information available and applied these rules (as I understood them) on those occasions when I wore a hat. The first time I wore a hat to a restaurant and removed it as we sat at the table, I was with my wife and two long-time friends; one male, one female. My father-in-law wore hats most of his adult life, so my wife was familiar with my gesture. The male friend, who has been wearing hats for several years (mostly baseball caps), removed his hat only after he saw me doing so. The female friend immediately asked why we had removed our hats, so I began to explain the basics of hat etiquette to her, after which she said she found the whole thing rather "stupid" and saw no reason for us to have removed our hats.

Now, I and the male friend are 48 years old; it would be ungentlemanly for me to reveal the ladies' ages, so I'll simply say the four of us are roughly of the same generation, raised in an era when hat wearing was on the decline. Unfortunately, manners also seem to be in decline in our generation--I discovered this when my wife and I were first dating 30 years ago, and she informed me that I was the first boyfriend she'd had who opened the car door for her (years later I was told the same thing by our aforementioned female friend after I opened the car door for her the first time after we'd met).

So, I have to wonder, why do we continue to follow these rules of etiquette in an era when they are largely misunderstood and/or unappreciated? I know why I follow them--not because it's what I was taught to do (though that helps), not because it's the "proper" thing to do, but because it makes me feel good to extend these simple courtesies to my wife and the people I encounter. To say "Please" and "Thank you", to hold a door for someone, to offer a smile and a bit of pleasant conversation in hopes of brightening their day a little. It takes little or no effort to do these things, yet they don't seem to occur to most people these days.

I suppose there's no real point to my post, other than to share my thoughts and experiences, and to thank you all for doing the same and, in the process, educating someone who's new to wearing hats.

 

[Rider]

I am in a position that allows me to set the dress code for 150 employees. My "no hats in buildings" policy annoys younger folks. When I shuffle off this mortal coil, they may have it their way. Not until then.