All You Need to Know About Hat Etiquette

[Scott Wood]

Hi David, and welcome to the Lounge!

Interesting dilemma that you bring up.

It sounds like she's just trying to give you a hard time. You already said she disapproved of a 20-year-old wearing a hat. I don't have any ideas right now as to what exactly you should say, but don't stop putting the hat on as you are leaving. Just be polite to her, yet assertive in your decision.

I will probably read on and find that I am repeating something that someone else has said...
It seems to me as well that this woman is being very nit-picky but as her husband is your boss she actually may exert a great deal of influence over your work situation. I think I would recognize that she is likely more than half wrong but keep it to myself and then do as she asks.
Look at this as taking the high road and one of those occasions when you may gain by giving in and may very well lose by being "right".
Just my 2 cents (free advice being worth every penny )
Scooter

 

[Scott Wood]

Uhuh, Uhuh!

I have to tell you Lefty, the ladies who usually award me with the sweetest smiles are those under twenty-five. For an old codger like me, that's heaven.

Isn't it just :eusa_clap

 

[Scott Wood]

Outdated courtesy...

Let's have a civil discourse on this, because I want to pick the brain of folks that I have the opposite opinion of in order to better understand The Other Side.

If this were the first 3/4ths of the 20th century, I would agree entirely, because I would be born from the generations in which leaving your hat on indoors is a sign of disdain. But I'm not born from those generations. I was born in 1977. My parents don't share this belief, and I wasn't raised to believe this or honor hat etiquette outside of "If somebody is bothered, take your hat off."

I am a law-abiding citizen. I'm polite to others. I show courtesy and respect for my elders. I'm not a thug or a rebel or a punk. I just don't understand why somebody in 2009 should be expected to adhere to a seemingly very strict set of guidelines that haven't been in use in a half of a century. Example: Find me a book on hat etiquette that has a copyrighted date during my own lifetime. Furthermore, I truly believe I would have a very difficult time finding somebody who was upset with me for leaving my hat on indoors. Perhaps it's because I live in a very urban area. I'm not so sure.

Imposing a strict set of guidelines for yourself is one thing. Lead by example and do what makes you happy. Where I have a problem is when you impose your own, strict set of guidelines onto other people to the point where you actually judge them for their lack of it. To me, whether or not somebody removes their hat while indoors is a petty method of judgment on another human being. It is extremely unrealistic to expect people in 2009 to adhere to hat etiquette guidelines that are outdated to everybody outside of this microcosm of a community that we have going here.

While I agree it is not fair to impose your own rules on others in many ways I really think that is disrespectful to completely ignore all of the things that predate one's own era.
There are many things in society that, while outdated, are not outmoded and make the world a little nicer/better for all involved.
To look back at many of these things think of a beautiful piece of handmade, one-of-a-kind lovingly built piece of furniture: not feasible for a real commercial endeavour; slowly made and rare; no way a company could make a business of it, yet, it's value is immeasurable and indisputeable.
Carrying yourself with this same kind of self and other respect sets you apart and (to my thinking) ahead of those that do not care.
Again, only my two cents worth,
Scooter

 

[Scott Wood]

A more basic cause...

I think this rule also comes from the idea that a gentleman should protect a lady. Therefore, if the gentleman walked closer to the curb, a car or vehicle would hit him first, protecting the ladies. This at least can be applied to modern times, with young speeding motorists (I hope I won't be like this when I learn to drive soon).

I have been given to believe that the reason for this is slightly more basic...
Back in the day (perhaps the 1600s) people used bedpans for their nocturnal emissions. During the usual daily activities this utensil was to be emptied for obvious reasons and this was commonly done through defenestration (chucked out the window).
In the cities the homes were built right up to the footpath at the edge of the road and the bedrooms were on the upper floors so the pans were emptied out the upper windows. Of course it was well heaved to get it away from the building and into the gutter leaving any drips that didn't quite make the full trip to land on the person closest the paving. Thus the man walked closest the road so he would get the bulk of the offending matter on him rather than his female companion.
This also explains why you always saw the men of these times wearing those large floppy hats, the top of which formed rather an umbrella
The comment regarding the protection of the lady does come into it in that if there was no road the gentleman walked on the right.
The reason for this was that most men were, of course, right-handed and this way could pull the woman to safety behind him with his left whilst pulling his weapon with his right in case of an attack of any sort

Just a trivial kinda guy lol

Scooter

 

[Scott Wood]

The older I get, the more I am thankful that my parents and grandparents took the time to teach me (by example) - and EXPECTED me to use - "good manners". There were no formal "rules", just good, common sense manners that you use to show respect to others.

My father taught me so much just by being himself. he is celebrating his 89th birthday next month and still will not get in the car before opening the door for and waiting to close it behind any adult female passengers.

Scott

 

[Scott Wood]

An apology with mitigation

no need to reply to every post

I am sorry if I have offended you Lefty but consider that, this day, I have read a complete thread which was created over nearly two and a half years. If you average my replies over that period of time I would be only an occasional contributor and I am simply enjoying The Fedora Lounge as would any child with a new and fascinating toy.

 

[Lefty]

I am simply enjoying The Fedora Lounge as would any
child with a new and fascinating toy.

lol

 

[jamespowers]

When you read through the books on hats it is always noted that people used to wear hats everywhere, including at the table, until the last few hundred years.

I recently attended a breakfast meeting with a crew of field people. They all had on their baseball caps with the corporate logo and I had a fedora. I hung mine on a chair and then realized I was the only bare head at the table.

Customs change. With hats being out of fashion for over 50 years, we have an entire generation who grew up without a mom and dad who would "whup" them for wearing a hat indoors or at the table. Maybe we're just returning to earlier fashion.

But I feel uneasy wearing a hat inside. Maybe its because I'm old. :eusa_doh:

I feel uneasy as well. Then again there is the feeling I have about getting up from my table and knocking the hat off the guy eating at the other table too. My grandmother and great-grandmother would have done the same thing.
When my mother was still around, we would eat out and invariably find someone chowing down with a hat on. Fine if you are at a lunch counter or the hat is glued to your head with crazy glue and you are on your way to the emergency room to have it removed---otherwise, NO.

 

[duggap]

I am with you two. Take the hats off at the table. Saw a guy with a fedora at a restaurant just last week and, of course, he kept the darn thing on his head. Shooting is still illegal, isn't it.[huh]

 

[avedwards]

I agree that hats come off at the table, however there are some exceptions. Firstly, when in a dimly lit busy pub I think they can be kept on for practical reasons. To me, the same goes for any sort of busy fast food shop or similar establishment which lacks the formality of a restaurant and people are therefore less likely to take offence but more likely to see that you simply want to keep your hat safe. At a counter they obviously can be kept on too.

That's not to say that I like seeing hats on at tables. I take mine off in proper restaurants (as in anywhere where food will always be consumed in the establishment and not outside it). I'm used to keeping my hat and coat on my lap as I know that most places lack hatstands, and when walking long distances there is no car to keep it in.

Another place I won't take it off is at large informal parties. Firstly, the fact that people are not seated round tables but may be dancing or standing, and secondly it will most likely be pinched if I leave it by people who mean no harm but lack respect.

Usually don't have a fixed criteria for when I won't take my hat off. I just decide depending on the place.

 

[avedwards]

Here's something to ponder...

In The Big Sleep (1946), when Bogart kisses Baccall he keeps his hat on. When watching the film with my older brother he remarked that it was strange that he didn't remove it. What's the hat etiquette for whether to keep the hat on or not when kissing one's sweetheart?

 

[billysmom]

What's the hat etiquette for whether to keep the hat on or not when kissing one's sweetheart?

If it gets in the way, remove it! (JMO)

Sue

 

[jamespowers]

I am with you two. Take the hats off at the table. Saw a guy with a fedora at a restaurant just last week and, of course, he kept the darn thing on his head. Shooting is still illegal, isn't it.[huh]

Its still illegal but throwing a brick......

 

[avedwards]

If it gets in the way, remove it! (JMO)

Sue

What if it doesn't get in the way? Is one allowed to keep it or should one remove it anyway purely out of etiquette (assuming we are in an environment where the hat is otherwise supposed to be worn)?

 

[billysmom]

What if it doesn't get in the way? Is one allowed to keep it or should one remove it anyway purely out of etiquette (assuming we are in an environment where the hat is otherwise supposed to be worn)?

From my feminine perspective, you're not paying proper attention to your smooching if you're worried about your hat.

Sue

 

[avedwards]

From my feminine perspective, you're not paying proper attention to your smooching if you're worried about your hat.

Sue

I was simply wondering in a hypothetical sense, from having seen The Big Sleep and wondered. Personally I think the hat won't get in the way unless it has a huge brim (4"+) and an extremely low swoop (low enough to obstruct your vision when walking). Since most fedoras have a maximum brim width of 3" I doubt there would be a problem.

 

[Petey21]

This was pretty interesting to read. Some questions from a hat newbie, do you wear or take off your hats in places like shopping malls, grocery stores, banks and post offices? How about sports events or concerts at indoor arenas? On the bus or plane?

If you do wear hats at stores and the cashier is female, do you tip it or take it off then or what do you do in such cases?

 

[gtdean48]

I usually take my hat off as I walk thru the door of a house, not just a building. In stores where you need your hands free, I wear my hat but I do usually push it back on my head a bit because I don't need the hat on as tight inside as I might outside.
I was taught to not wear a hat in the house. Nobody lives in a grocery store. If they live above the store, I'd take my hat off if I went upstairs to visit. I was told a courtroom is a House of Justice & of course church is a House of God, so not hats worn there either. JMHO

 

[JimWagner]

Whether I'll keep my hat on in my pickup depends on the hat. If the brim is hitting the headrest it has to come off and be placed in the overhead hat rack. Or if it's hot and wearing the hat will make me sweat. Otherwise, it stays on.

I wear all types of hats, from fedoras to baseball caps to western. Today we're expecting snow and I wore my Mad Bomber.

As far as when I remove a hat it really depends on the situation and location. The more formal the situation the more formal the hat and the more I follow the "rules".

There is a fine line between courtesy and affectation, though, and I try to stay away from affectation. For example, to me (and I'm in my 60's and old fashioned) I never could tip my hat without it feeling like an affectation. So I don't do it.

If I'm going into a nice restaurant where I'm pretty sure there won't be a place for my hat I simply leave it in the car and avoid the whole "where do I put it" problem and attendant risk to a nice hat. Fortunately it's seldom so cold where I live that I risk frostbite to my bald head between my car and the restaurant entrance.

As far as what I think of how others wear their hats, frankly there are better things for me to be concerned about and any rudeness of theirs hardly justifies retaliatory rudeness on my part.

 

[John in Covina]

At an event, you should consider removing your hat as it may block the peoples vision behind you.

But at very public places you can leave it on, especially if your hands are full carrying other stuff, like shopping.

As for tipping, you can simply touch your fingers to the brim with a slight "nod/bow" and that works as well.