Agony column?

[St. Louis]

Oh, I'm so sorry! I do like your name, though, Thankful, and I hope you have lots of wonderful and beautiful things in your life to help make up for at least some of the challenges.

I wish you all the very, very, very best and am keeping you in my thoughts. You seem quite brave.

I like your portrait, too. You look lovely.

 

[MarieAnne]

Sooooo.....this is the first time I've "said" this and you ladies a re all being so supportive so here goes.
I have lupus and indeed it sucks mighty-wise, and due to the lupus I have rosacea so I've gone from pale impeccable English rose complexion to surface of the moon. And that's rubbish but it is what it is and woo hoo cosmetics, you know?
And now twice in 12 months because the rosacea gives me dry eyes I've torn my cornea, and this time it's scarred to the point that my sight is affected.
I'm a writer and a dressmaker and an embroider-er. It scares me so much.

ThankfulGirl—I can't imagine; that is truly heartbreaking. Are there any treatments that can restore your eyesight? My heart goes out to you.

 

[AnyaLynn]

Sooooo.....this is the first time I've "said" this and you ladies a re all being so supportive so here goes.
I have lupus and indeed it sucks mighty-wise, and due to the lupus I have rosacea so I've gone from pale impeccable English rose complexion to surface of the moon. And that's rubbish but it is what it is and woo hoo cosmetics, you know?
And now twice in 12 months because the rosacea gives me dry eyes I've torn my cornea, and this time it's scarred to the point that my sight is affected.
I'm a writer and a dressmaker and an embroider-er. It scares me so much.

That's just awful. I write and embroider myself, and have a family history of bad glaucoma. I'm terrified of losing my sight.

Has your Doctor given you any treatment options? I imagine dry eyes due to rosacea can't just be treated with eye drops.

 

[MarieAnne]

When the guy broke in...and the husband accused me of having an affair. Found out in February, HE was in fact having an affair. It had been going on for several months. She was my friend. By March, I was tested for STDs, changed my last name back, and applied to

It all worked out. Husband thought I had an affair with him—showed him all my texts and messages to prove that wasn't the case. The play came together perfectly, and it was a big hit!
After our last performance, the producer and I were talking about how the show was jinxed. We had so much bad luck! We toasted to "finally being out of the woods." Called it a bit too soon though.
During the after party, one of our cast members had a pretty serious cardiac emergency and had to be rushed to hospital. It worked out: a soldier, a 911 dispatcher, and a paramedic were all less than 10' away when it happened. The person was released the next day and is doing well.

the Air Force. Wrote the CFAT in April, went to aircrew selection in late May and qualified for Air Combat Systems Officers. Our daughter, and families still have no idea

 

[MissNathalieVintage]

Update 3:
Hello
At this present time I transferred out of my last department new department. I learned the manager was planning on having me suspended. From the union reps who had their last meeting in May 2019, and are still trying to get at least half of my suspended pay checks back. And I later learned the manager she called my old department and talked to my old boss who told her bad things about me. This way my old boss can still keep having me harassed even though my ex-boss is no longer doing the harassing.

Thankfully the union reps came to me after the meeting and said they needed to have a long talk with me about what happened at the meeting. And to hear my side of the story before jumping to any conclusions. Yet the guys were still siding with what the manager said about me only because my ex-boss put tons of false information into my work file. Thankfully my union rep (who I worked with in the past and believes me) talked to the guys.

And I later learned one of the union guy reps use to work with the manager and knows the manager likes to start trouble. And he kept telling me I should transfer and work in the basement which requires hard labor and I am not built for hard labor. I kept telling him no.

So what ended up happening is instead of me getting suspended for no reason, I was sent to another department to help out for a couple of months. Praise the lord!

I also told this to the head of the union and she told me to put in a transfer but to another less labor intensive department. Which I did, a couple of months ago the transfer went through. Once I told the department manager of the department I was helping out at I was leaving her, she was sad I was leaving much sooner then I was. She liked me so much she wanted to keep me, I did not stay and am currently in my new department, so far so good.


Also my landlord refuses to meet with me unless it is on the fly and he will not let me explain why I was not paying the full amount of the rent. So what he has decided to do (we talked about this over the phone and Email), is to forgive the rent debt as long as I move out in 3 months, this was back in May 2019.

I agreeded to this only to learn I can not rent an apartment unless I have a credit history or a cosigner, I have none of this. My brother said he'd cosign but he has bad credit. And my sister does not have a credit history either, and she works as a live in maid.

I've asked friends and they do not want to be my cosigner, I do not blame them since I am considered a risk, do to my work suspensions. And most of my friends are married, and my single friends are not willing to let me stay with them. I'm ok with this because I've lived alone for so many years it would not feel right to me, plus none of them have offered.

Gone are the days where all one needed to rent an apartment is a job and references. I've been living in my apartment for the last 17 years.

I recently rented a storage unit. And have had a P.O. box address for years. And I signed up for a secured credit card to start building up a credit history. I've paid off every thing using a pre-paid card and money orders.

And I recently became a local house/cat sitter. This way I can live in the homes of the people I cat sit for or house sit for, for a free place to stay for short stay(s) or longer stays depending where the need is the greatest.

And on the days where there are no cat sitting or house sitting jobs I can stay at a hostel. This will work out since I can use my secured card to pay off my hotel stays. And I've stayed at a Hostel before and they are a lot more nicer these days. And my first apartment was a tenement, I lived in that tenement apartment for 3 years.

I never ever thought at 44 years of age I'd end up nearly homeless. Thank God I use to be a cat parent (25 years of experience) and I am certified in pet CPR. I know everything will work out for the greater good.

I need to move by September 15th.

 

[MissMittens]

Update 3:
Hello
At this present time I transferred out of my last department new department. I learned the manager was planning on having me suspended. From the union reps who had their last meeting in May 2019, and are still trying to get at least half of my suspended pay checks back. And I later learned the manager she called my old department and talked to my old boss who told her bad things about me. This way my old boss can still keep having me harassed even though my ex-boss is no longer doing the harassing.

Thankfully the union reps came to me after the meeting and said they needed to have a long talk with me about what happened at the meeting. And to hear my side of the story before jumping to any conclusions. Yet the guys were still siding with what the manager said about me only because my ex-boss put tons of false information into my work file. Thankfully my union rep (who I worked with in the past and believes me) talked to the guys.

And I later learned one of the union guy reps use to work with the manager and knows the manager likes to start trouble. And he kept telling me I should transfer and work in the basement which requires hard labor and I am not built for hard labor. I kept telling him no.

So what ended up happening is instead of me getting suspended for no reason, I was sent to another department to help out for a couple of months. Praise the lord!

I also told this to the head of the union and she told me to put in a transfer but to another less labor intensive department. Which I did, a couple of months ago the transfer went through. Once I told the department manager of the department I was helping out at I was leaving her, she was sad I was leaving much sooner then I was. She liked me so much she wanted to keep me, I did not stay and am currently in my new department, so far so good.


Also my landlord refuses to meet with me unless it is on the fly and he will not let me explain why I was not paying the full amount of the rent. So what he has decided to do (we talked about this over the phone and Email), is to forgive the rent debt as long as I move out in 3 months, this was back in May 2019.

I agreeded to this only to learn I can not rent an apartment unless I have a credit history or a cosigner, I have none of this. My brother said he'd cosign but he has bad credit. And my sister does not have a credit history either, and she works as a live in maid.

I've asked friends and they do not want to be my cosigner, I do not blame them since I am considered a risk, do to my work suspensions. And most of my friends are married, and my single friends are not willing to let me stay with them. I'm ok with this because I've lived alone for so many years it would not feel right to me, plus none of them have offered.

Gone are the days where all one needed to rent an apartment is a job and references. I've been living in my apartment for the last 17 years.

I recently rented a storage unit. And have had a P.O. box address for years. And I signed up for a secured credit card to start building up a credit history. I've paid off every thing using a pre-paid card and money orders.

And I recently became a local house/cat sitter. This way I can live in the homes of the people I cat sit for or house sit for, for a free place to stay for short stay(s) or longer stays depending where the need is the greatest.

And on the days where there are no cat sitting or house sitting jobs I can stay at a hostel. This will work out since I can use my secured card to pay off my hotel stays. And I've stayed at a Hostel before and they are a lot more nicer these days. And my first apartment was a tenement, I lived in that tenement apartment for 3 years.

I never ever thought at 44 years of age I'd end up nearly homeless. Thank God I use to be a cat parent (25 years of experience) and I am certified in pet CPR. I know everything will work out for the greater good.

I need to move by September 15th.

Sorry to hear that. Have you thought of trying a GoFundMe or similar crowdsourcing website to help? Maybe look for a room in a share instead of hotels/hostels? That way, you'll have a home base to work from and a good address for mail/employer, etc.

 

[MissNathalieVintage]

Sorry to hear that. Have you thought of trying a GoFundMe or similar crowdsourcing website to help? Maybe look for a room in a share instead of hotels/hostels? That way, you'll have a home base to work from and a good address for mail/employer, etc.

Thank you for your reply.
Money is not a problem since I am keeping my full time job. I recently learned about the website Any Time Mail Box. This way I can have a real street address to use for mail/employer, and I can put this new address on my state ID card. So that is now taken care of. I am super revealed.

I'm not really a fan of sharing a place with another person, I feel at 43 years old I am to old to share a place, plus I've lived on my own for the last 17 years. However if it comes down to it and I do end up getting a share unless it is an emergency.

Plus I've been in contact with a house sitting group and I've gotten loads of valuable information. And if I have any questions or concerns I can ask the group and get clear cut advice.

Now moving is going at such a slow pace do to my having to work 9-5 and I can not ask for time off from work. I am stressing out that I might not be able to move every thing out of my apartment by October, and I cant help to think my landlord is going to end up kicking me out.

 

[MissMittens]

Thank you for your reply.
Money is not a problem since I am keeping my full time job. I recently learned about the website Any Time Mail Box. This way I can have a real street address to use for mail/employer, and I can put this new address on my state ID card. So that is now taken care of. I am super revealed.

I'm not really a fan of sharing a place with another person, I feel at 43 years old I am to old to share a place, plus I've lived on my own for the last 17 years. However if it comes down to it and I do end up getting a share unless it is an emergency.

Plus I've been in contact with a house sitting group and I've gotten loads of valuable information. And if I have any questions or concerns I can ask the group and get clear cut advice.

Now moving is going at such a slow pace do to my having to work 9-5 and I can not ask for time off from work. I am stressing out that I might not be able to move every thing out of my apartment by October, and I cant help to think my landlord is going to end up kicking me out.

Haven't seen an update in a while...checking in to see how things are and if you're okay?

 

[MissNathalieVintage]

Haven't seen an update in a while...checking in to see how things are and if you're okay?

Its so sweet of you to check up on me, thank you.

Everything is going great! I never realized how much cheaper it is living in a hotel full-time. I have everything I need lights, gas, and water are included in the hotel rent, and I have a kitchen with dishes and pots for me to use, a place to do laundry, furniture and cleaning service.

What I also notice is I am hardly ever in my room its rare of me to stay in my room for a whole day do to my working full-time and I do travel often as well, its super convenient. This was no change from living in an apartment, I was hardly ever home, and all it was used for now that I think about it was a storage area/dumping ground for stuff I would buy that I did not really need.

Since the move these days I prefer experiences over getting more stuff that I'll never use or do not need.


My only issue is since I work for the city my job is on me about renting an apartment, do to one of the requirements for the job is to have a city residence, and I can not use a commercial mail box as my mailing address. And I told the general manager its a mail box for people like me who have no home. And I have to keep reminding the general manager I have no credit to rent an apartment and I am in this living situation do to the work harassments and work without pay suspension, and I have to build up my credit in order to be qualified to rent an apartment.

The GM wanted me to go to a homeless shelter and I called around and I learned that I do not qualify for homeless assistance do to my not being low income, I have no kids, and I am not in a domestic situation.

And when I called these places and Emailed as well, they were relived to know that I am living in a hotel. To which the GM thought hotel living was not safe and very expensive, and she said she was worried about how this situation was effecting me, and I had to tell her repeated that I was not at all worried I did my research. And I had to remind the GM, a woman like me would be seen as a rich girl if I was to live in a homeless shelter and I know for a fact that I would get attacked. Once I kept repeating over and over that I do not qualify for homeless help the GM finally dropped my going to a homeless shelter.

Now the GM said she was going to try and see about getting me a lawyer to help me get an apartment to rent. And after she said that I realized that its not about me having a cheap place to live or a safe place to live either it about her trying to save face do to my job putting me in the living situation I am in at the moment.

I have to meet with the GM again next month, along with a print out of the hotel receipts with the dates on it showing where I am living at the moment, just like I did at the last meeting. And she wants me to come up with a dollar amount and I have to tell her how much money I am saving each month.

I am not going to tell her I am saving money for vacation time or tell her I am also saving money for voice acting school, (this in none of her business to know my private info, and the job also sends out spies to make sure one is living where they say they are living.) I went to a work shop last year and was told I qualify for tons of voice acting work.

Oh, and the house sitting jobs are also going very well I've had three jobs so far , and thankfully I get free room and board which also helps me to save even more money. I am hoping to work up to getting longer house sitting jobs.

And thanks to the house sitting community I learned that there are people who live in hotels full-time. And I also learned in my research that there are also other people out there (not in the house sitting community) that also live in hotels full-time, too, here is a blog post I found that explains everything about living in a hotel full-time: https://sixdollarfamily.com/how-to-live-in-a-hotel-and-why-you-should-try-full-time-hotel-living-2 Not only are they called Extended Stays or Suites there are some places call Aparthotels (apartment hotels).

And I know this work situation that I am in will absolutely help an employee who will end up in my situation in the future.

Which reminds me of the bible verse in the book of Esther 4:14 Who knows if perhaps you were made queen, (created, my add in) for just such a time as this? New Living Translation bible.

Oh, as of this typing its been over a week since my last meeting with the GM and I have not heard a peep from her supposed talk with a lawyer. I can't help thinking if there is important information I need to know that the GM found that is helpful to me why the radio silence from her?

To me the silence means that I have done the right things for myself and my current situation. And by going to the GM first and being 100% honest, and not letting her find out on her own made things in my situation ten times better for me.

I'll fill ya'll in later after the meeting next month with more info.

 

[AmateisGal]

Hi all! Been gone from the Lounge for awhile. Life has been...interesting, to say the least.

I figured I'd update you all on my situation. After my ex cheated on me, we got divorced in June 2017. Took me a long time to get back to feeling like "me" again and dealing with the fact that I was abused, but I'm happy to say that I've finally found happiness and contentment again. My therapist was absolutely integral in my recovery, as was the support of family and friends. I learned a lot about narcissists and the damage they cause (my ex is one) and have educated myself to be aware and look for red flags - and most importantly, to HEED those red flags.

Big things are happening in my life now. I'm selling my house (the one the ex and I bought together and lived in for less than a year before he started cheating on me) and moving to an apartment; my daughter, now 19, is doing amazing, though she has a very limited relationship with her father - he went nearly 2 years without seeing her despite living only 30 miles away - and she still lives with me which I don't mind at all!. I met an amazing man and we've been together a few months now. He is supportive and wonderful - and I look forward to seeing what the future holds for us. I doubt I'll ever get married again, but who knows? I finished writing my second history book late last year and it will be released June 1; I'm headed to Scotland in June for a WW2 conference and I'm VERY excited as I've never been there before!

My health is my biggest concern right now as my rheumatoid arthritis has become very active again, so I'm hoping a new rheumatologist who actually listens to me will help.

The ex and his affair partner got married, but I no longer speak to him. I hope he's miserable. LOL! I really don't care what he does with his life now - the opposite of hate is indifference, and I am definitely indifferent to him.

Hoping to hang out in the lounge more, and hoping all of you are having a great 2020!

 

[Amy Jeanne]

Awesome, Awesome AmateisGirl. I divorced in 2015 after 10 years together. 5 years out and it feels like ancient history now. I can't imagine still being stuck in that unhappy life doing the same stupid stuff I did back then. My new boyfriend, whom I live with now, is amazing. We recently celebrated 2 years together. We just adopted a puppy, too! I say we are a "1940s radio couple"....we have NEVER had an argument. Just me doing silly things and him smacking his forehead (I say we are George and Gracie.)

 

[AmateisGal]

Awesome, Awesome AmateisGirl. I divorced in 2015 after 10 years together. 5 years out and it feels like ancient history now. I can't imagine still being stuck in that unhappy life doing the same stupid stuff I did back then. My new boyfriend, whom I live with now, is amazing. We recently celebrated 2 years together. We just adopted a puppy, too! I say we are a "1940s radio couple"....we have NEVER had an argument. Just me doing silly things and him smacking his forehead (I say we are George and Gracie.)

Soooo wonderful to hear!!! Here's to us! We got OUT and are thriving!

I'm still with my boyfriend and oh boy, is he awesome. And I accepted an offer on my house last weekend! My daughter (who turned 20 this week!) are all moved into our two-bedroom apartment. We LOVE it. We're only a block away from a beautiful lake with a gorgeous walking path. I had to downsize a bit, but it was worth it to get rid of stuff I'd been lugging around for 20 years!

 

[Amy Jeanne]

I got rid of so much crap in my move from Philadelphia to Colorado Springs. It was actually liberating. I threw away allllll 564928347347 of my cassette tapes that I don't have a player for and don't even play anymore. I threw away any magazine from 2000 - now (I take after my dad hoarding magazines!) Took a BUNCH of clothes to Goodwill. I really think I should have been born here in Colorado. I'm very much an active, outdoorsy person and I really think I found my "spot" here. SO happy and grateful for my current life.

Soooo wonderful to hear!!! Here's to us! We got OUT and are thriving!

I'm still with my boyfriend and oh boy, is he awesome. And I accepted an offer on my house last weekend! My daughter (who turned 20 this week!) are all moved into our two-bedroom apartment. We LOVE it. We're only a block away from a beautiful lake with a gorgeous walking path. I had to downsize a bit, but it was worth it to get rid of stuff I'd been lugging around for 20 years!

 

[MissNathalieVintage]

Update:
And a happy one at that.
Thanks to my younger sister who passed away, it sounds weird but just wait till you read the rest of the story. I 've been able to reconnect with my aunt since my sister's funeral. I've been out to visit her often due to her being retired and she lives alone.

My aunt's boyfriend happens to own an apartment building in a very nice suburban like neighborhood (its still in the city). And he was looking for someone to rent the available apartment. We met once and he instantly liked me and since my aunt has been telling him that I've been coming over to visit her. And he knew about my living situation and naturally thought about renting the apartment to me.

Its a great one bedroom garden apartment. All the utilities are included and I can do laundry for free.

I do miss being a nomad and I will continue housesitting, and every once in a while I can rent a hotel room if I'm getting itchy feet, there are a couple of hotels I've come to call home whenever I got the chance to stay there.

I'm a little nervous since its been ten months of nomadic living and I've come to enjoy going with less. I am so nervous about buying things for fear of having so may things like I did in my old apartment. Which was pretty much just a dumping ground for more stuff.

 

[AmateisGal]

My boyfriend and I are still together - going strong for two and a half years now! This year, we moved in together (my daughter, 22, still lives with us) and we have such a lovely place. We're renting until the housing market calms down and we really love it. Right next to a walking trail and we have a gorgeous backyard with lots of wildlife visitors: birds, squirrels, foxes, possums, raccoons! We set up a wildlife camera to take pictures and videos of them - it's so cool!

I did receive some not so good news last year with my health. I went to the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota (an AMAZING place) and I was finally given a proper diagnosis: fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome. Docs in my city had diagnosed me with rheumatoid arthritis for YEARS and put me on drugs I didn't need! It's great to have a diagnosis, but both issues are very, very challenging to treat and to live with. Fortunately, I'm able to work from home full time.

Here's the really tough part about my diagnosis: my doctor at Mayo told me it was almost certainly caused by the stress of my toxic, abusive marriage. That was a bitter pill for me to swallow. I was angry all over again at my ex, at myself for staying. I had to go through another grieving process. But my boyfriend (who drove me to Mayo and was by my side every step of the way) helped me get through it, and now that I've accepted it, I'm trying to get better.

And another cool update: I just finished my first year of my PhD journey! Yes, I decided to go back to get my PhD at the age of 46. I'm only taking one class a semester as that's all I can handle working full time, but boy do I ever love it. I'm getting my PhD in history.