A youngers man's Classic Style and women

[metropd]

This is a question for the younger male loungers. Do you ever feel like your dress prohibits you from having relationships or "intimacy" with women?

Sometimes I feel like the only thing I am is an emotional crutch and I feel I should just give up my suits and hang my fedoras on the hat rack for good. What are your thoughts?

 

[DerMann]

In high-school, and I imagine college too, wearing a suit does seem to add on a few years to your image.

I've been wearing a blazer/sportjacket, trousers, proper shoes, and button down shirts since my junior year of high school (being a senior now). It has never given me any negative "vibes," if you will. Always seem to make a good impression on parents, too.

Most girls love it, or don't really care about the way one dresses. Very few girls are actually "turned off" by suits (at least in my experience). Not to mention they're much more flattering to my physique.

 

[Undertow]

Honestly, if you prefer to dress that way, stick to it. I've made a few comprimises with women when it came to my dressing habits and it was very hard to get back into the groove once they and I were together.

Some women may feel intimidated, but wait for the right ones to come your way.

 

[Slim Portly]

Sometimes I feel like the only thing I am is an emotional crutch and I feel I should just give up my suits and hang my fedoras on the hat rack for good.

To clarify, do you mean you feel like an emotional crutch for some women, or you feel that your clothes are an emotional crutch for you? If it's the former, get used to it. Too often women will use a "nice guy" to fill an emotional void in their lives, regardless of the fact that they feel no romantic attachment to him. You will learn to give a female friend enough support to help her but not so much that it hurts you. If it's the latter, deal with it. Do not use the image that you create to keep the world at bay. Rather, use it as a sort of introduction. "This is a part of who I am, and if you like this part of me then you are welcome to discover the many other unique aspects of my personality."

 

[rmrdaddy]

How can I express this properly....

Perhaps as a result of the "metrosexualization" that happened a few years back, led by a very popular TV show that was on one of the cable networks, there is a bit of a stigma attached with being a male and concerned with your looks and appearance.
I'd be careful that some of these ladyfriends don't take you as a "gal" pal...if you get what I mean. Let me point out, I have no issue with anyone's sexual orientation as long as it doesn't impact me directly(ladies groping me has always been fine, just for the record ).
Just my .02....

 

[Spitfire]

That was very well said, rmrdaddy.

Please let an old ("experienced") guy give a comment.
It's not only the clothing that makes the man. It's also how you behave, what you do and say, your personallity.
If you behave as stuffy as you (not you) are dressed, girls think: FATHER!

My son - 20 years old next month - have dressed up (not vintage though - but very, very stylish) for the last couple of years. But he has always been first on the dancefloor, a heck of an entertainer at high school, drinking with the guys, etc. too.
He has absolutely no problem "stricking up friendships"

My advice is dress up and have fun. Let loose.
The gals will bite. Sooner or later.

 

[rmrdaddy]

The gals will bite. Sooner or later.

What if he's not into kink???? lol

Seriously, great input there Spitfire.

 

[Spitfire]

lol lol lol He will have a problem then

 

[Paisley]

Sometimes I feel like the only thing I am is an emotional crutch and I feel I should just give up my suits and hang my fedoras on the hat rack for good. What are your thoughts?

Helpless women always manage to find men. If they don't find you, they'll find someone else. I don't think your suits have much to do with your attracting helpless women.

 

[The Shirt]

Not a younger male lounger but...

If I can remember back to those days, as a young girl in my teens one of the things I remember most was that I never felt like I fit in. I would venture a guess that there are a lot of young women who feel as if they just want to be accepted and fit. In order to do this they may feel as if they have to dress like everyone else, talk like everyone else, and perhaps even find a boyfriend who looks just like everyone else. This isn't to say that every girl is like this. I think that if you find a girl who has the self-confidence to stand out in her own way - you may find something in common that transcends appearances. You may strike these girls as someone of class and the best of gentile qualities simply from the attention you pay to your appearance so they find it easy to trust you as a friend. Not a bad thing mind you. But once in the friend zone - sometimes it's tough to get out. What a girl may want or desire at 16 in a mate and what they want at 22 or 27 can be entirely different. Short of telling you to look for an "older" woman who might appreciate it,.. Wait how old are you again! Did I get myself into legal trouble there?

I think it takes a great deal of self-confidence to stand out from the crowd as you do. You look smashing and have always struck me of someone of class. I wouldn't sacrifice this to "dumb down" your look in order for a girl's attentions. If anything - give it a year or two! I also agree with Spitfire - good advice.

 

[donCarlos]

I´m 19, I´m trying to dress well and I have a girlfriend (it´s important to say that she met me when I wasn´t so obviously into the golden era, I was just normal). She says that I´m always overdressed and that we don´t live in the 30´s. (I don´t like her style of clothing neither, so we are even )

When I go somewhere, my dress is usually commented, but then the people find that I´m quite normal. However, girls are somewhat other case since I´ve always been quite shy.
The interesting thing is that when I wear a suit, or just a nice clothing (all with a hat), I feel much more self-confident. On the other hand, this style is mostly appreciated by women 40+ (my experience). My female friends say that I´m not able to combine the colors correctly (they never heard about the Apparel Arts) and that my look is somewhat deterrent. Screw them! I´m the best and when girl doesn´t accept that, she´s not worth of my favour.

Conclusion? Wear whatever you like and keep trying. One day, you´ll surely find the right girl with similar taste.

 

[jake_fink]

I'm not a young lounger, but I find this interesting. I teach at a college and what I see in my classroom is very, very different from what I recall as a young man of the same age... 18-22.

Obviously clothing is just one part of what makes one attractive, there are also status, looks, personality, etc... If the clothes you've chosen overshadow or undermine the other elements, then that is going to create a problem. Maybe there really is a time and a place for everything, and dates and girl-meeting-expeditions may not be the place for suits and fedoras.

Having said that, I dressed in vintage or other (mod, punk, greaser) styles through my teens and into my twenties and never thought it was an impediment to meeting or having relationships with women. The culture has shifted now, though, toward a much greater conformity. That's what I see in my class rooms, rows of young people who all appear to have done their shopping together, in one store, at the same time. My feeling is that youth is a time for experimentation, and the desire to fit in has to be carefully weighed against the need to express oneself in all ways - including dress. I'd almost always tilt toward the latter.

 

[Miss 1929]

When I was a younger woman...

I was totally entranced with men who dressed up!
They are out there. To thine own self be true. Nothing is sexier than a man who knows his own mind and doesn't worry about what society or strangers think.

 

[jake_fink]

Okay, I just saw your bespoke Optimo thread, and I like the way you're combining the classic and the more contemporary. I don't know how anyone could have a problem with that.

 

[JEEP]

I know exactly how you are feeling metropd - and it truly stinks.

Though I really dont think your situation has anything to do with the way you dress - some guys are just "nice guys". And being the "nice guy" in the street can sometimes be a tough and unrewarding job.

I used to be the "nice and friendly eternal single guy" among my acquaintances - I have lost count of how many times I have had my feelings burned by investing way too much of myself in girls who, i lack of a better term, used me as a hankerchief when they felt life was treating them bad. Playing with my feelings in order to feel better themselves - with no respect and consideration for how I felt.

It actually didn't stop untill I met my current girlfriend - and apparently became uninteresting as a subject for easy comfort and emotional restoration. What makes everything even worse is that a couple of said girls actually got extreamly jealous and agressive towards my girlfriend - though they had never before shown any emotional interest in me. One of them even tried to make it look like I was cheating om my girlfriend with her - luckily my girlfriend knew that it wasn't the case, but it was extreamly hurtfull for both me and my girlfriend. I goes without saying than the individual is no longer counted among my friends.

I am not sure I can say much to help you - but you have got my sympathy and understanding for what you are going through. Do not stop wearing vintage (you make it look so good) - and never stop being the "nice guy". Nice guys do not care if they finish last - they care about finishing right.


Regards.

Jakob

 

[CharlesB]

Honestly, I'm in my mid20s and girls love a good suit tie look on a guy. I think maybe its just your age bracket. Once girls are out in the real world, a well dressed guy that can joke and dance basically can get his fill of anything

 

[metropd]

My clothes are natural and who I am that is why I just can't change even though some times I think about it. I become close friends very quickly with women rather than being in a relationship. That is the issue, I don't wan't to be one of the girlfriends.

 

[metropd]

Nice guys do not care if they finish last - they care about finishing right.

Thats the best advice I could possibly get.

 

[JEEP]

Thats the best advice I could possibly get.

You're welcome


Regards.

Jakob

 

[MagistrateChris]

Hey, listen. Ask someone out. No one can say yes if you never ask. And trust me, this is coming from one of the guys who was terrified of asking and being rejected back in my high school days. Only now at my reunions do I find out how many times I missed opportunities out of fear. I've learned that many wanted me to ask them out. If only I'd have known then...

Don't find out at your 20 year reunion that you could have had dates...