A question for the Ladies of the Lounge

[DerMann]

Good afternoon, ladies.

I'm a senior in high school, and I'm all set for the promenade this May (top hat, white tie, and tails).

My date, however, is still looking for her dress. Just the other day we were talking and she said that she did not really want a full length evening gown, and she asked me if it would be okay for her to wear a cocktail dress (she was worried that I might not approve). She also told me, and I quote,"... but they said only skanks wore short dresses to give their boyfriends easy access." I assured her that cocktail dresses were not meant for easy access, but rather as a semi-formal version of the evening gown. I then told her that it would be fine by me, but I did let her know she would be under dressed.

Was I too lenient? I'm sure I could coax her into getting an evening gown, but that would be against my nature. Will she look out of place next to a chap in a tailcoat?

I'm starting to think that a cocktail dress may look better on her, as she is rather short (5'2" or so, compared to my 6'3").

-DerMann

 

[Laura Chase]

I think she should wear what she feels most comfortable in. Perhaps you could suggest some nice accessories to dress up her cocktail dress. Some long gloves, a nice little hat, pearls, a pretty purse...

A cocktail dress can look formal, cute and fresh at the same time.

 

[alexandra]

I am kind of wondering why she would rather wear a cocktail dress when she has the opportunity to wear an evening gown. Maybe she just isn't as informed on all the different choices available to her.

I know that in high school when you mention full length prom dresses, a lot of people picture those bright blue taffeta triangle dress things which I personally find hideous. Modern cocktail dresses seem to be a little less atrocious, and maybe she's just thinking in those terms.

In reality, there are so many full length gowns you can find or get made, and you can find one that suits every body type, it's just a matter of thinking outside the box. Prom is one of the only times you can get away with wearing any dress you want and no one will look at you like you're crazy.

Anyway, I think cocktail dresses made for average people make short people look shorter but that could just be me.

 

[Miss Crisplock]

I must concur; a short dress will visually cut her at the knees, making her look shorter than if she was wearing a full length gown.

HOWEVER;

It is her prom. Period.

She should wear what she likes, and what makes her feel like the belle of the ball. Her dress should make her eyes light up.

It's her date's job to have his eyes light up no matter what she wears.




Sure she'll do this :eusa_doh: in ten years, but so will every one else. lol

 

[DerMann]

If I see her before she goes dress shopping again, I shall ask her why she decided against an evening dress.

I would rather prefer an evening gown, but I can't really go around telling her what to wear (she didn't have a say in my tailcoat, so fair's fair).

Evening gowns and cocktail dresses have different airs to me. An evening gown seems to radiate glamour and elegance, while a cocktail dress seems to emit an energetic and, dare I say, fun aura (probably from all of the flappers I've seen). Not that either one is bad, they just seem to suit completely different purposes.

I might try to get her to change her mind, or she might do it on her own if she cannot find a cocktail dress.

Also, why is the bloke in the middle wearing a fedora?

*EDIT*

Just read your post, Miss Crisplock.

I agree with you as well. I don't want to be a domineering overlord of fashion rules, and I really think she'll look stunning in anything she wears (I often end up staring at her from time to time in everyday settings ).

 

[alexandra]

It's her prom, but like I said, it could be a situation where she's choosing between broccoli and cauliflower when she didn't even know chocolate existed.

 

[ShortClara]

I must concur; a short dress will visually cut her at the knees, making her look shorter than if she was wearing a full length gown.

As a short person nearly the same height as the lady in question, I must respectfully disagree. A length at or just below the knee will make her look taller than a full length gown. Now, there are styles and cuts in either case which might not be flattering, but generally I look much taller and more proportionate in a knee length than a floor length, no question.

To OP: I'm not sure what you mean by too lenient, as it's not up to you to allow her or not to wear whatever she wants, unless her choice of gown would cause you to ditch her as a date or something. But I doubt that

I say, the lady should wear whatever she wants; it's her prom. Just be supportive.

 

[Lady Day]

I think sometimes the nature of the event, out weights the comfort level of the person. If this prom is as formal as you say it is going to be, then Id offer her some alternatives (pics and such) that may be a longer version than what she is thinking of.

I agree alexandra, why would she pass up the chance to wear an evening gown?!

Perhaps get her into the gown BEFORE the day of the event LONGER than ten minutes, so she can feel what it is like to be in one.

I have seen modern prom attire for women and in the most recent of years they have been too short too tight and reveal too much. But its what everyone else is wearing, so she will blend in.

So I respectfully disagree with the notion of 'wear whatever she wants'. Its generally been either the man wears something completely inconspicuous and the woman's gown is the highlight, or the couple compliment each other in small details but either way they look like a pair.

I would think shed be tickled that you were concerned with what she was wearing.

Oh well, I do wish you luck in the outcome, sir.

LD

 

[Joan]

If the invitation says "white tie," then the gentleman wears tails and the lady wears a ballgown. That's the traditional way to do it. (I realize this is a little different, being a prom.)

I wonder how the lady feels about vintage fashion? A 20s-style evening dress with, say, a handkerchief hem would go well with the white tie, IMO.

 

[Miss Crisplock]

As I read that paragraph,


Evening gowns and cocktail dresses have different airs to me. An evening gown seems to radiate glamour and elegance, while a cocktail dress seems to emit an energetic and, dare I say, fun aura (probably from all of the flappers I've seen). Not that either one is bad, they just seem to suit completely different purposes.

I am touched by what a well writen and clear viewpoint. Perhaps you could show it to her?

And, granted she will do a lot less of this :eusa_doh: :eusa_doh: :eusa_doh: if she has pictures in a lovely ballgown than the latest in cocktail attire.

 

[ShooShooBaby]

it's just a prom... she should wear what makes her happy, and should choose it herself. no matter what you feel a prom *should* entail, it doesn't mean everyone is going to abide by that. just have fun and don't take it too seriously!

 

[olive bleu]

is it possible she doesn't want to get a long evening gown because she fears she would never wear it again?

 

[ShortClara]

I have a girlfriend who got married in a red 50s cocktail gown. She looked amazing, she felt amazing, the dress was very her. She doesn't look back at the pictures and wish she wore a long white gown; she was true to herself and is happy with the result. Now, I got married in a long white gown and I'm happy. I would not have gotten married in a knee length red dress. That's why there are different dresses for different ladies.

I wore a long pretty princess gown to one of my proms; to the other, I wore a bustier mini dress with a long overskirt (in the back - it was a mini in the front TYVM) and I was damn smashing! I was not under-dressed by any means. It might be hard for some to believe that she's not into ball gowns (and I don't know, obviously, if she is or isn't), but then there are lots of people who couldn't believe that we all wear vintage (i.e. old clothes) all the time!

I do agree with you LD that the requested dress of the event be pretty much adhered to; that is to say maybe not a tee shirt to the prom

 

[retrogirl1941]

To each her own.......dress!

For my prom I wore a pink tea length 1950s prom dress and I loved it! The next year I wore a long 30s style gown. As long as she is happy and feels like a princess, she can wear whatever she wants. If it were me, I would make sure my dress was at the same level of formalness/dressiness as my date. To attest to shortclara's post, I wore a burgandy repro 30s dress for my wedding dress and would not think of wearing a white dress for my wedding. To each her own dress!

Samantha

 

[KittyT]

She should wear whatever she wants! When I went to my prom, no one wore a full length gown.

 

[DerMann]

If the invitation says "white tie," then the gentleman wears tails and the lady wears a ballgown. That's the traditional way to do it. (I realize this is a little different, being a prom.)

That's one of the things I was worried about. Our school has not made a distinction between black and white tie, only that it is formal.

I was under the impression that cocktail dresses were appropriate for black tie. Which really wouldn't be a problem, as most people do dress in black tie. In fact, I may be breaking dress code by going in white tie, as I believe that prom has been relegated to a black tie event.

I don't know. I'll talk to her about it, try and show her the distinction between black and white tie, maybe she'll catch on (even though from what I have read, the distinction between black and white tie for women is a bit blurrier than the clean cut dinner jacket or tails for men). I definitely do NOT want to force her, though (her prom, etc...).

Would it be murderously offensive to ask to tag along, so as to offer advice and coordinate our dress? I was thinking about suggesting this subtly, but I wasn't entirely certain of how often its done. Might be kind of awkward, too, as her mother takes her (no driver's license).

Thanks for all of your help, ladies.

 

[Laura Chase]

That's one of the things I was worried about. Our school has not made a distinction between black and white tie, only that it is formal.

I was under the impression that cocktail dresses were appropriate for black tie. Which really wouldn't be a problem, as most people do dress in black tie. In fact, I may be breaking dress code by going in white tie, as I believe that prom has been relegated to a black tie event.

I don't know. I'll talk to her about it, try and show her the distinction between black and white tie, maybe she'll catch on (even though from what I have read, the distinction between black and white tie for women is a bit blurrier than the clean cut dinner jacket or tails for men). I definitely do NOT want to force her, though (her prom, etc...).

Would it be murderously offensive to ask to tag along, so as to offer advice and coordinate our dress? I was thinking about suggesting this subtly, but I wasn't entirely certain of how often its done. Might be kind of awkward, too, as her mother takes her (no driver's license).

Thanks for all of your help, ladies.

Nothing wrong with you asking her to tag along when she goes dress shopping. Just make sure she knows that it is not because you don't trust her tastes, but it's because you want to coordinate your outfits. She'll probably think it's sweet of you.

 

[scotrace]

Please pardon a man's advice when none was asked.

However, if I may finish the thought several of the ladies have expressed "it is her prom..." therefore, you, as a gentleman, should do your utmost to make her feel comfortable and have a good time, taking your cues from her. In trying to remake her thoughts on what should be worn, and send her signals that she is making inappropriate choices in attire for the evening, you may be missing the signals she is sending you about your choice.

If she wants to wear a lovely cocktail dress (that she won't have to ebay the next day), then you might consider changing your own choice to a dinner suit, rather than tails. A gentleman finds out the dressing parameters from his date, and then, as her escort, dresses himself to please her and make her shine on what is an important occasion. It's the difference between:

"I'm wearing tails. Go get a gown."

And

"You will make whatever you wear look like dynamite. Let me know what you choose so I can pick something complimentary."


The first makes her unhappy. The second will probably still have her sighing when she's 60.

 

[olive bleu]

Perfect Scotrace, well said.

 

[miserabelle]

She needs to wear whatever she feels comfortable in - nothing is worse than not feeling right in an outfit... I hate feeling overdressed. Personally a full gown can make me feel odd and restricted in some situations, you need to talk to her about it and make sure that she feels 100% confident in whatever she decides on xxx x