Worst Thing(s) That Happened In Your Life

[gluegungeisha]

I have so much respect for all of you who have pulled through these incredibly difficult situations!

I haven't been alive for long, but I've certainly experienced a few rough patches.

I am also a domestic abuse survivor. It came from a few different people at different times in my life, but it was always consistent. It has certainly made me a much stronger, wiser person.
I haven't talked to my biological dad for three years now.
Um...I had my stomach pumped when I was fourteen, and was required by law to stay in a hospital, and another place out of state for a few months. Scariest time of my life...I think I was much safer at home than I was there.

 

[Dr Doran]

You are very strong folks. Compared to you all, I have had nothing. So far. I felt sorry for myself for lack of shoes until a footless man sang me his blues, etc. It is heartening to see how people who have suffered have endured with grace and style. Superb style.

The worst thing that ever happened to me was a breakup at 22. Pretty small compared to the lot of you. My sister died last September, but it was in the pipes for so many years (spine cancer) that I was quite prepared for it.

 

[scotrace]

Hard to choose.

Never met my father. Childhood poverty. Stepfather dropped dead suddenly. Mother died alone and I found the body a few days after. My first born child died in my arms. Back surgery. A divorce.

I'm remarkably normal. Made of tuff stuff I guess. Or it's the bourbon.

I just prefer to focus on the good stuff.

 

[Katie Brookes]

Sending good wishes to all those who have been or are ill.

I wouldn't go back to the years between 13 and 18 for any price. Three people very close to me died during that period, I went through a major depression and then there was high school, it's own special hell.

Thank God for college--a fresh start.

sounds really familiar. was super depressed in highschool, went away to college and got to be someone else. you know, not 'depressed girl.'

 

[killertomata]

My life growing up was like something on 20/20, really awful, if I wrote about it in story form, the editor would tell me I have to change the father because he's so awful it's not believable. "No one can be that bad." Uh huh yeah they can.

I want to look at this thread as the rotten things that changed the way I saw things- that would bring to mind two events.

But I'm not going to write them out, they're very disturbing (even among all the horrible things he did) and suffice to say they changed the way I saw my dad and I needed to see that he wasn't just an awful, mean horrible person- but he is the way he is because someone else made him that way, he's an injured child who never healed and it made him crazy in some ways, and he's not helping himself. It does not excuse him in any way, as he's got a brain and choices... if he can be an aerospace engineer who makes decisions like he does then he can know it's wrong to hurt people, especially your family.

But me and my sisters, we needed to see it all for what it is and change the cycle, and we have. None of us continued his legacy of violence, torturous abuse and misery. All of us in fact are quite the opposite- we communicate, we work on our stuff, and we do not hurt people if we can help it.

Reasons for everything, excuses for nothing.

 

[Dr Doran]

My first born child died in my arms.

Jesus.

 

[Maj.Nick Danger]

My hat, (if I had one) is off to all who have posted their trials here. I suppose we all have our measure of bitterness in this life, but it's all proportionate to who we are somehow.
This is an odd thread,(the oddest I've seen) in that it makes us count our blessings I think, while at the same time thinking about our "problems". It's humbling.

 

[Bebop]

I think that sharing just one thing that we consider "worst" will make a difference when responding to other threads. It gives people a better view of where you are coming from when responding to other subjects. It's like getting to know your friends. It is one of the oddest threads on the Lounge.

 

[HoosierDaddy]

Living in childhood poverty...beaten by a stepdad for eight years until it became so bad my father found out and rescued me. Stepdad and 21 yr old half brother dying the same weekend. Double funeral. 3 yr old stepchild dying in my arms.
But you know...since really looking at this life....all the blessings that I have been given.... realising to honestly appreciate them...and honoring exactly where they come from...has made all the difference.

 

[Gilbey]

To Everything, There Is A Season

http://www.biblesociety.ca/free_scriptures/escriptures/ecclesiastes3/ecclesiastes3.html

God Bless You All.

 

[Foofoogal]

Gilbey, thank you for this thread. I was annoyed for some reason at first but it has been almost cathartic to share. I have been thru many things not mentioned here but my, my, my to this whole thread.
I have come to try to see everyone as an accumulation of where they came from, where they have been and the experiences they have experienced. Though we only hear about the bad ones on the news most people are just trying to put one foot in front of the other.
I have learned bitterness is paralyzing. Life will make you either bitter or better. I watched older people who were bitter when I was young and actually prayed to not ever be. So far so good I think.
Thank you. Sandy

 

[Gilbey]

Amazing Love

There was once a man despised and rejected by his people; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God and afflicted.

But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

The man - Christ Jesus

I'm forgiven, because You were forsaken
I'm accepted, You were condemned
I'm alive and well, Your Spirit is within me
Because you died and rose again

Amazing love, how can it be
That You my king would die for me?
Amazing love, I know it's true
And It's my joy to honor You
In all I do, I honor You

You are my king, You are my king
Jesus, You are my king, Jesus, You are my king

 

[MrNewportCustom]

The Stones and My Father.

I was thinking about starting a thread just like this two nights ago, but decided not to for some reason.


Physically: Waking up at two in the morning with both kidneys in excrutiating pain from kidney stones, and then suffering for two-and-a-half hours on the emergency room floor. I learned the magic of morphine that night. :eusa_clap The stones took three days to pass. Now I know how it feels to give birth.

Emotionally: The night I threw my father out of the house he'd raised us in. It was the mid '80s, and he'd been an alcoholic for several years by then. By that time it was just me, my mother and my younger brother at home with him.

That night he was at his worst. (Fortunately, he wasn't a violent drunk; just a stumble drunk.) The family was tired of dealing with him, so we agreed he had to go. I pushed him out the door and screamed at him to get out and leave us alone. I punctuated my words by pounding on his chest with the side of my fist as he tried to get back in. When I got him far enough out, I slammed the door. Unfortunately, I'd slammed it on his finger, cutting it to the bone. Luckily, I didn't break it.

He cried and whined on the porch for about twenty minutes before we finally got sick of hearing him and let him back into the house. We sent him to his room and told him he was not to leave under any circumstances, except to use the bathroom - and we didn't even care if he didn't leave his room for that. In anger and frustration, I put my hand through his bedoom door. Mom used tweezers to pull a piece of the masonite out of my palm. It was the only time in my life that I'd been queasy about a wound.

My father woke up the next morning with his cut finger and a huge black-and-purple bruise on his chest. He had no idea where they came from.

I often think back to that night, and I'm grateful that we let him back in. We wanted him to just go away, to leave us and give us peace, but I'm glad he didn't. I still think back at how horrible it would have been to learn that my father had died on the street. Or worse, driving along and seeing him laying in an alley or in a gutter - alive or dead.

Eventually, his drinking ended - because of a stroke. He was with us for almost twenty more years. Even with his slowly deteriorating health over those years - I'm sure some was from the alcohol, but mostly it was from his three strokes - my entire family is glad we still had him in our lives.


Another time, in late 2000, started as a good thing, and then dropped precipitously. I'd had my '67 Chrysler for a few months, and my father wanted to see it. By this time, he was in a wheelchair and could harldy see, and his fingers were curled from arthritis. I was going to wash the car, so I invited him to help. I wheeled him to the driveway, and he had the biggest smile I'd seen on him in a long time as we talked and he soaped the front of the hood with a towel. After a while, he got tired and asked me to move him over to the side and lock the wheels of his chair (so that he wouldn't roll down the driveway). His smile disappeared and he started slumping in his chair, and then he said quietly, "I want out." I asked him what he wanted out of and he said, "I just want out."

Three years later, he finally got out.


Lee
________________________________

Rest in peace, Dad. You're free now.

 

[nyx]

My first born child died in my arms.

You know, I'm deathly afraid of that happening. I've had some pretty bad luck the past few years. My boyfriend told me the night before he was supposed to move in that his ex-wife was pregnant--with his child. That started a cycle of bad decisions on my part. We stayed together (for reasons I can't fathom now), got engaged. Then I was diagnosed with a rare form of ovarian cancer-even more unusual because I was only 29. I went through 3 surgeries right before my wedding. Then I started chemotherapy right after my honeymoon. I was doing it alone because my husband didn't know how to support me. I would drive myself to my 6-hour long chemo appointments, crying as my waist length hair fell out. Plus, we were still dealing with the fallout of his first wife and their son. Right after finishing chemo, I got pregnant. Then when my son was 4 months old, my husband left to go back to his first wife, leaving me with the mortgage and all the bills. As a result, my crazy, Chinese mother had to move in with me --a woman with a serious gambling problem and a history of verbal and physical abuse--but I can't afford the mortgage without her.

But...and here's the big BUT...I have a wonderful son that wouldn't have been here without my ex-husband. And he's a miracle because after having the surgeries and the chemo, I'd been told I probably wouldn't be able to have children. It's one reason I'm so afraid to lose him, because he's the only one I'll ever have, and I love him more than my own breath and heartbeat. And he's beautiful (see picture <----). Plus, I've learned so much about myself and how much I can take. Desperation for money made me finish my master's degree, even as I was going through the divorce, and I applied for a job I never would have had the nerve to apply for before. And I got it--complete with an office and a much better salary. In all, except for a bit of the lonelies now and then (and a fight or two with my mother), my life is better than it was before my bad luck started. Let's hope it stays that way. I hope the same for all of you who've posted in the thread as well. Sometimes it takes hard times to give you the kick you need to get your life straightened out.

 

[K.D. Lightner]

Next to many of you folks, I've had a pretty good life.

The things that have made me sad in my life have been a few unexpected deaths: a dear cousin who died of cancer, my best friend who also died of lung cancer at age 46, the deaths of some beloved pets, the stress of living and dealing with a dear friend who has chronic progressive MS, and a few health problems of my own that pale by comparison to some already mentioned.

I was diagnosed with diabetes in 1998, have been struggling to control it and lose weight so it will go into remission. Last year, I had some knee pain and could barely walk, and early this year, was diagnosed with uterine cancer, which was in a very early stage. I had surgery in April and they got it all. Did not have to have radiation or chemo. I do have some years of stress and wondering ahead of me. I feel good, though, and believe I will be all right.

I am responsible for the diseases -- had I not been so heavy, would not have gotten the diabetes; if I had not had the diabetes, I probably would not have had the other. So, I am diligently, but slowly, losing weight, eating right, trying to exercise so I can live a long, productive life and be there for my family and friends.

karol

 

[ITG]

My worst thing is one of the best things too. I got married last October. Five weeks later (right after the 06 QM), my husband had a heart attack. I thought I was going to lose him after such a short time. But yet it turned out to be the best thing because he survived. He's now on medicine (blood thinner) to help his blood to not clot up, so it served as an early wake-up call that we need to cherish every moment together. I know the worst thing is yet to come: when I lose him for good and when I lose my parents. None of which are things I'm ready to face.

 

[thebadmamajama]

My father was diagnosed with cancer when I was 3 then died when I was 7. Then all of my grandparents by the age of 17, by alzheimer's and blindness, among other things I'd rather not mention. I'm 22 now and sometimes feel like I haven't a family. But I know that God has purpose in it and I'm trusting his will. It teaches me more and more each day to rely on Him.

You know, I hate to be corny and bring up quotes, but Helen Keller, full of her own troubles in life, said, "The world is full of suffering. But it is also full of the overcoming of it." Think of all of the intense suffering just by those who actually posted on here, not to mention the great sufferings we don't talk about. And think of all of the overcoming of it.

 

[ScionPI2005]

I would like to give my blessings to all those who have posted on this thread. What you have experienced and the strength you have displayed to get through it is astounding.

After reading through the posts on this thread, the majority of us have had to face deaths of people close to us.

Aside from facing the usual struggles of growing up (middle school, high school, finding your identity, etc), I lost my best and closest friend to cancer when she was 19; I was 21.

She was diagnosed with leukemia when we had just about completed our first semester of college at The University of New Mexico (about three years ago). What followed was a year and a half of chemotherapy, bone marrow transplant, morphine, and whatever else (I cannot even begin to remember or tell you what all I saw her go through).

We lost Maeve just over a year ago; she was exactly 19 and a half years old. While it still hurts me to this day, (and I fear in some ways that this loss has caused me to become somewhat over sensitive about life in that I some days worry about losing more people right and left) I can only imagine what her mother is going through. Maeve was almost the only family her mother had. I send her cards from time to time, and try to call her.

I truly think the only other loss I will have that could effect me more than this will be the loss of my parents.

Still, I try to value every day, though that is hard sometimes.

 

[BonnieJean]

What an insightful thread! Thanks, Gilbey for starting it.

Besides the usual, "life happens", I'd have to say I've had 3 life-changing experiences. The first one was when my family home burned to the ground my senior year in high school in the dead of winter. My parents were out of town and my elderly grandfather was "supervising" me and my 4 siblings. I just happened to be awake at midnight doing my younger sister's hair when we noticed the smoke. I was able to get everyone out safely, but the house was a total loss. My folks couldn't get home for two days because a blizzard had closed the roads. I grew up practically overnight attending to all the details of this type of loss. I learned to hold my material possessions with an open hand and that life is much more precious than "things". (Although I'll occasionally miss some of the neat stuff I used to have.)

My second life-changing experience would be when I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. I was married with 2 young sons. Waiting on the biopsy results was excruciating as I spent many nights walking on my street wondering how my boys would be without a mother. The good news is it was caught early and removed. (Gals, don't forget those annoying pap tests--they really do save lives!) From this experience I learned that God loves my children even more than I do and I've placed them into His Hands. I also had a spiritual awakening and renewed my faith.

My 3rd and probably not my last, life-changing experience happened a little over a couple of years ago when my dad dropped dead of a stroke. Since I'm the oldest, I've had to be strong for my mom and there are days she still leans on me. We still miss my dad. But I learned that the death of a loved one can sometimes bring out the worse in people. I was on the receiving end of some very bad verbal abuse from a sister and a sister-in-law just before and right after the funeral. They were "shooting the messager" (me), but I can still remember all those hateful words they spewed out as they vented at me about stuff that happened in the past that I wasn't involved with, but "you should of known about it" or "done something about it". I remember being in shock from the verbal abuse while trying to deal with my dad's death. It was a really horrible time. Our family is still split apart from the events around my dad's death, but the important thing I've learned is not to hold onto anger and bitterness because the person that gets hurt the most is yourself. (My health took a major nosedive during this time.) I've since let go of the pain and bitterness and only surround myself with positive things and people. Life is too short to dwell on the past (unless I'm thinking about the Golden Era ) and I won't let others walk all over me and sling their personal baggage at me. But I also have gained compassion for those who suffer because I have experienced the deep depths of suffering both physically and emotionally. Life is a journey with twists and turns along the way and we just have to keep trudging along. As my grandmother used to say, "Will you let life make you bitter or will you let it make you better?"

 

[K.D. Lightner]

Bonnie Jean -- I, too, have had early stage cancer, in my case uterine, and, luckily they caught it real early. So I feel blessed about that.

Your perspective on losing all your possesions reminds me of a dear friend who lost her home in San Diego's 1985 canyon fires. She had just won a divorce case against her ex-spouse, which gave her everything, he lost. A month after her win, her house was burned to the ground after a canyon fire changed wind directions and blew towards her home 30 feet high, at a deadly speed. (I have seen canyon fires and they move fast!) She had only time to get her child, her purse, her car keys and tooK off. She said she felt it was a lesson from god, because earlier, she had gloated over the fact she won everything in the divorce settlement -- all that she had won, with the exception of her child and the car, and her own life, were totally destroyed. She said it gave her a new perspective on life, and helped her to understand what was really valuable. She felt she grew and learned from it, though it was a most horrific experience. To this day, she misses some of the "neat stuff" she had, but knows that the real stuff was saved.

As for the third thing -- what goes around, comes around and someday your family members will come around despite whatever happened when your father died. You are doing good things for yourself, good for you that you have risen above it!

Thanks for your post.

karol