AmateisGal
I'll Lock Up
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- Nebraska
I hear you. I shouldn't have been so flippant, because I do agree with your sense of ethics and behavior. However, at that time, she wasn't going to divorce or leave him. She couldn't. I'm relatively certain the law was in full favor of the man, let alone a respected landowner (isn't Ross a nobleman as well?). She had no realistic "out" of their marriage. She couldn't even accuse him without hard proof of x, y, or z. Accusations could have gotten her thrown in prison for slander or whatever other nonsense the laws supported. The best she could do was to live a secret life and hope she didn't get caught. I also believe the laws would have come down very hard on her if she was caught with other men. Even without proof, someone like Ross could have possibly had her imprisoned for adultery. All he had to do is make the right accusations (if adultery wasn't enough to get her locked up). Of course, that isn't the type of relationship they have insofar as Ross being that vindictive. Also unrealistically, Ross possesses some level of self-awareness, which I would assume was not common at all in that time. It's one thing to be an ethical, idealistic person, but it is quite another to be self-aware. That's a whole other level of luxury to a person and to a relationship. He knows how much he sucks at the marriage game, and he knows she knows, too. He reeks of guilt.
She's guilty of being young and theoretical in her youth and immaturity in her preachiness. One of the ways her character is growing, even if it feels in a negative direction, is that maturing into less theoretical and more pragmatic...and also coming circle to honor who she is. Sure, she could live a puritanical life of unhappiness, but that would be going backwards into the household of her youth. As a young girl, she wasn't capable of that. She ran from her father and that life. She couldn't be a caged wild animal. She still cannot be. I think she would be willing to try harder and longer if the cost/benefit calculated. Do I applaud her for adultery? No, but given the time, her make-up, and Ross's behavior, she hasn't harmed any of my expectations of her. I have no less respect for her. A great person once said, "Everything's a situation." I haven't read the books, and because so much of this story isn't true to the period, for most of this season, I've expected them to adopt a "don't ask. don't tell." verbal agreement. An open marriage in the 18th century? As if. I really have. It's one of the luxuries of being willy-nilly anachronistic, as this story is. In such chaos, morality becomes relative.
The book in which the adultery occurs is MUCH different than the show. There is not the antagonism between Ross and Demelza that we see on the show. Ross understands why Demelza is infatuated with Hugh but he believes that he can still trust her. I admit, when I read what she and Hugh did, I had to put the book aside for about a month. It was too triggering for me to deal with (because it reminded me of my now ex-husband's infidelity). Also, I think Hugh is despicable for doing what he did. Ross saved his life. And how does he repay him? By aggressively going after his wife. Demelza tried to put him off several times and Hugh didn't relent. He had no business doing what he did.
Demelza was actually packed and ready to leave after Ross's adultery. Only him begging her for another chance led her to stay and work on the marriage. So yes, she could have left - indeed, she nearly did.
I'm disappointed that the show's writer decided to "spice things up" in the show instead of following the book. Actually, I'm upset with Winston Graham himself because I've read all the books (I have about four left) and this is totally out of Demelza's character, to commit adultery with Hugh. I know Graham wrote this book 20 years after the original books, so maybe that had something to do with it.