What to do when they just don't get it

[RJCNTX]

When I say "they" of course, you may read into that WIFE.

Who here has to deal with a wife that just doesn't understand your "deal with hats"? To put it gently, my wife thinks they do not look good. Now, this hasn't stopped me from picking up a few hats to start off my modest collection but she just doesn't understand why I need another hat or why I like to wear them. Not to mention she also doesn't like when I wear them around her. This attitude has slowly taken over my 8 year old daughter.

Thankfully, my 4 yr old son is still in the mimic dad mode and so loves my hats. So I'm starting him off early!

At this point, I have decided to ease my wife into it. I wear my hats to work and occassionally wear them out and about when we go to functions. I figure I can get her used to them over time.

Does anyone else have to deal with this at home? How do y'all handle it. It is mildly funny at this point but I can see this turning into an issue if attitudes don't change and I want to start investing in the more quality (ie: $$$) hats.

 

[MattJH]

It's just a hat. It's not important enough to cause potential stress, is it?

 

[Red McCutcheon]

f

How unfortunate. Mrs. McCutcheon had long suggested I wear a hat--not, hopefully, because my hair is skanky--and now that I've obliged her, she likes it very much. If she hated hats as much as your wife apparently does, I don't think I'd wear one around her.

 

[SinatraStyle]

Ha ha, my wife is the same way, although she has started to get used to them. Give your wife some time. Hats are definitely not the norm nowadays, so it may her a while to get used to them. Summer in Dallas can be quite warm, so she may realize the practicality of a straw hat next summer.

 

[K.D. Lightner]

I feel your pain. I moved from San Diego two years ago to live with my elderly mother in Des Moines, Iowa. Not too many fedora wearers here.

She likes my newsboy caps, but hates fedoras. Whenever I put one on to go out the door, she wants me to take it off and wear something else.
I said to her, "You came from an era when men and women wore hats all the time. Why don't you like them?"

Turns out she likes all those cute hats women wore in the 30's and 40's, but hates the fedoras, which she calls "cowboy hats." I thought it might be because she didn't like seeing a woman in one ("Too mannish" she will say when she sees a woman wearing what she considers men's wear). But ... she didn't even like them on my father, and he looked divine in them.

Some folks just don't like hats. I dislike most ballcaps, which, of course, is the hat of choice in Iowa. Men even wear them in restaurants and younger men are still wearing them backwards here, a style that went out the door a decade ago in San Diego.

I wear my fedoras when mother is not around, sometimes alone in my house or going out to a mall or casino. But not with her.

At least today she is wearing one of my stocking caps. Thank goodness for cold weather.

karol

 

[jake_fink]

My wife only objected when the money was flying out the window and hats were magically appearing. And she objects to my boater.

Anyway, that's why divorce was invneted, so a fella could curl up with his hats and do away with the pesky old trouble-and-strife.

 

[Havana]

Luckily, my spouse does like my hats. That makes things so much easier. All of my friends and coworkers have come to accept them and the response is generally positive. I do have one life long friend who just can't seem to deal with it. I've been wearing western hats since age 8 and added fedoras to the mix at age 11. I'm now in my 30's. This one guys has been my good friend all these years but everytime he sees me he asks why I'm wearing that hat or if I intend to wear it when we go somewhere. He always has to say something about it even though he's seen me consistently wear them for 20 plus years.
Some people are just freakishly uncomfortable about others wearing hats. I guess they see it as some kind of outlandish costume accessory like wearing a Kaiser helmet or pirate hat. I don't know. Some people will just never accept it. Good luck to you if your spouse is such a person. My only advice is to discuss it with her and ask what kind of hat she thinks would look good on you. I hope she won't say none.

 

[HamletJSD]

Mrs. Hamlet (Ophelia is her handle on such boards, naturally) is somewhere between acceptance and hatred, I think lol

She lets me buy the hats and is happy that I am so happy with them, but I still get the "Another hat?" look and the "You are NOT going to (insert random someplace) with a hat on!" statements.

One thing I have found that helps A LOT is to include her in the selection/dressing process. I may want to wear a specific brown hat, but I ask for her opinion and generally take it. If she thinks black will go better, so be it! I still get to wear a hat and she is content thinking that I look less goofy for having listened to her advice.

Dumbjaw is right, though, as I am sure you know. If it starts to become a problem just hang up your hats. It's not worth stressing out a marriage.

Good luck!!!

 

[Bud-n-Texas]

My condolences to those that have a spouse that wants to go so far as to dominate what or what not, you put on your head. I have been blessed with a very supportive spouse. She does not wear hats even though I would love to see her in one. She is the type of lady, that gets up everyday and does her hair and makeup. It matters not if she is staying at home all day, or working in her rose gardens. Looking good is a priority and she dos not want to mess up her hair with a hat, so that is where we stand. We have always indulged the others wants, so long as they do not interfere with "our" needs. My hats are looked upon much like her roses, they are not a need, but a want. A question I might ask of the men is, do you support her "wants"? Maybe being supportive of her wants might allow you support in your wants.

 

[epic610]

Hou about this?

many women have a predisposition to anything that detracts attention away from them.

 

[Vintage Betty]

::: peeks in the room :::

Are wives allowed to comment?

As a long-time hat wearer also married to a man who does care for hats, I also include him in the selection process.

Is this a cloche dinner, or do you think my stingy is better for a less formal look? Sometimes he tells me to forgetaboutit, and I agree.

Also, I make a game of it (fun for your kids). "Oooh! Look at the great Fedora on that guy! Wonder where he bought it? What do you think?" or... "Can you believe that woman wore that pillbox hat with that off the shoulder dress? Do you think it looks ok?" Ad naseum...

What's happening now is that he is pointing out hats to me, and is a little more flexible in me wearing them too. And he critiques my hats, including mentioning ones I should give away on the Lounge, instead of keeping them.

Just my .01.

:::waves:::

Thanks for letting me in the room! Hope it works out ok.

VB

 

[RJCNTX]

As I think about it, I think the main thing is that she is just embarrassed at this point when I'm with her and wearing a hat. While I have loved hats for a while, buying and wearing them is very recent.

I'm slowly pointing out when I see the celebs wearing a hat because that helps with her.

 

[jake_fink]

As I think about it, I think the main thing is that she is just embarrassed at this point when I'm with her and wearing a hat. While I have loved hats for a while, buying and wearing them is very recent.

I'm slowly pointing out when I see the celebs wearing a hat because that helps with her.

Better yet, become a celeb, even a local celebrity (it's good for a few drinks or a free haircut now and then).

 

[sphughes]

My 12 year old son doesn't like me to wear anything other than a baseball cap, so of course I wear my one and only Banjo Patterson around him every chance I get. As soon as my collection becomes even marginally modest, I will wear those around him as well. You'd think he would have learned by now.......

My wife thinks the hat makes me look older (I'm 47) but she will adapt and come around. She humors me about things and then gets used to them. I expect a Bogart from my in-laws for Christmas and I have an order placed in line for one of Art's customs.

-Scott

 

[J. M. Stovall]

I started out wearing my wife's grandfathers hats that he gave me about 10 years ago, so she was on board from the beginning.

 

[RJCNTX]

I started out wearing my wife's grandfathers hats that he gave me about 10 years ago, so she was on board from the beginning.

Nice to see there is at least one other hat lover in Houston.

BTW, have you found any good local sources for vintage hats around Houston?

 

[Serge]

Divorce!

I am getting a divorce from a women that hates my hats. Not goetting divorced simply because the hats, but that kind of symbolizes our relationship.
How will I celebrated? A new hat from Art is in the works!

 

[Prairie Shade]

Anonymous without one

My wife said she doesnt recognize me without a hat. She has seen me in so many hats she has lost count and actually tells me what looks good and what doesnt in her opinion. The only ones that are rejects to her are the Stingy Brims. Want to know her favorite? Boss of the Plains. Says it has personality. Whenever we go anywhere, I'm wearing a straw or a felt depending on season. Partially for medical reasons, and mostly because I enjoy wearing a hat. Tops off a wardrobe whether its a suit or jeans and a jacket, even overalls when gardening. As for the hatless crowd, its a free country. I attended a funeral last winter and wore my fedora at the graveside. Large pieces of snow were falling from the thawing trees above pelting the mourners on the head, not yours truly because I had my cover (grey fedora) which I did remove during the prayer. I have actually worn my hats backwards similar to baseball caps referenced above. It was because I got in a hurry and most people couldnt tell anyway. Guess I didnt make a statement.

 

[J. M. Stovall]

Nice to see there is at least one other hat lover in Houston.

BTW, have you found any good local sources for vintage hats around Houston?

Not really. I bought a couple over the years at the MidCentury Market that they hold at Lawndale Art Center every year. Once I found one that fit me at The Way We Wore. Never any at thrift stores. Antique stores sometimes have some, like especially at Carolyn Thompson's Antique Center. It's pretty much hit and miss.

 

[ShortClara]

many women have a predisposition to anything that detracts attention away from them.

I'll peek in to say what an incredibly demeaning thing to say and assume. Many people of both genders are attention hogs - what does it have to do with women in particular?