What missed opportunities do you regret?

[Ticklishchap]

Question for a rainy afternoon, as it is here in London. Have any of you been offered any professional or leisure opportunities that you have later regretted not taking up?

To start the discussion: I enjoyed being in the officers' training corps at my boarding school and thought seriously about joining the Army or Navy for a few years, but decided not to and went off in a more academic direction. In many ways, I regret this now, because of the fellowship, tradition, history, etc.

Have you any similar regrets?

 

[Hercule]

Back 36 some-odd years ago when I was in junior high going into high school I developed an interest in mechanical drawing/architecture that I've always regretted not pursuing. Oh how life would have been different...

 

[Ticklishchap]

Back 36 some-odd years ago when I was in junior high going into high school I developed an interest in mechanical drawing/architecture that I've always regretted not pursuing. Oh how life would have been different...

Any chance of returning to that interest now?

 

[AmateisGal]

I applied to go to graduate school at the College of William and Mary. In my submission packet, I had forgotten to include a letter of reference.

I never got around to sending that letter of reference because I met my future husband. We were married within the year and 9 months after our wedding, we had my daughter (who is now 15).

My life would have been radically different had I sent that letter and been accepted. Do I regret it? Not really, though sometimes I do wonder what might have been.

 

[tonyb]

I have sooooo many regrets, when I allow myself to entertain them, that I couldn't possibly recall each and every one.

But I remind myself that I can't undo what's already been done. Which is not to say that reflecting on lost opportunities is necessarily a waste of time and energy. If doing so helps me recognize when an opportunity that ought to be exploited presents itself, well, that's all to the good.

 

[LizzieMaine]

I have regrets for certain things I've *done* -- but not for anything I didn't do. And at the same time, I realize that if I hadn't done any of the things I've done, I wouldn't be the person I am now. Pick at one loose thread, and before you know it you've unraveled the whole sweater.

 

[Hercule]

Any chance of returning to that interest now?

Sadly no. I'm in my early 50s and am too busy trying to make up for the failed career in the field I did go into. Complicate that with family concerns and everything is just peachy, but, I'm working on it.

 

[Fading Fast]

I have regrets for certain things I've *done* -- but not for anything I didn't do. And at the same time, I realize that if I hadn't done any of the things I've done, I wouldn't be the person I am now. Pick at one loose thread, and before you know it you've unraveled the whole sweater.

I think about this in a similar fashion. I sometimes think - if I had done this (taken a different job offer 10,15 or 20 years ago than the one I did at the time), then this might have happened, but I immediately think about how much that job shaped who I am and the experiences I had in life - the people I met. The same thing in the personal realm - if I had not broken up with / or had married her, etc., what would I / my life be like, but I would be a different person both in practical terms and in who I've become as a person in total. And I don't want to mess with that as, despite challenges and problems (and plenty of work still to be done to become a better person), I like who I am, where I'm at and what I've learned and experienced versus who I was and where I was in life before those experiences.

And like Lizzie, I believe that it is all of those accumulated experiences that make me who I am - mess with one (a butterfly flapping its wings...) and who knows.

N.B. to AmateisGal: from your book, your blog, to your post, to your anecdotal stories about your husband and daughter, from my (acknowledged narrow) view into your world, you have much to be proud of. While a graduate degree can be great - the things you have and have done are quite impressive.

 

[ingineer]

Not a regret but sometimes i wonder if i should have gone to MIT, many of the Salesians @ Don Bosco endorsed me and actually petitioned my parents.
Instead i had a scholarship at UMO and had the the references from some ChemEs alumni.
Thus got my degrees there
Plus i knew Harry and Cora in a town that does not exist anymore Greenfield ME were i could stay cheap at the hunting cabins.
Hunting, skiing, fishing, parachute club, Outdoor club, the ability to audit as many courses as i wanted for free, Forestry, Astronomy
The ability to play with actual machinery: paper machines, motors, lab equipment,computers, etc.
But when looking for work far away, “Maine?, we don't know that school” But what does it matter , no ring with a beaver on it. Who cares.

 

[Harp]

I declined an offer from Kirkland&Ellis, a very blue chip Chicago law firm. And left the Law. Stare decisis, but I sometimes wonder.

 

[Stanley Doble]

Turned down the chance to join the football team and a bodybuilding club in high school. I had no interest in sports or fitness. Sometimes I wonder if my life would be different if I had gotten involved in sports.

 

[Stanley Doble]

Also had the chance to take part in a stock investing program at my first job, where the company matched your contributions. So, basically buying dollar bills for 50 cents. I turned it down because I did not understand it. At least, I understood but couldn't see the catch (there wasn't one).

At the time the stock was $20 a share so I could have bought all I wanted at $10. About ten years later the company was taken over at a price of $140 a share.

 

[Nobert]

I don't exactly regret not going to college, although it means I now can't hold down a job that doesn't involve cleaning toilets. I do sometimes, I suppose I regret being such a dismal student that the guidance councilors just threw up their hands and said, "you're on your own, kid." I regret not trying to do something with my life sooner, some opportunities I squandered back in the 90s, when the economy was actually good enough for there to be any.

 

[AmateisGal]

N.B. to AmateisGal: from your book, your blog, to your post, to your anecdotal stories about your husband and daughter, from my (acknowledged narrow) view into your world, you have much to be proud of. While a graduate degree can be great - the things you have and have done are quite impressive.

Thank you. I did end up going back to school and getting my graduate degree in history, but I just went to our state university instead of Virginia. My daughter was two when I did that. I was very blessed to be able to be a stay-at-home mom for as long as I did - about two years.

Like you, I firmly believe that the path I've taken, the choices I've made, good and bad, have shaped me into the person I am. And I'm pretty happy with the person I am.

 

[Nobert]

Not a regret but sometimes i wonder if i should have gone to MIT, many of the Salesians @ Don Bosco endorsed me and actually petitioned my parents.
Instead i had a scholarship at UMO and had the the references from some ChemEs alumni.
Thus got my degrees there
Plus i knew Harry and Cora in a town that does not exist anymore Greenfield ME were i could stay cheap at the hunting cabins.
Hunting, skiing, fishing, parachute club, Outdoor club, the ability to audit as many courses as i wanted for free, Forestry, Astronomy
The ability to play with actual machinery: paper machines, motors, lab equipment,computers, etc.
But when looking for work far away, “Maine?, we don't know that school” But what does it matter , no ring with a beaver on it. Who cares.

I've heard U.M.O. is a pretty good school (albeit mostly from my Dad, who used to teach there, so consider the source). Phooey to prestige, say I.

 

[LizzieMaine]

I don't exactly regret not going to college, although it means I now can't hold down a job that doesn't involve cleaning toilets. I do sometimes, I suppose I regret being such a dismal student that the guidance councilors just threw up their hands and said, "you're on your own, kid." I regret not trying to do something with my life sooner, some opportunities I squandered back in the 90s, when the economy was actually good enough for there to be any.

There was a time when I regretted not going to college, but I look back at my life and realize I've done everything I ever really wanted to do without having done so, so what, exactly, is there to regret?

I never had "making a spitload of money" as my life goal, so there really isn't any disappointment over not having done so, and I have the satisfaction of never having had to violate my conscience for the sake of a job. That, to me, is worth more than all the money in the world. I have all the posessions I've ever needed, I have close friends I care deeply about, and I'm living exactly where I want to be living, doing a job that, for all its long hours and irritations, I really enjoy. So who needs anything more?

 

[Ticklishchap]

Plus i knew Harry and Cora in a town that does not exist anymore Greenfield ME were i could stay cheap at the hunting cabins.
.

Richard,
Could you explain how/why the town 'no longer exists'. Towns often decline but rarely disappear altogether unless they are swallowed up by cities.

You obviously enjoyed a great outdoor life as a student.

 

[HudsonHawk]

I regret not learning to switch hit in baseball. I had more than one scout tell me "I got 500 guys just like you, but I got 5 that can hit left handed". I coulda been somebody!!

 

[tonyb]

My sister-in-law, reflecting on the loss of her husband (my brother), observed that she wished she hadn't taken so long to take to heart what he had advised her many years earlier: Be happy with what you have.

This is not to say that a person shouldn't strive, but to appreciate what he or she already has, before it is gone. For someday, it will be gone.

 

[Edward]

I have regrets for certain things I've *done* -- but not for anything I didn't do. And at the same time, I realize that if I hadn't done any of the things I've done, I wouldn't be the person I am now. Pick at one loose thread, and before you know it you've unraveled the whole sweater.

I kinda wish I'd made a go of the acting, professionally, when I was younger. Life would certainly have been very different then - it's certainly notg a financially sound career forf all but the very, very few, and I don't have the mindset to manage without a reliable income. The mortgage certainly puts that out the window for the foreseeable. That said, I was always a character player anyhow, which doesn't have an age limit in the way some others do, so I'll probably fall into it again in future.

Otherwise, yes, my real regrets are all things I've done. Given a time machine, I'd certainly prevent most of the relationships I've had, which were a waste of time. Can't honestly say I gained anything from most of them. I'm sure there are a few fashion howlers I'd correct too. Spiking the hair in the mid eighties. That sort of nonsense.