Vintage Things That Have Disappeared In Your Lifetime?

[HudsonHawk]

⇧ More than anything, the male - female "experience" difference doesn't make sense to me.

A friend of mine (and I'm just going to say it), not a particularly good looking guy, sadly lost his wife to cancer in his early 40s and he had women knocking down the door - and some very attractive ones - to get to him.

One of my girlfriend's best friend, is a very nice, very (very) attractive 47 year old woman who can't even find anyone to go out with.

And similar stories to these repeat themselves in my life regularly.

What I don't get is why men and women have such different experiences in their 40s and 50s.

Speaking from my own experience as a "eh, you'll do" guy, not unattractive, but certainly not a matinee idol: When I was 25-30ish, it was nearly impossible to find women my age, but boy let me tell you about the 35-50 year old women who threw themselves at me. And I'm not bragging, that's just the way it was. I was reasonably attractive (at least not hideous), had a steady job, and didn't live in my parents' basement. Apparently that's a prize. I will say though, that I know single men my age, 45-55, and to put it simply, I've been shocked at the younger girls out there who apparently have a "daddy thing". Not that I want to be part of that, but now at least I know where all the 25 year old women were back in the day.

I got married at 35 (to a woman I'd known since we were 20, but hadn't dated that whole time), and had pretty much had enough of the dating scene. I'm now in the same camp as Sheeplady...dating today would be far too exhausting. I'd likely have to stay up past 9:30, and what if she didn't like baseball? No thanks.

 

[HudsonHawk]

Around here the one mixed-marriage taboo is a Red Sox fan marrying a Yankee fan. It rarely works out and most people know better than even to try.

Religious differences can doom a marriage. It's one thing if one of you is a dunker and the other a sprinkler...that can be overcome. But "sorry...you're a Red Sox fan, and I'm a National League man...it could never work".

 

[Fading Fast]

... I'd likely have to stay up past 9:30, and what if she didn't like baseball? No thanks.

You got an out-loud chuckle from me with this line.

One of my good friends - a mid-40s woman who has all but given up - says something similar to what you said, which is that the reasonable single men in their 40s or 50s (okay looking, okay job, okay personality - not matinee idols, not millionaires, just normal "not crazy" guys) have no problem attracting women 10 or even 20 years their junior, which, in her opinion, is why she has so few options.

I am 52 and average is how I'd describe my looks and I absolutely do not try to attract / flirt with / get attention of women out of respect to my girlfriend and to the woman that might mistake me for being available, but still, while far from every day, but regularly, women younger than me open a conversation, etc. Happened in the Post Office the other day and it took me a moment to realize what was happening as I was still trying to get my pre-paid box all sorted out.

 

[Harp]

But "sorry...you're a Red Sox fan, and I'm a National League man...it could never work".

I knew a girl who was perturbed at me because I liked sports and classical music, opera, ballet, fine art-even more than she-which meant reciprocity
in sharing sports with her more refined tastes. Seven ballet performances always seemed to equal a single baseball game.
I can still hear her say "it's not fair."

 

[HudsonHawk]

One of my good friends - a mid-40s woman who has all but given up - says something similar to what you said, which is that the reasonable single men in their 40s or 50s (okay looking, okay job, okay personality - not matinee idols, not millionaires, just normal "not crazy" guys) have no problem attracting women 10 or even 20 years their junior, which, in her opinion, is why she has so few options.

The problem with this is that 20-30 year old women is where all the crazy is at. I would never want to be a 50 year old man with a 25 year old woman, no matter good looking she was.

 

[Fading Fast]

The problem with this is that 20-30 year old women is where all the crazy is at. I would never want to be a 50 year old man with a 25 year old woman, no matter good looking she was.

As I alluded to in an earlier post, I remember many of my women friends - when we were all in our 30s - changing and becoming very marriage focused. Looking back - and it's not something I thought a lot about at the time - several of them did marry older men (5 - 10 years older, not 20) as they said, those were the men that wanted to get married.

I can't image dating again - and since my girlfriend has promised to "haunt you from the beyond if you do*, I'd be scared to - but I really can't image dating someone in their 20s. The odds of us connecting on life experiences and outlook would be very small and, to be honest, I think I'd be a bit embarrassed.

* She is kidding (I think)

 

[tonyb]

You got an out-loud chuckle from me with this line.

One of my good friends - a mid-40s woman who has all but given up - says something similar to what you said, which is that the reasonable single men in their 40s or 50s (okay looking, okay job, okay personality - not matinee idols, not millionaires, just normal "not crazy" guys) have no problem attracting women 10 or even 20 years their junior, which, in her opinion, is why she has so few options.

I am 52 and average is how I'd describe my looks and I absolutely do not try to attract / flirt with / get attention of women out of respect to my girlfriend and to the woman that might mistake me for being available, but still, while far from every day, but regularly, women younger than me open a conversation, etc. Happened in the Post Office the other day and it took me a moment to realize what was happening as I was still trying to get my pre-paid box all sorted out.

It only gets worse, or better, depending on your perspective.

If you remain minimally presentable into your 60s, you'll find that you can't go to the supermarket without some old gal (meaning a woman your own age, more or less) chatting you up.

Harmless fun, in my book. And if it gives either or both parties a little lift, what the hell. It isn't that you're running off to Notel Motel.

 

[Fading Fast]

It only gets worse, or better, depending on your perspective.

If you remain minimally presentable into your 60s, you'll find that you can't go to the supermarket without some old gal (meaning a woman your own age, more or less) chatting you up.

Harmless fun, in my book. And if it gives either or both parties a little lift, what the hell. It isn't that you're running off to Notel Motel.

I think it was in "Shocking Revelations About Your GE Era Relatives" or some such thread, but I posted that not all 60-year-olds "encounters" are so innocent.

My very "proper" grandmother carried on an active affair with her very married male friend well into her seventies.

I only learned this from my mother years after all relevant parties were dead, but it was a Holy Cats moment (although, only after knowing the truth, could I see looking back that the signs were all there - I was just too young - she died when I was still in grammar school - to pick up on them).

 

[HudsonHawk]

As I alluded to in an earlier post, I remember many of my women friends - when we were all in our 30s - changing and becoming very marriage focused. Looking back - and it's not something I thought a lot about at the time - several of them did marry older men (5 - 10 years older, not 20) as they said, those were the men that wanted to get married.

I can't image dating again - and since my girlfriend has promised to "haunt you from the beyond if you do*, I'd be scared to - but I really can't image dating someone in their 20s. The odds of us connecting on life experiences and outlook would be very small and, to be honest, I think I'd be a bit embarrassed.

* She is kidding (I think)

My wife has a 20-something friend who is my resource for all references to pop culture. I routinely have to ask her "what does this mean?", or "who is this person I've never heard of?" She's often brutally frank. I get embarrassed some times.

 

[Fading Fast]

My wife has a 20-something friend who is my resource for all references to pop culture. I routinely have to ask her "what does this mean?", or "who is this person I've never heard of?" She's often brutally frank. I get embarrassed some times.

Oh God yes. I'm very current on my business (which bores almost all women to tears), reasonably up on technology (not great "romantic" conversation there), ditto sports, but on pop culture, they'd need a "daddy complex" because that's how'd I'd come off to them as I assume Britney Spears is no longer a 20 year olds idea of a current pop star .

 

[tonyb]

My wife has a 20-something friend who is my resource for all references to pop culture. I routinely have to ask her "what does this mean?", or "who is this person I've never heard of?" She's often brutally frank. I get embarrassed some times.

I had to be told who George Michael was. I had heard the name before, and if I had to guess I would have guessed he was a pop singer. But I learned more about him in the 12 hours following the announcement of his death than I had in the 53 years of his life.

 

[tonyb]

I think it was in "Shocking Revelations About Your GE Era Relatives" or some such thread, but I posted that not all 60-year-olds "encounters" are so innocent.

My very "proper" grandmother carried on an active affair with her very married male friend well into her seventies.

I only learned this from my mother years after all relevant parties were dead, but it was a Holy Cats moment (although, only after knowing the truth, could I see looking back that the signs were all there - I was just too young - she died when I was still in grammar school - to pick up on them).

Oh, there's no doubt there's lots of hanky-panky going on among the older set. ED medications have come along just in time for this most recent generation of geriatrics.

As to extramarital affairs ...

Yeah, how couldn't you know? Especially in the case of an ongoing affair? Willful ignorance, I suppose.

 

[BlueTrain]

Sometimes I think we keep the generations apart more than we used to, probably beginning in the 1950s when rock and roll music (This is your music, kids!) appeared, although just as easily ten years earlier with the bobbysoxers. I'm not suggesting there were intimate relationships between people twenty years apart in age, senators and congressmen excepted but more entertainment may have had a broader appeal than it does now. Could be totally wrong, though.

 

[ChrisB]

Perhaps the reason for the different dating experiences of men and women who are 50+ is due to the shorter life span of men? As a generation ages more men than women will die, so the proportion of females will increase.

 

[LizzieMaine]

And so will the population of cats.

 

[sheeplady]

I've found that in couples where two members are different ages or any really large differences, there is often something that makes them average in the middle. For instance, if a marriage works between someone who is 25 and 50 it's typically because the younger is more like 35 and the older is more like 40 in maturity.

Cue my experience with the house flipper who moved in next door to us once who was quite handsome (not my type) and quite well built while his wife was quite overweight and not nearly as good looking. Always sweet as pie to me, "Honey, if you were my wife you wouldn't have to work that hard" when he saw me weeding once. He spent the rest of the same afternoon screaming profanities and calling his wife names in the front yard because she was stacking gutting waste "incorrectly" at the side of the road. He was married three times, no wonder, his wife seemed too smart and nice for him.

Honestly I felt like smacking him more than once and actually said once to his wife that she didn't deserve that type of abuse when he was out of ear shot. Now I'd tell him to, well you know.

 

[Zombie_61]

I can't image dating again - and since my girlfriend has promised to "haunt you from the beyond if you do*, I'd be scared to - but I really can't image dating someone in their 20s. The odds of us connecting on life experiences and outlook would be very small and, to be honest, I think I'd be a bit embarrassed.

* She is kidding (I think)

I agree. Sometimes when I talk with people (both men and women) who are only 10 years younger than I am it's as if I've somehow entered another dimension because their mindset is very different from mine, and the younger they get the worse it gets. I'm not saying it's impossible to maintain a relationship with someone who is out of your "age range" ("experience range" would probably be a more accurate term), but there has to be some common ground to build that relationship on and as I get older I find that common ground getting smaller and smaller. If I somehow lost my wife, I'd probably end up being the "weird old widower/divorcée" in the neighborhood because I have no idea how I'd go about "dating" these days.

 

[tmal]

Religious differences can doom a marriage. It's one thing if one of you is a dunker and the other a sprinkler...that can be overcome. But "sorry...you're a Red Sox fan, and I'm a National League man...it could never work".

Red Sox fans, like cousins in Appalachia,are a special case.

 

[BlueTrain]

I'm from West Virginia and not everything you hear about Appalachia is true. Most of it is, though.

 

[Harp]

I'd be greeted by them in my 30's (usually through one of those out of the blue phone calls) with the question, "Do you know a really good divorce lawyer?" Now, I really don't wish an anti-social, abusive, unfaithful, and/ or alcohol/ drug addicted spouse on anyone.. but there was always a sense of karma coming home to roost in that particular scenario. What was really sad was when a kid or kids were in the middle of it- sometimes a kid brought into the world with the hope of "saving" a failing marriage.

I have advised several women when they requested a legal opinion and the majority listened with deaf ears only to return and repeat their initial query.