Unwanted attentions?

[Flicka]

Those are big reasons why I have nothing to do with Facebook, texting, and such things: there are people in my past I'd just as soon not hear from, and there are people in my present I want to be sure stay at arms length.

Which is why I started a FB under a pseudonym recently. I ended up not using my 'real' one as I had exes, old school friends and members of my family I don't much like on there and it made me horribly self-conscious. I also got requests from people I know professionally which kinda freaked me out since I like to keep my personal and my professional life separate. On the new one I only have my sisters, close friends and people in the "vintage" community and I can be as corny as I want.

I never got unwanted attention online actually, unless you count people pestering me to crit their fiction, which I don't. But if I did, they'd likely never contact me again, as I'm very harsh.

 

[Miss Moonlight]

My idea of unwanted attention starts with people I don't know talking to me. It makes dressing as I want to a choice between not being noticed and just being myself. People seem to think that if you look different- be it vintage, goth, or whatever- it means you want attention. People told me this often in high school. They were wrong.

Add to this that my daughter gets a ridiculous amount of attention, and sometimes I just want to cover us both up. But, I'd be setting the worst example about letting others choose for you.

In regard to the stalkery types... I rarely use my real name online, and rarely my face. Gives them nothing to go on.

 

[Mojito]

I've had a couple of very ugly experiences with online contacts in research circles that turned into real-life contacts. One was a chap who stalked me to the point of calling me continually at work - by the time I left that job, my colleagues had to screen my calls for me and when I moved I had an unlisted phone number. The other was a disturbing and disturbed person who went from being a friend (I'd even met and had dinner with him among a group of other researchers a couple of times) to hating me bitterly when I didn't take his side in an argument. He made some accusations that had me considering legal action as they could have affected my professional reputation (he claimed that I, and a group of others he disliked, had sent him death threats), he tried to get the institution where I work to publish a review of his self-published work and accused me of "blocking" it when they did not do so, and he attacked me online - rather than attempt to criticise my published research, he denigrated me as a "dollybird" and similar gendered slurs. I never even saw some of the worst of it, as most of the times he attacked me it would be removed - I know he once wrote something about me so vile that even people who aligned on the same side of the debate as him were writing me emails saying how shocked they were and distancing themselves. Glad I never saw what it was, as it must have been pretty vicious. He pretty much alienated everyone in our field and I know that there were others looking into legal action against him...on the one hand I could have felt sorry for him because (as he frequently told everyone) he suffered clinical depression, but on the other hand he used that to excuse his behaviour, only some of which I've outlined. I never understood the depth of the personal venom he directed at me, but my friends have their theories - as one who observed him at one of the dinners we attended put it, he was interested in being more than just friends.

 

[MissNathalieVintage]

No one here has ever harassed me or made me uncomfortable. I am very grateful for that.

However, when I had profiles on twitter, myspace, and a profile on a fan site. It was fun, being able to chat with people who shared the same interest as me. Suddenly it was no longer fun being on twitter, myspace, fan sites, and facebook. It began to be very uncomfortable having a profile on these sites. There were a lot of strange people asking me to friend add them to my friend list. Especially on facebook (I deleted my facebook, twitter, myspace, and fan page accounts years ago). I agree with Flika. When I was on facebook I hated every second of it. The sheer fact that my real name and people I knew in real life were my facebook friends. Just knowing anybody with a computer or cell phone with internet could easily find me and my real information on facebook, is very uncomfortable for me.

Then one day my E-mail was stolen and deleted. Do to my E-mail being stolen/deleted. It took me one year to prove that I was the real person in order to have the web site remove my twitter profile. I never every want to go through that again.
Lesson learned:
keep E-mail safe and have a back up plan incase it becomes stolen.

I later learned when I had my myspace profile removed. Someone re-opened another myspace profile using my myspace username and photograph which was a photo of the real me. I asked myspace to remove the fake myspace profile and thankfully myspace did.

Someone also used my E-mail to sign me up for E-mail updates to a fan page I never signed up for.

As I live and breath. I will never ever sign up for facebook, fan site, myspace, or twitter profiles ever again.

Also during all of this I was indeed gang stalked in real life (Currently I am no longer being gang stalked). When I learned I was being gang stalked I made it a point to tell my family, friends, co-workers, and my church. I did file a police report, too. Thankfully people believed me and thanks to my faith in Jesus. I survived and did not hide. Plus going through this made me stronger. I do not wish this on anyone. And if you or anyone you know is telling you they are being harassed or stalked do yourself and the person you know a favor. Listen to them and do not be afraid to tell people no matter what. This is a very serious matter of life and death.


Still in my daily life I do get stared at a lot do to my dressing vintage. Even before I was stalked I would get stared at. I learned to live with being stared at before and after being stalked. I still and will always dress vintage.