The School Bully

[carebear]

I wasn't top of the class, weak, specky, acne marked, foreign, rich, ginger, fat, or skinny. Is one or more of these the common denominator for victim selection by the bully?

Predators always seek out the weak or different, they catch the eye. Add to that the fact that most kids desperately want to be "normal" or just like everyone else. If you aren't "normal", you are usually the most aware of it of anyone around. If it causes you to walk around eyes downcast and timid, you look like nothing so much as prey (the same as with adults in the real world I might add).

The scheme described above sounds good, but based on my crim. background I would question their high success rates. There are a lot of alternative justice ideas that "work", but only because you in essence "cherry-pick" your participants. The real hard-cases, the ones for whom empathy is totally foreign, are never allowed into the program to skew the numbers.

The program presupposes a basically decent kid who isn't truly being violent or abusive, merely harassing, and just doesn't "get" what he's doing. It avoids the question of the growing number of amoral little sociopaths who have no foundation of decency (due to an absence of decent early rearing) or community to appeal to.

Not to say it isn't worth doing for little Johnny-gone-astray, but none of these ideas are panaceas for the real dangerous types and it is poor science and policy to pretend they are.

 

[oswulf]

My school had it's fair share of bullies, but for the most part they were rank amateurs compared to the one I had at home. There were a few incidents but I may have had a reputation from junior high as being a little nuts if pushed too far so mostly they found someone else to mess with.

Still plenty of them around schools today though. My oldest daughter (11) had a lot of trouble with one boy a couple years ago. He was grabbing her and touching her inappropriately, and she'd come home crying a lot. I took her aside and showed her the little trick of putting her hands on his shoulders, smiling, and then giving a nice hard shot to the jewels. Two days later this boy's mother calls us and complains about my daughter kicking him in the nuts. I confronted my daughter about it and she reluctantly admitted to doing it. (I had tried to teach her to avoid any conflict if at all possible, but this little brat just wouldn't leave her be.) She thought she was going to be in trouble, but I was sooooo proud of her, especially when the brat's mother brought him to my shop to confront me and my daughter came down to tell her side of the story. The mother was looking like she was going to thump him some more when they left. My daughter had no more trouble from him or anyone else after that, she has a rep. I could almost feel sorry for the little brat if he wasn't so thoroughly rotten, his family is one of those really screwed up ones that nobody escapes from unscathed.

I own a pawn shop and see almost daily people who obviously were school bullies come in for loans, sometimes they'll even try intimidating me into loaning them more than I'm willing to do. It gives me no end of pleasure to lowball these sorry excuses for humans. Plus I still can do crazy really well, nobody wants to mess with the crazy guy, especially the crazy guy with the gun store.lol

 

[Dr Doran]

The program presupposes a basically decent kid who isn't truly being violent or abusive, merely harassing, and just doesn't "get" what he's doing. It avoids the question of the growing number of amoral little sociopaths who have no foundation of decency (due to an absence of decent early rearing) or community to appeal to.

Not to say it isn't worth doing for little Johnny-gone-astray, but none of these ideas are panaceas for the real dangerous types and it is poor science and policy to pretend they are.

That is a good point. Perhaps its optimism is naive. Worth a try for starters, though. I think it would work better in a smaller, more insular community in which people are fairly homogeneous.

 

[PA Dancer]

Anybody that causes you any type of grief or abuse in life whether it be mental, physical, emotional, sexual, or verbal is not worth one ounce of a kind gesture from you.

Forget them and know...what goes around comes around.

 

[Diamondback]

Deterrence can be fun for dealing with 'em, too. Does no good afterward, but might help prevent things from happening in the future.

For example, I had most of my graduating class in high-school convinced I was a total raving psychopath... lol (In actuality, I only top-out at "borderline sociopath", but even then, I won't willingly harm someone who hasn't either done me nasty or made me believe they intend same first.)

See, being crazy can be fun! "I don't suffer from insanity, I savor every minute of it..."lol

 

[Viola]

Growing up I think I was under a certain amount of looking after from my best friend's older brother. In the neighborhood there were some guys who were aggressive/grabby/scary with girls who were preteens and young teens and he was far more deterrance than any dirty look I could manage.

 

[jamespowers]

In the neighborhood there were some guys who were aggressive/grabby/scary with girls who were preteens and young teens and he was far more deterrance than any dirty look I could manage.

Geez, that sentence makes me long for the days when the fathers of the neighborhood would take care of that problem really quick. When my father grew up in the 30s, things like that just didn't happen because everyone knew just where to go to deal with the local delinquents.
Aggressive/grabby/scary is just not acceptable. :rage:

 

[Viola]

I don't think I ever told my dad. "Hey dad the parking lot of the corner store is full of guys who tried to get me and [girlfriend] into a Camaro" wasn't a conversation I wanted to have at 14 because then he wouldn't have let me go to the store.

 

[PA Dancer]

The thing I noticed about bullys and abusers is that they usually hate themselves.
and as we all know that old saying "Misery love company"
I believe that is what they are trying to accomplish.

Mean people just hate happy people. It makes them nuts.

 

[jamespowers]

I don't think I ever told my dad. "Hey dad the parking lot of the corner store is full of guys who tried to get me and [girlfriend] into a Camaro" wasn't a conversation I wanted to have at 14 because then he wouldn't have let me go to the store.

That might have been a good idea though---not going there I mean. :eusa_doh: Those dopes could have been dangerous. You're starting to get a parent worried about the nuts out there. 14?! They would have ended up "legless" if it was my daughter. :rage:
I know, that's why you didn't tell your father too.

Regards,

J

 

[Paisley]

When I look back on them now, I think, "OMG, these people were weird." They've probably been in a depression clinic or a drunk tank at some time since we last met.

 

[Paisley]

I don't think I ever told my dad. "Hey dad the parking lot of the corner store is full of guys who tried to get me and [girlfriend] into a Camaro" ...

It would have somehow been my fault.

 

[Viola]

It would have somehow been my fault.

Aw. That's cruddy. My dad would have not blamed me but would have created all sorts of elaborate scenarios about how I could only go buy candy between noon and two pm on Sundays while in groups of no less than five girls.

"If you don't let me go MY BROTHER IS GOING TO KICK YOUR @SS!" seemed downright efficient by comparison. lol

My own brother was like four feet tall at the time though I'm sure he would have bit someone.

 

[Matt Noir]

I remember our school bully - he was an unusually large kid (6' 3" and about 250 lbs. in 9th grade) - by the time he was a junior he was even bigger - and he loved to pick on the smallest kids.

We had bench style lunch tables that butted together in the center. Kids would unconciously put their fingers in the gap between the two tables if they weren't fully butted against one another. This bully was known for coming up from behind people and leaning across the table and pulling the other table as hard as he could thus crushing people's finger tips.

He would also cut in front of people in line in the cafeteria - he would take food off of kid's trays when he walked by them - he would smack people's books out of their hands - he one time brought a dead squirrel in to school and put it in the locker of a kid in special education.

I saw him about 15 years after I graduated - and he was in pretty bad shape - he was very, very obese and was missing his leg just below the knee. I asked how he was doing - he wouldn't even look me in the eye - he just seemed so defeated - He told me that about 10 years prior he was trying to hop a freight train (lots of them where I am from) and he slipped and his leg fell under the car and he lost his leg below the knee.

I had always thought it would be nice to one day slam his fingers in between something - but after running in to him it seemed as if life wasn't that good for him and all thoughts I had of seeing him suffer someday had vanished in an instant.

 

[Paisley]

They would have ended up "legless" ...

Regards,

J

Oh, the irony...

 

[Matt Noir]

Oh, the irony...

Doh! I should have read the thread more closely.

 

[jamespowers]

Doh! I should have read the thread more closely.

No big deal. Just a coincidence that's all. [huh]

Regards,

J

 

[Diamondback]

Mr. Powers, have you been attempting a type of "problem-solving" best left to us professionals again? We don't like outside-the-trade competition much, you know...

lol

 

[jamespowers]

Mr. Powers, have you been attempting a type of "problem-solving" best left to us professionals again? We don't like outside-the-trade competition much, you know...

lol

Well then, you missed a grand opportunity in Viola's case.
Problem solving is one thing, someone getting what they deserve is another.

 

[Diamondback]

Problem with that, Mr. P: I'm retired, unless it's a "personal" matter.

And sometimes, the wheels of justice just need a little WD40 to help 'em turn...