The School Bully

[carebear]

Ah, you'll learn. You will be misconstrued here. Constantly. Willfully. In order, generally, to obfuscate your point when someone doesn't agree. And yes, smilies seem to be purely for the passive aggression which runs rampant in the OB. (Not to say that this has happened here, but it will.)

bk

Good point Baron

 

[Pilotguy299]

So I pose this question...If you were me, would you email the guy? What would you say if you did (keep it clean) ? I think that if I were to contact him, I'd let him know how I felt then, and hope that it helps him to see his own kids or students in a little different light.

Last reunion I went to it was amazing to see that all of the bullies or members of the in-crowd had in fact become lower than the people they had though were beneath them back in high school.

Don't waste your time emailing him for any reason.

Plan on going to the reunion, dressing to look as great and as fine you know you are, and have a fantastic time.

And if he comes by to say hi or strike up a conversation, don't drop to the level of bad behavior he exhibited in high school. If he's grown up, realizes it and behaves like a gentleman, that's good.

If not, just ignore him and remember that his sins will find their punishment in due time.


Anthony

 

[Dr Doran]

Last reunion I went to it was amazing to see that all of the bullies or members of the in-crowd had in fact become lower than the people they had though were beneath them back in high school.

Don't waste your time emailing him for any reason.

Plan on going to the reunion, dressing to look as great and as fine you know you are, and have a fantastic time.

And if he comes by to say hi or strike up a conversation, don't drop to the level of bad behavior he exhibited in high school. If he's grown up, realizes it and behaves like a gentleman, that's good.

If not, just ignore him and remember that his sins will find their punishment in due time.


Anthony

I think that is truly excellent advice, Anthony, although my sole quibble is that I am not convinced that punishment always finds offenders. But otherwise, I think your plan is the best I have heard. Look great, be polite. In a similar situation once, a friend of mine advised, "Just be James Bond and no one can fault you."

And Carebear, yes, I agree that the rude have no curb now that violence has been decreed unacceptable -- even between men of the same age and size. Something has been lost.

 

[Pilotguy299]

I think that is truly excellent advice, Anthony, although my sole quibble is that I am not convinced that punishment always finds offenders. But otherwise, I think your plan is the best I have heard. Look great, be polite. In a similar situation once, a friend of mine advised, "Just be James Bond and no one can fault you."

Doran,

Thanks for the Kudos. I know it may at times seem like the punishment doesn't always find the offenders, but I've seen it time and time again. Maybe a lot longer than we'd like to wait (in one case almost 27 years) , but it has always seemed to happen...

Anthony

 

[Dr Doran]

Doran,

Thanks for the Kudos. I know it may at times seem like the punishment doesn't always find the offenders, but I've seen it time and time again. Maybe a lot longer than we'd like to wait (in one case almost 27 years) , but it has always seemed to happen...

Anthony

Well, let's hope so. The only caveat I have is against a teleological view or the view that "God will punish them eventually so you needn't do anything." I think that attitude CAN (not always, but sometimes) beget a quietism plus a passive-aggressiveness and a hateful desire to see others suffer.

 

[Pilotguy299]

Well, let's hope so. The only caveat I have is against a teleological view or the view that "God will punish them eventually so you needn't do anything." I think that attitude CAN (not always, but sometimes beget a quietism plus a passive-aggressiveness and a hateful desire to see others suffer.

No it's not a teleological belief on my part. I believe that they do it to themselves. And that's sad too, because there are others who care about them and end up hurt themselves...

 

[Dr Doran]

No it's not a teleological belief on my part. I believe that they do it to themselves. And that's sad too, because there are others who care about them and end up hurt themselves...

I'll buy that. As they say, "Character is destiny."

But here is a new question you bring up. To what extent is it acceptable to feel pleasure from the sufferings of others who have harmed you, or who have harmed other people? I am asking this to everyone. I agree with you that it is sad even when a truly crappy person stumbles, because as you note, it can hurt others who are not so crappy. Is it morally acceptable, however, to feel a sense of satisfaction, like a Schadenfreude sort of thing, when the sufferer is a nasty person? I want honest answers. My second question is: regardless of whether or not it is acceptable, do we feel this way anyway?

 

[carebear]

Justice is good.

To enjoy seeing justice done is therefore morally acceptable, provided one is appreciating justice, not reveling in secondhand vengeance.

Whatever the motive of our enjoyment, and I don't think it is entirely one or the other, most of us not qualifying for sainthood, I'm certain we feel a certain satisfaction anyway.

 

[Dapper Dan]

I'd say schadenfreude is a completely natural human emotion. I certainly like to watch people get what they deserve.

I think the problem, though, is what we considered "getting what they deserve." For example, is killing a murderer just? Personally, I'd say no, it's not, for reasons that are really beside the point. Other, equally morally upright and decent people would say that yes, it is just to kill a murderer.

"Justice" is a morally ambiguous word, because its definition is completely subjective. What's "just" for one man may be injust for another. One culture may hold capital punishment to be morally upright and commendable, while another culture may hold capital punishment to be a perversion of justice. It's impossible to say what is or isn't morally just because morals vary from person to person. There is no universal sense of morals, and that prevents justice from being a universal constant.

 

[Elaina]

<snip> my sole quibble is that I am not convinced that punishment always finds offenders.<more simpping>

Me either, which is why, as graceful as I am (hear my snort? I'm a KLUTZ) I manage to dump scalding hot coffee on their lap or red wine all over their white shirt.

Make it look like an accident.

 

[Pilotguy299]

I'll buy that. As they say, "Character is destiny."

But here is a new question you bring up. To what extent is it acceptable to feel pleasure from the sufferings of others who have harmed you, or who have harmed other people? I am asking this to everyone. I agree with you that it is sad even when a truly crappy person stumbles, because as you note, it can hurt others who are not so crappy. Is it morally acceptable, however, to feel a sense of satisfaction, like a Schadenfreude sort of thing, when the sufferer is a nasty person? I want honest answers. My second question is: regardless of whether or not it is acceptable, do we feel this way anyway?

I believe that it is only human to feel some level of Schadenfreude. The question really is whether or not you can still feel some level of sorrow for that person, whether for them as an individual or them as a human being.

I found this on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6waMJs1yRWQ I'm sure most people will get a chuckle but will probably feel sorry for the people in it as well.

Maybe a better way to understand it to speak to any veteran who was in conflict zone. They are probably happy (maybe not the right word) that, as General Patton said, they made "the other guy die for his country", but still feel some underlying remorse for having to take a human life.

I think it's all a matter of degree, but that's just me.

 

[mysterygal]

I just thought some things went without saying...

Sorry...for me, it's just easier until I get an idea of your personality...understand? Some people are serious all the time, while others in here are comedians, at first it's a little hard to tell right away a persons personality considering not being able to see the person's expression.

 

[Dapper Dan]

I've never much taken to the whole faces and abbreviation thingumies of the internet. As an English major, I find them mildly irritating. That being said, there is defintely something to be said for the smilies' ability to elucidate the reader to the meaning of the writing. I assumed that the statement was so patently ridiculous (possums hanging crepe paper, after all) that everyone would know I was just joking, but evidently that wasn't the case. For the record, the line is paraphrased from a P.G. Wodehouse book. Can't remember which one, though. Anyway, sorry again to have caused confusion.

 

[Dr Doran]

Me either, which is why, as graceful as I am (hear my snort? I'm a KLUTZ) I manage to dump scalding hot coffee on their lap or red wine all over their white shirt.

Make it look like an accident.

Harmless good fun. And gets the message across without allowing the jerk to sue you. I like it a lot.

 

[carebear]

Harmless good fun. And gets the message across without allowing the jerk to sue you. I like it a lot.

Don't get a lot of lawsuits out of folks sealed inside septic tanks either...

Oh wait, you said harmless fun.

 

[Dr Doran]

Don't get a lot of lawsuits out of folks sealed inside septic tanks either...

Oh wait, you said harmless fun.

On an archaeological dig I did in Israel, someone told me that a few years before at that same site, some people locked a particularly annoying person inside a chemical toilet and then turned it over. He got covered in excrement. Ick.

 

[carebear]

On an archaeological dig I did in Israel, someone told me that a few years before at that same site, some people locked a particularly annoying person inside a chemical toilet and then turned it over. He got covered in excrement. Ick.

Chemically treated excrement... not sure if that's better or worse.

 

[BegintheBeguine]

I hate bullies. Here is an idea.

http://education.independent.co.uk/schools/article2440083.ece

 

[Dr Doran]

I hate bullies. Here is an idea.

http://education.independent.co.uk/schools/article2440083.ece

Interesting article. It seems like a good idea. They are integrating the malefactor instead of exiling him. I like it. In fact, I like it a lot. Especially in school situations.
I seem to recall a bully in one of the Narnia books who was the favorite of the teachers because they thought he was interesting, which made his victims uncomfortable. (This was in England, not Narnia.)
The Maori system should perhaps be tried. I remember a short story in the New Yorker a few years back, taking place on an Indian reservation, with a similar justice procedure.

 

[mikepara]

I came to this interesting thread late and have just finished it (phew!).

I'm shocked at some of the treatment you lot suffered, you poor mites!

It's strange but I had a really great schooltime and had my two girls (who where having a miserable time at school) close to tears because I said it was the happiest time of my life. I loved every single day. Yes, loved! Even though those days the teachers had the use of corporal punishment in the form of a big leather belt frayed at the end called a strap, and boy did they use it. I received this most days or the cane for talking, messing around , cheek etc

Just to clear up a few things, I was what they called 'hard' at school but not anywhere near top dog where everyone wanted to have a pop. I cannot remember a single bullying incident. I had a few scraps (and they usually ended up as pals,) but none of the constant drip, drip, drip, demoralising stuff that's described on this thread.

I was no 'jock' as they say. I was (Was! gloom) a goodlooking kid and a large amount of the girls of my year, and the 2 below me, used to hang around me at breaks like a harem. This probably made many of the lads jealous but still no bullying.

I talked in the same local dialect as everyone else and was rubbish at sport but tried hard. I lived in a council scheme and was very working class.

I wasn't top of the class, weak, specky, acne marked, foreign, rich, ginger, fat, or skinny. Is one or more of these the common denominator for victim selection by the bully?