The School Bully

[CharlieH.]

It's all about excessive hubris.

 

[CanadaDoll]

When I was in junior high and bullied I didn't think so, but now I look back on what I went through and I'm actually glad for it.

Being born in the States, I have dual citizenship, which was apparently a "bad" thing at school, I got spat on, and pushed around, had a few kids tell me that I deserved to be shot, and they were going to do it.
Which at 12 is scary, and the fact that I was about the smallest kid in school made it that much worse!

But it scared me into action ultimately, I am now a black belted karate student and assistant teacher. I have a great time knowing that if I wanted, the kids that tortured me could be on the ground bleeding with little effort
But on a better note, I have direct insight into what some of my students go through, and am in a position to better help them.

I also have on good authority that some of their lives have taken decidedly unpleasant turns and they are having issues walking with their heads as snootily high as I remember them doing!

My personal pep talk is "don't get sad, get angry and then get even"
And my even is knowing that I am living a better life in spite of them.

 

[Maj.Nick Danger]

For me it was realizing the truth about bullies. They tell lies and make false accusations. Once I did, I realized that they were far more frightened by the truth about themselves than maybe anything else. So I think it's a case of using their own fear against them.

 

[Trickeration]

Wow! This thread really did take off since I was on last night. It's been interesting reading what everyone has written, and sad to see how many people have been bullied. One thing that especially bothered me was seeing how many other girls, like myself, were bullied by guys. Even when my son was small, he knew better than to do anything to a girl. I wonder if these guys were abusive in later relationships? For me too, it took a long time to put my self-esteem back together.

Scotrace-Thank you for the compliment. And I'm glad I'm on your good side . Yeah, my daughter said my asking folks "to keep it clean" ruins all the fun.

I don't expect Scott to be at the reunion, but I'm really looking forward to it. My plan is a bit like what RetroModelSari has in mind. With poise and elegance Scotrace mentioned and some of Baron Kurtz's successfulness thrown in. I'm going to go 'dressed to the nines' vintage. I'll listen to the 80's music that's sure to be played, knowing that I've been on stage with some of the guys in those bands they idolized back then. I'll be proud of my husband if 17 years and of my kids that I get along with, and of the many things I've done and places I've been in the last 20 years. If by some chance Scott is ther, I'll laugh to myself imagining doing the things Scotrace mentioned .

Anyway, I'm pretty happy with my life. I grumble about things sometimes, but the big picture is all good. I think we've all always been better than the bullies, it just takes a while to realize it. I'm not sure I'll ever know what Scott's motivation was. I think he was just mean.

This has turned out to be quite topic. I kind of hope it goes on for a while. It seems to help to talk. And it's fun to picture exacting some of the venegances mentioned on our past tormentors. So, I'll take my life in my hands here. Anyone up for a thread of before and after pics? Could be fun, could be "not for the faint of heart". At least I think my before is. Well?

 

[Amelie]

I'd love a thread like that! I used to be so "tomboy" and now all my friends call me "coquette" lol

 

[Harp]

I'd love a thread like that! I used to be so "tomboy" and now all my friends call me "coquette" lol

...a cattepillar becomes a lovely butterfly.

 

[CanadaDoll]

It's so good that you're looking forward to your reunion, I hope you have a great time, regardless of who's there.

 

[Maj.Nick Danger]

One thing that especially bothered me was seeing how many other girls, like myself, were bullied by guys. Even when my son was small, he knew better than to do anything to a girl. I wonder if these guys were abusive in later relationships?
Has bothered me too even to this day. It is exactly why I stood up to an abusive bully, to defend a lady I care about. Did not win said lady's heart, but the bully has since disappeared, cowering in his fear. Oddly enough, this bully actually lives only about a block away from me and I never see him!

This has turned out to be quite topic. I kind of hope it goes on for a while. It seems to help to talk. And it's fun to picture exacting some of the venegances mentioned on our past tormentors. So, I'll take my life in my hands here. Anyone up for a thread of before and after pics? Could be fun, could be "not for the faint of heart". At least I think my before is. Well?

Yes, good topic. Thanks for letting us vent.

 

[RetroModelSari]

yeeees!!! Let´s go for a before and after thread!!! If I find some horrid old photos I´ll gladly join!!!

 

[CherryBombRock]

I went to an all girls private school - bitchy as hell, something I will never let kids of mine (if I have any!) go through. We had our loud-mouth bullies who thought it was cool to be the town bike but luckily they never targeted me that much, just the usual snide comments and snickers when entering a room (quite scarring actually - maybe that's why I always assume everyones' gonna think the worst of me when we meet for the first time...anyway!).
The worst bully was the girl I actually called my bestfriend for 15 years - selfish, heartless and derogatory. She'd be your bestfriend one day at the expense of another then your worst enemy the next - ignoring me, spreading nasty rumors, etc. She was the leader in our group of 'friends' so if she decided you weren't the flavour of the month everyone was banned from speaking to you - reign of terror!
Finally when I left for uni I realised that she wasn't worth the time or pain and decided to not be a doormat anymore. The last time I saw her was great - I looked fabulous, I was doing a fabulous job and I was surrounded by friends - couldn't have been better! She was still nasty as hell and un-nerved me by just being there, stupid I know! But, yes, Dr Greg "Success is the best revenge"!
My advice is just to be politely cold - if you bring up the past nastiness then it shows that they've still got that power over you. And don't give them a taste of their own medicine - it'll just make you look petty. Cold and polite - they can't do anything then!
Like RetroModelSari I was called ugly but the turning point came when I was approached by three different 1st class london modeling agencies all in one day - when word of that got back to the school bullies one actually said to me "why'd they pick you *snicker snicker*". It was the first time I's been told by someone that I was good-looking so it kinda boosted my confidence. I know it'd shouldn't have taken that but sometimes a shy, doormat of a 15 year old needs it!

 

[Amy Jeanne]

I'd just let it go. Incidentally, my junior high bully was named Scott, also. I was very overweight when I was 12/13/14 and he used to call me "Pizza Girl" and "Beast." He tormented me so much I was afraid to go to school. This was in 1988/89/90.

In 2005 I landed a job at a car dealership and he worked there as a mechanic. He was friendly as pie and obviously didn't remember me because he kept asking for my name (he kept forgetting it! -- that, and I look COMPLETELY different!) I told my husband about him and how he used to be and my husband said "You should be rude to him!", but I couldn't. I just let it go and everything was much better that way. Scott actually liked to talk to me about swing music and the 1940s from time to time.

 

[Hondo]

You’ll notice that in today’s world there is zero tolerance for any type of violence in public schools, think back to Columbian, the trench coats, its no longer the bully who steals harasses for 25 cents, its gangs in schools.
No doubt the parents should be held accountable for their children’s actions.
Some parents fail to see, turn the other cheek at any accusations made towards their own. Yeah they have a bad home life, maybe alcoholic, drug use, or single parents, still parents have to play an active part daily, need a Mom & Dad every day to get them started, leave them alone too long and you’ll see trouble, it’s a sad state of affairs especially with unwanted pregnancy, forced to bring up, whoa… were going farther aren’t we?

 

[HoosierDaddy]

Bullyhood

I do see zero tolerance for weapons and drugs in the school system...but still hallway,lockerroom,and now even classroom intimidation runs rampid in many public schools,and becomes worse every year. Even here in the midweast. The student achiever must try to excell in spite of groups who thrive on a lack of effective discipline. Several of my teacher friends have retired early or finally left teaching in disgust,claiming their hands were tied in dealing with these problems. Talking,eating,disruption,disrespect,cussing,and confrontation even in the classroom. The parents fault for sure when their children can do no wrong. School administration's,too,as they feel they must walk on eggshells due to lawsuits,discrimination,and sixteen year old kids demanding freedom of disrespectful expression and getting away with it.
HD

 

[BonnieJean]

HD,
I totally agree with you. Here in our small school district I have heard of stories where students would disrupt the classroom by throwing eggs and flour on teachers. I know one teacher who finally retired after having to deal with the daily verbal insults and so called 'pranks' from students. I can't believe that today's students can get away with so much. When I was in grade school, even the toughest boys were afraid of the principal's paddle. I saw her with it once and she definitely knew how to use it! I hate to say it, but with all the bullying and disruptions in the schools, how can anyone really learn in that environment? Some public schools are just warehouses for children during the day. I really feel for the teachers who have to work in an oftentimes crazy environment.

 

[June]

Add me to the list of those bullied as children/teenagers.
My husband was bullied in high school by one particular fellow. At their reunion several years ago, the bully (who was quite drunk at the time) apologized to my husband over and over for how badly he'd treated him. We couldn't figure out if he was truly sorry or if he was just surprised at how much my husband had bulked up since high school.
Our younger son (age 8) is occasionally teased by other boys his age. I've noticed that these boys often have teenage brothers, so I'm assuming that they're passing on the treatment they get at home.
Trickeration, I agree with those who say not to contact the guy. If you ever happen to run into him, your self-confidence will speak volumes.

 

[Baron Kurtz]

As it turns out, the 2 main bullies in my school were being actively encouraged by their parents to act in such a manner. "Be the "big man", the only way to make sure noone steps on you is to step on them first". Active encouragement to get into fights etc. Needless to say they came to nothing in the end.

It is unfortunate, but i believe nothing has changed at that school. The 'cool to be dumb' aesthetic is still running rampant and nerdy clever kids are still being bullied. Do the teachers care? Methinks not, or they would expel the kids who are bullies. Everyone knows who they are; they could be easily removed from the school. There is a terrible thing in this world, and it is the phrase "boys will be boys" followed by a shrug of the shoulders. This attitude must be stamped out before bullying of boys will go away ( i have mo idea about bullying of girls so i limit my discussion to boys).

bk

 

[Paisley]

I work around many highly successful people and have never, ever observed any of them use bullying tactics. I've come to see that bullies are in pain and want to spread their pain to others.

I, too, say that living well is the best revenge. The successful people I know don't have time to dwell on the past. They also don't hang around with losers. On both counts, then, I wouldn't contact one.

 

[Trickeration]

I have to agree that the bullying still goes on. My kids have both had at least one experience with it.

My son, Chris, was being picked on by a kid during the first few weeks of school. Mostly just intimidation stuff, but he got a punch in the gut before it all was over. I waited to get involved only because I didn't want him to look like the snitch (you know how bad that can be for a kid). Before I even had to think about doing anything, my son came home and said that the bully had met his match. He started picking on a kid and a whole bunch of his recent victims came to the kid's aid. The last Chris saw of the bully, he was being chase off by a dozen kids. He hasn't bothered anyone since. I'm not sure I approve of how it was handled, and I'm glad my son didn't participate, but I'm sure it was a great to watch. The funny thing is, would you believe the bully's name was BRUNO?! He must have been raised to be a bully!

My daughter had an incident, too, but I did get involved that time. She got a threatening message on her myspace from another girl, an 8th grader from my son's school, but not someone he knew. After checking out the girl's myspace, we figured out that the girl's cousin went to school with my daughter's school and had a crush on a guy in one of Kat's classes. Guess she thought Kat was a threat. Anyway, the dean at their school does have a zero tolerance policy regarding threats and violence. Not to mention he hates it when parents don't know what kids are doing, especially when it involves Myspace. Kat's school, by the way, is a small 250 student private school. Very safe, good staff. There are just a few girls who are there only because there parents couldn't find somewhere to actually lock them up. Well, we printed out the message and the paper trail that led to Kat's schoolmate and took it in to the dean. The bully in this case is now on her last warning before expulsion, and the cousin at my son's school had already been kicked out of that school for undisclosed reasons. I would say I'll bet their families were mad, but it's probably normal for them.

I guess this is one area where my past helped my kids. Even though they were homeschooled up until now and had never had to deal with this kind of stuff before, they were well prepared. We talked about things they might expect. And not only do they know that they're better than that kind of behavior, but that it is the bully's problem, not theirs. And except for the algebra and a tough teacher or two, they like school. I'm glad. I guess we did alright.

PS: as soon as I get a good before pic scanned, I'll be brave and start the "before and after " thread!

 

[Matthew Dalton]

I was always targeted by bullies and smart-alecks, mostly just verbal stuff and shoving. I'd never really heard of anyone taking a beating in all my years of school. Besides of course the few fights where both sides mutually wanted it. From what I've been told American schools are much more divided and violent. But I think we're on our way there.

My sister was telling me not long ago how around a dozen guys her age ganged up on a kid in a hall of her school, beat him to the ground and kicked him mercilessly in the face and stomach while he was down. They had to get him an ambulance and the Medics gave him a shot of morphine before they even got him off of the ground. Not sure how long he spent in hospital.

 

[Trickeration]

Wow, that's awful. How old were they? It's pretty rare to have something quite that bad happen at a school here. But that's probably because so many of our schools actually have police and guards walking the halls now. It's a sad thing.

The worst beating around here was this one at Halloween just 4 blocks from my house. I usually take my son down that street, and was so glad that he decided to go to his friend's house instead this year.

http://www.presstelegram.com/news/ci_4759953

Anyway, it's a little fftopic: so we'll get back to the school bully thing. I hope the boy at your sister's school will be okay. The physical wounds will heal much faster than than the psycological ones.