The School Bully

[Trickeration]

So...I was poking around online last night and stumbled across the guy who tormented me mercilessly in high school. I was a sophomore and he was junior. Anyway, he threw things at me, made rude noises when I walked by, or yelled things at me, and more. He intimidated and embarrassed me so much, that when my mom started thinking about homeschooling my little brother and sis, I was all for finishing high school the same way. The upside, with homeschooling, I graduated almost 2 years early.

Anyway, this guy, Scott, is now a high school English teacher of all things. I don't hate the guy, but I don't know if I'd say I've "forgiven" him. I do realize we do stupid things as kids. And most of us have parts of our high school life that we'd like to forget, for one reason or another. As of now, I can hardly wait for my reunion this summer. I'm so much different than I was as a kid that I know it's going to be a blast.

So I pose this question...If you were me, would you email the guy? What would you say if you did (keep it clean) ? I think that if I were to contact him, I'd let him know how I felt then, and hope that it helps him to see his own kids or students in a little different light.

 

[Scary Mc]

The adult thing to do would be to let it go and remember you are the better person for doing so.




Me, I'd seek revenge and find a way to humiliate him in front of his class.

Might he be part of the reason you became a homeschool teacher?

 

[Trickeration]

The adult thing to do would be to let it go and remember you are the better person for doing so.




Me, I'd seek revenge and find a way to humiliate him in front of his class.

Might he be part of the reason you became a homeschool teacher?

I agree to the first 2. I'm really pretty much past it, but it was kind of to see Scott staring at me from the monitor. It would be pretty funny to get him in his classroom, though lol . Hmmmm...

I actually started homeschooling my own kids because...
1. We were military and worked well with our lifestyle and 2. I knew how it worked.

This year my son is in a public middle school and my daughter is in a private high school. They love it. My daughter is on the cheer team at her school, and my son has become well-known for wearing his vintage hats his.

 

[Hondo]

Adult thing to do...

I wouldn't email him, come reunion time, if by chance you do meet, wait for him to notice you and apologize to you, but if its truly difficult I would just skip him, ignore, be an adult. If he really changed he would first recognized how stupid he acted, and apologize else why bother with him? Show your maturity, stand tall

 

[Trickeration]

No tack on his chair? Just kidding.

I don't think he'll be at the reunion, he was a year ahead of me. Unless he married a girl from my class.

I don't actually plan to email him. Just wondered how others might handle the situation. And if he's a changed man, which I'd hope most would be after so much time (not to mention being a high school teacher) it would probably be pretty unpleasant to hear from the girl he harrassed as a teenager.

 

[Viola]

I would just ignore him. Maybe he's grown as a person (I like to hope I'm not who I was at that age) and if he hasn't e-mailing won't help anything.

I do remember feeling utterly deflated when I found out YEARS after this one 13-year-old boy had made my 12-year-old life utterly miserable with bullying and cursing and threatening me that he'd been acting out at least partially because his mother was dying of cancer.

(Probably also something to do with being 13)

Kinda ruined any revenge fantasies I had. If I'd known at the time I might not have hated him so much.

Then again, some other boys I knew were just monsters professionally for no real reason at all. [huh]

-Viola

 

[Harp]

So I pose this question...If you were me, would you email the guy? What would you say if you did (keep it clean) ? I think that if I were to contact him, I'd let him know how I felt then, and hope that it helps him to see his own kids or students in a little different light.

...Let it go. Hopefully, he has matured since high school and realizes that
his past cruelty caused harm to you, and probably others. You have moved
on, and it is sometimes best to let sleeping dogs lie.

 

[Lady Day]

Oh man was I bullied in school.

I was too light skinned, I was too fat, I wore glasses, I had a gap in my front teeth, I had a mole on my nose, my hair was wild and crazy.

All the above traits I have to this day and love about me

I remember one particular tormenter, he was this short skinny guy. He called me buffalo [huh] It made me feel worthless.

I remember being home from college for Christmas brake, and being on the bus, and I saw him. He looked me up and down like he was gonna come over and hit on me *I think I just threw up a little*

I didnt go to my 10 year reunion (which was this past Sept.) I wanted to go, but eh. I was not a huge fan of HS. All the friends I would have gone to see are scattered all over the world in their budding carriers (thank goodness for the electronic mal thing), so what was the point. Anywho...

If this guy brings up joking about how he made fun of you just interrupt him by saying "Oh, exscuse me," in a real fun tone, and just walk away. He will be so confused he wont know what to do.


LD

 

[OldSkoolFrat]

Anyway, this guy, Scott, is now a high school English teacher of all things. I don't hate the guy, but I don't know if I'd say I've "forgiven" him. I do realize we do stupid things as kids. And most of us have parts of our high school life that we'd like to forget, for one reason or another. As of now, I can hardly wait for my reunion this summer. I'm so much different than I was as a kid that I know it's going to be a blast.

So I pose this question...If you were me, would you email the guy? What would you say if you did (keep it clean) ? I think that if I were to contact him, I'd let him know how I felt then, and hope that it helps him to see his own kids or students in a little different light.

Why contact him at all? He obviously enjoyed HS and most likely bullies his class and would try and berate you for being a Home School teacher. He most likely relishes and gets a vicarious thrill when he allows bullies to operate in his own class room. Teachers are often quite vicious to each other.

 

[scotrace]

Trickeration, you specified "keep it clean," so I can't advise as I'd like to.

Let it go, forgive, yada yada. I say go to the reunion looking as elegant and poised as I know firsthand you do, and with poise and elegance, accidentally dump his rigatoni in his lap.

Or maybe do the thing from The Color Purple. Make nice, smile, offer to get him a drink, and quietly spit in it before delivery.

 

[Amelie]

I was bullied as well by a small group of people while in my first year of high school (which group comprised some of my elementery school best friends). It wa so bad that I actually made everything in my power to go to another school.

It really did had a huge impact on my self esteem for about five years, even though I've been around this group only a year. I've been going from one small burnout to the other for those 5 years (and I was 12 when it started)

They so truly had fun to destroy me, that the only thing I can do now, is being happy when I am hearing they are having though times. I know it's mean, but hey, they were meaner than that once in their life. I just can't forget those kind of things.

If I am crossing them on the streets, I just ignore them, and if by any mean they try to talk to me, I'll be as cold as possible while still being polite...

 

[LizzieMaine]

I'm another who was on the pointy end of the bully stick in school -- there was a time in junior high when it got so bad I simply refused to go for two weeks. Kids can be absolutely brutal, vicious little monsters to anyone they perceive as different, and I'm convinced its an inborn thing for many of them. Some kind of thin-the-herd instinct or something.

But I'm with all those who say the best approach is to just let it go. If there's one lesson I've learned in my life it's that bitterness about the past doesn't end up hurting anyone but yourself -- and the best way to deal with it is, really, to just let it go.

 

[Kim_B]

...makes me remember just why I hated school so much!

Just let it go. It isn't worth it at all!

 

[Johnnysan]

I agree...let it go. I was never one of the "cool kids" in high school, but seeing some of them during a recent reunion reminded me that what you are at 18 is no benchmark for what you'll be or where you'll be at 40.

If this guy is an English teacher, then presumably, he's in a classroom five days a week with 20-30 hormone-laden junior-high or high-school age kids. That may well be hell enough for the torment he dispensed in his own time! lol

 

[Daisy Buchanan]

I went to prep school all of my life, and honestly, we didn't have bullies. Maybe it was because my school was so small. Well, small in the size of the class, but it was a school that started with pre-primary and went all the way up through Upper School. But really, I think the lack of bullies was due to the fact that the attendees of this school might just have been wimps. We had a lot of cliques, divided up by social class, and these cliques pretty much ignored each other. I started going to this school during my lower school years. There were only 25 people in my class, only 8 of us were girls. Us girls stuck together. In upper school our class size grew. Mostly, the people who were already friends, stayed friends. The new members of our class formed their own groups. But, everyone new each other and could be civil to one another in school social functions. I have a feeling that if I ran into someone I attended school with, who's group I wasn't a part of, I wouldn't hold animosity towards them. If anything, I might take the opportunity, if allowed, to get to know them. So, I guess I am lucky that I never really had a school bully to run into. Of course, some of the boys tormented us, they outnumbered us. But, what teenage boy doesn't torment a girl. Hmmm, now that I think about it, they did some pretty horrible stuff!

As for me, if I had a bully and found him, I don't think I would contact him. I would have to let bygones be bygones. If I ran into him, I don't know if I would talk to him, or make an effort to approach him. If he/she approached me, knowing myself, I would be polite, but make sure that the conversation didn't last long. I know too that I'd also find myself hoping that he/she might not be in the best of circumstances:rage: lol :rage:

 

[Naama]

Hehe! Remebers me of my reunion..... It's a little bit different over here in europe I guess, so we had it like 2 or was it 3(?) years after high school.... The class bully didn't really change in anyway! Exept for the fact that he was loosing his hair already by the age at 20 (what goes around.... well...). He didn't made fun of me this time, but you could tell by his jokes that he was still the same stupid boy he used to be, I guess he'll never change. And since that day, I realised, he's a poor fool and nothing more!

Anyway, most often, those bullys are the people with low self esteem, trying to drag others down to look cool and to get accepted. I guess, by now he might be emberrased by the things he did back then. So, I guess It doesn't really makes sence talking about this stuff. You've grown by it (I guess? I know, I did!) and know you're so much better then him, so why bother anyway?

Naama

 

[Maj.Nick Danger]

A sore subject yet one that is still relevant even in the present

I know bullies that are still dim-witted selfish, &%#@*! even to this day. I had a confrontation with a drunk bully that was black mailing a lady I know. A long sordid story there, but I ran into the two of them one evening and decided that I should just face him down. Get her free of the idiot. I called him a liar,(Which is exactly what he is) and it set him off! He took a step toward me! The lady stepped between us and an employee of the place appeared and promptly escorted the loser out. As it ended up he merely skulked away in shame and fear. I knew full well then as I have always known. That all bullies are cowards, paper tigers that are motivated by fear, envy, self pity,....every negative character trait often coupled with substance abuse which compounds the problem.
My strategy is to simply avoid this type of loser if at all possible, but if I am assailed or confronted, stand firm, stay calm, and simply tell them the absolute truth about themselves and it is more devastating than any other counter attack could be.

 

[HoosierDaddy]

I also agree to let it go. There is a chance that he's still so full of himself that he may not remember your experiences as you do. Perhaps not care to feel your pain. Really the only true "sorry" would be if he approached you with apologies on his own. Try and realize that you are not beholden to him,those terrible memories,or how he might respond now. Learn from what happened and understand that you never need putup with something like that again. Many of us have seen that bully...but,finally,could care less if he has changed.
HD

 

[Novella]

Don't give him your time of day. Letting him know years later how he affected you is, in my opinion, almost giving his high school self a small belated victory. If he hasn't changed I pity his students, but it would be nice to think he has grown up some. I would say only contact him if you truly wanted to chat with him and see how things have been.

I never had any problems in high school, but the first year of junior high there was one girl who decided she didn't like me. Her, along with her back-up singers, tried to give me a hard time, but I turned it into a game. I threw verbal daggers back at her. Most of the time rather than annoy me (I'm really tough skinned) I would end up annoying *her*. I'm really drama-free and laid back, but I have to say it was awfully fun to get the best of the bully when she was trying to get the best of me! haha I don't know if my wit has been as sharp since - I've gone dull during all these years without challenge!
(and as a side note, we ended up on good terms later on and worked on class projects together - some people do grow up, at least a little)

 

[scotrace]

Bah.

Two words:

Tires.

Slashing.


lol