The ridicuously committed and deliriously single thread

[carter]

It seems to me that there exists a state twixt married and single. Thus this thread. For all who are neither fish nor fowl. Fosh?

 

[PA Dancer]

Are you referring to being single and not looking?
Or
Sort of being involved with someone and not commited?

 

[carter]

I think I'm referring to being single and committed for whatever period of time works out for all committed parties.
However, I haven't had my second cuppa joe yet.
Be right back. ....

Ok, I'm referring to those for who commitment isn't synomymous with contract. That unspoken bond that says, "We're committed but need no contract to ratify our commitment." The license to be unlicensed.

Maybe I should be committed. Or not....

I'm going to have some rye toast with jalapeno jelly now. Toodles.

 

[scotrace]

Before it happens...

Let's not even try a "Married and Looking" room.

K?

 

[PA Dancer]

Ok, I'm referring to those for who commitment isn't synomymous with contract. That unspoken bond that says, "We're committed but need no contract to ratify our commitment." The license to be unlicensed.

Ahhhh OK...I'm with ya' now!

Nope...i'm not one of them...I'll stay in the singles room where I belong. lol

 

[Matt Noir]

I used to be committed - the doctor assures me I am all better now...

 

[Rosie]

Do we mean, committed while contemplating engagement on the road to marriage? Or just plain old shacking up?

 

[Nashoba]

Let's not even try a "Married and Looking" room.

K?

lol Good Call Scotrace.

 

[$ally]

"Before these witnesses I vow to love you and care for you as long as we both feel like it"?

 

[carter]

"Before these witnesses I vow to love you and care for you as long as we both feel like it"?

OUCH! Now that really hurt.

Nope, there's no nuance there. Keep trying.

 

[Dr Doran]

Sounds to me like you're talking about swinging or else a fairly open relationship with someone with whom you are good friends and also lovers but with whom things are not strictly exclusive. This can be fun. Especially if both persons are attractive and have lots of attractive friends.

The only caveats I have come up with:

1.) Personally, whenever I was in that sort of thing I found myself wanting something more serious.

2.) Or the other person did

3.) Or else jealousy stepped in somehow

4.) The production of flourishing offspring is greatly aided by parental investment from two parents. If they possess an exclusive commitment this raises the chances of them staying together and providing a stable home for the offspring. The practice of marrying late if at all reduces realistic childbearing time for females. Something like 70% of childless persons in their 40s said they wished they had a child. That statistic is from an artlcle in Foreign Affairs by Philip Longman. (Please excuse me, I'm working on an essay on Spartan demography and so I am neck-deep in studying reproduction patterns of the human species.)

 

[jamespowers]

Sounds to me like you're talking about swinging or else a fairly open relationship with someone with whom you are good friends and also lovers but with whom things are not strictly exclusive. This can be fun. Especially if both persons are attractive and have lots of attractive friends.

The only caveats I have come up with:

1.) Personally, whenever I was in that sort of thing I found myself wanting something more serious.

2.) Or the other person did

3.) Or else jealousy stepped in somehow

4.) The production of flourishing offspring is greatly aided by parental investment from two parents. If they possess an exclusive commitment this raises the chances of them staying together and providing a stable home for the offspring. The practice of marrying late if at all reduces realistic childbearing time for females. Something like 70% of childless persons in their 40s said they wished they had a child. That statistic is from an artlcle in Foreign Affairs by Philip Longman. (Please excuse me, I'm working on an essay on Spartan demography and so I am neck-deep in studying reproduction patterns of the human species.)

Oh geez! This thread has taken a way crazy turn. No swinging threads please. :eusa_doh:
Where did you say you were from? Berkeley? Ok, makes sense.
Number four makes sense though. I love my son and I am nearly in your demographic study age group.

 

[Dr Doran]

Oh geez! This thread has taken a way crazy turn. No swinging threads please. :eusa_doh:
Where did you say you were from? Berkeley? Ok, makes sense.
Number four makes sense though. I love my son and I am nearly in your demographic study age group.

Hee hee. OK, no swinging on these monkey bars.
Yes, I love my daughter too, and I am almost in that cohort as well (I'm 37).

 

[PA Dancer]

I'm guessing we are talking common-law type relationships.
Committed without papers.

This is a situation I can see myself in someday.
I never wanted childen, so I never really felt the need to get married.
I sure don't want that big-to-do spending all that money for one day thing.
or
Stick me infront of a JP and say I Do.

 

[Foofoogal]

I think I'm referring to being single and committed for whatever period of time works out for all committed parties.
However

Sounds like half the married people of this generation. :eusa_doh:

 

[Dr Doran]

Sounds like half the married people of this generation. :eusa_doh:

Well ... I'm not sure if I can blame them. Marriage arose as a durable institution in response to certain pressures and some of those pressures have been lessening in some places in the world.

If religion is removed from the equation (i.e. the idea "the gods want us to respect marriage as a sacrament and a sacred covenant") and there are no children present who would benefit from a stable home with two parents, and the two people are a bit tired of each other after several years and are attractive enough to find new exciting people (note how long people stay youthful nowadays, if they are in an industrialized country, are fairly comfortable economically, and have good medical care) especially from a pool of attractive friends with whom they can be quite sure they will get along, and -- obeying the greatest lesson in Zen, to not rely on anything -- thus do not really rely on each other, and are eager for more experiences out of the human love of variety, then ... why stay married? What's to keep them together?
The financial annoyance of splitting up? If they are both earners, then that problem still exists, but it's not debilitating.

I predict this happening more and more for childless couples. I also predict couples who, although they are with children, are neither very religious nor terribly traditional, making civilized arrangements for little vacations from each other.

Who knows? Maybe I'm wrong. But when one looks at Kinsey reports and such, many people in the technologically advanced nations, even married people with children, are "monogamous except for a few exceptions over the years." At the moment it is still considered dishonest (the term "cheating" comes to mind) but I suspect terminology and conceptualizations and expectations will shift a bit to reflect what is actually happening anyway.

I have no idea if this will be ruinous or not, nor am I approving or disapproving of it -- only predicting it. For a subculture, at least, and if it works for those people, it may spread. I imagine it happening in places with a lot of luxury, a lot of emphasis on personal choice, and not much tradition. THE DESIRE FOR VARIETY IS INTRINSIC TO THE HUMAN CONDITION.

 

[carter]

children present who would benefit from a stable home with two parents,

Why does the lack of a contract preclude a stable home with two parents?

The interesting tack this thread has taken leads me to wonder if the, dare I say, prevalent attitude toward what constitutes an acceptable marital/family dynamic is based primarily on the contractual basis of the relationship between two individuals.
When we take into account the statistics for unwed mothers, divorces, abandoned children, domestic violence, child abuse, and any number of other
issues we face in today's socio-economic environment, why do some people believe that a marital contract is preferable to a non-contractual relationship and assume that the non-contractual relationship will necessarily be less permanent, loyal, and nurturing than a contractual relationship?

 

[carter]

Here's a comment from the 18th Century.

A real marriage bears no resemblance to these
Marriages of interest or ambition.It is two lovers
who live together. A priest may well say certain
words, a notary may well sign certain papers.
I regard these preparations in the same way
that a lover regards the rope ladder that he ties
to his mistress's window.

Lady Mary Wortley Montagu (1689-1762).

 

[Miss Sis]

Mr Stephens and myself seem to fall into this catagory!

We have been togther nearly three years and moved into together a few months ago. I hope that means we'll keep on!

'Scuse my stocking tops - New Year's fun, don't you know! Only pic I could find with us together without other people in it.

 

[Girl Friday]

So who's passing out the straight jackets?