The Return of the Man's Man

[Pyroxene]

Where does the quiet confident man's man stand in all this?

Let me share some of my insights on this topic since I had the some of the same questions about men and masculinity for a while.

Background

For me, it all started with the search of THE Indiana Jones Jacket. Logging on to IndyGear.com 10+ times a day I was able to explore items such as jackets, hats, etc. I realized that the aspect of designing and purchasing custom clothing was fun and shouldn’t be limited to just adventure gear.

It was during this time MK started The Fedora Lounge where clothing and style took center stage and not distressing and bullwhips. I appreciated the style and attention to detail from the Golden Era but didn’t really feel that drawn to it the way other people on the forum have.

It was about this time my sister noticed my interest in style and fashion and gave me the book Gentleman's Guide to Grooming and Style by Bernhard Roetzel http://amzn.com/0760724989
It was packed full with things I never knew about how to dress, what accessories to carry, and so on.

I read other books by Brooks Brothers, The Art of Shaving and on topics like Tipping for Success and followed blogs like The Art of Manliness. But something was still missing that wasn’t connecting all these pieces together.

Bond. James Bond.

In 2008 there was an article on the site The Art of Manliness titled “6 Lessons in Manliness from James Bond.” All six were common tips and nothing really groundbreaking was in there. It was in the comments where a reader mentions that he bought the book "How to Live the James Bond Lifestyle"

I bought the book “How to Live the James Bond Lifestyle” as a novelty, and it turned out to be one of the best self-help books I have ever read.”

Intrigued I researched the author Paul Kyriazi. “Bond is cool,” he writes. But why is he cool?

“He’s a man of action as all heroes are. But, unlike Rambo who in between missions he is fighting for his daily bowl of rice or Dirty Harry is in his dark apartment, Bond, before he goes on a mission, is at some luxury resort.”

James Bond is a man of leisure and prosperity plus confidence.

It’s not just the women or the gadgets but the whole package. One of the things that makes James Bond cool is his ability to control his body, mind and feelings. When Bond is under pressure he doesn’t lose his temper he focuses and gets the job done.

This isn’t about doing the superficial. This is actually about having a dream or mission, planning that mission and the costs and accomplishing that goal.

This also means taking care of your Bond Girl, who can be your wife or girlfriend or future girlfriend, too.

“Most women demand love, respect and security, and most men will give them that to them. But, most men forget about the ultimate secret…women want to be entertained. Like Cyndi Lauper sang “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” women want to be taken out and shown a good time.”

For Your Eyes Only

For me, The James Bond Lifestyle really brings together the adventure and travel from Indiana Jones, the style and fashion discussed here on the Fedora Lounge and the skills and virtues that men of the past had embodied talked about at The Art of Manliness. It really works and the people around me have noticed the change.

If you are interested in checking out more about the James Bond Lifestyle, check out the website http://bondlife.com

Why should James Bond have all the fun?

Here is a photo of me and my Bond Girl/Wife, Angela, swimming with dolphins at the Atlantis Hotel on our James Bond Getaway to the Bahamas.

(edited for punctuation)

 

[Flyboy]

james - since you mentioned pink shirts, I just bought my first. Wrangler western wear has a "tough enough to wear pink" campaign where the profits go to breast cancer research. It is definitely "PINK" - really clashes with my Browning Hi-Power

Obligatory cross-board rant: real men carry .45's!

For the record, I too think that the current trend toward wimpiness--in both sexes--is a terrible thing. I know people who have broken down crying at a flat tire, or have needed help to go to the doctor. Society in general, without regard to plumbing, has lost its "can-do" spirit, and it will be our collective downfall.

(But it's still fun to start a caliber war. Especially with people who are set to stun. )

 

[Fletch]

Surrounded by impressed women, I'd imagine.

There's a few different kinds of quiet. There's being a master of the nonverbal ("you-dance-now"); there's being a good listener; and there's being eloquent but pithy. (Pithy means knowing when to shut up, then doing it.)

I've always felt too much praise is given to the nonverbal man. Compared to the good listener, his attraction is almost entirely self-centered. He's a blank canvas women can write whatever they want on.

 

[Puzzicato]

There's a few different kinds of quiet. There's being a master of the nonverbal ("you-dance-now"); there's being a good listener; and there's being eloquent but pithy. (Pithy means knowing when to shut up, then doing it.)

I've always felt too much praise is given to the nonverbal man. Compared to the good listener, his attraction is almost entirely self-centered. He's a blank canvas women can write whatever they want on.

There's probably an element of that - a man can be as thick as a brick but if he shuts up it is just quiet mystery! But a quiet confident man is much more appealing than a loud confident one!

When I think of quiet I don't think non-verbal. I think of a man like my grandfather, who can control a situation without ever raising his voice or being impolite, who can articulate what his thoughts in a very few well chosen words and can talk interestingly and confidently on the things that interest him. There aren't enough men like that!

 

[Viola]

Bond. James Bond.

I never got the Bond appeal, perhaps I am a mutant.

I feel especially funny saying it on the lounge, I know its akin to disliking Indy or Jimmy Stewart around these parts buuuut there we are.

 

[Widebrim]

When I think of quiet I don't think non-verbal. I think of a man like my grandfather, who can control a situation without ever raising his voice or being impolite, who can articulate what his thoughts in a very few well chosen words and can talk interestingly and confidently on the things that interest him. There aren't enough men like that!

No, there aren't...

 

[Widebrim]

I wouldn't wear a pink shirt but a pink tie is something else.

Pink ties? I've got two of them! (Well, one is actually pink and black... )

 

[Miss Neecerie]

Where does the quiet confident man's man stand in all this?

Not worried about articles in newspapers decrying himself...nor feeling the need to leap to defense of self over such trivialities.

A person with such convictions merely lets the opinions flow past as water....

 

[Tango Yankee]

As I read through this thread Joe Jackson's song "Real Men" keeps running through my mind. I guess you could say it's a commentary on the conflicting messages our society presents to boys these days. (Song is from the '80s.)

Take your mind back - I don't know when
Sometime when it always seemed
To be just us and them
Girls that wore pink
And boys that wore blue
Boys that always grew up better men
Than me and you

What's a man now - what's a man mean
Is he rough or is he rugged
Is he cultural and clean
Now it's all change - it's got to change more
'Cause we think it's getting better
But nobody's really sure

And so it goes - go round again
But now and then we wonder who the real men are

See the nice boys - dancing in pairs
Golden earring golden tan
Blow-wave in the hair
Sure they're all straight - straight as a line
All the gays are macho
Can't you see their leather shine

You don't want to sound dumb - don't want to offend
So don't call me a faggot
Not unless you are a friend
Then if you're tall and handsome and strong
You can wear the uniform and I could play along

And so it goes - go round again
But now and then we wonder who the real men are

Time to get scared - time to change plan
Don't know how to treat a lady
Don't know how to be a man
Time to admit - what you call defeat
'Cause there's women running past you now
And you just drag your feet

Man makes a gun - man goes to war
Man can kill and man can drink
And man can take a whore
Kill all the blacks - kill all the reds
And if there's war between the sexes
Then there'll be no people left

And so it goes - go round again
But now and then we wonder who the real men are

Me, like the Baron I go along with what Sykvue wrote.

Cheers,
Tom

 

[jamespowers]

Pink ties? I've got two of them! (Well, one is actually pink and black... )

Just two? There must have been a few in that lot of skinny ties.
I have not counted how many pink ties I have. I just know I have a few. Not all pink either though.

 

[jamespowers]

To be more to the point with a much more spot on description; I cannot get much better than Rudyard Kipling in 1910:

IF

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

 

[Widebrim]

^^:eusa_clap

 

[Tiller]

To be more to the point with a much more spot on description; I cannot get much better than Rudyard Kipling in 1910:

If is my favorite poem :eusa_clap.

 

[bradford]

I think a lot of this "return of men's men" stuff is a reaction to the changing economic times and the downturn in the economy. As a website that enjoys history, this whole change seems similar to what I've read about the change in the US after the Roaring 20's and the 1929 Market Crash. It almost seems as if the 90's and early 00's were the Roaring 20's of our generation and now we are experiencing a downturn not unlike the Great Depression.

It almost seems as though when peoples' worlds get shaken they often turn back to traditional styles including fashions.

My only question is why they have to pick on pink shirts. The pink Brooks Brothers buttondown is an iconic shirt and very manly! Plus, I look good in pink

 

[bradford]

P.S. Forgot to mention that its funny how the mainstream media is just catching on to this whole movement. This site and others have been around for several years, but apparently now they are getting some attention.

 

[Fletch]

When I think of quiet I don't think non-verbal. I think of a man like my grandfather, who can control a situation without ever raising his voice or being impolite, who can articulate what his thoughts in a very few well chosen words and can talk interestingly and confidently on the things that interest him. There aren't enough men like that!

No, there aren't...

The more I think about it, the more I feel the icon of the strong silent type was a response to WW2 and the reluctance many vets felt in opening up to nonvets. Not that strong silent wasn't a type before that, but it probably wasn't so dominant.

 

[Tango Yankee]

The more I think about it, the more I feel the icon of the strong silent type was a response to WW2 and the reluctance many vets felt in opening up to nonvets. Not that strong silent wasn't a type before that, but it probably wasn't so dominant.

Interesting thought, that. But what about the aftermath of WWI? Same thing? Korea, Viet Nam, too. My father was a Korean War vet. I'd known he was in the Army at some point before I was born, but the only time he talked about it was one evening when I was in high school and even then didn't talk about anything that wasn't humorous.

My wife (who is also retired USAF) said our son, a while after coming back from a tour with the Army in Iraq (he was National Guard) asked her why no one had asked him about his time there. She explained that none of us who had been in the service would; it was up to him to bring it up. Civilians, on the other hand, seem to have no hesitation in asking "Didja kill anyone there?"

Cheers,
Tom

 

[Widebrim]

My wife (who is also retired USAF) said our son, a while after coming back from a tour with the Army in Iraq (he was National Guard) asked her why no one had asked him about his time there. She explained that none of us who had been in the service would; it was up to him to bring it up. Civilians, on the other hand, seem to have no hesitation in asking "Didja kill anyone there?"

Cheers,
Tom

Pretty much so. Fellow vets do not usually ask "personal" questions, but at the same time, most civilians I have met do not ask much either (apart from the ocassional inappropriate question like you mentioned).

 

[Widebrim]

The more I think about it, the more I feel the icon of the strong silent type was a response to WW2 and the reluctance many vets felt in opening up to nonvets. Not that strong silent wasn't a type before that, but it probably wasn't so dominant.

Fletch, your statements regarding WWII (especially combat) vets have merit, but Puzzicato said that she was not really referring to the non-verbal type, but rather to the man of few words who rarely raises his voice, or acts impolitely. I'm not sure if we should equate the two types...

 

[psugrad98]

I think we are starting to see a throwback to regular man's men in advertising. the new Miller Lite commercial making fun of men who wear purses and the such are pretty funny.