The Getting Along thread

[Pompidou]

Well I just have to say, it is not all that hard for people to get along with others, if they want to. Now, really, it is true you cannot twist someone's arm to do so via the internet! But for the sake of my desires to promote good will, a warm smile and to crack a bit of humor into things, I do hope again, everyone can know it is ducky keen, a blast, the cats paw, to just get along and let things move forward in a pleasant manner! Now.....weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! hahah !

I like things best somewhere in between nonstop arguing and nonstop circular-back-patting. The former causes hard feelings here, and the latter whips up frenzies of self-righteousness. Just getting along is obviously a good thing, but we don't want to get along so well that we start talking about how much better we are than the rest of the world. That's a tough balancing act in any community.

 

[lolly_loisides]

I like things best somewhere in between nonstop arguing and nonstop circular-back-patting. The former causes hard feelings here, and the latter whips up frenzies of self-righteousness. Just getting along is obviously a good thing, but we don't want to get along so well that we start talking about how much better we are than the rest of the world. That's a tough balancing act in any community.

You've put it perfectly.

I've read through the other threads & for the most part I haven't contributed. I normally try to avoid conflict & I always think life's too short to argue with people I've never met, so as an observer it's been interesting to see how threads progress & watch the group behaviour.

I understand that a lot of people think that there has been disagreement for disagreements sake, but I think (and I know some people won't agree) that there seems to be a bit of bullying happening as well. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's my take. It's just a pity we don't see interesting, robust discussion and be able to respect differing view points.

 

[LoveMyHats2]

You've put it perfectly.

I've read through the other threads & for the most part I haven't contributed. I normally try to avoid conflict & I always think life's too short to argue with people I've never met, so as an observer it's been interesting to see how threads progress & watch the group behaviour.

I understand that a lot of people think that there has been disagreement for disagreements sake, but I think (and I know some people won't agree) that there seems to be a bit of bullying happening as well. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's my take. It's just a pity we don't see interesting, robust discussion and be able to respect differing view points.

You do address some valid points to say the least.

But I think in some ways if a person jumps into a thread and lays a bomb and then runs, well, it is just not very called for. I also am aware that some groups of individuals that do post a lot in one thread or another have a "thing" of friendship ongoing that may tend to have them support one another more than a new comer. But as you look to see, the best way to proceed on the lounge is to do so without an effort of creating a hostility from what is stated.

As I do not observe you posting before, I am sure if I were to jump in and say something uncalled for to you in what I post, you would desire to respond in at least a defensive way, if not worse. I think to some degree the comments posted in this thread examines some history of that happening, and as far as I am concerned, I hope if anyone needs to heal or to say, "hey I am sorry and let's move on", that it can do just that.

By the way, HELLO!

 

[lolly_loisides]

Lovemyhats2, I've been here for 3 years. I guess you don't look at the Powder room very much Hello to you too.

 

[Tomasso]

I guess you don't look at the Powder room very much

I, like most men here, am hesitant to venture into the PR.

 

[LoveMyHats2]

I like things best somewhere in between nonstop arguing and nonstop circular-back-patting. The former causes hard feelings here, and the latter whips up frenzies of self-righteousness. Just getting along is obviously a good thing, but we don't want to get along so well that we start talking about how much better we are than the rest of the world. That's a tough balancing act in any community.

I can only state for myself, I do not find myself thinking I am better than anyone else that is on the Lounge. I do however, desire to be able to be friendly to all I can, to promote a positive feeling between others, and myself. I try to not "dwell" on some smaller non-important things of what a person may say, or if they have bad grammar, or to pick apart what is stated. I know I am not a perfect person, and to date I have yet to master walking on water or to raise the dead!

I do think it is O.K. for anyone to bring a different opinion to any thread, as long as it done in a non offensive manner.

Can you imagine if you disliked something, say, the vintage look about shoes, and you happen to jump into a thread where someone just snagged a pair of shoes from eBay...and you state on that thread, "hey those shoes look like junk and anyone that wears junky looking shoes like that must be mentally retarded"...not the end of the result would create a war! But yet, if you elected to say you do not really like the shoes and think that the person got ripped off or something similar, more than not, no war comes of it.

I think (not bringing any one person into the above example, including you) that it is easy for us, all of us, to care enough to use good common sense before we post. I think that is it! Just using some common sense! Thanks!

 

[LoveMyHats2]

Lovemyhats2, I've been here for 3 years. I guess you don't look at the Powder room very much Hello to you too.

No..I do not, as per I thought we fellows are to stand clear of it, and also, I try to honor the rules as much as I can. So no....I think I would be far too tempted to post if I looked there. Hahah! Thanks however!

 

[LoveMyHats2]

I, like most men here, am hesitant to venture into the PR.

Yes indeed, I can relate to that as how it is for me as well.

 

[Pompidou]

Yes indeed, I can relate to that as how it is for me as well.

Same here. That forum is for registered TFL women and shadowy, unregistered strangers only. No disclosed men allowed.

 

[LizzieMaine]

Men are allowed to visit the PR for legitimate reasons -- a question about some item of ladies' apparel they've come across, for example, or to offer an opinion on some feminine topic where a male opinion might be sought. They aren't allowed to participate in certain threads, though -- the Pin Up thread, any thread dealing with lingerie or female medical matters, and any other topic that we've designated Women Only. And any man who at any time makes any of the women in the PR uncomfortable for any reason will be handed his hat in a hurry.

 

[LoveMyHats2]

Men are allowed to visit the PR for legitimate reasons -- a question about some item of ladies' apparel they've come across, for example, or to offer an opinion on some feminine topic where a male opinion might be sought. They aren't allowed to participate in certain threads, though -- the Pin Up thread, any thread dealing with lingerie or female medical matters, and any other topic that we've designated Women Only. And any man who at any time makes any of the women in the PR uncomfortable for any reason will be handed his hat in a hurry.

You mean I can't post if you are talking about your water cooler is getting fixed, but I can post if you want to ask how many steps are on a ladder? (JUST teasing you)!

I just have never looked as the rules say stay out, women only and really I have no problem about honoring those rules. In fact I think it is for me, respect. I do so dearly desire to respect others. Then of course, I like to make a person smile. Even if I have to eat an extra portion of spiced chili beans to do so! Weeeee hahahah lol!

 

[LoveMyHats2]

Same here. That forum is for registered TFL women and shadowy, unregistered strangers only. No disclosed men allowed.

I love that "shadowy"...hahah, reminds me of the story line, "who knows what evil is lurking...?,...the "shadow knows"....hahah!

 

[LoveMyHats2]

And really I do think regarding this entire topic of "getting along"...how hard is it, really now, for all that are thinking and posting any where on the Lounge, to just use common sense and think before hitting the post button? I know deep down inside, we all have feelings and desire to be happy and be friends here. How friggin hard can it be? haha! I have learned so much from the Lounge about hats, clothing and things. I also have learned some about individuals here and appreciate all of it. Life is a blast, neat, exciting for me. A part of it, comes from here. And I am thankful for the individuals that do post. Yeppers!

 

[sheeplady]

I've said this before, and I'll say this again- I've never tried to offend (or fight or attack personally) someone here. And I am sorry if I have offended anyone, because that's not my intention. I've had some interesting discussion over my short time here- some of which has helped me to form a very different viewpoint than the one I came into the discussion with- or at least I left better understanding the "other side's" viewpoint. I'm a very opinionated person, and I come from a long line of vocal, stubborn, and dogged stock. But that doesn't mean that I can't grow or change my mind, even if I know I'm always going to be stubborn about the things I believe in. Sometimes those beliefs change.

As LoveMyHats2 said, there is a respectful way to say something and a... less respectful or non-respectful way. You can disagree with a person tooth and nail and still respect them. No matter what you may think of a person's opinion one should still treat others like ladies and gentlemen.

 

[Pompidou]

I can only state for myself, I do not find myself thinking I am better than anyone else that is on the Lounge. I do however, desire to be able to be friendly to all I can, to promote a positive feeling between others, and myself. I try to not "dwell" on some smaller non-important things of what a person may say, or if they have bad grammar, or to pick apart what is stated. I know I am not a perfect person, and to date I have yet to master walking on water or to raise the dead!

I do think it is O.K. for anyone to bring a different opinion to any thread, as long as it done in a non offensive manner.

Can you imagine if you disliked something, say, the vintage look about shoes, and you happen to jump into a thread where someone just snagged a pair of shoes from eBay...and you state on that thread, "hey those shoes look like junk and anyone that wears junky looking shoes like that must be mentally retarded"...not the end of the result would create a war! But yet, if you elected to say you do not really like the shoes and think that the person got ripped off or something similar, more than not, no war comes of it.

I think (not bringing any one person into the above example, including you) that it is easy for us, all of us, to care enough to use good common sense before we post. I think that is it! Just using some common sense! Thanks!

In terms of the "grenades" - the little one liners designed to instigate, I'm with you all the way. I can't imagine anyone is in favor of those. I limit my argument to the larger scale, full blown debates I thrive on. For what it's worth, I think the debate on women in combat roles was about as perfect as a debate can get. So long as those types of discussions aren't included in the arguing for the sake of it complaint, all's fairly well by me. You seemed to enjoy the discussion as well, so I doubt there's any disagreement at all.

I spent some time looking back on my posts in the hipster and kids-these-days threads - the two where I felt most obligated to white-knight for the perceived downtrodden, and which got me a fair bit of respect - I guess I did have a habit of making sure to retaliate to any injury in kind. I was very tit for tat. I think I felt that in an argument about the worth of whole classes of people, I could win by default if I got the other side to cast themselves in a negative light. Winning by causing the other side to take things too far. Sort of a "let's make you say what you're really thinking and see who still wants to be associated with it" sort of strategy.

 

[scottyrocks]

Not everyone knows, or cares to admit, that they are exhibiting tendencies that might tend to annoy a significant number of people. In those cases, common sense doesn't apply because one person's common is not necessarily the others'. It's when a person doesn't see the writing on the wall, put there by a bunch of folks, that makes me wonder.

 

[LoveMyHats2]

Here is a thought that comes to mind, having something in common with everyone and anyone, from the Lounge! Get us all together in one giant warehouse building. If everyone got "nakked" we would at least have nothing to hide! ( yeow) hahahah Oh lord, they are coming to put me in the rubber room now! hahahahaha oh oh oh! lol!

 

[LoveMyHats2]

Not everyone knows, or cares to admit, that they are exhibiting tendencies that might tend to annoy a significant number of people. In those cases, common sense doesn't apply because one person's common is not necessarily the others'. It's when a person doesn't see the writing on the wall, put there by a bunch of folks, that makes me wonder.

True. I would think however that if anyone says something that is offensive in nature that it could be dealt with by someone putting it to them in a PM in a fashion to bring it to their attention and not to create further bitter feelings.

 

[LoveMyHats2]

In terms of the "grenades" - the little one liners designed to instigate, I'm with you all the way. I can't imagine anyone is in favor of those. I limit my argument to the larger scale, full blown debates I thrive on. For what it's worth, I think the debate on women in combat roles was about as perfect as a debate can get. So long as those types of discussions aren't included in the arguing for the sake of it complaint, all's fairly well by me. You seemed to enjoy the discussion as well, so I doubt there's any disagreement at all.

I spent some time looking back on my posts in the hipster and kids-these-days threads - the two where I felt most obligated to white-knight for the perceived downtrodden, and which got me a fair bit of respect - I guess I did have a habit of making sure to retaliate to any injury in kind. I was very tit for tat. I think I felt that in an argument about the worth of whole classes of people, I could win by default if I got the other side to cast themselves in a negative light. Winning by causing the other side to take things too far. Sort of a "let's make you say what you're really thinking and see who still wants to be associated with it" sort of strategy.

Yes indeed, and you know I find that for just me, I did state my direct viewpoints and always made the "cue" that is was just my opinion and that I was not one to make the policy of what would take place just due to my opinions. I think it is very easy for me to keep things civil, and no matter what, I keep in mind what anyone else would think and to try to not be offensive.

 

[HoosierDaddy]

Just a little humor...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pipTwjwrQYQ