The Era -- Day By Day

[Fading Fast]

"Yarr loocky Oi don't send ye parcel post." Ma is channelling my old man.

"Than ye c'n staarve t'death aaahr not," Oh yeah, it's him.

*******************************************************************************

"We had a bank robbery here in town the other day, but I doubt they were anywhere near this organized."

They still do that today? I can't think of the last time I've read about an attempted bank robbery happening in the NYC-metro area.

*******************************************************************************

"Either way, you're not to leave town until the check clears."

Plastic surgeons get paid before the procedure today and they don't know nuddin' about insurance.

 

[LizzieMaine]

Yeah, they walked into the bank that holds my mortgage (I was a mile and a half away at the time, I swear) and did the whole Woody Allen in "Take The Money And Run" bit. The local Keystone Kops say they have a lead, but no arrest yet.

https://knox.villagesoup.com/news/u...cle_bb7b0c3e-4f6b-11ef-929d-fbc89959acae.html

The last bank robbery I remember here was thirty-plus years ago, and the kid who did it was wearing a Halloween mask he bought at the store next door to the bank.

 

[LizzieMaine]

("No, no, no," scowls Ma, examining the canvas pouch. "This ain't the way ye do it at-ahhl!" "Well, it ain't my fault," squirms Jimmy "The Chest" Leary. "T' Hoppeh jus' gimme t'bag an' says 'go do t'is, an' don' let t' ol' lady catch ya dippin'." Ma's baleful glare tightens to a pinspot. "I mean, he says 'don' let Ma -- I mean, Missis Sweeney, he din' callya Ma, hones' -- catch ya dippin'." "Aaaahr ye aboot finished?" Ma frowns. "Yeh," Jimmy mutters, shifting nervously on his feet, "I -- um -- t'ink t'at about covehs it. Oh -- um -- Vandehveeh, y'know, t'undehtakeh down on Aveneh D t'eh, he says he'll pay ya Sattehday. He's got a big funehral comin' in, an' 'e'll have t'dough t'en." "If he doon't," growls Ma, "you an' Danny go in thaaar an' tell' Vandarrrveer he can arrange his ooon -- AH, DAUGHTER! Roit aaahn toime!" "Hiya Ma," greets Sally, as the screen door bangs behind her. "I betteh be goin'," hustles Jimmy, nervously touching the brim of his hat as he brushes past Sally in his rush for the door. "T'at guy," eyerolls Sally. "Moves awrful fas' f'ra man wit' flat feet." "Indeed," glares Ma.)

Japanese resistance increased on Guam today, as American forces closed in on the northern tip of the island after slugging their way thru heavy mud and dense undergrowth for more than a mile yesterday to capture three towns and Tinyan airfield. Tinyan, the sixth airfield added during the Marianas campaign to the chain of bases from which American planes may strike at Japan's inner defenses, was taken with the aid of a terrific bombardment by carrier aircraft of Admiral Marc Mitsoher's task group.

("Binkie?" snorts Sally. "SPPPPPPPT," sneers Leonora.)

(The official hot dogs of Ebbets Field, guaranteed to contain no soy flour, ground oatmeal, or sawdust.)

Reader Martin Woolfson writes to express his concern over the fact that so many high school students these days have part time or even full time jobs that distract from their education. "The economic experience of work and of earning money has its value," he concedes, "but there is the great danger that it will weaken the urge for continuing with and pursuing the academic studies so necessary to real literacy and enlightenment."

(Be patient, folks, only three more months of this...)

(At the very least, win one for Sgt. Peter Barone...)

(Look, hon, if you really WANT a sailor, there's plenty to go around...)

(Just be careful he doesn't end up on the menu at the annual lodge dinner.)

(Not only that, this spaghetti's overcooked.)

(I wonder how hard it is for knife-throwers to get liability insurance.)

(Poor Kitty.)

 

[LizzieMaine]

And in the Daily News...

Frankie is so absent-minded he forgot this didn't work.

See, Kitty? Sometimes there IS justice.

That salt air's gonna make those cuts really smart.

"Are you kiddin'? And miss that guy that sings about slipcovers??"

Overcompensate much?

"Fletcher's Castoria?" Well, babies DO cry for it.

You were a little too quick in coming up with that story, Walter. Anything else you'd like to tell us?

Hey Gramps, I hear Aunt Pruny's in town...

Well, it isn't Sunday, so it can't be The Shadow...

Poor Emmy. She's been running this place for twenty years and she's never had an actual paying boarder.

 

[LizzieMaine]

And also...

"Master?"

 

[LizzieMaine]

("Look, jus' do what I ask ya," demands Sally. "Don't taaahlk t'me loike that, Sally Aileen Sweeney," snaps Ma. "Oi was raisin' children when you was -- well, woona th' children Oi was raisin'." "Ma," insists Sally, "t'ez polio goin' aroun'. I don't want Leonoreh runnin' aroun' down inna stoeh heeh wheh she c'n catch anyt'ing t'ese bums come in heeh might have crawrlin' awn'm!" "Bums!" roars Ma. "Yeh, bums," frowns Sally. "Awlese charactehs come in'eeh awla time usin'a phone. Awlese loafehs sit'eeh awl day sloip'in up egg creams an' Coca-Cola when'ney awghta be inna Awrmy. Who knows what t'ey might pick up. An' Leonoreh, t'ree yeehs ol', sitt'n right inna middl'uvvit. You know las' night she said she had a stomach-ache? T'at's one'a t'symptoms a' polio, y'know, I looked it up innis book I got." "Leonora haaad a stoomach ache," confesses Ma, "b'cause she ate a whole Eedjit's D'light sundae." "Idiot's D'light?" puzzles Sally. "It's joost a gimmick," shrugs Ma. "Three flavarrs'a oice cream, hot foodge, bootarscotch saaace, peanuts, whipped cream, sloiced bananas aaanda cherry ahn top. She see Jimmy eat one farrr loonch, an' she waanted woon too, an' she fussed an' haaalarred 'til Oi give it to 'arr. Oi guess Oi'm joost an oold pooshovar." "Idiot's D'light," frowns Sally. "Docteh Minkoff says she's got a 185 I-Q." "Hey, Ma," comes a voice, as the screen door skeens open to admit Jimmy Leary. He freezes momentarily at the sight of Sally's accusatory frown, and silently hands Ma the canvas pouch. "Uh," he uhs, "I was gonna have one'a t'em Idiot's D'lights t'eh, but -- uh -- I'll have it lateh." He touches the brim of hat in obeisance, and hastens to the door. "A loafeh an'na bum, an'na idiot b'sides," growls Sally. "An'nis brot'eh's just as bad. I dunno how Uncle Frank..." "Ah, Nora," comes the voice of that worthy, descending the stairs. "Oi was woondarin' what me chances waaar t'get woona those Eeedjit's D'lights?" "Yaaal spoil ye soopar," snaps Ma. "Idiot's D'light," sighs Sally.)

US Marines and Army troops on Guam battled dense undergrowth, heavy mud, and desperate Japanese today on the rim of a constantly narrowing seven-by-ten-mile area in which the Japanese remaining on the island were hopelessly trapped. A last ditch fight was imminent at the northern end of Guam . Behind the advancing Americans are 7803 Japanese dead, while Admiral Chester Nimitz's latest communique estimated a total enemy death toll of more than 5000 on Tinian Island, where all resistance was ceased.

The Premier of the Polish government-in-exile emerged in high spirits following his conference today with Soviet Premier Marshal Joseph Stalin, but remained noncommittal on the points discussed. Premier Stanislaw Mikolajcyzk carried with him as he left the Kremlin a sheaf of documents, but gave no indication to reporters whether the typewritten pages contained Soviet proposals or merely a record of the conference. Though he declined to give details, Mikolajczyk's jovial mood indicated that some progress may have been made toward an eventual rapproachment between the two governments.

Meanwhile, the Polish government-in-exile today promised Polish Jews "full indemnity" from defeated Germany for all real and personal property confiscated by the Nazis as well as "substantial damages" for other injuries. The promise was given in the current issue of "Polish Facts and Figures," a publication of the exile government's information bureau, an issue devoted entirely to a discussion to the trials and tribulations of Jews in Poland under German occupation. The promise comes amidst charges that some members of the Polish exile government themselves hold, or have held, anti-Semitic views.

("Westchester Coonty," scoffs Uncle Frank thru a mouthful of corned beef. "Annd basebahhl, yet. In Westchester Coonty. Ooota be bett'n ahhn polo!" "Don't eat so faaast," admonishes Ma. "Be oop ahhl noit again with ye indigestion." "It's naaaht indigestion," protests Uncle Frank, "it's maaaalnutrition. Ye knoow what would fix me roit oop? An Eedjit's D'light farr dessarrt." "Eat ye tarrnips," frowns Ma, "else ye get no dessarrt a'taaal.")

(Long ago, Miss West declined a date with Mr. Pollock, and he's been waiting years for this chance...)

The Eagle Editorialist congratulates District Attorney In Abstentia William O'Dwyer for his promotion to Brigadier General. Over the two years since he entered the Army, the DA who broke the back of the Murder For Money gang has been assigned to special investigating missions for which he is uniquely suited by his background as a prosecutor. He was recently assigned to serve on the Allied Control Commission in Italy.

(Pretty soon they'll call it "art.")

(And thus does Tommy Brown, age 16, become the youngest Dodger ever. And eighty years later, at the age of 96, he will survive as the oldest living former Dodger. That's got to mean something.)

("A monkey gland transplant?" Well, it'd cost ya.")

(Five Dollars! You know how many Airwicks that'll buy?)

("Well, no, but it'll drown out the taste of this sauce.")

(GREAT ACT! Trouble is, you can only do it once.)

(AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE HERO DOG is modest and always deflects praise.)

 

[LizzieMaine]

"And remember men -- CORRECT CHANGE!"

These Chicago guys don't hang around candy stores.

That's V-Mail for ya.

"Huh," huhs Alice. "Tess is one'a'tese T-5s too, jus' like Joe. An' jus' took'eh foeh mont's. Took Joe six!" "Hmph," hmphs Sally, "it ain' whatcha know, it's whoya know."

"Who, me? Just whittlin'."

You got a lot to learn, kid.

Tomorrow -- Bill, Doc, and Avery arrive.

How are you at brain surgery, kid?

"Oh well, back to soyburgers."

In the August "Apparel Arts..."

 

[Fading Fast]

We haven't had a Wasp-waist alert in a long time, but well:

I think that is what Burma is really PO'd about. In her thirties, she's a mighty fine-looking woman, but she doesn't have a teenager's waist anymore.

 

[LizzieMaine]

("Troops re-pawrted movin' inta Philly," reads Alice. "Jeez, I hope Fitz is OK." "Yeh," eyerolls Sally. "Hey, look heeh --" cotninues Alice. "No Polio Epidemic in New Yawrk City." "Who says?" scoffs Sally. "T' healt' commissioneh says," replies Alice. "Right heeh." "T' healt' commissioneh," sneers Sally. "R'membeh a few yeehs back awlem dawgs wit' rabies runnin' aroun' anna healt' commissioneh said t'eh wasn' no rabies epidemic? An' now he says t'eh ain' no polio?" "But Sal," counters Alice. "Y'can't get polio fr'm no dawg." "D'you eveh lissen t'yaself?" headshakes Sally. "Sometimes," shrugs Alice. "When'neh ain' no radio.")

Three Jersey City girls and a sailor, who spent the night in jail, appeared yesterday in Coney Island Court on a charge of disorderly conduct. Patrolman Max Sherman arrested 26-year-old Mildred Portas, 21-year-old Elizabeth Annes, and Catherine Scagliana, no age given, for refusing to stop dancing on the Stillwell Avenue boardwalk when he ordered them to do so. Seaman First Class John Szlakalski of Auburn, New York was also arrested after he interfered with Patrolman Sherman's attempt to stop the dancing, and the scene attracted a crowd. Dancing on the boardwalk is a violation of park rules and regulations, but the arrest was made due to their refusal to obey the order of a patrolman to stop. All four defendants were found guilty, but sentence was suspended by Magistrate Vincent J. Sweeney on the grounds that the four had already spent a night in jail.

("Jus' because yeh doin' costumes f't'is show," huffs Miss Kaplan, "don' give ya t'right t'stick pins in me kiesteh!" "Well, hold still," commands Mozelewski, "an' ya won't get stuck." "Whassis t'ing on me head, anyways?"queries Miss Kaplan. "Weighs a ton!" "It's a bombsight," explains Mozelewsky, pinning a ruffle of tulle around Miss Kaplan's hindquarters. "It looks like," protests Miss Kaplan, "a cardboehd box!" "It's a SECRET bombsight!" declares Mozelewski. "OW!" erupts Miss Kaplan as another pin finds its mark. "I wish Joe was heeh," she laments. "He was gonna sing innis show befoeh t'ey took 'im." "Soun'ed jus' like Rudy Vallee," nods Mozelewski. "Bet his wife likes t'at," snorts Miss Kaplan.)

(Just so you know it isn't ALL fun and games...)

The Eagle Editorialist laments the loss of a great annual tradition, with the announcement that there will be no Coney Island Mardi Gras this year. "War brings changes," the EE sighs. "Could it be that the ending of the Mardi Gras is one of these? Or will popular demand bring it back in kindlier times?"

("Ain' it awlwatys t'way?")

("All right, Mr. Owen," says the Army doctor. "Everything else checks out. There's just one more test." "I'm ready," nods Mr. Owen. The doctor picks up a grenade-shaped paperweight from his desk. "Catch!" he says, tossing the grenade. "Oh," he sighs, as the grenade rolls to the far wall.)

(And it isn' t V-Mail. Must be a big shot.)

("I dunno, job like this they usually show me a sawbuck.")

(Poor Janie's gonna weigh 200 pounds by the time this is over.)

(Did you know there are special laws for knife-throwers?)

(AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE HERO DOG is always happy to work with a new director.)

 

[LizzieMaine]

And in the Daily News...

Chubby and Farina would be very disappointed in you, son.

PISTOL PUNCHY PUNKS! PISTOL PUNCHY PUNKS! PISTOL PUNCHY PUNKS!

Somebody here is wayyyyyyy out of their league.

Mr. King is feeling terribly overworked.

BEEEEFCAKE

IN THIS HEAT???

"Hm. What was it Uncle Nick used to say?"

They didn't make her floor foreman for nothing.

"Oh, have you brought one? Sorry, couldn't resist."

Sure, he's a sadistic murdering sociopath --- but look at that swell tan!

 

[LizzieMaine]

And also...

Jimmy can be such a name-dropper.

 

[Fading Fast]

"All right, Mr. Owen," says the Army doctor. "Everything else checks out. There's just one more test." "I'm ready," nods Mr. Owen. The doctor picks up a grenade-shaped paperweight from his desk. "Catch!" he says, tossing the grenade. "Oh," he sighs, as the grenade rolls to the far wall.

To be fair to Mickey, the doctor did the test three times and Mickey caught and held it the first two times.

 

[LizzieMaine]

("No!" insists Sally, her voice firm. "I don' wan'cha goin' out onna sidewawlk. It's too hot out an'nez polio goin' aroun'." "Too hot in'neeh," protests Leonora. "Go onna fieh'scape?" "No," sighs Sally, her voice taking on a tone of exasperation. "Y'fawll awff." "Stella onna fieh'scape," protests Leonora. "Stella's a cat," points out Sally. "Cats know howta nawt fawl awff. Yeh'ra kid. Y'don'know'a'nuff notta fawl awff." "I'm GIFTED!" declares Leonora. "Doc Minkoff sez..." "We'h gonna go see Docteh Minkoff lateh," snaps Sally, "an' y'can take it up wit'tim. Go oveh t'eh an' drawr in ya tablet a'sumpn'." "Hate'choo," fumes Leonora. "What?" gapes Sally. "Hate'choo," repeats Leonora. "Wish Pa come home. Pa lemme go out." "Y'Pa ain'heeh," yells Sally. "I'm heeh. An' y'AIN' GOIN' OUT! NOW SIDDOWN AN' DRAWR!" "Hate'choo," growls Leonora. She punctuates her comment with a loud "SPPPPPPPPT," as her mother sinks into her kitchen chair and begins to sob....)

EIghth Army troops have occupied all Florence south of the Arno River against withering enemy artillery fire which the Germans, despite repeated claims that the great cultural center would be an open city, have massed along the river's northern bank within the city. As dusty and battle-weary British, Dominion, and Indian troops plunged to within two miles of the river on a 25 mile front on either side of the bitterly contested city, the Germans drew up artillery formations and rushed in crack paratroopers in a final effort to hold the Arno line.

("Methodist Episcopal?" I can tell you for a fact that the ladies of the W. S. C. S. are NOT gonna like this.)

Local fishermen now in the Armed Forces who may be accustomed to enjoying the fine lobster-like flavor of the North Atlantic Blowfish might be surprised when they read the instruction booklet included in military survival kits issued to troops in the Pacific Theatre. Those instructions warn against consuming blowfish because "it is poisonous and must not be eaten." Dr. Daniel Merriman of Yale University explains that the blowfish found in Pacific waters is a different species from that found locally -- and it is so toxic that Japanese as far back as the seventeenth century were known to use it as a method of committing hara-kiri. The practice became so common in old Japan that the Emperor finally issued an edict banning the eating of blowfish on pain of forfeiting his son's right of succession and property.

The local man who jumped on stage at Madison Square Garden to attack Nazi leader Fritz Kuhn during a German-American Bund rally in 1939 is now fighting Nazis on a much larger scale. Isadore Greenbaum is now a Chief Petty Officer in the Merchant Marine, and when participated in the storming the coast of Normandy on D-Day he was no longer a lone man standing up against Hitler's American puppet, but had the full backing of the US armed forces. Greenbaum, a plumber before the war, enlisted in the Merchant Marine after Pearl Harbor, and served aboard one of the hundreds of transport ships that brought troops to the Normandy peninsula. He looks forward to returning to Brooklyn, where he lives at 208 South 1st Street with his wife Gertrude and their three children.

Those hoping to see the last of the white pennies that confused millions of Americans when they began appearing in change last year will be disappointed to learn that the U. S. Mint has no plans to recall the zinc-coated steel coins. Mint officials said last week that the white pennies will "either wear out or disappear" over the course of time, but in the meantime they will remain in circulation to be confused with dimes. The Eagle Editorialist laments this news, noting that the steel cents "have been driving Americans into new high records for profanity since they were first struck a year and a half ago."

("C'mon, Willie!" urges Alice. "Less you an' me an' Unca Siddy got t't' bawlgame! Doubleheadeh!" "Bushwicks?" enthuses Willie. "Ebbets Feel," shrugs Alice. "Oh," sighs Willie. "Yeh," agrees Krause.)

The Bushwicks will host the New York Cubans in a twinbill this afternoon at Dexter Park. Luis Tiant, who drubbed the locals in a night game last month, is expected to start one of the games for the visitors. Bots Nekola is expected to start one of the games for the Bushwicks.

Ben Hofstadter of Flatbush will be wearing an unusual badge on his lapel, and if you run into him, he'll explain that it recognizes him for having given three gallons of his blood to the Red Cross. Hofstadter is the only person in the entire country to have earned this badge, and he has been donating regularly since 1940. He notes that since then he's developed a real fondness for fried liver -- a food which, he says, bulds up the blood.

(Think of the endorsement deals!)

(Point of order: rabbits are obligate herbivores. DO YOUR RESEARCH.)

(Again we remind you: Phil Fumble is a self-avatar of Ernie Bushmiller himself.)

(I mean, he really HAD TO change it. You can't have a general whose monogram is HUG.)

(Seriously though, isn't that the first thing ANYBODY would think of if they ran into an invisible amnesia victim?)

(Prunes and figs? At least he doesn't give any long speeches.)

(Ah, well, it looks like the Senora will get her own Marine.)

 

[LizzieMaine]

And in the Daily News...

"For the LAST TIME," insists AAF Flight Officer Jackie Coogan, "It ISN'T ME."

Living in a tiny home spares you so many exasperations.

B card, huh. PAYS TO HAVE CONNECTIONS.

Oh, here we go again. Tell us again about the flooded cave.

Somebody's gotta encapsulate the lead in this house.

"And they loaded up the truck..."

We're just about to enter the golden age of pop psychology.

Damn blue laws.

"Oh, I'd like to see mo-aaah of Sa-mo-aaaa!"

Just what IS your real name? Will we find it on a post office wall?

 

[LizzieMaine]

And also --

"I was promised a full two-page spread! Summon my legal counsel at once!" -- Buster.

 

[Fading Fast]

Things I learned today:
1. I owe Burma a huge apology for my "Wasp-Waist" comment a few days ago. The old gal hasn't added an inch.
2. I owe Caniff a huge thank you for this panel. He blasted this one right by the censors. @FOXTROT LAMONT would be in heaven with it - I hope he is okay.
3. Burma isn't her real name. To be fair, who in the second decade of the 20th century was naming their kid "Burma?"

 

[LizzieMaine]

("I'm gladdat heat's oveh'wit'," sighs Sally. "I ain' slep' in t'ree nights." "Me neit'eh," agrees Alice. "Siddy tosses 'n toins like -- I dunno, sump'n tosses 'n toins awl night. He don' like t' heat -- funny t'ing f'ra guy woiks on a berleh f'ra livin'." "'Splains why it's so col' innat buildin' inna winteh," grumbles Sally. "Hey," queries Alice. "What's eat'n you? I didn' see you atawll yestehday." "Ahhhh," dismisses Sally. "You know how it is f'me on Sunday. Go see Docteh Minkoff, go see Docteh Levine. Awlday lawng I'm seein' doctehs an' I still feel lousy, my husban's gawd knows weh, an' my daughteh hates me. Yeh, life is swell." "Ya daughteh hates yeh?" gapes Alice. "G'wan." "She even tol' me so," exhales Sally. "Right out loud, an'nen she gimme a razzberry jus' t'make it stick." "Huh," huhs Alice. They ride on in silence for an interval. "Sal," resumes Alice. "Lemme ask ya sump'n. See, I neveh really had no ma, so I dunno how it's sposta go, awright? So tell me t'is -- did you eveh say t'at t'yawr ma? Eveh?" "No," insists Sally, "I did not." "Neveh?" presses Alice. "Well," shrugs Sally, "we neveh see eye t'eye onna lotta t'ings, awright? Me'n Ma, it's diff'nt genehrations, awright. She grew up onna fawrm in Irelan, see, an' me, I grew up in Eas' Flatbush." "She had cows an' you had goats," snickers Alice. "T'at ain' funny," scowls Sally. "Only people had goats aroun'neh wazzem McCulloughs, an' you know it. But you know what I'm sayin', right? It's diffen' woils." "Diffen' woil now," nods Alice, "fr'm what it was twenny yeehsago, ain'at so?" "Yeh," acknowledges Sally. "I guess so. KIna diff'rent." "You remembeh what it was like t'be a lit'l kid?" continues Alice. "A lit'l," shrugs Sally. "I remembeh I'd do t'ings, Ma'd yell at me an' I'd yell back. Ain'nat what awl kids do?" "Zackly,"agrees Alice. "I heeh you tawkin' 'eeh, I wish't I'd had a ma t'yell at. But all I had t'yell at was -- well, me." Again they ride on in silence. "Y'know," observes Sally, "Docteh Levine ain' got nut'n on you." "Y'tink," chuckles Alice, "I could make a livin' at it?")

Two large bomber formations including American Liberators roared across the Straits in brilliant sunlight today and Nazi radios reported Allied planes over Southern Germany and Hungary indicating new attacks by aircraft based in Italy. While the heavy bombers continued the strategic campaign against German industry, particularly oil reserves, the weather over the French battlefields gave promise of permitting all out aerial support for advancing infantry and tank columns.

The bitterest legislative fight since the dispute over voting rights for soldiers is developing in the Senate today, as a coalition of Republicans and Southern Democrats seeks to defeat an administration-backed demobilization bill that would place the postwar unemployed under government control with weekly benefits as high as $35. That bill will go to the Senate floor tomorrow after hostile Republicans meet today in a strategy-mapping conference called by Sen. Arthur D. Vandenburg (R-Mich.). Southern Democrats led by Sen. Walter X. George (D-Ga.) are expected to work closely with Republicans during the anticipated floor fight.

All restaurants will be required to display their prices for basic menu items on large placards to be posted in plain view of customers, under a new edict from the Office of Price Administration. Blank posters measuring 28 by 21 inches will be supplied free to all establishments by OPA agents, and management must fill in the prices charged for each listed item. Restaurant prices are frozen at their April 1943 levels for most items, except for coffee, which is frozen everywhere at 5 cents per cup except in cases where more was charged prior to October 1942.

("Ahh," ahhs Ma, "nooow tharr's a singar." "Vaughn MOANroe?" snickers Uncle Frank. "Ye got to step with th' toimes, ye old fossil," snaps Ma. "Mistarr Monrooe's ten toimes th' singarr as that skinny I-talian fallow." "Ye don't loike Sinatra," Uncle Frank gapes in mock astonishment. "Who's th' fossil now? Vaughn Monroe, Oi'll be bound! Oi s'pose yee'l be gooin' to th' Paramount an' flingin' ye skivvies aaahn stage." "Waaaaal, if Oi do," snips Ma, "ye bettar be ready with me bail money.")

("I don't see YOU bustin' any humps.")

("Coming events...")

("Triple play!" sneers Willie. "Jus'wan'ed t'get home oily!" "Yeh!" snickers Krause.)

("Spain!" gasps Dr. Ward. "You mean he was a -- premature anti-Fascist?")

(One of the joys of Mr. Tuthill's artwork is seeing all the bizarre personalities walking by in the foreground as George's latest idiocy unfolds. Which brings us to the gentleman in panel one, who is either heading out to pay golf. or is planning to attend a convention of Irish-stereotype vaudeville comedians.)

("No, this is parmesan cheese! WAITER!")

(Not only that, kid, you're unemployed!)

("Per the wishes of my colleague Kitty, I will refuse to offer any financial advice to this worthless excuse for a hound!" -- Buster.)

 

[LizzieMaine]

And in the Daily News...

It's rare these days that you see such a well-balanced Page Four.

(New world, next stop...)

"Mom." Caniff is certainly feeling his oats this week.

Harold Gray, Sovereign Citizen.

Oh boy, swimming lessons!

Ever heard of raccoons?

"Oh pish. You know there's nothing in there but bathing suits."

Next week's Pathe News will be a real big hit back home.

Seriously, how many other six year olds could pull off this look?

Sure, he could pass for "Tess Trueheart."

 

[LizzieMaine]

("Imagine givin' a CAT farrrty thoosan' dollars!" marvels Ma, gesturing at the paper lying on the counter. "It's a moity foine waaarld we're livin' in when tharr's cats gaaaht moor mooney'n most people." "Ehhh," ehhs Sally, thru a sip of Coke, "I'd rat'teh a cat haddat kin'a money t'en a FAT cat, if y'know what I mean. I bet if Stella had foehty t'ousan', she'd..." But her thought is interrupted by the telephone. "I'll get it," she offers, but Ma bustles out from behind the counter and shoves her daughter aside before she can reach the phone. "Never ye moind," Ma insists, grabbing for the receiver. "Lieb's," she greets. "COLLECT? 'E's caahlin COLLECT, is 'e? Aaaahl roit, put'tim on!" Sally looks on in puzzlement as Ma leans in close to the mouthpiece and speaks in a low whisper. She can barely make out a few words as her mother's head bobs vigorously. "Ye gaaaht ye naaaarve!" is one phrase that stands out. "Nooo, Oi ain't wirin' you no moor mooney, ye joost gaaaht there!" is another. As is, "well, so's th' caaahsta livin' HERE!" and "Joost do what Oi sent ye t'do!" Several additional phrases follow, punctuated by "...if ye know what's good faaahr ye!" Ma slams the receiver home, and visibly fuming she resumes her position behind the counter. She takes up her polishing rag and snaps it with unusual force around the seltzer spigot. "Whassat awlabout?" wonders Sally. "Ehhh," replies Ma, with forced nonchalance. "Wroong noombar.")

Premier General Kunlaki Koiso, noting Allied victories in the Marianas and New Guinea, warned the Japanese people in a radio broadcast today that the Japanese Empire is "confronted by national difficulties of unprecedented seriousness." The new premier, who succeeded Gen. Hideki Tojo only last month pointedly cited the American occupation of the Marianas as "an attempt to obtain a quick decision in the war, and presents an appearance as if to strike at our homeland in a single blow." Koisko's message, released in an English translation by the Domei news agency and recorded by the United Press in San Francisco, was prepared in observance of Imperial Rescript Day, which Japan has observed on the 7th of every month since the attack on Pearl Harbor.

The Administration appears headed today for a battle in the Senate over whether Lend-Lease aid to Great Britain should continue after the collapse of Germany. Lend-Lease officials are prepared to argue that continuation of aid to maintain Britain's civilian economy as the war continues against Japan will be just as vital as it was during the war on Germany, under the thesis that "it is all one war." Congressional critics argue that a "wait and see" attitude on further aid is justified pending the revelation of what Britain plans to do to assist in the Pacific phase of the war.

("4. In the meantime your neighborhood candy store will be happy to help you meet your telephone needs.")

Warrants have been issued for the arrests of six New York gangsters in connection with the decade-old murder of Ferdinant "The Shadow" Boccia, who was shot to death at the Christofolo Club and Cafe in Williamsburg on September 9, 1934. Boccia got "the bumps," asserts Acting District Attorney Thomas Craddock Hughes, because he had insisted on his $35,000 cut of a $180,000 swindle put over by "the mob." Named in the warrants are Vito Genovese, Michael Mirandi, and Peter DeFeo, gangster overlords of lower Manhattan, and three Bensonhurst hoods identified as George Smurra, Gus Franca, and one "John Doe," alias "Solly." It is reported that Genovese is currently serving as a civilian interpreter with the American Military Government in Italy.

(Piel's??? Last year, Bobby endorsed Rheingold! Times must be getting tough.)

The Eagle Editorialist notes that, in Cleveland, Ohio today a young widow with two small children will become the one millionth beneficiary of Social Security. The widow of a war worker will receive monthly benefit checks of $58.49 under the survivors' insurance program that began in 1940. "The Social Security program," notes the EE, "designed when war clouds were distant, has as a matter of law not been permitted to go astray even under the heavy financial pressures experienced in this country since Pearl Harbor. It is a definite public gain, and in the years to come will justify itself repeatedly."

(Carpe Diem.)

(Meanwhile, how BOUT them Browns!!!!)

(Well isn't he a pleasant fellow.)

(Aren't all the other Bungles in jail? Be specific!)

(And just like that, Janie hit upon the invention that would make her fortune.)

(Uh, that's called a "mark." Every stage has them. You're new at this, arent'cha?)

("Oh, and he really hates dogs.")

 

[LizzieMaine]

And in the Daily News...

So, Commissioner Valentine -- how will you respond to this?

Poor Buster. Not only isn't he feeling well but he also had to miss "Vic and Sade."

Wow, he speaks French!

"Those crackers in the barrel? They're plastic, just for the tourists. Here, have a box of Uneeda Biscuits."

"And the mailman is really getting tired of it!"

"She's back at the camp, paying the cabbie! You wouldn't BELIEVE how much it cost!"

Yeah, but you'll, you know, have to put a shirt on.

Still sore about the B card, aren't you?

You children have no idea what you're in for, do you?

Azimuth's pretty good though.