Suggestions Needed!

[mysterygal]

I've been asked to come along side a sweet 16 year old girl to be a friend and an all around good role model for her. The problem lies in this; I have no idea how to relate to teenagers! For some reason they sort of intimidate me! But I reallly want to do this since I believe it will be great for both of us.
What sort of things do teenage girls talk about and what sort of things would be good to do with her if we were to go on any outings?
Thanks!

 

[beaucaillou]

I always find the best thing to do is to talk to everyone like a peer. Perhaps not about peer topics, but to relate to their spirit and character versus points of cultural reference. Maybe I'm being too abstract. Hmmm.

I guess since so many people I encounter are emotionally immature (not necessarily a bad thing) they often feel 15 to me, and then there are some, even children, which feel much much older than me. I always find the best approach is to speak to everyone like an emotional and spiritual peer. Just be natural and they will respond in kind.

Oh and some ideas of stuff to do:
* Thrift shopping/lunch
* Park walks/exploring
* Town festival/artist's market
* Bowling
* Miniature Golf (indoors! Brrr!)
* Manicures/pedicures
* Museum exhibit

Have fun!

 

[CanadaDoll]

That's a fine thing to do Mysterygal!:eusa_clap
From what I observe of my brother, his girlfriend and their friends, teens talk about pretty much everything, from politics to fashion to art, you will not be at a loss for conversation don't worry.
A few more activites:
The zoo is always fun.
And if you have a store like this around, glazing your own pottery, it's a blast!
Roller skating.
And of course you can't really go wrong with shopping

I hope you have fun!!

 

[CharlieH.]

... teens talk about pretty much everything, from politics to fashion to art...

And generously peppered with scores of "like", "um", "yeah", "dude", "whatever", "cool" and their many permutations, hehe.

 

[Clara Noir]

You'll be surprised at how much teenagers just want to talk about things they don't think people believe they have an opinion on.

Surprisingly, yes this does involve politics. Unless things have changed a lot in three years since I was fifteen.

Since at that age I was a sponge for fashion and identity trying to find myself, I would recommend a costume museum or modern art exhibition. They would be contemporary enough to hold their interest, and they may even learn something.

Music and comedy are good ones too, so maybe you could support local bands by going to gigs in smaller (cheaper!) venues, or going to a comedy club. A lot of these are 14+.

Shopping in non high street shops would go down well too I'd expect, as most teens stick to a handful of chain stores but want to be different.

I hope this helps, and best of luck! :eusa_clap

 

[Paisley]

Don't talk down to her and don't automatically go into advice mode. As with anyone but your own children, don't give unsolicited advice. If you disagree with her, ask her why she thinks as she does (there may be a good reason). To which you can reply, "My experience with that has been..." or "There are those who think..."

OTOH, don't take nonsense from her.

 

[Phil]

Being a guy, I can't give you too much help, but being surrounded by girls all day I have picked up on generalities.

- Shoes/clothes
- Internet Videos (Especially that Shoes video)
- Gossip (but be ready to hear a lot of stuff you won't care about)
- TV/Movies
- Boys (at your own discretion)
- Any sports they might be in
- Girl stuff (nails, hair, etc...)
- Unless they're the kind of girls who'd enjoy that, I'd say avoid the museums.
- Flat out just talk to them, pick a topic and go with it.


That's what got me thorugh usually. I'm not sure how girls in Washington will differ from girls in Illinois though.[huh]

And as Paisley said, don't take any nonsense.

 

[Spitfire]

I guesse the most important thing is that you talk to them like grown ups.
Rather that than being talked down to!
Treat them in no other way, than you would treat friends your own age.

Most teenagers feel grown up - and like being treated like that.
And if they are not - you both soon will find out.

Respect them. Give them room. And show them you care about their opinions. Dont try to be like them. Dont force yourself into something that doesn't comes naturally. (Rollerscating, surfboards, dancing, clubbing etc. etc.) Show them your world instead. Or the fun part of it at least.

I have worked with a lot of young people. Work and teaching.
And I have always given them room and showed them I had trust in them.
It works. And I have never ever tried to show of younger than I am.

Good luck - it is both funny and educational!

 

[Jay]

Two words: Music Television.

 

[Aaron Hats]

what sort of things would be good to do with her if we were to go on any outings?

Start with what you know. When I was in my late teens a family friend took my brother and I to a museum in Boston. It was for an exhibit about China. How boring for a teenager right? Not at all. This guy had been to China a few times and he gave us such great, personal information about the exhibits. It was like having a personal tour guide through the museum and China. I will never forget that visit. So start with what you know and see if it peaks her interest.

Good luck.

Aaron

 

[Lincsong]

Two words: Music Television.

Does that station play any music at all?lol

 

[Phil]

Not on a regular basis. You'd have to watch late night during summer.

 

[farnham54]

Call me crazy, but teens are just as diverse as Adults are. We tend to paint them all with one brush, but that is simply inappropriate.

My advice: Be yourself. Encourage her to be Herself. Don't think of her as a teenager, think of her as a person, because she is--she's just at a different stage in her life then you are (Maybe--I've known people over 40 who act like they are 12 and vise versa).

Respect her, and earn her respect in return. You guys will get along swimmingly and I'm sure you'll do just fine.

Cheers
Craig

 

[The Wolf]

I agree that you should talk to her as a peer. Ask about music she likes and mention music you like. Sometimes they might know a band you don't expect. Ask what the music she enjoys is like.
If you talk long enough about different things you will probably find common interests. That will help both of you see each other a peers.

Sincerely,
the Wolf

 

[Elaina]

I don't like kids. (I always start out with that.) But...kids don't believe me and I manage to know them all from 5-17 in a 5 mile radius, and when I worked outside the house at a fast food joint manager, I worked with all the kids.

Talking isn't a problem, usually they want to be "adult" and the moment you treat them like they have a brain cell, they'll jump all over you and show you how smart they are. I agree, they'll be diverse: you'll hear everything from their view on sex, to why there's violence in the school, to politics to underwear color to why Stalin wasn't a bad leader. Kids tend to rise to the level of conversation presented to them, even ones you would never believe could string together more then "Dude. Really. Dude."

As to where to go, I'm going to assume that you're not me and making her go with you where you want to go is not excatly what your planning. To that I say treat her like a girlfriend and take her where you would go with an adult friend, keeping your interest and hers in mind, and somewhere age appropriate (and if you don't know them, plan on a nice lunch somewhere girly, like a tea room, or if image is everything and she wants to show how cool she is, ask her where she would like to go to be seen with her adult friend, just ask it in a nicer way then that.) Restaurants that serve alcohol (like Bennigans) is also good, and I will assume no one will be drinking booze, but the fact you think enough of their maturity to take them there will also do the whole "equal footing" thing. (You're taking her to a place you would go with a friend.) Nothing is worse to a teenager then being somewhere uncool, with someone uncool.

As you get to know her, you'll figure where to go. I tend to fall into "she's cool" category because I do things like let them drink Starbucks at 12, or will walk a mall with them for a few hours. I don't let them get away with murder, but I also don't make it where it seems like they're kids either. Relating doesn't have much to do with it, really. As long as they percienve that it's an equal exchange (even if it's not), you'll be the best thing since sliced bread. Most teenagers are treated like kids, and all they want to do is be treated like an intelligent adult.

At least, this has been my experience. I still have kids from my job call me (I just got invited to a baby shower for one of them) and my nieces, nephews and sibs in laws (of which there is over 30) all think I'm awesome, if a little nerdy, and usually this is how I act.

 

[pretty faythe]

And generously peppered with scores of "like", "um", "yeah", "dude", "whatever", "cool" and their many permutations, hehe.

Oh my gosh....(earlier generation teen coming out in me). My 13 1/2 had one of her friends point out to her that she uses the words "yeah" and "like" often. I think teens are not aware of there usage of the words.

My daughter and her friends (who range from 13-15) they enjoy window shopping, the art festival we have here once a month, looking in the antique stores (seeing history). Basically they like to do "adult" things. But be carefull, you can be in the middle of doing something and an "I'm bored" will pop out of there mouths.

 

[PrettySquareGal]

I've been asked to come along side a sweet 16 year old girl to be a friend and an all around good role model for her. The problem lies in this; I have no idea how to relate to teenagers! For some reason they sort of intimidate me! But I reallly want to do this since I believe it will be great for both of us.
What sort of things do teenage girls talk about and what sort of things would be good to do with her if we were to go on any outings?
Thanks!

I've been a mentor for teens in the past. My suggestion is to ask her what she likes to talk about and do!

IMO, what separates a mentor from simply a pal is that you will be a role model. That doesn't mean you need to be "perfect" but rather to to be genuine and show her some perspectives and activities she may not otherwise have an opportunity to experience.

 

[LizzieMaine]

All good advice. I'd add that one of the most important things you can do with a teen is *listen.* She's going to have a lot on her mind, and chances are most of the adults in her life -- parents, teachers, authority figures -- are so caught up in their own concerns that they don't often really listen to what she's got to say, and end up talking at her rather than with her. A lot of what she'll say to you might seem silly or flighty or trivial -- but however inconsequential these things might seem to us world-weary grownups, they're the center of her world right now, and she needs a chance to talk about them with someone who won't just dismiss her.

Above all, remember what it was like to be 16 yourself -- but don't try to pretend you're *still* 16. That never works out.

 

[Pilgrim]

Call me crazy, but teens are just as diverse as Adults are. We tend to paint them all with one brush, but that is simply inappropriate.

My advice: Be yourself. Encourage her to be Herself. Don't think of her as a teenager, think of her as a person, because she is--she's just at a different stage in her life then you are (Maybe--I've known people over 40 who act like they are 12 and vise versa).

Respect her, and earn her respect in return. You guys will get along swimmingly and I'm sure you'll do just fine.

I have two daughters, age 18 and 19. I think Craig hit it right on the head. You can be friendly without "going native". Treat her as an equal in terms of her thoughts and intellect; respect her ideas, but respect her enough to to disagree with them when you think she's off-base.

I have always treated my daughters as people who are intelligent and who have reasons for the things they do - but who don't always have as much information as I do. I also understand that since there is an age difference, their experiences and socialization growing up have been different than mine. Given that, as long as you respect each other and converse honestly, there is no reason you can't have a great positive and learning relationship.

She's also at an age when increasing independence is important to her. Just like their initial discovery of "self" at age 2 or 3, older kids at age 16-18 need to stretch the boundaries and become more independent. In that process, they need thoughtful guidance (not dictatorial statements, but well-explained suggestions and advice) to help guide their decisions.

 

[mysterygal]

It wasn't too long ago that you were a teenager now was it?

lol ....no, but, it's amazing how much they can make you feel like an old dinosaur....'dude, you like, still had that kind of stuff back then?'