So trivial, yet it really ticks you off.

[sheeplady]

I hate the reverse mortgage commercials. They stink to high heaven of taking advantage of older people who might not be cognitively with it and/or without the resources to check it out fully.

 

[LizzieMaine]

Insurance and mortgage advertising are among the Boys' greatest sins, which will be read out to the crowds on the day they finally mount the scaffold.

 

[tonyb]

OK, I have one: life insurance commercials that play on people's fears. I understand that beneficiaries have to deal with burial and such, but no company can legally force them to pay the deceased's credit debts. Some company comes after me for my mom's remaining bills? My answer will be "no".

Alas, one had better know one's spouse, and that spouse's money habits, well ahead of that spouse's departure from this vale of tears, lest one discover too late just how empty a bag the departed left behind for his or her spouse. And too late to kill him or her oneself.

It was recently discovered by one elderly person of my acquaintance that said person's spouse had been taking equity out of their house for the past several years, such that the surviving spouse now owes as much on that house as was owed when the mortgage was first taken, more than 20 years ago.

 

[Harp]

Insurance and mortgage advertising are among the Boys' greatest sins, which will be read out to the crowds on the day they finally mount the scaffold.

see Burke, Edmund, Reflections on The Revolution in France.

 

[sheeplady]

Alas, one had better know one's spouse, and that spouse's money habits, well ahead of that spouse's departure from this vale of tears, lest one discover too late just how empty a bag the departed left behind for his or her spouse. And too late to kill him or her oneself.

It was recently discovered by one elderly person of my acquaintance that said person's spouse had been taking equity out of their house for the past several years, such that the surviving spouse now owes as much on that house as was owed when the mortgage was first taken, more than 20 years ago.

Wow... I have to assume that either the surviving spouse was not originally on the deed (and therefore had no reason to be on the home equity line of credit) or if they were on the deed, had no idea the spouse was drawing so much out....

How incredibly sad that the spouse couldn't trust the one they stayed with till the end...

 

[Fading Fast]

Wow... I have to assume that either the surviving spouse was not originally on the deed (and therefore had no reason to be on the home equity line of credit) or if they were on the deed, had no idea the spouse was drawing so much out....

How incredibly sad that the spouse couldn't trust the one they stayed with till the end...

Agree with all you said. But sometimes it works out. My dad handled all the money stuff in our house (not that there was that much to handle) - he wanted it that way as did my mother. When he passed away, we found the house paid for, no debt at all, and he had taken out life insurance on himself (not my mom), so that she'd have some protection if he died early (which he did). My mom asked / begged / pleaded with me to take over her finances after my dad died and, despite all my urging, pleading and gentle attempts at educating her (and she's a smart woman), it is over 25 years and she has no interest and I'm still doing everything (and would love not to). Some very smart people simply don't want to get involved in their finances no matter how much you encourage them, which is, I'm guessing, how horror stories like the one referenced above happen.

 

[sheeplady]

Agree with all you said. But sometimes it works out. My dad handled all the money stuff in our house (not that there was that much to handle) - he wanted it that way as did my mother. When he passed away, we found the house paid for, no debt at all, and he had taken out life insurance on himself (not my mom), so that she'd have some protection if he died early (which he did). My mom asked / begged / pleaded with me to take over her finances after my dad died and, despite all my urging, pleading and gentle attempts at educating her (and she's a smart woman), it is over 25 years and she has no interest and I'm still doing everything (and would love not to). Some very smart people simply don't want to get involved in their finances no matter how much you encourage them, which is, I'm guessing, how horror stories like the one referenced above happen.

When I had some dealings with my parents finances years ago, I made my father put my mother (his wife) on the deed to their home as a condition. My father insisted it wasn't necessary, that he'd take care of my mother, etc. etc. but my mother had asked for over 35 years of marriage to be on it, and even after i made all the arrangements my father balked.

It worried my mother and created a lot of mistrust, and I have to admit by the time I was done with the process I didn't trust my father fully either.

 

[Fading Fast]

When I had some dealings with my parents finances years ago, I made my father put my mother (his wife) on the deed to their home as a condition. My father insisted it wasn't necessary, that he'd take care of my mother, etc. etc. but my mother had asked for over 35 years of marriage to be on it, and even after i made all the arrangements my father balked.

It worried my mother and created a lot of mistrust, and I have to admit by the time I was done with the process I didn't trust my father fully either.

I would not advise anyone to follow my parents model - I certainly don't. My only two very small points were that my dad was a man of integrity, did take care of my mother and provided for her when he died early and, two, some people, like my mother, simply don't want any part of their own finances no matter how hard you try to get them engaged in them.

 

[sheeplady]

I would not advise anyone to follow my parents model - I certainly don't. My only two very small points were that my dad was a man of integrity, did take care of my mother and provided for her when he died early and, two, some people, like my mother, simply don't want any part of their own finances no matter how hard you try to get them engaged in them.

I wasn't suggesting that your case was the same, but there's all sorts of situations you can end up with one spouse not having any control of the finances.

 

[swanson_eyes]

I've got another one: OK, so I'm not officially on the disabled list, but I have problems. I've been bussing it for a couple of months while looking for another car, so I take a rolling cart with me since I can't carry all my stuff without pain, especially when grocery shopping. I take one of the disabled seats in the front. I can and have offered such seat to someone I feel needs it even more than me; I'm prepared to stand for the short ride if necessary. But people rarely offer to me, even though it's kind of obvious I should probably sit so I can be better in control of my baggage. Like I said, I don't mind standing, but it's safer for everyone if I don't.

What happened to putting others before ourselves sometimes? If I can do it, why can't others?

 

[LizzieMaine]

About ten years ago I was riding the subway in Montreal, just days after getting out of the hospital following major surgery. I was pale with anemia and about thirty pounds underweight, was barely able to walk, and was carrying an inflated invalid ring to sit on. But I had to stand for the entire ride, while jackass college boys with I-Pods in their ears sat stone still in all available seats. I would have told them to kish mir en toches as I got off the train, but I don't speak French.

 

[GHT]

What happened to putting others before ourselves sometimes? If I can do it, why can't others?

Today's parents don't seem to instil manners and respect into their children the way we were years ago. To this day I can remember my mother telling me to stand up to let the lady sit down. I was about eight years old, the 'lady,' no more than fifteen, but she was adult in size and children must vacate their seat for an adult.
Of late, I have been using a cane for support, owing to the need for a hip replacement. The only people that ever offer me their seat are usually of my generation, and, more often than not, it will be a lady who does so. Please and thank you have gone out of the window, along with manners, patience and respect.

 

[GHT]

Just a postscript: Something that has always annoyed me is seeing a one hundred grand car, sporting a disabled sticker, allowing them to park in the reserved for the disabled bays. My wife and I were out and about recently, when I spotted a Ferrari, parked in the reserved bay, with the disabled badge on display. "That makes my blood boil," I said to no one in particular. "Why?" asked my wife, adding, "do you equate disability with low income?" Before I could answer she further added, "I know he's passed away now, but how would you have felt if you saw Ian Drury come out of the building and get in that car?" That put me in my place!

 

[Edward]

Today's parents don't seem to instil manners and respect into their children the way we were years ago. To this day I can remember my mother telling me to stand up to let the lady sit down. I was about eight years old, the 'lady,' no more than fifteen, but she was adult in size and children must vacate their seat for an adult.
Of late, I have been using a cane for support, owing to the need for a hip replacement. The only people that ever offer me their seat are usually of my generation, and, more often than not, it will be a lady who does so. Please and thank you have gone out of the window, along with manners, patience and respect.

I think I may have said this already, but I have noticed in recent years that the gendered aspect of this has fallen out of fashion (inevitable, I think, as things move on), but the basic idea of giving up a seat for someone elss able to stand, regardless of gender, is still basic politeness. Not often practiced, alas, no.

Just a postscript: Something that has always annoyed me is seeing a one hundred grand car, sporting a disabled sticker, allowing them to park in the reserved for the disabled bays. My wife and I were out and about recently, when I spotted a Ferrari, parked in the reserved bay, with the disabled badge on display. "That makes my blood boil," I said to no one in particular. "Why?" asked my wife, adding, "do you equate disability with low income?" Before I could answer she further added, "I know he's passed away now, but how would you have felt if you saw Ian Drury come out of the building and get in that car?" That put me in my place!

Heh. Funnily enough, I'd never associate a sportscar with disability either - I tend to think of 'disabled cars' being big, clunky things with wide doors. Of course, that's not the case in reality. I remember seeing a great article in a classic car magazine about a guy who'd rebuilt a Sunbeam Tiger to run with hand controls as he was confined to a wheelchair, paralysed from the waist down.

 

[2jakes]

I teach tennis part-time to all ages. For the most part the youngsters keep to themselves
& hardly express concern for those that may need assistance . They relate only to their
own age.

I have also seen on many occasions where the parents of these youngsters have
tried to instill manners & respect to them.

I know of two that will greet me by my name & ask how I’m doing.
One is a girl of 14 & the boy is 15. This is rare but it’s nice to know there
are some kids like that.

I grew up mostly with my grandmother. She showed me much affection. But I
don’t recall her having to lecture me about manners. I just did it because it
felt good to help.
In Japan, during my military days. I was on a crowded subway sitting when
a very worn elderly woman came aboard. I offered her my seat.
She hesitated & looked around kind of in a shy way. The others just
looked away. I smiled & offered her my seat. She smiled & sat down.
An officer in the Army told me afterwards that the men sit while the women stand. This
was in the ‘70s & I’m not sure if this is true or whether he was kidding me. He was
stationed in Tokyo. I was on leave from Vietnam.

Btw LizzieMaine,
Un âne au collège est toujours seulement un âne.
Désole d’ entendre parler de votre mauvaise expérience.

 

[Bamaboots]

Just a postscript: Something that has always annoyed me is seeing a one hundred grand car, sporting a disabled sticker, allowing them to park in the reserved for the disabled bays. My wife and I were out and about recently, when I spotted a Ferrari, parked in the reserved bay, with the disabled badge on display. "That makes my blood boil," I said to no one in particular. "Why?" asked my wife, adding, "do you equate disability with low income?" Before I could answer she further added, "I know he's passed away now, but how would you have felt if you saw Ian Drury come out of the building and get in that car?" That put me in my place!

Ian Drury fan, GHT? Very cool. "Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll" One never knows, do one?

 

[Fading Fast]

It seems to me that today there is much more emphasis on teaching kids about organized charity and to participate in charitable events, etc. than when I was a kid, but much less emphasis on day-to-day manners. I have friends whose kids have helped build houses for those less fortunate, served at soup kitchens and engage in other charities, but they are just shy of rude in their interactions with adults and even their peers.

 

[LizzieMaine]

I think there's a difference between "manners," which are empty formalities that tend to be learned by rote -- don't talk with your mouth full, use this fork to eat that dish, pass the plate to your left, etc. -- and just general *kindness*. Some of the biggest jackasses I've ever met have been polite-by-rote, but they don't give a damn about other people *as people,* they're only concerned with being proper to the extent that it makes them look good. The converse is also true -- some of the kindest people I've ever known wipe their mouths on their sleeves and belch loudly in the middle of a conversation.

A lot of the vogue for volunteerism today is out of selfish rather than selfless motives -- kids are taught that volunteering looks good on a resume, rather than being taught that the very structure of society is built on the moral obligation of people to help each other. Without acknowledging moral obligation, it's all just empty pretense.

 

[Fading Fast]

I think there's a difference between "manners," which are empty formalities that tend to be learned by rote -- don't talk with your mouth full, use this fork to eat that dish, pass the plate to your left, etc. -- and just general *kindness*. Some of the biggest jackasses I've ever met have been polite-by-rote, but they don't give a damn about other people *as people,* they're only concerned with being proper to the extent that it makes them look good. The converse is also true -- some of the kindest people I've ever known wipe their mouths on their sleeves and belch loudly in the middle of a conversation.

A lot of the vogue for volunteerism today is out of selfish rather than selfless motives -- kids are taught that volunteering looks good on a resume, rather than being taught that the very structure of society is built on the moral obligation of people to help each other. Without acknowledging moral obligation, it's all just empty pretense.

Agree with all the above.

 

[Harp]

In Japan, during my military days. I was on a crowded subway sitting when
a very worn elderly woman came aboard. I offered her my seat.
She hesitated & looked around kind of in a shy way. The others just
looked away. I smiled & offered her my seat. She smiled & sat down.
An officer in the Army told me afterwards that the men sit while the women stand. This
was in the ‘70s & I’m not sure if this is true or whether he was kidding me. He was
stationed in Tokyo. I was on leave from Vietnam.

Tokyo R+R? Not bad.