So trivial, yet it really ticks you off.

[tonyb]

Well, then maybe that's what they should get. And maybe not. I only wish that such therapies were considerably more effective than they generally are.

I don't wish to pick on anyone, and I don't believe I so much as suggested that it is so simple a matter as snapping out of it.

Still, I maintain that shyness, like narcissism, is a form of self-absorption, no matter its cause(s) in any particular case, and no matter how much difficulty it presents to the shy person.

There's no suggestion here that the shy are to be ridiculed or simply left to their own less than happy circumstances.

Nothing I've considered on this matter here or elsewhere changes my view that shy people wishing not to be would do well to step outside of themselves and take a more detached view of their place in their world.

 

[GHT]

"In keppitalist America, TV watch you! What a country!"

You are not alone, our government is considering scrapping our tax return forms. The self-employed fill them in annually, the employed only get them periodically. The reason for scrapping them, cost. Cost of printing, cost of logistics, of sorting, compiling and subsequent tax demands. All the information that is accrued from the tax return is already in the government domain through all sorts of checks. When Tony Blair was Prime Minister, he ordered the purchase of every credit card statement of every card holder, going back years. And to think that when our politicians speak of Parliament, they refer to our system of governance as The Mother Government, implying that it's a model for others to copy. Their hubris is only matched by their mendacity.

 

[sheeplady]

There's a difference between extraversion/ introversion and shyness.

Extraversion "get" energy from other people- they feed off of interactions. Introverts find interactions "draining." If you are bouncing off the walls after a party, you're an extrovert. If you need to go in a quiet room, you're an introvert.

Shyness in part is a fear of being judged, and I agree to some extent that it is self-esteem related (though not totally). You can have a shy extrovert or a shy introvert. I don't agree, however, that "being shy" is someone's fault. There's a whole bunch of factors, and as long as you are able to function reasonably in society, I think it's fine.

 

[tonyb]

... I don't agree, however, that "being shy" is someone's fault. There's a whole bunch of factors, and as long as you are able to function reasonably in society, I think it's fine.

"Fault" hasn't been ascribed to anyone, leastwise not by me.

Responsibility is another matter. Sure, there are myriad factors conspiring to make up any human's personality, many of which were plainly outside that person's control.

Still, making one's way in the adult world is one's own responsibility. The path is smoother for some than for others, but a person still has to make his or her own way.

 

[HoosierDaddy]

I disagree with much of this. Sensitivity can have very much to do with shyness. I was also shy as a kid. In fact until I was in the position as Drill Sgt in the Army, I had not conquered my shyness completely. Not because I didn't want to..or that I was 'self centered' in any way, but couldn't understand belittling or that a hard edge could be acceptable...let alone desirable behavior. 'Outgoing' to me often meant either a tendency to overlook other's feelings, ignore them completely or even be very ready to abuse them. In my younger years, I would rather not participate in what I considered the phoniness of playing that game. Later on I developed the courage to better deal with it, and even overcome those fears with confidence of who I had pushed myself to become. It is a brave effort for a shy person to be willing to, and finally put themselves in positions of leadership. However, quite often they make themselves some of the best to stand out with authority as well as compassion.
HD

 

[GHT]

It is a brave effort for a shy person to be willing to, and finally put themselves in positions of leadership. However, quite often they make themselves some of the best to stand out with authority as well as compassion.HD

There is no better example of that than King George the Sixth. Untrained, chronically shy, pronounced stammer and thrust into the role of monarch by his brother's abdication. He grasped the nettle. Although the movie: "The King's Speech," over dramatizes George, it is a true account of his inner turmoil and how he battled to overcome it.

 

[sheeplady]

While I agree we all have sone personal responsibility for our faults and we don't all start with an even place in life, we also have a social responsibility to each other.

Some of the people I've known who are "horribly" shy are that way, in part, because of bullying and abuse, whether at home, in school, or elsewhere. I am ashamed to admit, I have not always stood up to bullies (although I did a few times) because I was concerned for myself. Part of my responsibilities is not only to take care of myself but others.

I try my best to be compassionate. I taught speech for many years and dealt with many students who were shy and/or anxious. I tried my best to teach them ways to deal with their social anxiety.

 

[LizzieMaine]

Shyness is also sometimes the result of something far beyond the individual's control. My nephew is autistic, and if you didn't know him you'd think he was pathologically shy. He isn't, he simply doesn't react to social situations the way a non-autistic person does. It isn't something that can be conquered thru force of will or training or practice -- it's an inborn part of how his brain functions.

 

[swanson_eyes]

Sometimes anxiety is biological. It can be a brain chemistry problem or a nervous system issue. It's not always a character flaw. You just never know what silent medical disability someone might be dealing with. For instance, I have a structural defect in my spine and people who don't know me take my inability to do certain things as laziness. Anyone who actually knows me personally would never call me lazy.

 

[Trenchfriend]

And sensory-filter-weakness, one of the most important things.

 

[2jakes]

I disagree with much of this. Sensitivity can have very much to do with shyness. I was also shy as a kid. In fact until I was in the position as Drill Sgt in the Army, I had not conquered my shyness completely. Not because I didn't want to..or that I was 'self centered' in any way, but couldn't understand belittling or that a hard edge could be acceptable...let alone desirable behavior. 'Outgoing' to me often meant either a tendency to overlook other's feelings, ignore them completely or even be very ready to abuse them. In my younger years, I would rather not participate in what I considered the phoniness of playing that game. Later on I developed the courage to better deal with it, and even overcome those fears with confidence of who I had pushed myself to become. It is a brave effort for a shy person to be willing to, and finally put themselves in positions of leadership. However, quite often they make themselves some of the best to stand out with authority as well as compassion.
HD

I believe my shyness as a youngster was in part a lack of confidence.
My father was very busy with work to play sports or guide me.
It was only later in life when a friend pointed out the many things he shared
with his dad that I was aware that perhaps this might have something to do
with the way I behaved growing up. But as a kid, I didn’t know better.

I have a couple of “report cards ” from my days in the 1st & 2nd grade
class. "Very timid, speaks very low”, is part of the resume.

I don’t have any bad feelings towards my father, he probably had the same
experiences with his dad. He was not very affectionate.

It was my grandmother who showed affection that helped me.
I believe if I have any kind of decency with the way I am and
the way I feel about other folks is because of her.

I started playing tennis while in military. First on the wall. When I became
better, I played with friends.
Later I was able to participate in tournaments. I had learned to focus on
something that I was good at which helped me to overcome my shyness.
It was slow process, but it was a start.

After my tour of duty, whenever I started to feel the old shyness, insecurity
or heading towards a one-person-pity-party, I reflect on the many young folks
who never made it back or came back crippled in many ways.
This usually sobers me up pronto!


My 2¢--

 

[Inkstainedwretch]

Probably the greatest ever depiction of crippling shyness was in Tennessee William's "The Glass Menagerie."

 

[Fading Fast]

Probably the greatest ever depiction of crippling shyness was in Tennessee William's "The Glass Menagerie."

One very impressive play, but like all his material, incredibly and deeply depressing. I read it in high school and it really effected me in that I wanted to do all I could not to have my life turn out in any way similar to those character's lives. Not literally, as that would have been silly, but the financial failure, grasping at past glory, concern for social status, hope for rescue - that play made me actively think about those things and motivated me to make choices to avoid that outcome.

 

[vitanola]

One very impressive play, but like all his material, incredibly and deeply depressing. I read it in high school and it really effected me in that I wanted to do all I could not to have my life turn out in any way similar to those character's lives. Not literally, as that would have been silly, but the financial failure, grasping at past glory, concern for social status, hope for rescue - that play made me actively think about those things and motivated me to make choices to avoid that outcome.

How interesting!

A lesser work of Williams', Vieux Carré had a similar effect upon me in my youth. It treats the same subject matter, with an added warning about the dangers of abandoning oneself to sensuality.

 

[BobHufford]

"Remastered" albums ...

 

[Trenchfriend]

Shyness is also sometimes the result of something far beyond the individual's control. My nephew is autistic, and if you didn't know him you'd think he was pathologically shy. He isn't, he simply doesn't react to social situations the way a non-autistic person does. It isn't something that can be conquered thru force of will or training or practice -- it's an inborn part of how his brain functions.

From the first moment on, he would be one of my friends, naturally.

 

[vitanola]

"Remastered" albums ...

Good heavens! Caruso with electrically recorded (and out of time) Symphony Orchestra. Guy Lombardo "Electronically re-channeled for Stereo". We won't even mention the muddy stuff on Biograph.

 

[Inkstainedwretch]

Powdermilk biscuits give shy people the strength to get out and do what needs to be done.

 

[tonyb]

Good heavens! Caruso with electrically recorded (and out of time) Symphony Orchestra. Guy Lombardo "Electronically re-channeled for Stereo". We won't even mention the muddy stuff on Biograph.

I'm torn on "colorized" stills and motion pictures originally in black-and-white.

The people who made the pictures originally knew the limitations of the medium. They played to its strengths and steered clear of its weaknesses. They likely would have done things differently had they been working in color.

But provided the originals aren't destroyed in the process, it's no skin off my nose if the images are colorized.

Some see it as an affront to the original makers' intent, and therefore something of a crime against the art and the artist. I understand that sentiment, although I'm not in complete agreement.

 

[sheeplady]

This is probably not trivial, bit has really been irking me a lot: the unevenness in doctors and care that people get. I keep meeting women who while receiving the same "basic" care that I received for breast cancer, aren't getting the same level of care I'm getting from their doctors.

This includes a woman who when she was originally staged (when they diagonosis you) not getting a CT or a bone scan despite having a large tumor and a woman who's complained multiple times about pain in her arm (I suspect lymphadema) not getting a physical therapist referral.

I am incredibly fortunate that my OB hooked me up with *the best* in my area, but it really breaks my heart to see these women not getting the aggressive care I've had and in some cases, I'm the one informing them about the care available. They aren't seeing bad doctors persay, but they're not seeing proactive ones either.