Settling in?

[Miss Neecerie]

Ok...am asking for a bit of advice on how to feel at home someplace that ...well isn't home.

Last month I moved from California to New Jersey and last week I finally moved into my new (really old) apartment in Hoboken.

I seem to be having a really rough time adjusting overall, and am trying to come up with ideas and ways to settle in and start feeling better about this whole crazy thing.

My furniture is in storage in CA....so I am not surrounded by my own stuff either..I have some stuff I have bought for this place...

So...for those of you movers and shakers....how do you start to feel better about things without spending a fortune, and so forth....

 

[Foofoogal]

Well, we moved from Houston area to Ft. Smith area in Oct. 2008. We had to move 3 times in one year to finally settle in our own home while ours was being sold.
I wish I knew an answer for you. It has been very difficult on many, many levels. I think when one is young it may not be hard to move as I did and it wasn't.
I am a talker and have put myself out there and joined things but the hardest problem for me is looking for familiarity and not finding any.
As many people are being displaced I am sure we are not the only ones feeling like this.
meetup. com and mirl. com are good places to start but nothing near me.

I have found for myself to set aside time for small special things like drinking coffee or tea in a special cup at a set time helps.

We still have stuff in storage.

 

[KittyT]

Photographs! I know not everyone is way into photos (I know I'm not) but having photos of friends and family may help, as well as having various wall decorations that you had in your own place. Framed photos/posters or wall decorations would not cost much to have shipped to you from your old home and are an easy way to add some familiarity and personal touches.

Can I ask what brought you out East? As an ex-left-coaster myself, I can say that the adjustment from West to East can be difficult - the weather, the architecture and surroundings, the people/attitudes... I wish you the best settling in!

Also, I don't know if you have pets, but for me the big thing is my cats. Anywhere Chloe comes running to greet me at the door feels like some sort of home.

 

[Miss Neecerie]

Photographs! I know not everyone is way into photos (I know I'm not) but having photos of friends and family may help, as well as having various wall decorations that you had in your own place. Framed photos/posters or wall decorations would not cost much to have shipped to you from your old home and are an easy way to add some familiarity and personal touches.

Can I ask what brought you out East? As an ex-left-coaster myself, I can say that the adjustment from West to East can be difficult - the weather, the architecture and surroundings, the people/attitudes... I wish you the best settling in!

oh...more stuff will eventually be shipped....I just need to take care of things in the meantime...logistical nightmares abound...

Ahhh new job with same, in my field...etc...and since old job was vanishing within the year...it was an advantagous thing to do.

Thanks.....I keep plugging along, and learning to trust brick! (in CA a brick building is a potentially unsafe thing in an earthquake...here everything is brick...I shuddered for the first week) lol

 

[Puzzicato]

Don't go home for a visit too soon! And deliberately, mentally decide that THIS is where you are going to be. I moved from Australia to England 4 years ago saying that I was going to give myself 5 years to settle, and it ended up taking 2. By the time I went home for Christmas (after 2 years) Sydney didn't feel like home anymore. As a contrast I went to university in Queensland for 4 years, and I was very determined that I was not going to stay in Brisbane, so I kept running back to Sydney at every opportunity and never let myself feel at home.

 

[Miss Neecerie]

Don't go home for a visit too soon! And deliberately, mentally decide that THIS is where you are going to be. I moved from Australia to England 4 years ago saying that I was going to give myself 5 years to settle, and it ended up taking 2. By the time I went home for Christmas (after 2 years) Sydney didn't feel like home anymore. As a contrast I went to university in Queensland for 4 years, and I was very determined that I was not going to stay in Brisbane, so I kept running back to Sydney at every opportunity and never let myself feel at home.

I can't go back until christmas.....

I think part of the wierdness this time, is that I did not feel this out of sorts when I left to go to uni in england and I was gone 3 years with zero visits home etc...

maybe I am just getting older and so its bothering me more this time

 

[KittyT]

oh...more stuff will eventually be shipped....I just need to take care of things in the meantime...logistical nightmares abound...

Guh... moving sucks. As if it's not hard enough just being in a new place, the logistics of getting your stuff there, settling in, setting up electrical accounts, TV, gas, changing your driver's license, insurance, etc, etc. What a pain!

Ahhh new job with same, in my field...etc...and since old job was vanishing within the year...it was an advantagous thing to do.

Well congrats on your new job!

I just thought of one more thing.... items that make your home more physically comfortable will make it feel more homey. You know, things like throw pillows, a comfortable armchair or a plush rug shouldn't cost too much and may feel comforting.

 

[LizzieMaine]

I found that when I went out west in my early twenties the one thing that helped the most in keeping homesickness at bay was, believe it or not, my pillow. I took along the same pillow I'd had back home, and I slept on it the whole time I was out there -- it didn't matter so much that the bed wasn't familiar in a room that wasn't familiar in a town that wasn't familiar as long as I had the same pillow I'd slept on for years.

I still do that whenever I travel -- it's really very comforting.

 

[Paisley]

Ahhh new job with same, in my field...etc...and since old job was vanishing within the year...it was an advantagous thing to do.

Maybe being compelled to move has to do with your feeling unsettled.

 

[KittyT]

Don't go home for a visit too soon! And deliberately, mentally decide that THIS is where you are going to be. I moved from Australia to England 4 years ago saying that I was going to give myself 5 years to settle, and it ended up taking 2. By the time I went home for Christmas (after 2 years) Sydney didn't feel like home anymore. As a contrast I went to university in Queensland for 4 years, and I was very determined that I was not going to stay in Brisbane, so I kept running back to Sydney at every opportunity and never let myself feel at home.

It's funny how this happens... but I think there are some places where you're just meant to feel at home, and others where you aren't. I've lived in Boston for just over a decade and while it kind of feels like home because of the places and people I know and love, there are so many things I hate about it that it has just never truly felt much like home to me. On the other hand, I lived in Lyon, France for a year, and Paris for a year and both places felt like home to me.

 

[Miss Neecerie]

Maybe being compelled to move has to do with your feeling unsettled.

Semi compelled... but yes....


Lizzie: I did bring my pillow and my own duvet with me...

And since I have to buy a new sofa and a new mattress set....(my old ones were not worth storing to bring) I will soonish have at least basic comforts.

KittyT: You have -no- idea...just the car and DL related issues...are a total nightmare...because they morph into a parking permit issue, which requires 3 documents for proof in 2 categories...etc...and NJ gives you like 90 days to switch things out for NJ versions.....so merciful. I have to get notorized copies of things...and finding a notary in a strange place...yes...can you tell I am having fun ?

 

[dhermann1]

Moving sucks, all change is bad.
Start connecting with your fellow Loungers! Lots of events happening here, and it's really easy to get to Manhattan from Hoboken, via the PATH train.
Hoboken is a really lovely town! I think you landed yourself well.
There's the Jazz Age Lawn Picnic on Governors Island, coming up on Aug 28 and 29, and some Dance of Vice events, and Club Wits End on the last Saturday of each month.
Hope to see you soon!

 

[Honey Bee]

I have found for myself to set aside time for small special things like drinking coffee or tea in a special cup at a set time helps.

Find yourself a spot in your home where you feel calm, peaceful, a place where you can put your feet up...in front of a window looking outside maybe? (Mine is looking out onto my back garden) and use this to recharge, rest, ponder...make it special, maybe a trinket from a thrift store to "christen" your new place.
I moved every two-three years as a kid since my grandfather was in the Navy, but I haven't moved in 26 years. I use to think of it as adventure, but I don't think I would anymore. My guess is that you have so many changes going on at once, it's simply going to take some time for it to feel like home. Don't fret it, it will all come right.
And you've always got us here in The Lounge

 

[Puzzicato]

I can't go back until christmas.....

I think part of the wierdness this time, is that I did not feel this out of sorts when I left to go to uni in england and I was gone 3 years with zero visits home etc...

maybe I am just getting older and so its bothering me more this time

Maybe part of not feeling so strange in England was knowing it was only 3 years?

Moving sucks, all change is bad.
Start connecting with your fellow Loungers! Lots of events happening here, and it's really easy to get to Manhattan from Hoboken, via the PATH train.

That's really sound advice! One thing that made life a heck of a lot easier when I got here was having a couple of people from a forum ready to welcome me. One lady I am eternally grateful to - she took me shopping to IKEA and some of those tedious little "new house" things and has been unreserved in her friendship. It got me over the hurdle of "I have no friends" that hits after a couple of weeks.

 

[CherryWry]

I second the idea of establishing some kind of ritual to help you feel centered and settled into your new space...whether it's curling up with a cup of coffee or tea in a special spot, taking a minute to look out the window every evening to examine how the light has changed from the previous day, or tidying up the place before you leave for work in the morning.

Photos and familiar items from your previous living space can also help. It can be hard...there have definitely been places I lived that never felt like home, no matter how long I stayed there, while others felt right the second I walked in the door.

Good luck.

 

[Amy Jeanne]

First of all, my condolences for moving to Jersey lol (j/k, South Jersey gal here, through and through!)

Second of all, I PMed you my number. You should come to Philly. It's a little bit of a way, but Tattooed Mom's a a neat bar and The Blue Comet has "Rockabilly Sundays."

I also have a bit of a "thing" for hipster coffee shops in the city, but my husband does not.

Also, I only moved from South Jersey to Philly, but it was pretty stressful. The thing that eased me was being able to totally redecorate and take on a new look for our decor. We didn't spend a whole lot (IKEA). And we pick up things here and there when we have extra money. I was at home in no time. I was also happy to shed 31 years of junk.

 

[Miss Neecerie]

First of all, my condolences for moving to Jersey lol (j/k, South Jersey gal here, through and through!)

Second of all, I PMed you my number. You should come to Philly. It's a little bit of a way, but Tattooed Mom's a a neat bar and The Blue Comet has "Rockabilly Sundays."

I also have a bit of a "thing" for hipster coffee shops in the city, but my husband does not.

Also, I only moved from South Jersey to Philly, but it was pretty stressful. The thing that eased me was being able to totally redecorate and take on a new look for our decor. We didn't spend a whole lot (IKEA). And we pick up things here and there when we have extra money. I was at home in no time. I was also happy to shed 31 years of junk.

Oh I will definatly come down there at some point....I have a whole coast to see and do things in.....

Yea...I have a sofa and a bed to purchase..which should be good fun...I have some stuff picked out and just need to go fetch.

Yes....I have already started to decorate the bathroom, since thats the one room where I am not waiting on stuff from storage for....I figured if one room seemed finished...it might help me feel less odd about gaping cavern of a living room.

 

[Adcurium]

Hey, that's where Frank Sinatra was born! Hoboken is gooood country!
This advice is worth exactly what you paid for it: If you stay in your comfort zone, you're less likely to grow (personally, professionally, spiritually, etc.). So, in our lives, we need to be uncomfortable, from time to time. I know... this is easier said than done but, relish it. You have a warm, safe place to sleep. That's more than a lot of other people. You're close to NYC. I know people who would give their left arm to be soo close to the city.

Go to a baseball game (Mets will be cheaper than the Yankees). Check the classifieds in the Sunday paper. There might be some 'cravans' that go into the city for games, museums and/or shopping trips.

Visit some museums (Sundays are often free). Hit a few local bookstores and libraries and inquire whether there are any book clubs. While you're there, thumb through a Frommer's or Foddor's travel guide and see what they suggest for local things to do/places to see.

Maybe take some sailing lessons on the Hudson. Or go to a Michael's craft strore and sign up for a cake decorating class or Williams and Sonomo for a cooking class. Or.... find some local loungers and INSIST that they buy you a few cocktails and introduce you to some of their friends. Then you'll start to enjoy the city and meet some people and you'll be loving Jersey!

 

[Adcurium]

First of all, my condolences for moving to Jersey lol (j/k, South Jersey gal here, through and through!)

Second of all, I PMed you my number. You should come to Philly. It's a little bit of a way, but Tattooed Mom's a a neat bar and The Blue Comet has "Rockabilly Sundays."

I also have a bit of a "thing" for hipster coffee shops in the city, but my husband does not.

Also, I only moved from South Jersey to Philly, but it was pretty stressful. The thing that eased me was being able to totally redecorate and take on a new look for our decor. We didn't spend a whole lot (IKEA). And we pick up things here and there when we have extra money. I was at home in no time. I was also happy to shed 31 years of junk.

I haven't been to Tattooed Mom's in forever.

Hey, take her to the Museum so she can run up the "Rocky Steps" then to Pat's at the corner of Passyunk and 9th for a steak!! Oh, Is Bubbles Jazz club still topen, at the end of Front St.? That would be a fun place for drinks...

 

[Amy Jeanne]

Yea, I live near the museum!! And Eastern State Pennitentiary.

There's also the Muetter Museum. All "vintage" lol

Never heard of Bubbles Jazz Club, but a quick google search says it still exists and it looks liek something I would like, but my husband would hate and not be caught dead in lol