self-concious in my fedora

[rrog]

Just visualizing whacking your "buddy" who mocked you upside the gourd with a large two by four. That's what he deserved. And enjoy your hat.

I'm with him!

rrog

 

[MattJH]

Wear what you wear. Putting on clothes that aren't your normal style will only add to your anxiety.

This is crucial. I never wear a suit unless I'm going to something that requires it, and the reason is because I most certainly haven't worn them before. I'm not suddenly going to start just because I like to wear a hat. My fedoras are just another addition to what I've been wearing for years. Feeling completely comfortable is mandatory. If you don't feel comfortable, change things until you do. For instance, when I got a Federation III, I definitely felt a little bit awkward; the hat didn't work for me because it's ginormous, and I don't really think it works for 95% of the people out there. I promptly sold it.

That's why I buy and sell so many hats. Unless I love it, I'm not keeping it. I think one of the things lending to the feeling of awkwardness is the act of wearing hats that you just shouldn't be wearing. Just because an Open Road or a Playboy looks good on somebody else (or on a shelf) doesn't mean it will look good on you. And so on.

You can't force yourself to like hats. You can't force a hat to look good on you, either. It was all a very organic process for me. It wasn't until my 8th or 9th hat that I actually started regularly wearing them. I wasn't even planning on regularly wearing them, honest to goodness. I just eventually ended up with a Herbert Johnson that I hated to not wear. It's still my most-often worn hat to this day.

So I would say to anybody who feels awkward wearing a hat; if you feel awkward, there's probably a reason for it. Don't force it. Don't beat yourself up for it. Don't look at yourself in a mirror often enough to convince yourself that you're comfortable when you're really not. The problem probably isn't you at all. You either chose the wrong hat or you're just not meant to wear them in a time when most people around you aren't, either, and that's perfectly fine.

This is obviously my own (potentially unpopular!) opinion. Whether it's leather bomber jackets or felt fedoras or cowboy boots or scarves or whatever, not everything is for everybody all of the time.

As far as negative comments from people, play along and go with the flow. Poke some fun at yourself! It builds character.

 

[just_me]

All the guys are giving you great advice, but take it from a woman - a man in a fedora is very COOL!!!!

 

[Carlisle Blues]

Forgot to mention I wear a Boraslino Como when I perform.

It is so totally cool. :eusa_clap :eusa_clap

Besides if I have the emotional wherewithal to do a solo act knowing that there will be those like me, those who do not and those who do not care, then my concern is not my hat but who I am putting that hat on.

 

[randooch]

aldocello, let's see how that Dobbs looks on you! You'll get some honest, useful feedback from this crowd.

 

[Lefty]

That's what I don't understand about this story - they're performers. This was a bluegrass band causing the poster 10 years+ worth of hat fear. I would think that a laid back, country or Appalachian look is part of bluegrass, as it is for many bands. Maybe, I guess, they have their fashion police and very specific looks, like every other group. Maybe Chicago bluegrass demands a straw porkpie or a red homburg. Maybe they were just kids.

I'm feeling so Dr. Phil today. I hold myself out as an expert despite not having any credentials to justify it.

 

[Delthayre]

Never a discouraging word

When I first received the hat that I ordered from Vintage Silhouettes last year, I felt quite ill-at-ease whilst wearing it. I had worn a hat made for the Village Hat Shop by Biltmore that had a 2 1/2" brim and a 4" crown for four years. The new hat, which was made to my specifications, had a 3" brim that was dimensionally cut to 2 3/4" at the sides, and a 6" crown. In theory, I loved the design, but when I first went to wear it, I was quite taken aback. The first time that I wore it out on an errand, I felt very self-conscious, but after that, I quickly became very comfortable with it and now I barely think about it when I lift it off its peg to put it on my head before leaving. I can't really explain the mechanism that allowed for that quick change in attitude. My best guess is that I did my best to ignore my worries about the stares of others and forged ahead through the uncertainty until I eventually found that what I worried about was not so ubiquitous or severe as I had feared. People were indeed looking at me more than at others, but predominantly with curiosity and perhaps some amusement, not conformist contempt.

I have always been slightly eccentric, however, so this sort of thing might be more natural to me than others.

 

[dostacos]

one thing to consider, when people FIRST meet you and you are wearing a hat it tends {at least for me} to look more natural. As for me even if I am just going to get the mail I wear a hat, maybe only a newsboy but always a hat. I do actually wear a baseball hat sometimes {with a custom logo for a specific group of radio control modelers} but I avoid them otherwise

 

[portolan]

I am with you when it comes to a fedora

I just can't get comfortable wearing the Adam executive. Of course, it is the only fedora I own, hopefully a situation soon to be remedied. I wear westerns a lot and the transition to fedora is a bigger deal than I had thought.

Still looking for a great 2 3/4 inch - 2 7/8 inch brim on a fedora without a high crown. I don't think I am tall enough to handle a tall crown.....Sounds funny from a guy who wears tejanas every day in Mexico!!!

Keep wearing your hat. I bet you end up loving it!

 

[Maguire]

The first post's statement is definitely one i can relate too. Back in high school i wore hats, mostly a derby i got at hats.com and a trenchcoat. But i wore alot of "quirky" things, and i made it a thing to wear "odd" hats to school/everywhere (to the point where i spent a good portion of senior year wearing a gold tassled fez to win a bet). However when i got to college i stopped completely. Before that i wore the hats to cover my unmagineable, poofy hair but i started using gel and getting shorter cuts, so hats sort of lost their purpose.

Lately i may wear a flatcap with my old "country style" suit, but even in the shortbrim fedora i own, i feel really self conscious. I hate the idea that i'm "trying to hard" or "standing out". For me the suit and the hat are the total opposite, they are about "fitting in" to that old style conservative look. I think they look great, but i don't want to be "that weirdo in the hat" or something.

 

[nola89]

I started wearing my first hat, a brown corduroy fedora, when I was 16. Prime age for self-conscious emotions!

I think that when you make the decision to start wearing a hat (that's not ball cap) you will inevitably get the people you know staring at you. The people that see you everyday think its out of place. Eventually though this fades. I've been wearing fedoras and flat caps virtually everyday for almost 6 years now and my friends only notice something when I DON'T have a hat on.

This is a very real situation for all of us I think. It's hard to have style in a society that worships only fads and doesn't know what style is. Most Hollywood stylists (the people that tell the country what to wear) are just Hollywood fadists (fascists if you like).

Wear it often and with conviction and no one will touch you.

Since when are hats a carton of milk with an expiration date on them?

 

[aldocello]

I'd like to thank everybody who responded to my initial post. I feel much better about my hat wearing. One thing that I didn't tell you is that right before I started this thread I ordered an Akubra CEO in Cruiser Grey. I plan on wearing it along with the Dobbs, plus I'm planning on buying a nice straw for summer. I'll get over the self-conscious thing.

I'll post some pictures as soon as I figure it out.

Also, Im not a young kid. I'll just say that I'm fifty-something.

 

[Garrett]

I'd like to thank everybody who responded to my initial post. I feel much better about my hat wearing. One thing that I didn't tell you is that right before I started this thread I ordered an Akubra CEO in Cruiser Grey. I plan on wearing it along with the Dobbs, plus I'm planning on buying a nice straw for summer. I'll get over the self-conscious thing.

I'll post some pictures as soon as I figure it out.

Also, Im not a young kid. I'll just say that I'm fifty-something.

Wear it proud!

 

[nola89]

I'd like to thank everybody who responded to my initial post. I feel much better about my hat wearing. One thing that I didn't tell you is that right before I started this thread I ordered an Akubra CEO in Cruiser Grey. I plan on wearing it along with the Dobbs, plus I'm planning on buying a nice straw for summer. I'll get over the self-conscious thing.

I'll post some pictures as soon as I figure it out.

Also, Im not a young kid. I'll just say that I'm fifty-something.

:cheers1:

 

[BlindeMan]

I've found that the weather this time of year has enabled me to transition into wearing my fedora more regularly.

People who may have given me a hard time when I was wearing the hat on 60 degree cloudless day are, for some odd reason, a lot more understanding about the fedora on 10 degree days with driving snow and sleet.

 

[Dr Doran]

"Many people make these remarks with little thought and don't always intend it to be insulting. Just take those in stride. You will encounter some fools and jerks along life's path who can only feel good about themselves by mocking others."
The thing I'd emphasize is this: never attribute to malice what is better attributed to lack of thought. Some people just say whatever passes through their heads without thinking about the basic, normal things that the rest of us (on some level) think about before we utter any sentence, namely:
a.) Is it my place to say this to this person?
b.) Is it any of my business to say this to this person?
c.) Is this likely to sound derogatory?
d.) Are there other people around who will hear this?
e.) If this is likely to produce a negative reaction, why do I want this?
AND THE KICKER,
f.) What am I trying to get out of this exchange? And why?

It's hard to know why people don't ask themselves these basic questions before they open their pie-traps. It may be because they are too dumb to think fast enough to ask themselves these questions.

As for this: "That's what I don't understand about this story - they're performers. This was a bluegrass band causing the poster 10 years+ worth of hat fear. I would think that a laid back, country or Appalachian look is part of bluegrass, as it is for many bands. Maybe, I guess, they have their fashion police and very specific looks, like every other group. Maybe Chicago bluegrass demands a straw porkpie or a red homburg. Maybe they were just kids."
I'd add "maybe they were, umm, for lack of a better word, LOSERS."

In general, if someone is trying to dominate you by making you feel embarassed, or even if they are not consciously trying to do that, ALWAYS look them in the eye and give a "you're an idiot" look until they look away. And, if you don't already know this: wherever you go, in whatever room you enter, always look everyone in the eye as soon as you walk in. A friendly but slightly challenging stare works for everyone, and when you see a little pack of "problem people" (such as high school kids) who look like they may hum an Inspector Gadget theme song ... stare at them and don't look away. They'll look away and they'll develop a little respect.

 

[Not-Bogart13]

when you see a little pack of "problem people" (such as high school kids) who look like they may hum an Inspector Gadget theme song ... stare at them and don't look away. They'll look away and they'll develop a little respect.

That advice is best tailored to your local environment and the kind of people they appear to be. There are high school kids out this way that you only look in the eye if you want trouble.

I think it's important to remember that your earlier brush with ridicule, while not the norm, has made it's mark on your psyche. It's an obstacle you'll have to work to overcome.

Add that to the fact that it takes time to get used to any new look, especially something as obvious as a hat, and you will feel uncomfortable at first. I did, but hat wearing is now as natural as wearing pants to me. Now that I'm comfortable with hats, I've been gradually changing the rest of my dressing habits. Try wearing a fedora, blazer, vest, and bow tie to a chinese buffet on a Saturday afternoon. lol

 

[59Lark]

once worn never too be shorn.

Having grown up on a farm wearing free hats from seed companies and such, I vow never too go back. The feel of a fedora sitting properly on the crown of your head. That feeling cannot come from a baseball cap, no way. You may adapt your style to the fedora, ie overcoats etc, however I ALWAYS WANT to wear one. My local haberdashery is closing, he is actually setting me up as a account with the hat co, ie I OWN a textile kinda business close, and they will set me up to buy fedoras since no one nearby will be left. ONLY [problem will be buying four a time. LIKE my late father would say, son dont be a sheep you know what them wolves do to them sheep. Find a fedora that adheres to your scalp, your head, and your soul and too heck with the rest of the peanut gallery. 59Lark

 

[ortega76]

I tried to rock this pearl grey wool fedora in high school. It was terrible. I really hadn't found my self-confidence. I shelved hat wearing for several years until I got into college. Then, I really hit my stride.

 

[Dewhurst]

People who may have given me a hard time when I was wearing the hat on 60 degree cloudless day are, for some odd reason, a lot more understanding about the fedora on 10 degree days with driving snow and sleet.

60 degrees and no clouds sounds like a brilliant day to wear a felt hat.[huh]

Who are these people that keep giving others a hard time?