RSVP's

[kyda]

Is it to much to ask that when you invite people to a party or to an event that they RSVP????? Is it not acceptable to use a phone or even write a note to accept or decline???? Am I the only one who finds this irritating?????

 

[David V]

How "old fashioned" of you.

People can not be expected to make a commitment when at any moment a better offer should appear.

It's all about having options.


(tongue firmly planted in cheek.)

 

[Caity Lynn]

If it's expressly said on the invite, then no,it's perfectly fine to be upset that people don't. If not, well, I usually verbally confirm anyway.

 

[miss_elise]

to me it depends on the event, but I will usually confirm one way or another.

 

[John in Covina]

Social Graces, Civility and Southern California

My little disertation on the phenomenon:

Since about October of 1981, the time that I have been in Southern California, specifically in the Los Angeles County area, I have become aware of a somewhat local phenomenon as to social gatherings. I had never noticed the same type of behavior as to the regard or actually lack of regard when living in New York, either on Long Island or when upstate in Plattsburgh.

The situation: you are planning a big ballyhoo, a social gathering, whether a light hearted event like a BBQ, a birthday, an anniversary. Perhaps the plans extend to the serious ceremony of a wedding and reception, a farewell party or perhaps serious memorial services or afters gathering for a loved one who has passed. You are working like a slave, planning details, arranging for food and beverages, maybe entertainment, setting up a pavilion/awning, dance floor, bounce room for the kids. You may have specialties of any and all sorts are on the docket for your guests in most things you want them to have fun and really enjoy themselves. You call them, send invitations, included RSVP cards plus maps or are using an online invitation RSVP confirmation site so you’ll be able to plan better and make the best of your efforts on behalf of your guests.

It was until recently in many other places in the US and abroad, such an invitation is looked upon as a cross between a royal summons and a blood oath of honor. You as guest send in your RSVP: all planning and in some instances, scheming, is focused on getting to the event as for some it becomes an obsession to get there and partake of the festivities. As planner you knew that only accident, illness, injury, death or some other insurmountable odds will keep your guest from attending and that you can depend on you guests. Or you can expect a phone call with profuse apologies from the morgue or hospital.

Here in Southern California, All Bets Are Off! First off, they may not send in an RSVP or give any indication of showing up but will expect their rightful place like heirs to a kingdom. OR They send in the RSVP and swear on their mother, they will attend, that is until the Southern California phenomenon strikes and its name is “Something Better.” Perhaps it has to do with Hollywood, or just that so much sports and entertainment being in such close proximity, but if “something better” comes along, well don’t even expect a phone call to let you down gently. Social Graces is only the name of a struggling club band in Hollywood, because it has nothing to do with what LA calls gracious living. Any sense of honoring your word as a sacred oath or to consider it a manly virtue is long gone.

Such niceties are simply like an uncomfortable overcoat to be slipped out of when it gets too warm. Here in LA you can ditch going to your sister’s wedding if it’s her 2nd or more marriage, even if you were supposed to give the toast. It is like living the scene in National Lampoon’s Animal House when Flounder finds his brother’s Lincoln is trashed and his fellow frat bros say, “YOU 'screwed up' - you trusted us!” How these words are disturbingly true for the Southern California party planner and you wonder, how can such lacking values exist? The offender does not understand that they have offended!

“Something Better Came Along! Dude! Why should I have to lose out, I mean something better came up! If you were really my friend you’d understand!” The Offender’s point of view is of course the modern childlike narcissistic one: my sense of self importance tells me you should not put upon me or impose upon me your antiquated sense of values. It’s not irresponsible of me as I am being very responsible for myself choosing the best for myself. We live in a world that is so connected (supposedly) by phones, cell phones, texting, email, and even the post office, yet there is a feeling that one need not respond or make aware of a change in plans. There is no “owing” such a response either. Your work, your party and your friendship has no value unless your are the something better that weekend.

Please be aware friends, as what ever happens in Southern California seems to eventually make its way across the globe to invade your hometown.

 

[El Guapo]

This cat is totally right!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Paisley]

I think this has been discussed before. See this thread, page 2:

http://www.thefedoralounge.com/showthread.php?p=238921&highlight=rsvp#post238921

Believe me, the RSVP problem isn't confined to southern California.

 

[ladybrettashley]

I just recently read a local something about event planning, which said that it's a Southern thing to not properly RSVP (it also said we have a tendency to bring our kids to all events, whether invited or not). I suppose it's because we're all so very laid back we can't be expected to pick up a phone. And, of course, because the host will be charming and gracious whether pissed at you or not, so what's the point?

I seriously doubt it is a strictly local phenomenon, but i think it's cute to call it a cultural thing, and thereby take all blame off of it! Of course, we also run on "southern time" here, thus excusing all lateness.

 

[donCarlos]

RSVP´s are one of the benefits of having all my friends on facebook

 

[Andykev]

Good points, so true

John, you are repeating yourself! lol

But I KNOW why you did......

 

[MPicciotto]

such an invitation is looked upon as a cross between a royal summons and a blood oath of honor.

Friends of mine from church (one is a pastor actually) are having their wedding in two weeks. Through all sorts of mis-communications and mis-adventures half or more of the invitations were never sent, but I received a phone call. I knew they were having a small wedding and didn't expect to be invited as I am a closer friend of the father of the bride then the bride herself. I do feel like I received a royal summons! As the wedding is a small affair with photos being done by a friend, catering by a friend etc and the father of the bride setting up the tables and chairs the morning of I volunteered to help. Not only will the wedding be an honor to attend.but so will helping my friends.

Matt