Ready to Date Again

[Starius]

Here are just a couple of my observations.

As far as online dating is concerned, it certainly works for some people. But I think a mistake that some people often make is they assume it is some magical solution to finding someone when really, its just another way to meet people. It really isn't that different from meeting people in other traditional ways... you still have much of the same advantages and disadvantages. Really, the only major difference is that you can meet different pools of people than you otherwise would. Above and beyond that, I wouldn't associate any other special properties to online dating.

As for having a young child, some guys wont mind, some guys might get a little freaked. Truthfully, I have very little dating experience so take my advice with a grain of salt... but in my first year of college, I was sweet on a girl who turned out to be pregnant. I sent her flowers while she was in the hospital having her baby, etc. At that particular time, her having a kid didn't seem to bother me at all. Nothing ever came out of that, however, relationship wise. Today, though, I find myself less inclined to the idea of dating someone with kids, for my own personal reasons.

In any event, my view is that having a child will probably be less of a hindrance in the dating game than someone might think. I think guys who are against dating women with kids tend to be more vocal about the situation than guys who are okay with it, thus a mis proportioned stereotypical bias is created.

 

[John in Covina]

Values.

Mostly they say it has to do with finding someone that has the same values as you do. Shared interests also helps. Eharmony is supposed to be pretty good place to try.

It used to be you found a spouse at church or work or some type of social setting for a club of sorts (Like the Elks) but these institutions are not as avable as previously for finding a husband or wife.

 

[carter]

Interesting topic. I'd say take your time and develop relationships within your community through church, school, and other daily activities. Not original suggestions but safer and less frustrating than on-line dating in my opinion.
I've been divorced a little more than a year and my kids live with me instead of their mother. Some of my female friends tell me that my 11 year old daughter is very protective toward me.
My foster daughter called me from college today and said she'd been trying to reach me all morning. She asked if I was having a fling. I wasn't! Really!
I figure I may try dating in six or seven years when my youngest graduates from high school.
Start dating before he gets old enough to run interference.
That's the best advice I can offer.

 

[Jovan]

Honestly, many guys if they are worthwhile won't be freaked. I thought I would never date anyone until I met a girl at work back in May. She has two little ones, but that didn't bother me whatsoever, to my own surprise. I'm 21 now, was 20 back in May. She was 24. I haven't really gotten to talk to her since I left that job, unfortunately, but I hope she finds the right man.

Ultimately, it's your comfort that matters. If you aren't ready to date again... don't date yet!

 

[reetpleat]

I think, for what it is worth...any nice, decent men/women will not care that you have junior in tow.
I'm a single mum and I found that it was easier to just make friends in my own circle, (ie other vintage nuts) and ended up dating a male friend who knew my circumstances.

Good luck! and wow! What a little cutie he is!!!

I think taht is a little unfair. Many nice guys just don't want kids at the moment or ever. It is a matter of choice. Obviously, guys who don't want kids are not right for her. But they may be fine for others. They may well be nice decent men, just not looking to date someone with a kid or kids.

 

[Jovan]

You may have a point there. My wording wasn't exactly the best. -_-

EDIT: I might also add, I was raised only by my mom as well because my dad left us when I was but a few months old. My mom seemed to have a healthy dating life however. Many potential father figures came and went. None of them seemed very put off by her having a three to five year old son from what little I can remember. But who knows... they may be more put off by an infant than a toddler. They are generally more high maintenance at that age, may spoil the time you two spend at your house by crying constantly, etc. Like I said, if you're not comfortable dating at this stage, maybe you shouldn't. I don't speak from experience raising a child, but I know I haven't settled for anyone for the past two years just because I could date them. I don't think you should either. Just my two cents -- from a 21 year old.

 

[nyx]

Wow! Thanks for all the wonderful advice! I will definitely check my teeth before I go on a date lol

I do have a comment on the advice that many of you gave about meeting someone at your church. I sort of have a problem there in that I'm Catholic. In the eyes of my church, I'm still married, as they don't recognize divorce. My son's father was not Catholic, so he had no qualms about divorce, whereas for me, it was something that I was dead set against doing, but basically had to because he filed. So, church is out for me, but I am trying to do some other activities. Unfortunately, and here's the rub, with the baby and the full time job, I don't have much time to do anything too much. I go to some parent groups as I mentioned, and I'm in two book clubs, but they are pretty much girls only. I also play softball in the summer, but most of the teams are made up of coworkers.

Based on the advice of a fellow Lounger who PM'd me, I've decided to try eHarmony for the heck of it. It has more of a weeding out process. Like I said in my first post, I'm not looking for my next husband. I just want to go out and have fun and date again. Hopefully I'll at least get the chance to meet some nice people.

Thanks again for all the advice and good wishes.

 

[reetpleat]

Wow! Thanks for all the wonderful advice! I will definitely check my teeth before I go on a date lol

I do have a comment on the advice that many of you gave about meeting someone at your church. I sort of have a problem there in that I'm Catholic. In the eyes of my church, I'm still married, as they don't recognize divorce. My son's father was not Catholic, so he had no qualms about divorce, whereas for me, it was something that I was dead set against doing, but basically had to because he filed. So, church is out for me, but I am trying to do some other activities. Unfortunately, and here's the rub, with the baby and the full time job, I don't have much time to do anything too much. I go to some parent groups as I mentioned, and I'm in two book clubs, but they are pretty much girls only. I also play softball in the summer, but most of the teams are made up of coworkers.

Based on the advice of a fellow Lounger who PM'd me, I've decided to try eHarmony for the heck of it. It has more of a weeding out process. Like I said in my first post, I'm not looking for my next husband. I just want to go out and have fun and date again. Hopefully I'll at least get the chance to meet some nice people.

Thanks again for all the advice and good wishes.

I suppose catholicism might be different in the midwest or back east, but on the west coast, Seattle ven when I was young, divorce was not that big a deal. Sure, the church had an opinion, but there were divorced people in our parrish who remarried.

My own parents got an annulment after thirty years. Seemed kind of silly to me, but if that is what the church wants to do to get around their own rules, so be it.

 

[CoffeeDude]

... Based on the advice of a fellow Lounger who PM'd me, I've decided to try eHarmony for the heck of it. It has more of a weeding out process. Like I said in my first post, I'm not looking for my next husband. I just want to go out and have fun and date again. Hopefully I'll at least get the chance to meet some nice people.

Thanks again for all the advice and good wishes.

NYX, hope you meet some quality gentlemen there. My sister joined eHarmony a couple of years ago. Now she's engaged to be married next spring. The kicker is that both she and her fiance want me to perform the ceremony.

 

[nyx]

I suppose catholicism might be different in the midwest or back east, but on the west coast, Seattle ven when I was young, divorce was not that big a deal. Sure, the church had an opinion, but there were divorced people in our parrish who remarried.

My own parents got an annulment after thirty years. Seemed kind of silly to me, but if that is what the church wants to do to get around their own rules, so be it.

Yeah, I think we're a little behind in the midwest. It's very conservative and most of the area was populated by German Catholic immigrants, so in our Catholic church divorce is still a big deal. It happens, and they know it (they won't kick your kids out of school or anything), but they would definitely frown on trying to chat people up at church functions.

 

[hotrod_elf]

Don't worry about it

When I was dating, I thought that the kid at home would be a problem. It never was. I was 25 when I started dating again, my daughter was 2. I went out to bars that I hung out in before child. Some of the same people were there got to know some new ones.

 

[Kitty_Sheridan]

Sorry Reetpleat, 'decent men/women' it's not an insult, just my jolly hockeysticks British way of speaking, you know like 'awfully nice'
I never expected/wanted kids but here I am with an 11 yr old son and most chaps have been really honest and I always say if I meet someone I think may be giving me the 'glad eye' I'll drop my sons name into conversation.

Re church, I'm also a lapsed (and how!) Catholic so when my son was little I did join a church community (not to meet men!) but I met a nice chap, but I think he thought I needed 'saving' which I don't!
Good luck to you though.

 

[RondoHatton]

whoosh

...I'd find out pretty quickly if he's married...

My ex fiance introduced herself (through a bird club) as single; only after I fell for her did I begin to learn the truth too late.

Online dating is a sham.

Ditto in spades.

Otherwise, being a romantic pessimist, I seem to have gone down the memory hole.

 

[BegintheBeguine]

You two are a couple of sweethearts, Kitty Sheridan. That picture certainly did make me smile.
I agree about the find out if he's married advice. However, that never bothers any of my husband's girlfriends, maybe even makes him more attractive, but I'm sure no one in the Lounge is that sleazy.
The car shows are a good idea.

 

[Kitty_Sheridan]

Cheers BTB, he's a bit older now. 11 going on 19.
K

 

[nyx]

My ex fiance introduced herself (through a bird club) as single; only after I fell for her did I begin to learn the truth too late.

Ditto in spades.

Otherwise, being a romantic pessimist, I seem to have gone down the memory hole.

Yeah, that's always the problem. Anyone can lie about being married, etc., but I guess it's just like everything else in that the truth always comes out. It would be a shame to waste the time on them though. I'm sorry that your husband is/was such a cad BTB. You seem like too good of a lady to have to deal with that nonsense.

Kitty, I agree with BTB that you are your son are awfully cute. I love the grainy sepia tone of the picture too. I can see you sitting there and waiting for your guy to come home from WWII.