Question

[Rosie]

Being a somewhat old fashioned kind of gal, I pose this question:

To the ladies: If you had it under very good authority that a gent liked you and the gent himself were EXTRA nice to you, if you happen to come across him phone number, would you call him?

If you decided to call, would you suggest he ask you out or, would you take it upon yourself to ask him out?

To the gents: Would it be a turn off if a woman called you and then asked you out?

If you liked a lady, and she was very accepting to your extra niceness, what would prevent you from calling her?

All opinions welcome.

 

[Audrey Horne]

I wouldn't call unless he gave me his number directly. If he gave me his number, I would ask him out if I was interested.

 

[MrNewportCustom]

No matter how much I liked a woman, I would never call her unless she gave me her number. I wouldn't call because I "happened upon it." It's kind of creepy - stalkerish, even - when someone you've never given your number to calls you out of the blue. Think "telemarketer." lol

How about you give him your number, Rosie? Find a reason that fits in with whatever situation you know him through and find a reason to work together. And when he gives you his number, don't tell him you already have it. :eusa_doh:


Lee

 

[Lady Day]

This actually happened to me. A guy I liked, who was extra nice to me all the time got my number from a co-corker of mine for unrelated reasons. He called, and it was friendly enough, but with instinct I asked, "How did you get my number?"

Even though I said it friendly enough, he didnt call back. Next time you see him, you give him your number point blank. Make it clear that you ARE interested in him. He may be waiting for that type of response

Good luck girl!

LD

 

[Joie DeVive]

While I have always been a "chase the boys" sort of girl, I have to agree, that my thoughts on what to do would depend on how you got his number....

If it is a work number that came off some sort of work list, I'd say find a work excuse to call and chat him up.
If it is a home number from a work list, I'd find another in.
If you know him socially (as in he is a friend of a friend), it would probably be ok to call and ask if he remembers you, and tell him where you got the number (adding that you hope it was ok). But for this one, you need an excuse or a definite reason for the call.
If it is from a club or church directory, it's if-y, but probably ok.

Other than that, I personally can't think of other ways to "come across" a phone number that the recipient might not find off-putting if used.

I say ask the fellow out. If the phone number isn't a safe way to go, I agree with MrNC and LD, give him yours, or ask for his. Personally, I liked to ask fellows out in person. I can gauge their reaction better that way.

Good Luck!

 

[Mike in Seattle]

You say that he likes you and I believe what you're also saying is he's been extra nice to you. So it's someone you know and he knows you. First, a thought - might the "good authority" be his means of putting out feelers to see what your reaction was? A "Tell Rosie you think I like her and let me know what her reaction is," type of scenario.

Is it someone you only run into once in a blue moon, or more frequently? I might be tempted to make it a point, next time you saw him, to go out of my way to thank him for one or more of the nice things he's done in the past. Then suggest it might be nice to have coffee or a drink sometime, and pull out a little notepad and write down your number for him.

Or you send him a handwritten thank you note. Use your imprinted note paper - the stuff with your phone number on it. Don't have any? PRINT some. Just get a small pack of good quality paper & matching envelopes, and run them throught your printer, and then write a note. That should illicit some sort of response, probably via phone.

Just calling him out of the blue is a little iffy - is his phone number unlisted? If so, he's probably going to wonder how you got it. That could go one of a couple ways. The good way would be he's flattered and thinks, "Gee, she must like me because she asked so-and-so for my number."

The other way it could go, as others have mentioned, is it creeps him out and thinks you're a crazed stalker and begins worrying about finding a rabbit simmering on the stove, and runs for cover.

 

[Miss 1929]

Hopefully...

he's a Fedoran! Get off the stick and call that girl!
I agree, unless he gave it to you, it's weird to call him. But if you were to get the number from him, do call!

 

[Tomasso]

If you had it under very good authority that a gent liked you .

Then I would advise you to instruct this very good authority to mention to the gent that the feeling is mutual and that he may call on you.

 

[Spitfire]

Answere from a gent

If I liked a girl and was EXTRA nice to her, I would be both happy and flathered if the girl went through the trouble to find my # and even call me, to invite me out.
(If I was not allready engaged in anothe relationship, that is! )
Rosie - if you do nothing, chances that nothing will ever happen are big.
If "the coast is clear" - go for it. It is afterall 2008.

 

[LocktownDog]

Guys are socially stupid.

A woman needs to be assertive or things may never happen. I don't think there's a man who would be upset at some woman calling him up (or just walking up to him) and inquiring about his availability. Great confidence builder for us!

I'll be awaiting your call, Rosie.

 

[Quigley Brown]

I'll get emails from ladies I may have met once or twice. I'm not sure how they got my email address. I think they're wanting me to ask them out, but since I'm a shy social dunce I never do. :eusa_doh:

 

[Edward]

A lot of ladies, in my experience, would never dream of asking out a guy they like as they don't want to come over too keen or turn the guy off somehow. Equally, a lot of guys (in my experience typically the guys who would make the better relationship material by far, not the players) would be delighted if a lady made the first move. Chivalry and winning a lady are all very nice, but being expected on ground of gender to take all the risks and suffer the constant rejection is less than appealing, to be frank.

So, yeah, go for it - just don't come over too stalkery.

FWIW, I read The Rules a while back. Interesting book, though I fear far too dogmatic in its insistence on treating a guy like you're not that interested to keep him so. I don't much care for that advice, to be honest: nice guys will generally be the ones who will take no for an answer. And the sort who won't ..... well, they're not the type on man a lady should consent to be escorted by, in my humble opinion.

 

[LocktownDog]

AND normally I am the last gal who would call a man BUT I have to make an exception when said man gives me his number.

Are you saying you wouldn't mind getting some numbers?

 

[RetroBabydoll]

I'm old fashioned. I wouldn't call a guy. If he wants to go on a date with me then he'd have to call me. It shows that he is interested....and brave. Most guys are afraid of rejection so the ones who call are brave. I admire that. Just remember........times are different now so it is really up to the individual instead of only the guy calling.

My example:
I kept saying no to go out with my present bf for 2 years every Friday night where I was waitressing until he won me over. I was dating another guy at the time, but realized things wouldn't work out. I am glad he didn't give up .....otherwise we wouldn't be together right now. He was the one to make the move.

 

[ohairas]

Rosie I say go for it. I called my man and we'll be celebrating 7 years of marriage next month. Shy is a good thing in my book. They're not ego inflamed Jack*sses. He's incredibly romantic, a great cook, and.....
I don't think a man is always "brave" just for asking you out. Many times it is just being cocky, or even a dare from another guy.

If you still feel uncomfortable about calling him, do what others suggested and give him your number next time, tell him you'd love to hear from him.
Best wishes!
Nikki

 

[jake_fink]

To the gents: Would it be a turn off if a woman called you and then asked you out?

No.

If you liked a lady, and she was very accepting to your extra niceness, what would prevent you from calling her?

Fear.

 

[Dr Doran]

Guys are socially stupid.

A woman needs to be assertive or things may never happen. I don't think there's a man who would be upset at some woman calling him up (or just walking up to him) and inquiring about his availability. Great confidence builder for us!

I'll be awaiting your call, Rosie.

I agree with Locktown Dog.

 

[Dr Doran]

FWIW, I read The Rules a while back. Interesting book, though I fear far too dogmatic in its insistence on treating a guy like you're not that interested to keep him so. I don't much care for that advice, to be honest: nice guys will generally be the ones who will take no for an answer. And the sort who won't ..... well, they're not the type on man a lady should consent to be escorted by, in my humble opinion.

An absolutely fascinating book in the intellectual history of popular culture. I am not joking. I wouldn't follow it myself, but it was a reaction to other trends that had gone too far in the 1990s which I personally saw a BIT too much of. I advise that she call him.

 

[Johnnysan]

To the gents: Would it be a turn off if a woman called you and then asked you out?

If you liked a lady, and she was very accepting to your extra niceness, what would prevent you from calling her?

An interesting query, Rosie!

As to Part 1: In my younger, single days, I think that I would have been somewhat flattered if a woman called me and tactfully asked me out for coffee or dinner. Although I'm somewhat a traditionalist about these things, I also think that relationships between men and women have progressed quite a way in recent years from the strict formality that suggests that it is only appropriate for men to actively pursue in courtship and for women to remain demure.

As to Part 2: The most obvious thing would be that I was already involved in a serious or long-term relationship with someone else. Other than that...personal shyness, uncertainty about the "status" of the lady in question (is she married, in a long-term relationship, simply being polite and not-at-all interested in a romantic encounter, etc.), or simply trying to find the right moment/opportunity to ask.

In my mind, it is better to ask and suffer the pain of rejection than to never do so and possibly live with the "what if" for the rest of your life. Clich?©s are always at hand, but truly, in this case, "nothing ventured, nothing gained."

 

[Tomasso]

I kept saying no to go out with my present bf for 2 years .....until he won me over. I am glad he didn't give up .....otherwise we wouldn't be together right now.

One woman's stalker is another woman's persistent suitor.