question on manners and compliments

[gpwpat]

seems these days it is hard to know when it is approprate to complement someone. well here is the deal. There are a couple of women that work in the same building that I do that dress vintage. They are stunning. I would like to compliment them on how well they are put together but not come off like I am comming on to them. I am sure they get enough sleezeballs making comments. They look to be my age 30 + or -. so it is not like a 55 commenting to a 20 year old.

The silence in the elevator seems like you could cut through the tension with a knife. Me in my hat and put together and a classy looking lady. seems like a scene from a vintage film, but with no elevator operator.

The thing is I just wish to let them know their efforts are appreciated to the eye. My eyes are tired from all of the muffin tops, and pierced faces.

Is it even appropriate to compliment when you don't know the person, or does that come off as sleezeball anyway. And let the silence continue.

who knows they may even be FL members. Any ladys here from Sacramento?

 

[Feraud]

I do not see why there has to be tension in an elevator ride. If you like her outfit then compliment her on it. 'Nuff said.
Do not assume she needs to reciprocate. If you know the difference between a dirtball comment and a compliment she will not mistake one for the other!

 

[Girl Friday]

I had a friend who had moved from New York to Dallas, she thought every time someone said hello or smiled at her that they were hitting on her. :eusa_doh:

I tried to explain that she was in Texas now and to assume that people were just being friendly. She never believed me, now she lives in Las Vegas.

It really is a hard call to make, someone will either assume you are being friendly or a stalker, so I guess it is up to you to determine if they are an a-hole or a rational human being.

 

[Miss Neecerie]

I would go for something simple like.

"Thats a lovely outfit'

instead of 'you look spectacular'....

somehow....complementing the outfit...in my opinion...keeps it less 'oooh baby baby' then complementing the person themselves......

subtle difference...but true....

 

[Elaina]

If she's dressing vintage, then you can always assume that she also knows some of the more old fashioned manners, where you smile, say thank you and let it go if you're not interested in anything further.

Since this is not a world where people have manners, much less understand them, I'd say it's a jjudgement call. That or try getting to know them/her with the "hello" for a few weeks as you get on the elevator.

Maybe the tension in the elevator is from both of you admiring the styles and being too scared to say anything (which I have to say, is not my problem. I tend to be rude and ask "Oh my how lovely! Where on earth did you find it?")

 

[Kim_B]

I think it's more difficult for men when it comes to commenting/complementing women - so many things this day in age can be misconstrued as sexual harassment (not saying any one here would stoop to that level, but you know how some folks interpret things using the most negative intent, even if it was as innocent as can be). How does one make small talk without creeping any one out? Sometimes I think we worry too much about it, and let the moment pass by.

For your situation I would think it wouldn't be perceived as negative attention seeing as you're dressed vintage as well...but you just never can tell.

On a related note...something I was thinking about the other day...

How does one make small talk without sounding like you're a weirdo? For instance, I was in a local thrift shop and saw a fellow lounge member. I wasn't 100% certain if it was her, but I figured there probably aren't too many people who would be dressed head-to-toe in vintage and she looked familiar. I really wanted to be friendly and introduce myself, but wasn't sure how to do it without coming across like a psycho. Should I have commented on how fabulous her outfit looked? Her hair? Would that have freaked her out? (I later PM'd her and found out it was her, so now I feel just as dumb for not saying anything!)

 

[TheKitschGoth]

How does one make small talk without sounding like you're a weirdo? For instance, I was in a local thrift shop and saw a fellow lounge member. I wasn't 100% certain if it was her, but I figured there probably aren't too many people who would be dressed head-to-toe in vintage and she looked familiar. I really wanted to be friendly and introduce myself, but wasn't sure how to do it without coming across like a psycho. Should I have commented on how fabulous her outfit looked? Her hair? Would that have freaked her out? (I later PM'd her and found out it was her, so now I feel just as dumb for not saying anything!)

How about saying, "hi, I've seen you online!" I actually know someone who said that once, and he's actually one if the creepiest people I know.

I'm with Miss Neecerie, complimenting the outfit rather than the actual person reduces the chance of it being taken the wrong way. I know that I personally prefer to hear compliments on what I'm wearing from strangers, and personal compliments tend to get me running away.

 

[Quigley Brown]

How does one make small talk without sounding like you're a weirdo? For instance, I was in a local thrift shop and saw a fellow lounge member. I wasn't 100% certain if it was her, but I figured there probably aren't too many people who would be dressed head-to-toe in vintage and she looked familiar. I really wanted to be friendly and introduce myself, but wasn't sure how to do it without coming across like a psycho. Should I have commented on how fabulous her outfit looked? Her hair? Would that have freaked her out? (I later PM'd her and found out it was her, so now I feel just as dumb for not saying anything!)

Did she recognize you, too? I hope you can get together now.

I'm a pretty shy guy, but if I'm somewhere and see someone in vintage...man or woman (of mature age)...I become a little more open and may comment on what they're wearing.

 

[Lady Day]

If she's dressing vintage, then you can always assume that she also knows some of the more old fashioned manners, where you smile, say thank you and let it go if you're not interested in anything further.

I think that hit it on the head.

How about saying, "I appreciate your classic style. You ladies look lovely."
Short sweet and genuine. I think they would love it, and not assume any agenda.

LD
I also think its nice of you to quiry on how ot compliment these ladies. Often fellas think saying anything is good enough. Good to you :eusa_clap

 

[gpwpat]

Funny thing in todays society how we are afraid to speek in person but it is easier to talk via the computer.

My personality is strong and out going. but only when I know you. If I don't know you I come off as very shy.

I was going to say something the other day but it was the day I had shaved and left only a pencil thin mustache to mess with my coworkers. I really did look creapy that day. Very Crepy. that is probaby where the tension came from. I knew I looked creapy suit or not.

Maybe in time I will say something. but for now I still feel saying anything to a woman I don't know seems like it would be percieved as creapy. Maybe it is a california political crectness thing. Who knows. I hear stories of creaps alot.

I don't wish to be a creap. I am practicing to become a perfect Gentleman. Still have a few manners and Courtesies to work on.

 

[Lady Day]

How does one make small talk without sounding like you're a weirdo? For instance, I was in a local thrift shop and saw a fellow lounge member. I wasn't 100% certain if it was her, but I figured there probably aren't too many people who would be dressed head-to-toe in vintage and she looked familiar. I really wanted to be friendly and introduce myself, but wasn't sure how to do it without coming across like a psycho. Should I have commented on how fabulous her outfit looked? Her hair? Would that have freaked her out? (I later PM'd her and found out it was her, so now I feel just as dumb for not saying anything!)

Rebecca D and I ran into each other on the street a few weeks ago. Its was so strange But we recognized each other, altho nether of us was 'to the nines' that errand running day lol Still its great to put a moving face to a person.

LD

 

[Paisley]

Maybe I'm just not easily creeped out.

I think if a woman uses her instincts, she'll know whether a man is coming on to her or just being friendly. But if she walks around with her sexual harassment antenna up, ready to beep at any attention from a man, she'll assume that every guy who looks at her is after her.

Just keep the compliment brief and don't gush. Don't look her up and down, even if you really like the outfit. Just look her in the eye and say that she has a nice sense of style, or that her outfit (or hat or dress or whatever) is (beautiful, stylish, "from the 40s, right?").

As I'm sure the gentlemen here know, comments on stockings are too personal.

 

[Folly]

I think it's more difficult for men when it comes to commenting/complementing women - so many things this day in age can be misconstrued as sexual harassment

So true - a lot of men don't know what's what these days.

Sort of related, but I saw a TV programme that airs in the UK called Grumpy Old Men, and the celebrity men on there were complaining that they don't know if they're supposed to open doors for women or not these days - if they do is it sexist, if they don't is it rude.

At the vintage events I go to, it's like stepping back in time, manners come to the forefront, men open doors for ladies, step back to let them pass, tip their hats, pay compliments and what have you, and I haven't seen a man slapped yet

 

[happyfilmluvguy]

Brief compliments are easy to say. If you happened to be wearing a vintage suit or outfit as well, it will add to the conversation, and they might actually want to talk more to you. They might have wanted to say something in the first place but were nervous to, like you are.

Imagine helping a poor man with two bikes up 3 flights of steps or helping a blind man across the street. A brief compliment is nothing difficult and for them to be dressed the way they are, they will surely take the compliment as a compliment.

You all work in the same building, which means you must see each other often enough to know you exist.

To tell you the truth, I'm always too nervous to even say a word to someone, let alone a compliment. haha
It all depends on the person
We are all not physically staring each other in the eyes, which make us more confident to say as we choose. This is a good thing and a bad.

 

[scotrace]

.

Lady Day's suggested comment is excellent. Or you could say "Ladies, I often notice how beautifully you are dressed, and I hope you don't mind my saying so."

Of course, when in this situation in CA, I completely flubbed the compliments on day one! I hope the ladies in question are forgiving...

Just be genuine. I think you absolutely positively should say something complimentary. They don't go to all that trouble so they can blend into the wallpaper. Give applause where applause is due.

 

[PADDY]

Life's too short not to compliment others...

People usually can tell when something said is a genuine compliment rather than a 'come on.'

My new wingtips that I got for Tango, have received quite a few great comments, and boy, do I walk tall after someone saying, "I really love those shoes, where did you get them?!"

So, I have no problem about commenting to a lady that her perfume smells really nice, or her hair looks great, or what a unique dress that really suits her!! If they take that as something negative, then I just feel they might have a 'wee chip on their shoulder' from previous bad experiences, and it's nothing personal. I did the right thing by making the compliment, so no harm done.

As one grows older, I feel I have less hangups about saying what I feel, if it is to the benefit of others (I also know when to bit my tongue and say nothing). Life's too short not to compliment others...

 

[Grnidwitch]

I always compliment people. I try to be respectful and polite.

My suggestion is to tip your hat to them and smile. I would be flattered if a man did that to me.

 

[Travis]

I often find myself in similar situations. I like to consider myself a polite gentleman, but I'm shy around people I don't know, especially women, and I'm always afraid my manners will be taken as going too far.

 

[jitterbugdoll]

I don't mind a polite compliment at all ("nice outfit," "you look very 1940s," etc.)and generally do not assume the person making the remark is hitting on me, unless they are actually leering at me and looking elsewhere then my face. And it can be okay to comment on seamed stockings, as I find that people will say "Oh, I haven't seen those for years!" or "Look, she's even wearing the right stockings!" and they don't mean it in a lecherous way.

I will usually reply with a smile and a "thank you for noticing" remark, as that is the proper response to a genuine compliment. I do think that in today's time, in which even the most benign things can be construed as offensive, people are often afraid to comment on things that stand out, as they are afraid the "unique" person will snap at them for noticing (and I have seen this done, and not for a warranted reason either.)

The last time I was in an elevator with a fellow I didn’t know, he remarked that I was far too glamorous to be in this office and that I looked like a movie star. I was quite flattered, and now whenever we pass in the hall he asks me if I have a movie deal yet lol

 

[Baron Kurtz]

Strike up a conversation about one particular thing they're wearing/carrying. Show some knowledge of the fashions, era etc. they're interested in and they won't think you're sleazy. Rather than saying how stunning they are right at the start, work it into the conversation . . .

bk