Senator Jack
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As to one rather...um...curiously derived argument and explanation
The four of us set round the lobby a wile after we was through playin', and when it got along toward bedtime Carey whispered to me and says:
"Ike'd like to go to bed, but he can't think up no excuse."
Carey hadn't hardly finished whisperin' when Ike got up and pulled it:
"Well, good night, boys," he says. "I ain't sleepy, but I got some gravel in my shoes and it's killin' my feet."
We knowed he hadn't never left the hotel since we'd come in from the grounds and changed our clo'es. So Carey says:
"I should think they'd take them gravel pits out o' the billiard room."
But Ike was already on his way to the elevator, limpin'.
"He's got the world beat," says Carey to Jack and I. "I've knew lots o' guys that had an alibi for every mistake they made; I've heard pitchers say that the ball slipped when somebody cracked one off'n 'em; I've heard infielders complain of a sore arm after heavin' one into the stand, and I've saw outfielders tooken sick with a dizzy spell when they've misjudged a fly ball. But this baby can't even go to bed without apologizin', and I bet he excuses himself to the razor when he gets ready to shave."
"And at that," says Jack, "he's goin't to make us a good man."
"Yes," says Carey, "unless rheumatism keeps his battin' average down to .400."
- from Alibi Ike by Ring Lardner
The four of us set round the lobby a wile after we was through playin', and when it got along toward bedtime Carey whispered to me and says:
"Ike'd like to go to bed, but he can't think up no excuse."
Carey hadn't hardly finished whisperin' when Ike got up and pulled it:
"Well, good night, boys," he says. "I ain't sleepy, but I got some gravel in my shoes and it's killin' my feet."
We knowed he hadn't never left the hotel since we'd come in from the grounds and changed our clo'es. So Carey says:
"I should think they'd take them gravel pits out o' the billiard room."
But Ike was already on his way to the elevator, limpin'.
"He's got the world beat," says Carey to Jack and I. "I've knew lots o' guys that had an alibi for every mistake they made; I've heard pitchers say that the ball slipped when somebody cracked one off'n 'em; I've heard infielders complain of a sore arm after heavin' one into the stand, and I've saw outfielders tooken sick with a dizzy spell when they've misjudged a fly ball. But this baby can't even go to bed without apologizin', and I bet he excuses himself to the razor when he gets ready to shave."
"And at that," says Jack, "he's goin't to make us a good man."
"Yes," says Carey, "unless rheumatism keeps his battin' average down to .400."
- from Alibi Ike by Ring Lardner
