Perhaps this isn't the place for me.

[Jovan]

I can't seem to post any constructive criticism or opinions without it being interpreted as overly negative or counter-productive in tone.

Apparently "several" users have been making complaints about me, despite my efforts to be more clear of my intents and attitude. This apparently has not worked.

It's obvious I haven't really contributed that much anyways. I don't fit in to begin with... my sense of aesthetics seems to be radically different from most anyone's here, which alone seems to cause problems.

I'm sorry if any of you think I'm a self-centred egotistical jerk. I will say, for the record, I'd probably get along with a lot of you if you met me in person. (Which doesn't seem likely to happen, since we couldn't decide on a place or time in my event thread, and with other users -- even one who clearly dislikes me -- turning it into a thread about THEIR proposed meet.)

I dunno, guys. I may just have to leave. [huh] Flames, comments, thoughts welcome.

 

[BellyTank]

Take it easy Jovan-
most of us probably have to moderate ourselves a little to try and fit in here.

I may have shot some "friendly" sarcasm your way.. once or twice...
I hope that I personally haven't contributed to this negative atmosphere you feel.

I'm unaware of any true nastiness aimed at you by others- but then I only read very selectively on this forum and try to stay away from the itching-bay.

Regards,

B
T

 

[Diamondback]

Hey, I don't exactly "fit perfectly" myself. Don't let 'em get to ya... (I can relate, there's one individual who seems to have decided to play grudge-match against me and I have added to my Ignore List...)

"Illegitimi non Carborundum."

Have you discussed the situation with any of the Bartenders?

 

[Panamabob]

Lord knows my socks, shoes, pants, underwear, undershirt, shirt, tie, jacket, and hat are a bit different than most here.

 

[ScionPI2005]

I think we have to consider this forum to be like any other community. In the world, and in small microcosms, there are going to be those individuals that we get along with perfectly, and others whom we must steer clear of. That seems to just be a rule of nature; in a species so diverse as ours, it would be impossible to not experience this.

Hopefully however, in this community, all disagreements are handled respectfully, and without derogatory comments or inappropriate comments.

On the other hand, you must consider what this forum is. I think it is difficult to imagine getting to know anyone truly well in an online forum. We only know each other through the text we type, and nothing else. This should be taken into consideration. In other words, all of us here are only known on the surface level; nothing else can, or should be expected. In depth conversations and interactions should be saved for friends and family face to face.

Now don't get me wrong; and please don't call me cynical or untrusting or what have you. I have met some decent folks through online forums. I just don't think it is very likely to go beyond the very basics of conversation and interaction.

Geez, I hope people here can make one iota of sense out of my ramblings here...I'm not even sure I understand what I've said. [huh]

 

[Daisy Buchanan]

Take it easy Jovan-
most of us probably have to moderate ourselves a little to try and fit in here.

Regards,

B
T

I think Belly Tank says it perfectly.

I don't think any person quite "fits in". We all have different likes/dislikes/personalities. But, this is a message board with now over 5,000 members. We all have to hold back on some of our individual characteristics or quirks in order for us all to melt into the pot together, and to keep the lounge the civil place that it is.

Honestly, I wasn't aware of anything that might have taken place. I've never heard ill words spoken of you.
However, if you are looking for a place to express your every whim wholly then this might not be the place for you.
I don't think anyone here is against the occasional debate, as long as it's a constructive and civil one. This is not to say that I'm not up for the all out argument of my life sometimes, but I know if I want that, this isn't the place to find it..

Remember, The Fedora Lounge was founded as a "Gentleman's Club". I know, we have ladies here now, and that's why the Powder Room was created. Like all things, I guess the Fedora Lounge is evolving, much like the roles of men and woman evolved over time. However, the one thing that remains the same is that we all have a mutual respect, we try to keep things on a civilized level. Like I said, this doesn't mean you can't be who you are. But, it might in some cases need to involve some sort of self discipline.

I think you will be missed if you left, I know I will miss speaking with you. If there's something out there on the internet that you are looking for and you can't find it here, or if you feel like you're being held back from something, then I do understand why you would want to move on.
Just remember the roots of The Fedora Lounge. This is a privately owned site hosted by a man who allows all of us to be here free of cover. He wants it to be a certain way, and yes he does have some leeway, yet in the end this is his show. No matter how much you might want to change something, it's not gonna change here, and this is the way many members would like to keep it.

Well, I would hate to see you go. This is a decision only you can make. I can only say that I don't think you should go. But, if you don't like the way things are, I hate to say this and I really don't mean to sound rude, they aren't really gonna change much here. Now come one, did you really think that a bunch of people stuck in the Golden Era would want things in their forum to change anylol lol

 

[farnham54]

You think YOU don't fit in Jovan? I'm sitting here typing while I'm wearing...

...a BASEBALL CAP!!!!

Gotta run, I can see the torches being sparked and the pitchforks being dolled out!

A the end of the day, if something is bothering me, I find it's always far better for me to hit the little 'x' at the top right (left, if your a Mac user) of my screen and go play a round of golf, talk to my girlfriend, or just watch some TV with my folks, rather then hit the reply button and allow myself to get too engaged. Just a forum, nothing to get worried about

Cheers
Craig

 

[Zig2k143]

You will be missed... Wait who are you again. Just joking...

But seriously don't go. I've been on many forums over my past 26 years online.. Yes dammit I'm old... In anything in life when you have more then a handful of people, not everyone is going to like you.

Hell I'm probably hated by many. But that is life.

 

[AlanC]

Jovan, it seems like this is deja vu. Since you are the one who started this thread, I will act under the assumption that you actually want feedback. And to let others know, I 'know' Jovan from Style Forum where essentially the same thing happened.

A number of people operate quite well on the various fora, yet you keep running into the same issue wherever you go. There's a point when self-examination is in order. I am not among those who complained about you to the management (if there are such people), however the reality is you come across as a brash know-it-all when it's known that you are but a college student who cannot possibly have the experience in sartorial matters--and everything else--to support your hard and fast convictions.

Relax. Stop seeking attention by having to be the smartest guy in the room. Contribute when you can. And drop the martyr complex in starting threads about how you are going to leave/might leave.

 

[PrettySquareGal]

Jovan, it seems like this is deja vu. Since you are the one who started this thread, I will act under the assumption that you actually want feedback. And to let others know, I 'know' Jovan from Style Forum where essentially the same thing happened.

A number of people operate quite well on the various fora, yet you keep running into the same issue wherever you go. There's a point when self-examination is in order. I am not among those who complained about you to the management (if there are such people), however the reality is you come across as a brash know-it-all when it's known that you are but a college student who cannot possibly have the experience in sartorial matters--and everything else--to support your hard and fast convictions.

Relax. Stop seeking attention by having to be the smartest guy in the room. Contribute when you can. And drop the martyr complex in starting threads about how you are going to leave/might leave.

That was brash.

 

[Jay]

Jovan, for the record, I find your posts interesting. Always a different perspective on things. And that's the kind of way I try to look at everything. Why shouldn't we have a different perspective on here. Hell, we're only talking about old clothes.

Just my two cents.

 

[AlanC]

Sound familiar? Posted two months ago today.

 

[panamag8or]

I have met Jovan, and he is an alright fellow. Sometimes, I feel like I don't fit in here, either, since my favorite era is just barely within the scope of this forum, and far from the focus.

However, while I may not live the 30's-40's, I enjoy the company of those here that do. So far, I have been made to feel welcome, and I think everyone who stops by is treated that way.

I do have to temper my comments, as I am used to some other free-wheeling forums I visit. I just look at it as when I am here, I get to be an adult. I can be an "Animal house" type on the other forums, and this is a refreshing change to be anong civilized people.

It all comes down to "different strokes", I guess. I hope Jovan stays.

 

[Amelie]

what AlanC have told is quite hard, and probably not told the right way, but Jovan there might be something to learn about it. Not for the others, the one it really affects is you.

It's quite dangerous to feel the need of being accepted and liked by everyone, and if it's not controlled it can easily become maladive, in which case it is an habbit that is hard to get rid of (speaking from experience)

Anyway, I actually don't think you "don't fit" like you are telling, you probably wouldnt speak as much as that if it was really the case, or you would have made a lot more waves than that

 

[Johnnysan]

That was brash.

Sadly, having read Jovan's posts here and at Style Forum...it's also right on target.

I'm not sure if you mean to be abrasive, Jovan, but in all honesty, many of your posts come off that way.

There is a way to demonstrate the breadth of one's knowledge without being haughty. There is a way to educate those around you who are less sophisticated without demeaning them. It's done here every day by many members of the Lounge. Perhaps it's a skill that comes with maturity.

For the record, I have not been one of the folks who have complained about your propensity for being brash, but I have noticed it. As a result, I have dismissed many of your posts because I find your style of delivery tiresome.

Others here have suggested live and let live and I couldn't agree more, but since you asked for comments and thoughts, here's mine. If you're 0 and 2 between here and another forum for the same reason, then maybe it's time to realize that the common denominator is the way that you choose to articulate your thoughts online.

For what it's worth, I hope you stay on board. I think you have a lot to share with us and maybe a bit you can learn from us, as well.

 

[Bebop]

I used to feel that way here and figured out that I have to post as if I am talking to children or people that don't understand what I am saying very well. (No offense to anyone). Most of the time, even when I ask questions, I just get ignored or misunderstood :eusa_booh . I see that as probably my fault. Sounds like most here feel like they don't fit in. Just like atheists, they think they are the only ones in the crowd until they voice it. When I don't like someone on this site, I just ignore them as I would in "real life". Maybe that is what is happening with your posts. Just as in every aspect of society, there are groups here within a group, that don't like certain people or opinions and form clicks that put them with people that think just like they do, as in the posts that everyone agrees with everyone else and compliments fly left and right and no other opinions are accepted or wanted. After all, this is supposed to be fun and if you are not having any, you move to where you feel more comfortable and accepted. There are good & pleanty of sites where you can butt heads with others. I don't think butting heads is liked very much here.

I don't get it. Are you asking people if they want you to leave or stay? Why post that you are not going to post anymore? Just leave. It's only a simple web site.

 

[Jovan]

Away until further notice.

 

[cooncatbob]

I used to feel that way here and figured out that I have to post as if I am talking to children or people that don't understand what I am saying very well. (No offense to anyone). Most of the time, even when I ask questions, I just get ignored or misunderstood :eusa_booh . I see that as probably my fault. Sounds like most here feel like they don't fit in. Just like atheists, they think they are the only ones in the crowd until they voice it. When I don't like someone on this site, I just ignore them as I would in "real life". Maybe that is what is happening with your posts. Just as in every aspect of society, there are groups here within a group, that don't like certain people or opinions and form clicks that put them with people that think just like they do, as in the posts that everyone agrees with everyone else and compliments fly left and right and no other opinions are accepted or wanted. After all, this is supposed to be fun and if you are not having any, you move to where you feel more comfortable and accepted. There are good & pleanty of sites where you can butt heads with others. I don't think butting heads is liked very much here.

I don't get it. Are you asking people if they want you to leave or stay? Why post that you are not going to post anymore? Just leave. It's only a simple web site.

I don't get it either, I never saw you as a problem. I do find folks who have to announce that their leaving rather odd. If I don't like a place or feel unwanted I just go.

 

[Hemingway Jones]

Away until further notice.

And that's as good a place to end this as any.