"Overdressed"

[Fidena]

I feel like this all the time. The thing is, I don't -want- to dress sloppy. It's funny how the suit is always seen as the image of oppression and conformity, yet when you wear one you're the one that's sticking out. Why can't smart, clean dress come back into style? Why have we let laziness dictate every aspect of our life?

 

[Pompidou]

I feel like this all the time. The thing is, I don't -want- to dress sloppy. It's funny how the suit is always seen as the image of oppression and conformity, yet when you wear one you're the one that's sticking out. Why can't smart, clean dress come back into style? Why have we let laziness dictate every aspect of our life?

The quick suggestion would be not to care what anyone thinks about what you wear. Be yourself. Don't let anyone dictate any aspect of your life, if it's at all avoidable. If you want to wear a suit, go for it. If you feel uncomfortable being the only one wearing a suit, don't. They're not my style, but they're not a bad style. Most people would do well to see that distinction. In a perfect world, people wouldn't need the rest of the world to dress just like them to avoid feeling uncomfortable. As it stands, clothes are schizophrenically used to separate people by caste or to designate them as peers. They should just be personal decorations. You want to feel like one of the gang, but you don't really like what that gang is all about. In the event just doing what you want and throwing aside the expectations of others won't work for you, you're already halfway there in terms of my other suggestion, being, find people who do dress like you and fit in with them.

 

[Yeps]

Well, I am trying to get people to dress nice, leading by example (I swear, things start popping up in Kohl's about a year after I find one in a thrift store and start wearing it, although I might have gone too far with this whole 20s/30s thing).

Sticking out isn't always bad, although being a head and shoulders taller than my peers makes it so I don't have a choice. I figure, if people are going to stare, I might as well give them something good to look at.

 

[Fidena]

I figure, if people are going to stare, I might as well give them something good to look at.

That's an awesome quote. xD

 

[Fidena]

The quick suggestion would be not to care what anyone thinks about what you wear. Be yourself. Don't let anyone dictate any aspect of your life, if it's at all avoidable. If you want to wear a suit, go for it. If you feel uncomfortable being the only one wearing a suit, don't. They're not my style, but they're not a bad style. Most people would do well to see that distinction. In a perfect world, people wouldn't need the rest of the world to dress just like them to avoid feeling uncomfortable. As it stands, clothes are schizophrenically used to separate people by caste or to designate them as peers. They should just be personal decorations. You want to feel like one of the gang, but you don't really like what that gang is all about. In the event just doing what you want and throwing aside the expectations of others won't work for you, you're already halfway there in terms of my other suggestion, being, find people who do dress like you and fit in with them.

Yeah, that's why I'm so glad to have found the lounge. Thought I was the only one for a while. xD

 

[Akubra Man]

@ Pompidou .... very well said Sir

 

[Puzzicato]

As long as I am dressed appropriately, I never feel overdressed. If I need to weed the garden, I won't wear a silk blouse and binding underclothes. If I need to walk on cobblestones, I won't wear spindly heels. If I need to bottle tomatoes, everything gets covered with an apron. I dress as nicely as I can and still be fit for purpose; worrying about what other people think of me is a mug's game.

 

[BinkieBaumont]

If you feel overdressed, then you probably are overdressed for you trust your gut feelings, if you feel uncomfortable, maybe you need to tone it down a little , so you look more relaxed and have a smile on your face.

 

[Mocheman]

On the contrary, I say everybody else is underdressed.

 

[1961MJS]

Hi

It's easier to dress down what you have on than it is to dress something you have on "up". You can always take off your tie and lose the vest on a three piece suit, but a polo shirt won't grow into a button down shirt and a sport coat no matter how hard you concentrate...

later

 

[Miss sofia]

I second that!

I couldn't give a fig, what other people think of my attire, but i know myself if i have over-egged the pudding a bit clothing wise, so i just sort myself out accordingly.

 

[Mr. Hallack]

I would have to say I am dressed down most of the time. Today I wore shorts cause it got in the low 60's But that is my style I feel comfortable in. I do dress nice if the situation calls for it. But if I do see someone anywhere in town and they are dressed nice, I don't think to myself they are overdressed. Well if someone was fishing on the breakwater in a tux, yeah I might consider that overdressed. But just in about town if someone is in a suit, and everyone else in current summer clothing, I tend to think the others are dressed down.

I hope I am making sense heere.

 

[Fidena]

I would have to say I am dressed down most of the time. Today I wore shorts cause it got in the low 60's But that is my style I feel comfortable in. I do dress nice if the situation calls for it. But if I do see someone anywhere in town and they are dressed nice, I don't think to myself they are overdressed. Well if someone was fishing on the breakwater in a tux, yeah I might consider that overdressed. But just in about town if someone is in a suit, and everyone else in current summer clothing, I tend to think the others are dressed down.

I hope I am making sense heere.

Exactly my thoughts.

 

[Tiller]

From one aging young fogey to another young fogey.

Personally, I think that the majority has a bigger problem with being under dressed, then we in the minority do with being overdressed. The problem at large is this idea that "I have a right to dress how I want too, no matter the situation." If I see one more man my age show up at a funeral wearing nothing more then a pair of jeans, sneakers, and a t-shirt, I could possibly lose it. lol The simple fact of the matter is, that their is an entire class of people who have no idea that there are some expectations that should be meet in certain areas. You have people who will show up to weddings, funerals, job interviews, and other social events where if a certain style of dress isn’t outright stated it is expected, showing up in what can at best be described as "casual wear", either because they simply don't understand, or because they are making a "statement". When some individuals won’t even wear a “dress shirt” to such an event, it can be a bit disheartening. I do believe though, that people by in large still know that it's not alright to show up to your Grandfather's funereal looking like you just left the gym.

With that bit of drama stated and out of the way though adopt your style and learn what works for you Don’t be afraid to take it slow, that’s how I started. Learn what you can, and apply it to your daily life. You can’t really complain about a lack of style in the modern world if you yourself won’t attempt to change. This will of course mean that you will stick out, but if you plan on dressing in the style of a minority that is bond to happen anyways. In many ways this can be a plus though, don’t be afraid to share your style with those around you. For example if you are taking your girl out for a night on the town, and you plan on dining at a fine restaurant, don’t be afraid to call her up (or text or whatever the devil it is you kids do know a days) and tell her, that you will be taking her to the “Fancy Restaurant Down The Lane“, and that you will be wearing a dark blue suit. That way if she wants to she can choose to dress accordingly or not. Believe it or not many women are going to be impressed if you know how to dress yourself for certain events.

As far as worrying about what others are thinking goes, it’s not something you really have to worry about. It maybe hard to understand for some of us here, whether we dress as vintage/vintage inspired as we can (which is the category I am in), or argue that their is nothing wrong with wearing a silk top hat with a pair of torn blue jeans, the vast majority of people in this world aren't going to care about how you look. Most people also aren't going to care about what you think, they will care how you act and that is the biggest thing. I wear suits more often then anyone that is around my age that I personally know, but I don't change my personality because of the clothes I wear. In my opinion if you are like me, and wished that people dressed better (or acted better), the best thing you can do is be a positive example of the style, to those people around you that you do have influence over. If you have a positive affect on peoples lives, and set a good example they may, just may, emulate their style to yours to an extent, or at the very least they may admire that you can pull off the style even if they don’t think it is for them.

So what do you do about those people who try to personally insult you because of your style choice? There is a term for a stranger who attempts to insult you at some random place, because you are dressed in a more formal fashion then they are, that term is "idiot". In my opinion if you feel it is a worthy cause stand up for yourself. Now some people claim that when you wrestle with a pig your going to end up covered in “mud”, but personally I feel that if the pig bite your shin first and you kicked him in response right square in his chiny chin chin, then he got exactly what he deserve. If you are more of a pacifist though, simply let the insult roll of your back and keep this fact in mind, this mental midget who is insulting you has no influence on your life what so ever, that you don't give him.

Now there are times that I feel like saying something to someone who for examples is walking around town dressed in their pajamas, but I hold back. Places like the Lounge here are where we can vent about the lost of style, but I wouldn’t address somebody who is dressed like that on the street. Set an example, try not to become what annoys you. There is a small chance of course, that if they see you dressed with some vintage style, that they may at the very lest decide that a pair of jeans maybe a good choice the next time they want to go out and buy some milk. It may not be likely, but it is possible.

I would also recommend learning some of the old codes of conduct and following them. You don't have to go overboard with it, but I have learned that people will treat you with respect if you at least acknowledge the old ways. Take your hat off in an elevator when a lady boards, don't be afraid to hold the door open for someone, don't show up to a funeral or a wedding wearing dirty blue jeans, look a person in the eyes when you shake their hand, offer a lady your seat if your on a bus. Little things like that go a long way even today, and if people begin to enjoy you as a person they will largely accept your style of clothing for what it is. You may also notice that some people will even begin to dress at a higher standard then they previously did before when they are around you.

None of us are going to be able to change the culture at large single handedly, but if you want more formal standards to become popular again you may have to set an example. That way at the very lest even if a more formal style doesn't become the norm, you can always say you tried.

 

[Pompidou]

Personally, I think that the majority has a bigger problem with being under dressed, then we in the minority do with being overdressed. The problem at large is this idea that "I have a right to dress how I want too, no matter the situation." If I see one more man my age show up at a funeral wearing nothing more then a pair of jeans, sneakers, and a t-shirt, I could possibly lose it. lol The simple fact of the matter is, that their is an entire class of people who have no idea that there are some expectations that should be meet in certain areas. You have people who will show up to weddings, funerals, job interviews, and other social events where if a certain style of dress isn’t outright stated it is expected, showing up in what can at best be described as "casual wear", either because they simply don't understand, or because they are making a "statement". When some individuals won’t even wear a “dress shirt” to such an event, it can be a bit disheartening. I do believe though, that people by in large still know that it's not alright to show up to your Grandfather's funereal looking like you just left the gym.

Does this apply to people who overdress where the expectation is casual? What of the person (and I think the Fedora Lounge has more than one), who says, "I don't care what my company expects. I'm going to wear a suit in the work environment my employers have stated to be casual." Is formal wear the expectation for the grocery store? I think, any diatribe against casual wear at formal occasions would have to be equally matched by a diatribe against formal wear at casual occasions, or no diatribe should be had at all. In a world where it is us defying social expectations, there's no place for holding the majority to any expectations. We tout the "right to dress however we want" every single day. Hopefully, the underdresser at funerals isn't making it a daily event. If so, s/he deserves our sympathy for enduring so many funerals, rather than our contempt for how s/he dresses to them. We defy expectation way more than the underdressers. Heck, underdresser doesn't even apply. They're the expectation. They're just dressers. Nudists are the underdressers, and they stick to places where it's okay, (hopefully). Pots and kettles.

 

[rue]

Oh Lord ..... shakeshead... really?

 

[Pompidou]

Oh Lord ..... shakeshead... really?

Yep. Just accepting reality. I dress nicely. I don't pretend to be the expectation everyone should be meeting. That's all. I fully support suit wearing. I fully condemn telling the world they're lesser somehow for not doing the same.

 

[sheeplady]

Does this apply to people who overdress where the expectation is casual?

Well, I think it depends on the occasion. If you are going to a friend's casual wedding or major life event, and they ask you to wear jeans, slacks, a plain dress (or some other form of casual clothing), you should try to match that request within reason if you value that friendship or family member. If you choose to purposefully overdress despite this request, that could be read as spite for that person and that event (trying to prove you are better), and I can rightly see whomever invited you getting upset.

I think that this holds very true for if you are in the wedding party of a friend or family member. In those instances, you wear what you are requested to wear (from a very formal to very casual outfit), or you politely indicate that you regret you cannot be in the wedding party. You don't purposefully try to show up the bride or the groom (or the guest of honor at a significant event). If the man can only afford to get married in a sports coat, and asks you to wear one as his groomsman, you ought to wear one and not wear a tux or a suit, as this was requested of you. The same for a woman.

I think that the flip side goes hand in hand- if I request someone attend an event in a tie, etc. I expect them to do their best to wear one. Of course, as someone who is attempting to be a gracious hostess, I try to understand that my guests may have differing financial abilties and wardrobe diversity. I also try to warn people ahead of time of what is expected (and offer items to borrow if I feel the situation warrants it).

 

[Guttersnipe]

Well, I think it depends on the occasion. If you are going to a friend's casual wedding or major life event, and they ask you to wear jeans, slacks, a plain dress you should try to match that request . . .

Well said, I fully agree . . .

Intentionally overdressing is just as inappropriate as refusing to conform to social/cultural norms that call for more formal attire.

Is wearing a three-piece suit or morning wear to Hawaiian themed wedding held on a beach any more appropriate than wearing Bermuda shirts with an aloha shirt to a tradition church/temple wedding? Of course not.

 

[rue]

Well, I think it depends on the occasion. If you are going to a friend's casual wedding or major life event, and they ask you to wear jeans, slacks, a plain dress (or some other form of casual clothing), you should try to match that request within reason if you value that friendship or family member. If you choose to purposefully overdress despite this request, that could be read as spite for that person and that event (trying to prove you are better), and I can rightly see whomever invited you getting upset.

I think that this holds very true for if you are in the wedding party of a friend or family member. In those instances, you wear what you are requested to wear (from a very formal to very casual outfit), or you politely indicate that you regret you cannot be in the wedding party. You don't purposefully try to show up the bride or the groom (or the guest of honor at a significant event). If the man can only afford to get married in a sports coat, and asks you to wear one as his groomsman, you ought to wear one and not wear a tux or a suit, as this was requested of you. The same for a woman.

I think that the flip side goes hand in hand- if I request someone attend an event in a tie, etc. I expect them to do their best to wear one. Of course, as someone who is attempting to be a gracious hostess, I try to understand that my guests may have differing financial abilties and wardrobe diversity. I also try to warn people ahead of time of what is expected (and offer items to borrow if I feel the situation warrants it).

Agreed. It is in bad taste to upstage the host or hostess and it is also in bad taste to wear something inappropriate for the occasion.