Overdressed for a funeral

[DominusTecum]

Bebop was the first to express this good point, earlier: "Point being, funerals are very personal to everyone that attends and sometimes it's alright to not be in uniform." Now, of course, we should try to dress appropriately, because very rarely will there be exceptions where there's an explicit circumstance to make us do differently. As we honor the age-old standards of formal, somber attire for funerals, we are honoring in our own way the deceased. It should, of course, be the way that everyone else honors the deceased as well, but it's hardly our problem if other people don't know any better. The motivation is key here: If I'm dressing in a black suit and a homburg, I'm doing it not because I want to show off my newest hat or coat, but because I want to honor the deceased. On the other hand, if I do it selfishly, to show off, then obviously I'm wrong to do this and I should reconsider seriously why I'm going to this funeral.

Regarding flowers, I can say that they're very expensive these days. I don't know whether they're more expensive than they used to be, proportionally, or if the inflation is just particularly noticeable in the floral department, but I know that when my grandfather, father, and uncle died in the mid-90s, there were massive amounts of flowers at each of their funerals, more than we could deal with, almost. Conversely, when my grandmother died in 2003, there were very few flowers, just the casket spray and perhaps 1-2 other arrangements. Most people preferred to spend their money on a potted plant, with the rationale that it would grow and the family could keep it around the house as a "memorial of the deceased," or somesuch, whereas flowers were more expensive and would wilt shortly. People respect the deceased, but unless they are close family, they usually balk at being asked to shell out $40 for a floral arrangement -as I recall, even potted plants usually start at around $30.

 

[Miss Brill]

At the last funeral I went to people were sending knick knacks--these big yard art statues, which is very strange. I think yard art is tacky enough in your yard, but to put a bunch of junk on someone's grave is just stupid. Gawd, they even put solar lights, pea gravel, and plastic garden fencing. Why??? So they world can see what a nice person they are?

 

[Dutch McCoy]

I attended my father's funeral services last Tuesday and there were only a few men there in suits; me, my brother, the man leading the service and a few of my uncles. After that it was a whole array of different kinds of dress. They wore everything from a dress shirt and tie all the way to Nascar t-shirts. At first I was put off by what seemed like a lack of class but after a while I realized that they really did not own anything more "dressy" and who was I to demand that they buy or rent something for this one occasion. What they wore did not diminish their feelings for my father or their sympathy for my family. Yes, I would like to see people dress more formally for events such as these but I do not think it mandatory. But that is just my opinion.

 

[Starius]

I went to my cousin's funeral on Monday. It was probably the largest and most beautiful funeral experience I've ever witnessed. There were almost 600 people at the visitation the day before, and quite a bit more than that at the funeral itself. The church was beautiful and huge (a few neat little tranquil outdoor courtyards hidden within the church), and I'm not sure I've seen so many well dressed people at a single event in my life. I was very impressed. I tried to dress up as best as I am able with my wardrobe (and what I wore would definitely be "over dressed" for my home town) but I actually felt rather under dressed compared to most others at this funeral.

Its nice to see that in some places and social circles, the well dressed funeral is still in practice.

 

[Archie Goodwin]

Southern Weddings

I am from the South, but I have a few friends from chillier climes who helped me realize that a few of the wedding traditions I grew up with might not be universal. First, southern weddings start at the time printed on the invitation. My friends were surprised, because they thought that was the time to arrive. They just managed to sit down before the bride came down the aisle. Second, there are the associations for women wearing certain colors. Wearing black supposedly means you see this marriage as a funeral, and wearing red means you slept with the groom.

 

[Archie Goodwin]

Unfortunately

Unfortunately, I recently had to attend a funeral for the child of a very close friend. I really could not have cared less what anyone else was wearing. I've never before attended a funeral for a child, and I do not know how to put into words how terrible it was. I know some of you talked about people wanting to get into the coffin with their spouse, but I saw parents walking out of that church who were in that tiny coffin.

I don't wear pocket squares to funerals. I just believe they are a little to frivolous for funerals.

 

[Lincsong]

I think that the mouring should take place at the funeral and the gravesite. For some reason I find it a little garish with these mobile memorials on car windows or on the roadside.[huh]

 

[Flora]

I never go to funerals, just visitation. I like having my own personal moment with the deceased rather than having a huge crowd around me.