On giving your opinions of photographs showing fellow Loungers wearing their new hats

[scotrace]

Excellent thread! I have chewed my own arm off on many occasions to keep myself from posting what I actually thought.

Far better to give an honest appraisal (and rougher opinions reserved for gracious PM), than to say "Looks nice!" when it looks anything but.

I hope that other would offer constructive criticisms of the things I post (not just hats), rather then humoring me. That being said, we are The Fedora Lounge, so remember to be kind with your kidney punches.

 

[Mr. Paladin]

I am amazed at how quickly this thread grew. I have read it over slowly, and I agree with Carter, Michaelshane, and Gene. I do not comment on a hat if I do not genuinely think it looks good on someone, as Carter said. Like Michaelshane, I post mine because I like every one of them and don't care if others don't because I'm the one wearing it and I like it on me. And lastly, as Gene says, I am very blunt in person and make my living being so. In turn, I am treated with at least the same bluntness, generally rudeness, and sometimes hostility. I enjoy the Lounge because I can come here for relaxation, fellowship with those who enjoy what I enjoy, and CIVILITY. The written word is a very difficult medium to master and from the posts here I see at least two of our members who appear to be confused regarding the genuineness of the compliments they have received, and several who express a desire for gentle criticism. Bluntness is good but the master of communication judges his audience and realizes that not each person responds the same. Much of this is regional; some areas of the country are what we judge in my area to be rude and abrasive by nature. Other areas may judge mine to be flowery and wrapped in a false politeness. Either way, Portolan hit it on the head...be gentle because we do not really know each other well. If a person asks for critique, give it, but kindly; with a gilted spoon rather than a spade.

Lastly, I will say this to anyone I have complimented or given a suggestion to if asked: I sincerely meant everything I have said and I think it would be a shame for Wil Tam to stop his projects or Metro to get a complex over graciousness offered to him. It is nice to have one small, civil bit of the world not overtaken by gruffness or rudeness disguised as constructive criticism. If I wanted to talk to jerks, I would just work overtime. Lets keep this forum friendly and civil.

 

[carter]

Excellent thread! I have chewed my own arm off on many occasions to keep myself from posting what I actually thought. ...

I've often considered arm regeneration to be a useful attribute.

 

[carter]

I am amazed at how quickly this thread grew. I have read it over slowly, and I agree with Carter, Michaelshane, and Gene. I do not comment on a hat if I do not genuinely think it looks good on someone, as Carter said. Like Michaelshane, I post mine because I like every one of them and don't care if others don't because I'm the one wearing it and I like it on me. And lastly, as Gene says, I am very blunt in person and make my living being so. In turn, I am treated with at least the same bluntness, generally rudeness, and sometimes hostility. I enjoy the Lounge because I can come here for relaxation, fellowship with those who enjoy what I enjoy, and CIVILITY. The written word is a very difficult medium to master and from the posts here I see at least two of our members who appear to be confused regarding the genuineness of the compliments they have received, and several who express a desire for gentle criticism. Bluntness is good but the master of communication judges his audience and realizes that not each person responds the same. Much of this is regional; some areas of the country are what we judge in my area to be rude and abrasive by nature. Other areas may judge mine to be flowery and wrapped in a false politeness. Either way, Portolan hit it on the head...be gentle because we do not really know each other well. If a person asks for critique, give it, but kindly; with a gilted spoon rather than a spade.

Lastly, I will say this to anyone I have complimented or given a suggestion to if asked: I sincerely meant everything I have said and I think it would be a shame for Wil Tam to stop his projects or Metro to get a complex over graciousness offered to him. It is nice to have one small, civil bit of the world not overtaken by gruffness or rudeness disguised as constructive criticism. If I wanted to talk to jerks, I would just work overtime. Lets keep this forum friendly and civil.

Well-stated, Mr. Paladin.

 

[Goose.]

I am amazed at how quickly this thread grew. ... Either way, Portolan hit it on the head...be gentle because we do not really know each other well. If a person asks for critique, give it, but kindly; with a gilted spoon rather than a spade.
... It is nice to have one small, civil bit of the world not overtaken by gruffness or rudeness disguised as constructive criticism. If I wanted to talk to jerks, I would just work overtime. Lets keep this forum friendly and civil.

So well stated Mr. Paladin and what a great thread topic DumbJaw.
I post pics to share my hats with those that can relate to my affinity for hats. And certainly don't mind sincere critique. I have appreciated all the kind suggestions regarding, bash styles, pins Vs. feathers, dimensions, care, etc that I solicited and not solicited.

But I primarily post to show others, and convince myself, that we are not alone.

Generally, I do not reply if I see something I don't care for, unless asked by the person that posted "does this hat make my butt look fat?". As in my social interactions in person, I try to adhere to the "if you can't say something nice..." adage.

For such a small group, we're really a bunch of snobs.

That's funny Lefty
I'm certain that I put off people because of my cavalier scribes and attire.
And I understand that. Not everyone likes everyone. However, If I have ever offended anyone, it was not intended...so get over it

To what Paladin said, "if I wanted to talk to jerks, I'd work overtime". One wouldn't know it from my pics. But when I go the office...it's suit time. This place provides me a knowledge and a venue for fun. Posting pics of me wearing "grown up" clothes would only remind me of what I come here to forget..."work".

I love The Fedora Lounge. It's a daily visit for me, now, and I genuinely enjoy conversing with people on here. It's one of the few places left on the Internet where literacy, clear dialogue, and courtesy are encouraged, sometimes to the point of being mandatory, and that's fine with me. ....
I like you all, so sometimes my mouth runs.

Yep, an impressive group of polite gentlemen and ladies. Afterall, if one were not "polite", one couldn't be called either a gentleman or a lady respectively.
"I love you too DJ"

 

[gtdean48]

What?

Wait a minute...this place is about hats? I'm just here for the music & the booze....

 

[Subvet642]

Subjectivism

Isn't all opinion subjective? Some people like stingies, some don't, etc.. One thing that I like to keep in mind is that if we are commenting on a hat that someone is wearing in a picture, then that person has already spent their hard-earned money on it, and may not be able to afford another hat. People asking for opinions are often looking for reassurance, and I've found the "Lounge" a wonderfully accommodating place. One thing that's always made me cringe is when someone says that they're "brutally honest", and I've always wondered why honesty has to be brutal. I've often suspected that some people (NOT ANYONE HERE ON THE LOUNGE!) use that phrase to wrap brutality up as virtue. Just because something is the truth, doesn't mean that it isn't harmful. All that being said (or written), I love the way that the members of the Lounge are supportive of each other. For my part, I won't comment if I have nothing constructive to post. However, if I ask for an opinion, feel free to give me your honest opinion.

 

[MattJH]

I'm very glad to see that this is opening up dialogue on a topic that perhaps hasn't been discussed before! As usual, I'm impressed with the participants of this little niche here.

I'm also very glad to see that most have picked up on my suggestion that opinions only be offered when they're actually asked for, and that honesty is not an excuse to be crude or cruel.

Subvet642 makes a valid point, too -- if somebody is harnessing our general consensus of a hat purchase, that means that they've made a monetary commitment to the hat. While that doesn't mean honest and polite opinions aren't warranted, it does mean that this should be kept in mind while composing our response, the worst of which would be "I think you'd be better served to return / exchange / relist that hat and instead go for something more like..." and so on. I've had to do this with several hats (the aforementioned velour Stetson Charger, a few from Jaxon at VillageHatShop, and many, many that I've won on eBay -- this is simply a casualty of collecting things we cannot try on first, and needs to be accepted as potentially inevitable with every hat we purchase online).

 

[Hoss & da Posse]

Wow...I read most every post (and re-read a couple) and too, am impressed by the multi-faceted responses of the Loungers.
My opinion is such that the friendly banter, civility, etc. is paramount to the success of this sub-forum. The real point of coming here on a daily basis is community; I mean we're talking hats, not national policy, brain surgery, marriage counseling or anything else of lasting importance other than the friendships that are forged (virtually and sometimes, personally). As many have pointed out, taste is subjective and opinions are like ...well, I'm in the construction industry so you get the point.
There are some folks that participate on this board that just crack me up and some I don't get at all. But a serious hat person, I am not and I personally would not take the chance that a comment made via a keyboard would ruin someone's afternoon. So when it is all said and done; put me in the category of saying something nice or nothing at all...by the way, DJ, I thought the Whippet was a great look on you

 

[Pduck]

Talk about bad timing! I"ll be receiving my first fedora in the mail later this week (I've always been an Irish walking hat kind of guy). Now I'm going to be getting a bunch of brutally honest comments from you guys instead of the flattery I was hoping for!

 

[Jauntyone]

What an interesting thread!

I agree with HarpPlayerGene; even the nicest and most constructive criticism can come across as hostile in this electronic medium. So many of the nuances of face-to-face conversation are absent.
I will say that on the one or two times that I've received constructive criticism I have greatly appreciated it and taken the message to heart. Some of the "old-timers" here have a great deal of knowledge about hats and when they say something (about hats) I really pay attention!
Giving an honest opinion needn't be "brutal" if it's done in the right spirit and if those on the receiving end accept it in that spirit.
Oh, and all you fellows that don't like stingies are crazy...!

 

[MattJH]

Talk about bad timing! I"ll be receiving my first fedora in the mail later this week (I've always been an Irish walking hat kind of guy). Now I'm going to be getting a bunch of brutally honest comments from you guys instead of the flattery I was hoping for!

I'm already planning on instilling a self-esteem complex in you that no amount of personal therapy sessions will reverse!

I think you can trust us.

 

[indycop]

I am very blunt in person and make my living being so. In turn, I am treated with at least the same bluntness, generally rudeness, and sometimes hostility.

Tell it like it is, Sgt.'s are more blunt than officers since we are trying to sidestep complaints and the wrath of the Sgt. ! sometimes...

 

[Carlisle Blues]

After much thought I realized that:

1) I have to assume the risk for an opinion when I ask for one;

2) Not everyone is going to like the way I look in a hat or otherwise no matter what they say;

3) If after looking in a mirror I still cannot decide if I look good, then nobody on an internet forum can make that decision for me.

The FL is the world of sartorial splendor; if I cannot dress myself by now I clearly have other, more important, issues.

This is a nice place. People are great. The wealth of information is immeasurable. Maybe I am not telling the truth[huh]

 

[MCrider]

Honesty

After reading this whole thread, it seems that we fall into two camps 1) those who post their hats and love them regardless and 2) those who want an honest assessment of their purchase. Personally I fall in the first one, because at my age I don't worry about being criticized.
If you have constructive criticizm, by all means post it. But if your post is to tell someone in no uncertain terms that they "wasted their money buying a wool hat that's going to fall apart in the first light rain," then you're missing the point. Who knows the persons circumstances? Maybe the hat in question was from a close friend or a relative who's passed on. Maybe they don't have $300 to buy a custom hat from (your favorite hat maker here). Tell them how they look yes, but using their post as a rant against their wool purchase or stingy's in general isn't what they're asking.
Plus there's been times I've read a post that states for xx amount more you can buy an Akubra from (any dealer) in Australia. Very true. And I've ordered from both Australia and England. Both times I was worried about if/how the hat would arrive. Telling that to someone on their first "what hat should I buy" post probably isn't the best. They're worried about just wearing a hat and not the anxiety accompanied by it being shipped from overseas.
Or maybe they're trying a hat for the first time and worried about how it looks on them. As many others have stated there are nicer ways to state that the hat may not fit the face in question. As long as we keep it civil I don't think criticism is bad.
There, I feel better. Now to get off my soapbox!
lol

 

[MCrider]

And then there's this

After much thought I realized that:
3) If after looking in a mirror I still cannot decide if I look good, then nobody on an internet forum can make that decision for me.

After all the thought and anguish I put in my last post, leave it to Carlisle Blues to sum it all up splendidly.

After much thought I realized that:
The FL is the world of sartorial splendor; if I cannot dress myself by now I clearly have other, more important, issues.

And then to top it off with the above statement! How very true my friend.
:eusa_clap :eusa_clap

 

[Pduck]

After much thought I realized that:

1) I have to assume the risk for an opinion when I ask for one;

2) Not everyone is going to like the way I look in a hat or otherwise no matter what they say;

3) If after looking in a mirror I still cannot decide if I look good, then nobody on an internet forum can make that decision for me.

The FL is the world of sartorial splendor; if I cannot dress myself by now I clearly have other, more important, issues.

This is a nice place. People are great. The wealth of information is immeasurable. Maybe I am not telling the truth[huh]

OTOH, it's sometimes nice to have the opinion of an outsider -- someone who can stand back and say "This is not working for you," or "This complements your face," etc. I will often take my girlfriend or sister with me when I go to buy clothes or eyeglasses because I value their opinions. We don't always have to ability to look at our own self objectively, nor do we all have the ability to judge what works best for our head shape, size, etc.

I don't live in a city that has a real hat store, so I have to buy without the benefit of trying it on to see how well it looks. I will be relying on you, my fellow loungers, for that expert opinion. (But please be gentle)

 

[Chuck Bobuck]

Point taken! I always do post pictures of myself in new hats, but they don't stay up for longer than a week. I'll offer four right now, but without embedding them in the thread:

Adam Executive
Akubra Federation IV Standard
Bott Tropic Weight (house brand from Cincinnati)
Stetson Whippet

It's a total coincidence that they're all grey -- they're the first four I found. These won't stay up for longer than a week, though, sorry! The Whippet is actually my least favorite, and I just sold it on eBay as I didn't like the proportions despite it being a sought-after vintage model.

Beautiful hats!
LOL! Actually, they do look good on you. I tend to try to encourage and compliment or not say anything at all. My tastes have changed from just following threads and checking out the photos. I came here looking for a straw hat to protect my head from the sun. I honestly did not care for fur felt, or a tall crown, or a wide brim, or a thin ribbon, or an Indy hat. I may see something I don't particularly like today and a month later I'm waiting for UPS to bring me one.

 

[Caity Lynn]

lol, actually I have been told that a hat didn't look good on me by someone on the lounge, and then they went on to point out what type of hat I should wear.I was grateful for the suggestions.[huh]

 

[mayserwegener]

There is a bias against certain hat styles such as Alpine/German when Western style hats get a pass.