Older women with younger men and VICE-VERSA!

[Maj.Nick Danger]

I don't care much about a gal's age as long as she's mature and doesn't have the mentality of a screwy schoolgirl... unfortunately the latter is all I have close. Heck, even if I do meet a girl that fits the bill, chances are we won't click, but that's another tirade.

(Well, actually I would mind if she's younger, but that's for completely unrelated reasons)

Hmmm,...ya gotta stop looking for the screwy schoolgirl type,...by that I mean don't dwell on that and the associated feelings. Ya got it all bassackwards. Dwell on the ones that do fit the bill, and know that you will click. Tirades get one nowhere in this universe.
Dr. Danger
(Watch for me on Oprah.)

 

[Elaina]

All of my relationships (and all three of the men I married) were younger. Some as much as 5 years (which was awkward, I didn't know he was 19 for 3 months). I dated a few older. I like younger men, and not out of a desire to control them.

For me it's always been eaiser to get into the groove of a relationship with someone younger. It's less stressful, and there's something forbidden about it, which in turn is always exciting.

Although I've long joked if I liked women, I'd want them older.

 

[doghouse]

|I've always dated older men. My husband is seven years older than I am.

 

[beaucaillou]

I've dated men 15 years older, some 6 years younger, and a few just my age.
In all cases it turned out that ultimately their age meant very little,
and who they were as a person and the quality of their core-character was indeed, paramount.

 

[herringbonekid]

John, i don't really see the connection between having a significantly older/younger partner and 'taking the lead' or 'controlling' the relationship. there are couples in which one partner is dominant but i can't see how it is relative to age difference. the younger partner may just as likely be the controlling force as the older one, regardless of gender.

 

[Sweet Polly Purebred]

John, i don't really see the connection between having a significantly older/younger partner and 'taking the lead' or 'controlling' the relationship. there are couples in which one partner is dominant but i can't see how it is relative to age difference. the younger partner may just as likely be the controlling force as the older one, regardless of gender.

I couldn't agree more. In my experience, life experience is what matters .. sometimes that comes with age but it's not necessarily so. "Taking Control" is an emotional issue, not related to age. In every successful (somewhat healthy) relationship I've been in, each of us has had strengths and weaknesses that come into play in different situations, that's what balance is and a good relationship cannot function without it.

I've dated men 10 years younger, 25 years older .. and the gamut in between. The happiest relationship I've ever had is with my one and only husband who happens to be a year younger than I am, but more importantly he balances me out. I'm a spaz, he's calm, cool, and collected. I'm assertive, he's more reserved. He's consistent and focused .. well, I'm not so much. Underneath it all we speak the same internal language and that's what matters .. age has no bearing on that whatsoever.

 

[Rooster]

My wife is 3 years older than I am. We started dating when I was 37 and she was 40. Age has never been an issue for us, maybe because we were both mature enough that it doesn't make a difference.
Taking charge......She's much bolder and extroverted than I am, comes from a large family where you had to be outgoing to get what you wanted or loose out. I'm much more layed back. She takes charge of what ever she wants to, and I pick up where she leaves off. No set rules about those types of things. She fights most of her own battles, so don't cross her!:rage:

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[LizzieMaine]

My ex was five years older than me, but it was never really an issue -- once you're out of your twenties, age differences seem to become progressively less important. Of course, everybody used to say I was too old for my own good anyway -- I went from feckless child to world-weary grownup and completely skipped over the whole carefree teens/twenties phase. This actually did become something of an issue with my ex, who was much more interested in the whole party/social/carrying-on thing than I ever was -- I was too busy working and worrying to care about that kind of stuff.

Moral of the story? Finding someone who shares your overall perspective on life will mean more to longterm compatibility than finding someone in your age group.

 

[Amy Jeanne]

I've dated a guy 16 years older than me and it was a nightmare (I was 20, he was 36.) He was a yucky, grumpy, do-as-I-say creep! My Aunt set us up in an attempt to get me away from what I liked at the time (punk music.) We only dated for 4 months.

Years later I dated someone who was 12 years older than me. He was a bit of a "fatal attraction" type, if you know what I mean.

My current husband is 2 years younger than me.

 

[pigeon toe]

My boyfriend is older than me by a year, which is really nothing. However, we're both at approximately the same level of maturity (or immaturity!), so it works out nicely. We're both at a similar place in our lives, which I feel is very important.

Both of my best friends have dated older men. My best friend has dated a 28 year old when she was 19, which was a less than wonderful experience. He just left her out of nowhere, no phone call, nothing, just disappeared and it broke her heart. She has since heard OF him, but still hasn't heard from him. He was a jerk.

My roommate's boyfiend is 27, and she is 20. They have a great, stable relationship, but there are a lot of problems that come with it. She can't go out to bars or parties at bars, and he has a full-fledged career while she's still figuring out what she wants in life. He's her first boyfriend, while he's had plenty of girlfriends and was even engaged at one point. The majority of his friends are also older than him, the 30-40 year range, so she never really hangs around people her own age anymore.

To me, gigantic age differences aren't really worth the trouble.

 

[KittyT]

I've almost always dated older guys, starting in junior high (going into 7th grade, my first boyfriend was going into high school. At that age, the difference seemed pretty extreme, and certainly drew some attention). My average is about 10 years older than I am. I attribute this to the fact that I am an only child and started school early - everyone I ever associated with was older than I. On the few occasions I've dated younger men (one at 21 when I was 26 or so, and another at 24 when I was 27) were disastrous, due to their emotional immaturity. I do, however, realize that this is not necessarily something I should assume as a general rule, rather than an element of someone's individual character.

That said, while I wouldn't turn down dating a younger man, the fact is that there are things about older men that I just find irresistably attractive - greying hair, crow's feet, and all that jazz. Perhaps it's because those things represent a kind of life and (hopefully) relationship experience that I find irresistable.

 

[KittyT]

To me, gigantic age differences aren't really worth the trouble.

Well, it really depends on the age difference. There is such a huge difference between a 21 year old paired with a 30 year old and a 27 year old paired with a 36 year old. Sure, each case has a 9 year difference, but it really depends on where each person is in their life. Once you're settled into a career and some semblance of financial stability, an age difference is really not such a big deal.

Then again, I dated a 29 year old when I was 19/20. He was divorced and had a son. This has never bothered me and never caused any tension. We just had a connection that allowed it to work, even though I was still in school. I also think the social milieu I was in at the time (living and studying in Paris) made it a lot easier to handle - it wasn't viewed as unacceptable and I had already reached a certain level of independence that made the success of our relationship a bit more realistic.

 

[Pilgrim]

My wife is 6 years younger than I am, but it's coincidence as much as anything> I dated women my age, older and younger - but the one who is best for me just happened to be a bit younger. However, she was a very mature person and we're a good pair. But we married at ages 34 and 28, and after 23 years it doesn't matter all that much anyway.

I agree that a few years' difference matters a lot more when you're around 20 than when you're around 50. The difference in life experience when you're young is much more significant.

 

[decodoll]

This is a subject I hadn't really thought too much about until semi-recently. I've always dated/been married to (soon to be ex) men pretty close to my age. However, my current boyfriend and the person I am moving across the country to be with, is 18 years older than me, and I've never been in a relationship with anyone before that I had so much in common with. I don't really think this has so much to do with age, as just finding the right person for me. I've been in a relationship where I've felt that in order for something to get done...planning trips, paying bills, whatever... I had to do it. Finally, I feel like I have a true partner.

 

[Paisley]

I blame late-blooming maturity on extended adolescence. A few generations ago, it was pretty common, I think, for guys in their early 20s and girls in their late teens to get married and have kids.

Most of my female friends date younger men because, they say, older men cannot keep up with them. However, my best friend had a long-term boyfriend who was perhaps 15 years older, but he was athletic and energetic.

One thing I've heard about older men and younger women (where there is a big age difference) that nobody has brought up: the men getting jealous and accusing the women of flirting with or seeing other men. I've known of such men who made jealous fools of themselves. And I know for a fact the women in question weren't running around.

Edited to add: I certainly don't mean that always or even usually happens. I've seen marriages of older men/younger women (and older women/younger men) that worked well.

 

[Daisy Buchanan]

For the most part I've always dated men a bit older than me. I was engaged to a man 7 years my senior, we met when I had just turned 19 and was just a freshman in college. He had been out of college for a few years. I was with him for nearly 4 years, and it was the best relationship I ever had. For some silly reason, going into my senior year of college I decided that I preferred having fun with my friends than being engaged, so I broke things off. You know that mentality of the 22 year old who wants to see the world and be free. Oh what a silly mentality.
I've always had better relationships with men who are older than me. The two men I dated who were my own age, they had a lot of growing up to do. Although one of them, even though we broke up 8 years ago, is still one of my closest friends, and if he moved back to Boston tomorrow I have a feeling we might pick up where we left off. But, that is because he is older now and has grown into a most amazing man. If he stayed the way he was 8 years ago when he moved out of town to Florida (we broke up because I wouldn't move with him, so it was amicable) then I probably wouldn't be with him today. He wasn't a very good boyfriend, but now he is a very great friend, and I love him because of that.

 

[Absinthe_1900]

I've dated both younger and older women, and I really didn't have any difficulties in age difference either way.

Now-a-days I just look for someone who will put up with my Boxer, and all the vintage stuff around the house.

Plus all the absinthe junk.

 

[Michaelson]

My wife is 3 years older than I am. We started dating when I was 37 and she was 40. Age has never been an issue for us, maybe because we were both mature enough that it doesn't make a difference.
Taking charge......She's much bolder and extroverted than I am, comes from a large family where you had to be outgoing to get what you wanted or loose out. I'm much more layed back. She takes charge of what ever she wants to, and I pick up where she leaves off. No set rules about those types of things. She fights most of her own battles, so don't cross her!:rage:

Sounds exactly like my wife and our relationship. We're two years apart (her being the 'eldest' of the team ), and we're about to celebrate our 31st anniversery. Guess it it might work outlol .

One thing good about close ages...you have a shared memory of history, and can relate and react the same way due to that common background. Older/younger relationships will never have that common ground. It's always dealing with the 'here and now'. JMO, though.[huh]

In the shared memory it's sort of like 'I'm old enough that I remember Eisenhower well!' Her response? "So what. I remember the horse he rode in on!" (grins)

Regards! Michaelson

 

[Rosie]

Personally, I prefer to date older men. I find younger men and men my own age to be a bit too immature for my tastes. Though I have run itno my share of older immature men, (the last man I dated for example who was 25 years my senior and turned out to be a bit of a knucklehead).

My dad was 21 years older than my mom, maybe that has something to do with it.

 

[Marc Chevalier]

In general, my 'younger or older' experiences have shown that ...

Before their early thirties, younger women tend to have better figures but less finesse, if you catch my drift. Older women tend to have the opposite, especially after they've reached forty. Less self-conscious, more sensuous. Joyful in every sense. I believe the vintage term was, "the merry widow."


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