"Old School" grace and mannerisms?

[Brinybay]

Courtesy and kindness should always trump charisma and charm, in my opinion. The former requires no training or books, just awareness and a caring spirit. I'd much rather be around the former kind of person. Of course, the goal should be to embrace all of those qualities. Think of the movie Marty.

I only vaguely remember that movie. I've added it to my Netflix que. Reading the description, I'm now about the same age as the character, difference being I'm not trapped by a smothering mother. To the contrary, Mom lives 4 hrs away, but she's very sweet and a real kick to be around, and laughs out loud at "Blue Collar Radio".

 

[Brinybay]

I once did a Google search on "How to be a Good Housewife," and you wouldn't believe the results it netted me. Some were a bit ridiculous ("never let your husband see you without your make-up," sorry, but it's going to have to happen once or twice) while others were very good ("never stop trying to be beautiful; the day you do is the day your marriage starts to go down hill"). I'll bet you could do the same with "how to be a gentleman," or whatever aspect of it you're looking for.

Funny, when I was in my early 20s, one bit of advice a pastor gave to young men in his church who were courting is to surprise your lady friend with an unannounced visit, preferably early in the morning. Why? He said you need to see her w/o her makeup, hair done, and not all dolled up at least once or twice.

 

[Anachronism]

I was at the theater a few days ago and noticed four different elderly couples where the husband was carrying the wife's purse and I couldn't seem to figure out why. I didn't realize it was considered polite to do.

that is so sweet!
It's nice to see old couples in love.

 

[ShoreRoadLady]

Funny, when I was in my early 20s, one bit of advice a pastor gave to young men in his church who were courting is to surprise your lady friend with an unannounced visit, preferably early in the morning. Why? He said you need to see her w/o her makeup, hair done, and not all dolled up at least once or twice.

And the young man wouldn't have seen her sans makeup/with minimal makeup at least once without resorting to such tactics? (Especially today!) I don't think that falls under the category of "gentlemanly behavior"...

 

[Brinybay]

And the young man wouldn't have seen her sans makeup/with minimal makeup at least once without resorting to such tactics? (Especially today!) I don't think that falls under the category of "gentlemanly behavior"...

You're right, it doesn't. The conversation simply strayed to another subject. In the context of the situation (I was there, but it's too involved to try to relay in this thread), his advise made perfect sense.

 

[mike]

You should say "Good Morning!" as a parting line to people! I've seen this in a lot of golden era films. I guess somewhere over the years it evolved into "Have a Nice Day" or to reserve it for a lead in to a conversation instead of a final line. I dig it though

 

[MikeBravo]

David Niven for mine

The epitome of a gentleman for me is David Niven, and not because he is English. There are lots of examples from both sides of the Atlantic and other places

I also have to mention Duke Ellington, he seemed to be a general nice guy from interviews I have seen him do. He was given the nickname when he was very young due to his manners. Apparently his father was a butler and set an example; maybe that is the key?

The gentlemen mentioned so far are all movie actors and we really only know them through the roles they play, for the most part.

One can adopt the outward manners and mannerisms without seeming to be a phony; hopefully that leads to an internal change of how one views things.

The real test is how a person reacts in a given situation as mentioned earlier (One thing I've noticed about "refined gentleman" I've seen is how they maintained such a dignified demeanor when dealing with jerks).

I think at the end of the day, if you're born a jerk, you'll die a jerk. If you're born a gentleman, unless something traumatic happens to change you, you'll die a gentleman.

 

[ShoreRoadLady]

You're right, it doesn't. The conversation simply strayed to another subject. In the context of the situation (I was there, but it's too involved to try to relay in this thread), his advise made perfect sense.

I'll take your word for it. I can see the point, but the application thereof is awfully iffy!

 

[dhermann1]

Harold Nicolson

The British aristocrat, politician, historian, novelist, diarist, gardener, etc., etc. Harold Nicolson, has been one of my true heroes ever since I read his 3 volumes of diaries and letters.
He was famously (or infamously) married to the novelist Vita Sackville-West.
There are so many examples of true gentlemanliness in his diaries that I couldn't begin to recount them all. He had the true gentleman's sense of the right thing to do at all times. There are plenty of examples where simple manners become great expressions of character, as well.
He wrote a book late in his life called "Good Behaviour", in which he delves into the real meaning and practice of what we call "good manners". A worthwhile read.