Oh the pain!

[Tinseltown]

..When you realise your vintage appreciation too late.
Or when your family members are evrything but collector-types.

My grandmother moved into a nursing home 2 years ago.
I didn't appreciate vintage then as I do now, and I had my hands full with finals at the time she was moving so I couldn't really help out in cleaning out her appartment.
My gran is the type of person who kept everything - something my mother hates.

That meant.... bye bye to a stole (shaped like a fox, I think it was rabbit-fur tho), lots of jewelery...(but a lot of that was stolen by some care-taking people too)...a lot of her old clothes. I can't remember how golden era they were, but I am sure there were some.
Also my grandfathers suits and fedoras. She didn't feel there was any need keeping them.
My granfather was such a stylish man. When I see some of you guys decked out in your finest clothes it reminds me of him.:cry:

I wish I had gotten into this whole vintage thing before!!

*sigh*
I feel the only thing I have left from my grandparents past are 3 of my grams rings I own...(dunno how old they are) and old photos (I still haven't seen all of them.. but I have volounteered to organise them all!)

Please share your similar stories, offer some support or whatever you feel like.

 

[Joie DeVive]

I've got one that kills me!

My grandmother had her wedding dress in her cedar chest for years and years. It was a sheer navy dress with a white full length coat which she wore over the top of the dress. It was in pristine condition. I only saw it a couple times.

I could never ask her for such a personal momento, though I really wanted to have it at some point.

About ten years ago she had a stroke. All of her stuff got packed away into storage. Now the dress has gone MIA. Nobody knows where it is. The relatives who packed everything up don't remember seeing it and wouldn't have wanted it anyway. I'm sure it didn't get tossed. We are still sorting through a ton of stuff, but no dress.

It could be that grandma sold it or gave it away. We were all surprised to find out that she had sold some heirloom quilts none of us knew she had. We found out when we saw the pictures of the rummage sale!
I find it hard to believe that she'd do that with her wedding dress.

And I can't hardly ask her about it either. She's unlikely to remember due to the stroke, and even if she did what do I say? "Gee Grandma, did you get rid of your wedding dress or did we dumbies lose it??" Any questions on the topic would be likely to upset her, and at this stage in the game it just isn't worth distressing her over something so trivial as a material possession. So I keep hoping it will turn up, but I'm pretty sure it's gone.

 

[Lincsong]

Unfortunately my grandmother gave away the bulk of her old pictures 30 years ago. She had some nice antique pieces and such though. When she died I got the silverware and a couple lamps and my favorite; a ceramic black panther.

 

[Fletch]

Those of us with grans, parents, etc. in that 1900-1920 born generation were always up against it.
Usually they had little or nothing from that era to pass on.
And when they did have something, it all too frequently had the bad taste of a time they didn't want to revisit, and got tossed.
I think we owe an overwhelming lot of the surviving material culture of the 1930s and 40s, outside of the war, to crazies, packrats, recluses and other misfits.
This truly is a haunted era. As fascinating and elegant as it is, beneath the surface there is always a quiet pathology.

 

[Lee Lynch]

..When you realise your vintage appreciation too late.
Or when your family members are evrything but collector-types.

My grandmother moved into a nursing home 2 years ago.
I didn't appreciate vintage then as I do now, and I had my hands full with finals at the time she was moving so I couldn't really help out in cleaning out her appartment.
My gran is the type of person who kept everything - something my mother hates.

That meant.... bye bye to a stole (shaped like a fox, I think it was rabbit-fur tho), lots of jewelery...(but a lot of that was stolen by some care-taking people too)...a lot of her old clothes. I can't remember how golden era they were, but I am sure there were some.
Also my grandfathers suits and fedoras. She didn't feel there was any need keeping them.
My granfather was such a stylish man. When I see some of you guys decked out in your finest clothes it reminds me of him.:cry:

I wish I had gotten into this whole vintage thing before!!

*sigh*
I feel the only thing I have left from my grandparents past are 3 of my grams rings I own...(dunno how old they are) and old photos (I still haven't seen all of them.. but I have volounteered to organise them all!)

Please share your similar stories, offer some support or whatever you feel like.

I feel the worst for those of the elderly who end up losing all their stuff while it might still bring them the pleasure, comfort, and memories.
Was the nursing home able to locate the thief, and deal with them? Was your family able to get her into a better place where her stuff wasn't getting pillaged? I'm so sorry to hear of these things, and I hope they were resolved.

 

[Novella]

Most of my grandparents and great grandparents passed away when I was young or before I was born (one great grandpa died in 1940!). Those that were alive when I was little lived far away, so I rarely saw most of them. I'm sad that I didn't talk to them more on the rare occasion when we did visit, ask them what it was like when they were younger. Thankfully my Mom had two of my great grandmas fill out those 'when I was growing up' fill in the blank kind of books. Those are treasured books now!

I feel like I'm getting to know grandparents posthumously. One grandpa was very into genealogy and did a ton of research (and that was back before the internet really took off!). His work is impressive. I feel a real connection with him since I share his interest, and it makes me sad he didn't live longer so we could talk about it.

Thankfully I've been getting a lot closer to my Grandma that's still alive now. It's fun to listen to old music and watch old movies with her! And just talk in general. Although often what I consider really cool old stuff she considers old junk!

As far as material things go, my great grandparents came from farms and other countries. From what I know there wasn't that much stuff to pass down. There are a few neat things like a pencil my ggrandma received from a bank (a little silver pencil with separate lead in a tiny box), my ggrandma's necklace that I mentioned in another thread. And lots of pictures. Fortunately I've kind of put myself out there as the most interested in family history and so pictures have come my way! Volunteering to organize pictures is an excellent way to make sure family photos come your direction. (it worked for me!) A combination of living far away and having 8 aunts and uncles on one side of the family has meant that non-photo material things have not come my way (although I did get two rings that were my grandma's, but I think they're newer rather than older). Pictures have though, and I think I might like those even better! It's so nice to put faces to names. I actually think there may possibly be some more pictures out there, and next time I'm in the area I'm going to brave talking to the great aunt that none of my relatives like. I don't know if I've ever actually met her in my entire life, but she literally lives up the hill from my Grandma (they are (were?) sisters-in-law). Apparently my great aunt terribly took advantage of her mother/my ggrandma in her final years and was generally not a Considerate Person. It's terrible when people take advantage of the elderly, even more so when they're relatives!

Hmmm, I got a little carried away with this topic! I'm always sad I didn't get a chance to connect with most of my grandparents about their earlier years and to hear stories about the things they liked, the stuff they owned, the stories behind them. So now I'm just trying to find out about them the harder way - research!

 

[LizzieMaine]

I had to clean out my grandparents' house after my grandmother died, so I did manage to save a lot of things -- a lot of it is still packed in my mother's attic though, because I just couldn't bear to go thru it all in any detail back then. So there's a lot of jumbled household miscellany that, one day, I'll sit down and go thru. It's been twenty-six years since she died, so I guess I really need to get busy.

Her clothes, however, were too small for me -- she was only 4 foot 11, and I don't think she ever weighed over a hundred pounds in her life, a description which hasn't fit me since I was eleven years old. I did inherit her old Bulova watch --- which I had cleaned and still wear daily. I also have a lot of her kitchen stuff, including her cookbooks, her tea pot, her egg beater, and the famous family pieboard. Her treadle sewing machine, upon which I learned to sew as a little girl, had to be sold shortly before she died, which broke my heart -- I dearly wish I'd been able to hold onto it somehow, but at that point we were selling anything that could be sold just to keep food on the table.

The nicest thing my grandmother owned was a 1920s seal coat, which she got for her high school graduation. I remember it being stored, carefully wrapped, in the back of her closet -- but after she died her sister claimed it, and I never saw it again. It would never have fit me, but it would still have been nice to have.

I also have my grandfather's pocket watch -- which he won in a poker game from some guy from the neighborhood. That guy's name is engraved in the back, along with a bunch of pawn ticket numbers, mementoes of the times it had to be hocked to pay the bills.

My mother has my grandfather's drum kit: he had led a dance band in the early thirties, playing smalltime vaudeville and dance halls around New England and the Maritimes. My brother got into the accessories and lost a lot of smaller pieces, and broke the skin on the snare drum, but the tomtom and the bass drum are still intact. The bass drum has a wooden shell and a hand-painted illustration of a clipper ship on the skin (the band was called "Cliff Jackson and his Admirals", hence the nautical motif.) The drum set is one of the few family items that didn't get sold or pawned when times were bad, so it's rather precious to us.

I also have a few relics of the family gas station -- one of the porcelain enamel stars that hung on the front of the building now hangs in my stairwell, and the illuminated Texaco clock that hung in the office now hangs on my kitchen wall.

So I guess I did better than some in holding onto things -- but I still wish there'd been a way to keep what we lost.

 

[Tinseltown]

I feel the worst for those of the elderly who end up losing all their stuff while it might still bring them the pleasure, comfort, and memories.
Was the nursing home able to locate the thief, and deal with them? Was your family able to get her into a better place where her stuff wasn't getting pillaged? I'm so sorry to hear of these things, and I hope they were resolved.

The jewelery was stolen in her home.
Here, elderly people get a care taker 1 time a week if they have problems cleaning etc... But it almost changes from week to week who it is... and my grandmother always had her jewelryboxes on the top of her dresser.. Easy to access.

 

[Diamondback]

Yeah, I'm still PO'ed that my grandfather's old Army/Air Force.45s got hocked soon as he died for booze-money, rather than waiting to see if there's be another warrior in the family to pick 'em up...:rage: *fuming*

GRRR!

 

[Flivver]

My grandfather on my dad's side passed away when I was in high school. As my dad and I were cleaning out his house to prepare it for sale, my dad suggested I keep a small item to remember my grandfather by. I chose his 1939 Farnsworth AT-50 table radio.

As luck would have it, the radio still worked. I started tuning distant stations in at night and became hooked on radio. I remembered that my other grandfather (who was still alive at the time) had a big old RCA console (1938 Model 813K) in his basement. He was more than happy to give it to me but he warned me that it didn't work. My mom suggested taking only the chassis and the speaker figuring that would be easier to throw out when I found I couldn't make it work.

But I surprised my mom by getting the RCA going with the help of Ghirardi's "Radio Physics Course" (1933) which I borrowed from my school library. The radio only needed new filter condensers. At this point, my mom said I could have the cabinet to put the chassis in, but by this time, my grandfather had chopped it up for firewood! What a shame.

I took pieces of the original cabinet and built a cover for the chassis. I still have that chassis, but have never found another complete 813K. Every time I look at the Farnsworth and the RCA I remember my two grandfathers and how my dad's suggestion to take a momento led to a life long interest in old radio.

 

[Amy Jeanne]

My grandmother's piano from the 20s and all her sheet music!! When my mother decided to "update" our house into that horrible 1980s "country" style, she got rid of that gorgeous piano and trashed all the sheet music. I was too young to stop her!!

That same grandmother died a few years before I was born, but my dad has told me horror stories about my mom cleaning out her house and throwing away cloche hats and fox stoles. My mother has always been one to keep up with the latest trends, no matter how horrible they are/were.

That's odd because my other grandmother (mom's mom) is still alive and LOVES old things. I was recently given a box of family photos from tintypes to the 50s, a dress from the 1900s, an old bathing suit (maybe 50s), jewelry from the 1900s, a crystal cake plate from the 1880s, a whole BOATLOAD of Depression glass, and women's magazines from 50s. This grandmother is a pack-rat and has slowly been giving me all her vintage things - especially when she moved into a smaller house.

If only my mother took after her....

 

[dhermann1]

I come from a family who has never thrown anything away for over 150 years. My mother spent her last few years as a recluse, in a house that was falling down around her, very "Grey Gardens", Collier brothers. When she passed away my brother and his wife had the Herculean task of cleaning out her place. They had to throw piles of stuff away, and were not able to be as discriminating as they might have wanted, by a long shot. Even so, we are left today with at least two footlockers full of old family photos and letters, plus tons of other stuff. (See "A Letter from Tokyo" on the WW2 forum for one tiny example.) I estimate there as many as 3,000 old letters and maybe 1,000 old photos and negatives. The oldest stuff dates to 1858. Forget personal trainer, I need a personal curator!

 

[mikepara]

It is a shame that ...

When an older person dies, a few expensive things may get kept, but the rest ends up in the skip. One persons junk is anothers treasure!

Any professional 'house clearers' in the lounge? That must be a great job for anyone who likes delving.

I wish I'd met my Grandfathers. One a WW1 'Old contemptable' veteran. The other a between the wars Soldier. Nevermind getting my hands on their items , just speaking to them would have been great.

 

[Fletch]

You'd be amazed what people will toss when they reach that certain stage in life. Bill Bryson, the writer, tells about his father, Bill Bryson Sr., the sportswriter, helping him build quite an impressive collection of baseball cards. One day years later, when Bill returned from a time overseas, he learned that his dad - one of the most respected men in sports journalism - had taken the entire collection, worth upwards of $8,000, and trashed it.

 

[RedHotRidinHood]

I have helped a friend run many estate sales, and believe me, there is still alot of stuff out there. We try to throw away as little as possible, because we both know that one, there is a market out there for it, and two, some things just need to be saved. When her mother died, it took us a year and a half to get the house all gone through. The mother had been a very mean person and treated her kids like crap, but she was a complusive shopper for many years. The house was a four bedroom house, plus there was a back house and 5 storage sheds. There were 6 kids in the family, so you can imagine the stuff. There was a pathway that got you to the bathroom, through the hallway and kitchen, and barely through the living room. There was a baby grand piano in the living room that we did not find for a few months because it was buried! I couldn't have bought a better antiques and collectibles education, selling all that on eBay and also at the 8 sales we had. I got some good stuff for myself, but the things that ran through my hands...the costume jewelry alone took me a week to price for the sales. I have seen some amazing houses, and the first thing we tell people is DON'T THROW ANYTHING AWAY. They look at us like we are nuts!

My family on both sides are savers, thankfully, and my mother is huge into geneology. I have lots of things from my family, including the real tortoiseshell hair combs my great grandmother wore when she got married in the teens. My own mother wore them when she married my dad in 1969, and I wore them when I married my ex in 1997. My daughter wants to wear them when she gets married next year. I had them appraised at Antiques Roadshow in Tucson a few years ago, so they have had a fun journey! In my kitchen, I have a picture of each of my grandmothers on the wall. No matter where I live, my kitchen is always yellow because my dad's mother's kitchen is yellow, been that way since they built the house in 1950. She just died back in December.

Sorry for the long post...this is a subject very close to my heart!

 

[mysterygal]

I feel your pain!

My own grandmother got rid of a whole bunch of great vintage clothes and accessories a couple of years before my fascination with the era's - and to add insult to injury, her clothes would of probably fit me perfect. *sighs* ah, well, so is life I suppose!
Estate sales are a great place to go, you just have to keep a good eye out for them since (at least around here) they don't advertise them all that good.

 

[Amy_Atomic]

I would love to see more of my grandparents photos. Sadly, I have not met many of my family members - Most of the family on my dad's side live in Australia, I have only met one of his brothers. And I still don't really know how many cousins etc. I have.
My nan (my dads' mum) who I love so dearly, went out to Australia to join them when I was 10, and I cannot remember her very clearly at all. It's such a shame, she is wonderful I don't know if she has held on to things. She has sent me a ring which was very precious to her, and her fabulous jewellery box from the 1950's (in the shape of a big pearlescent shell!) but I would love just to see her and talk to her when I wanted. My dads father died just before I was born, and I am very very sad that I didn't get to meet him. Apparently, he was very big on collecting cocktail cabinets and all the accessories in the 1950's. My parents think that's where I get my love of all things cocktail from. I still get upset thinking about what it would be like if I had had the chance to meet him.
My grandma on my mum's side, was unfortunately like my mum is now. She threw out everything as the times and styles changed. I know a lot of women do this, I was just hoping with all my heart that she would unearth some treasures in the form of clothes or shoes Apparently, her nickname in the 40s was 'slim' and her clothes most probably would have fit me like a dream now, as I'm quite skinny too. The things she must have thrown away! She kept all her lovely jewellery that my grandad bought her, and she has lots of lovely photos that I haven't seen. She recently gave me a necklace that was very special to her, it is a solid silver ingot on a long chain from the 1940s. My grandad rushed out to buy her it after her other one got stolen. Apparently he searched everywhere for a replacement one. My grandad died 5 years ago, and she misses him every minute of every day. It must have been hard for her to give it to me, but I was very touched she thought to even let me have it.

I have only just recently been told by my gran last time she was here, that my uncle and his wife (who is not nice at all) took anything that meant something to her and grandad when he died, and put it in their attic. She was so devastated and shocked understandably when he was gone, that she just couldn't face going through it all and gave it to my uncle to look after. She told me that she wouldn't mind having a look through it all now, but is too shy to ask my uncle, thinking that she would be pestering him. I hope she does decide to ask him, I would love to see some of it and I think she would like to as well. I'm skeptical as to whether it will happen though, and if it does, my aunt will take most of it I am sure. She is very manipulative and has already started to persuade my grandma to give her some of her sentimental items. My poor mum is upset about this. I think there would be photos and records and books etc.
So sorry for rambling! This is a very interesting thread.

 

[dhermann1]

Throwing stuff out

I think there are two sad types of situations that can happen. One is the person who equates possessions with love, who becomes the compulsive shopper. The flip side of that is when an offspring is so full of resentment towards a parent that they throw things away out of spite. I've never been to an estate sale, but I think I would be really wondering whether those issues had any part in the lives of the items I was looking at.