Neither a lender nor a borrower be..

[Andykev]

Would you, have you, or could you ever lend one of your "collection" hats to a friend or relative? Your special favorite hat, that one you never wear because it is a vintage gem?

My father-in-law wants to borrow my Rogers Peet collapsing top hat for some event 2000 miles away. He wants to have it as he is meeting someone important.

 

[CRH]

Would you, have you, or could you ever lend one of your "collection" hats to a friend or relative? Your special favorite hat, that one you never wear because it is a vintage gem?

My father-in-law wants to borrow my Rogers Peet collapsing top hat for some event 2000 miles away. He wants to have it as he is meeting someone important.

My gut reaction is if your FIL is in a position to meet someone of such importance then why doesn't he already have his own topper?

This will be a true test of honor, trust, and mutual respect in your relationship.

Would I do it? What is this, a test?

Good luck, Andy!

 

[avedwards]

I'd personally assess the situation. If a friend of mine wanted my hat for a party I'd say no because it's quite possible they'd get drunk and ruin it or lose it. However, if my father wanted to borrow a hat for an evening out I'd have no problem as I know he would take care of it and it would only be fair since I frequently borrow his clothes.

I almost treat borrowing the way a bank does with credit ratings. People who have a good track record are allowed to borrow things again, but people who take no care are not. I also assess how well the people look after their own clothes to see how well they will look after borrowed clothes.

 

[handlebar bart]

I would lend one of my collection to a fellow hat nut long before I would even contemplate lending one to a member of my extended family. But that's just me.

 

[fluteplayer07]

I would lend one of my collection to a fellow hat nut long before I would even contemplate lending one to a member of my extended family. But that's just me.

No offense to my extended family, but :arated:

Many times, people just do not know how to take care of a real hat. Or end up embarrassing themselves in one.

 

[dhermann1]

What is he planning to wear it WITH??? If it's a regular dinner jacket, i.e. tuxedo, you'll spare him a lot of embarrassment by saying no. He should really only wear a topper with tails, in almost any situation I can think of. Is he renting some formal duds? If he wants a hat to go with a tux, a homburg might be better. But he'll be taking it off the moment he walks indoors.
Find out just what this event is all about.
IF he's wearing tails, and IF the hat fits, then I would say yes.

 

[tonyb]

Would you, have you, or could you ever lend one of your "collection" hats to a friend or relative? Your special favorite hat, that one you never wear because it is a vintage gem?

My father-in-law wants to borrow my Rogers Peet collapsing top hat for some event 2000 miles away. He wants to have it as he is meeting someone important.

A Rogers Peet collapsible top hat, he says. That is indeed bordering on the irreplaceable.

Me, I don't own anything quite so precious as that. But I understand the dilemma. I, too, happen to have a very, very fine old hat originally purchased at Rogers Peet -- a dark blue Cavanagh Homburg in darn near dead-stock condition. An absolutely stunning item. I'd hate to see it get damaged in any way.

I think we've come close to covering this ground before, but please indulge me here ...

What is it about hats that leads folks to decide its okay to ask to borrow them? I'm not necessarily arguing that it isn't okay, but only that the rules differ. I mean, no one asks to borrow my suit, or my shoes, or any other item of attire as I can think of just now.

It's because the hat is seen as costume, I'd imagine, something to wear when not playing one's everyday roles. So the asker puts it in a whole other category.

For that reason, I suppose the requests are within polite bounds. A guy wants a hat for a special occasion. He won't wear one again until the holiday benefit concert in December. A good hat costs good money, and he happens to know a guy who has more hats than he knows what to do with. And we're on friendly terms. And I got a chainsaw. And he doesn't. And that laurel hedge of his is threatening to eat the garage.

 

[laotou]

I loaned a vintage Stetson bowler to my niece not long ago. We had a talk about it being the real deal and I told her I expected it replaced if any thing happened to it. She "forgot" and left it at a friends house. Some mean spirited little girl got a hold of it and destroyed it out of malice. We had talked about it but so far no replacement. That is the last time I will lend out a hat.

 

[CRH]

I loaned a vintage Stetson bowler to my niece not long ago. We had a talk about it being the real deal and I told her I expected it replaced if any thing happened to it. She "forgot" and left it at a friends house. Some mean spirited little girl got a hold of it and destroyed it out of malice. We had talked about it but so far no replacement. That is the last time I will lend out a hat.

honor = fail
trust = fail

I understand.

 

[fedoralover]

Would you, have you, or could you ever lend one of your "collection" hats to a friend or relative? Your special favorite hat, that one you never wear because it is a vintage gem?

My father-in-law wants to borrow my Rogers Peet collapsing top hat for some event 2000 miles away. He wants to have it as he is meeting someone important.

NO! If you don't even wear it, why would you let someone else regardless of who it is. Unless you figure big in his will and he's very very old.

fedoralover

 

[Andykev]

Bye bye top hat

NO! If you don't even wear it, why would you let someone else regardless of who it is. Unless you figure big in his will and he's very very old.

fedoralover

HHAHAHA ya, guess at least my WIFE is big in his will!

The problem is the hat is MINT, and it is a rare collapsable hat...a top hat. AND it is a 7 3/8 size which is almost impossible to find.

So, today, the hat left with him....in a box. I suppose it really doesn't matter after all. It is just a "thing". But it is a very nice thing indeed.

BTW, he is wearing it to honor the relative of the founder of the Mayo Clinic.

 

[Chinaski]

I, for one, think you made the right decision. I'm guessing your father-in-law is a bit more responsible that Laotou's niece (that was a horror story) and I would imagine you gave him an idea of how rare an item he is borrowing. He'll be going in style!

 

[Yeps]

Good luck. I hope that he makes a good impression and you get your hat back as you lent it.

 

[Aureliano]

I don't lend my things: Books, hats, guitars, nothing. To anybody. My friends and family know this policy of mine form the get go. I tell them this phrase I once heard Gabriel Garcia Marquez say--he gave a lecture at the university I attended in Buenos Aires--:

"I don't know who's more stupid, people who lend books or those who ask to borrow them"

 

[dhermann1]

Ohhhh . . . . He was going to the Mayo Clinic, so he wanted a nice lid. Makes sense now.

 

[suitedcboy]

I guess I would lend a hat to someone trusted but there would be strings attached. They would have to agree to also wear an already worn pair of my briefs (tighty-whiteys) as both the hat and the briefs have touched me in intimate places, contain oils and other secretions of my body, and protect a portion of me I consider very deer. If they wouldn't wear my used briefs then they are not worthy of my used hat.
When the hat was returned it would be gently cleaned and the briefs would be immediately placed in a bio-hazard disposal bin.

 

[Phineas Lamour]

That's a good lending policy, Cboy.

 

[tonyb]

... I once heard Gabriel Garcia Marquez say--he gave a lecture at the university I attended in Buenos Aires--:

"I don't know who's more stupid, people who lend books or those who ask to borrow them"

I don't know that a person is stupid to lend a book, but it's probably foolish to think he'll ever see it again. Such has been my experience, anyway.

It's akin to what I've heard said are the two rules about co-signing on a loan:

1.) Don't do it;
2.) But if you do it anyway, be prepared to pay back the loan in its entirety -- interest, principal, fees, etc.

 

[scotrace]

A bowler I lent out came back with the sweat sweated out of it, and replaced with a piece of a leather pants belt.

I fixed it.

 

[JimWagner]

What I have observed over the years is that if someone wants to borrow something it is because they don't place enough value on that item to actually buy one for themself. That automatically means that they value the item less than you do and will act accordingly. That also implies that they only value your friendship to the extent that they can take advantage of you so the only question is which do you prefer - losing their friendship and the item when the item is lost or damaged or just the friendship when you refuse to lend the item out?