My "Wonderful" Life

[flat-top]

Have any of you ever gotten to the lowest point of your life, and wondered how you were going to recover? I don't mean a "bad day", I mean like a series of life changing events that finally pushed you over the edge.
I'm having my George Baily moment now, and while I would never take my own life, I don't know how to bounce back. My spirit is broken and I feel like giving up.
Without going into complete specifics, I'm dealing with a thankless career, which includes 20 hour shifts that are called for at the spur of the moment, and weekly degrading and abusive meetings with my superiors where I'm told what a horrible job I am doing. My relationships with my friends and family are suffering due to my ridiculous hours and the depression caused by my nightmare of a career. And now just yesterday finding out that I have been the victim of Identity Theft and my bank account has been cleared out.
Everything feels hopeless.
Any words of wisdom out there in the FL? Any Guardian Angels?

 

[Feraud]

Identity theft is awful. Are the funds recoverable??

 

[flat-top]

Identity theft is awful. Are the funds recoverable??

My bank has told me that the actions of theives make it seem like *I* was involved somehow, and that it will be hard to prove otherwise.
It's all pretty unbelieveble.

 

[Feraud]

Is that because the withdrawal happened in your area or some other circumstances?
I am not that familiar with victims' rights in this situation. Hopefully someone with experience or knowledge will add their thoughts.

 

[flat-top]

It's all pretty scary. First they called and changed my debit card pin number (I don't know how), and then after they tried to withdraw a large sum of money, a fraud alert blocked them. But they called again as ME and had the fraud block LIFTED and proceeded to withdraw all of my funds. This all happened in Montreal, Canada. I am just outside New York City.

 

[Chasseur]

WOW, I am really sorry to hear about this Flat-top... I'm not sure what to say but I've been in a similar situation before (not the ID theft) but the job situation and its spill over effects on familly etc. Hope things get better.

 

[BigFitz]

Oh my, I don't know what worth my words of encouragement would be to you, but I will say that you must look for the good things you have in your life. You have friends, you have family, you should take solace in them. Whatever your career is, it seems that it is bringing you down. You should put your career and life in perspective and decide if it's possible for you to quit. I know, easy to say, hard to do. But if it's making life unbearable, something must change. I wish I could offer something else to you, but know that people will be on your side, no matter what happens. I hope you will be able to work things out.

 

[Touchofevil]

That is truly horrible. Identity theft is so Evil. I question why the bank did not contact you directly when the Fraud Alert was sounded to discern as to whether or not it was you attempting the transaction? Best of luck wished to you.

 

[Feraud]

It's all pretty scary. First they called and changed my debit card pin number (I don't know how), and then after they tried to withdraw a large sum of money, a fraud alert blocked them. But they called again as ME and had the fraud block LIFTED and proceeded to withdraw all of my funds. This all happened in Montreal, Canada. I am just outside New York City.

What bank allows pin number changes over the phone?? I assume you can prove you we not in Canada at the time of these phone transactions? That damn bank owes your money they stupidly gave away. this sounds ludicrous!

 

[flat-top]

What bank allows pin number changes over the phone?? I assume you can prove you we not in Canada at the time of these phone transactions? That damn bank owes your money they stupidly gave away. this sounds ludicrous!

It's insane. But then when I called yesterday to see what was going on, I was able to access the automated system WITHOUT a pin, which is certainly the result of whatever these theives did.

 

[flat-top]

Thanks for all the kind words Gents. Every little bit helps

 

[Sharpsburg]

Is there some reason why you HAVE to stay in that terrible job? I know jobs are scarce but if things are this bad (and believe me, my life has been that bad too) then maybe you need a clean break with the past! Start clean.

Also, speak to someone higher up at the bank and/or contact your state or county attorney general ASAP!!! You can't take identify theft lying down. In fact, you can't take any of this lying down. If you let depression get the upper hand you will have to fight even harder to break the friction.

Stay strong! Mary

 

[flat-top]

I'm supporting a family with this job, and the medical insurance is essential for my 7 year old. I would have walked out long ago if it were just me. I have been actively seeking other employment but as we all know, it's hard out there. I've been in the same field my entire life, so starting over really isn't an option.
I'm trying to stay positive but it seems impossible. I have to be back at work at 5am tomorow and my stomach is already in knots.
Thanks for the encouragement though! I really can use it.

 

[sheeplady]

I second calling the NYS Attorney General's Office. I'm not sure what branch you want, but I'd try Consumer Fraud: http://www.ag.ny.gov/bureau/consumer-frauds-bureau. This is their consumer helpline number: 1-800-771-7755

They may transfer you to a different department or to a regional office. Tell everyone the whole story, and be sure to refer to your bank by name repeatedly.

Explain your case in detail (write down notes as to what happened and what the bank told you before hand). They will help you to the best of their ability. I've had two dealings with the AG's office and they really work hard for the citizens of NY state- they are on your side. They are very quick to answer the phone, transfer you, etc. You will not spend half a day waiting on the line. Sometimes just getting the AG involved is enough to get the fraudulent company to roll over. (One of the cases we had was an issue between a medical practice and our health insurance company- we messed around for 2 weeks after we were contacted by a collections agency and the AG office made one phone call and it was taken care of in 24 hours- and this was with two organizations incorporated outside the state.)

You are being given a story by the bank, in my personal opinion. They have really horrific security practices if it is that easy to debit from your account. I can't imagine you are the only one. It's not the fact that you're money was stolen, it is how you have been treated and also you have no idea about the legality of what the bank authorized- all without your permission.

The best thing when you talk with the AG's office is to be super nice. Tell them your story (I encourage you to particularly share how devastated you are and that you feel your bank betrayed you and might not be telling the truth) and then after your story ask them: "Can you please help me?" Always ask "Can you please help me?" Don't get agitated or angry (even though you are, understandably), be sympathetic. The people at the AG's office are people too- you want to make them feel like they could be in your shoes. I've never not had someone respond to asking for help.

Also, the legality of this aside, you might want to start monitoring your calls with the bank and anyone you speak to about this issue. Hopefully you can read between the lines of what I am suggesting. Please note, however, recording a phone call is not legal in NY state (without getting permission from both parties, which I highly doubt you will get from the bank), but this will allow you to directly quote verbatim in any documents you send. Record the names, titles, and phone numbers of all individuals you speak with. I'm not a lawyer, so this isn't legal advice, but let's just say I'd probably think really hard about it.

Have you contacted the police? I found this website that might be helpful- you want to protect yourself and your family: http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/edu/microsites/idtheft/consumers/defend.html#WhatarethestepsIshouldtakeifImavictimofidentitytheft

Don't worry, you will get through this. You just need to reach out to the right people to help you and support you, and that includes the authorities. I know you say that things are strained with your family right now (and they are understandably so, given your situation) but they love you and support you. Be thankful for the little things that you do have, because as bad as it seems, it really could be much, much worse. I know that is cold comfort, but there are so many much more tragic things that could have happened. I'm not going to go into them, but being thankful for what we do have is so overlooked today.

Also- who is your bank? I want to know if I use the same bank as you, because I won't be come this week if I do.

Finally, a really big virtual hug. Sorry this got so long, I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts.

 

[DJH]

Great advice, sheeplady.

Good luck with this flat-top, I hope things start getting better for you!

 

[flat-top]

Thanks sheeplady!
My bank is Chase. The Fraud Department did not want to speak to me on the phone "because of how strange this situation is" (their words), so I have been directed to go to my local branch in person today and rehash the entire story, and then it will be up to them to file a claim. The only thing in my favor is that I am friendly with my branch manager so hopefully she has enough pull to get this thing going.
Feeling like a failure in life is hard enough, but then being made to feel that I was somehow responsible for this theft is just a little much.

 

[PrettySquareGal]

Feeling like a failure in life is hard enough, but then being made to feel that I was somehow responsible for this theft is just a little much.

You are one of the people on FL who makes me smile, so reading this makes me sad!

Sometimes in life circumstances fail us no matter how hard and smart we work at trying to make a good life. Bad things do happen to good people just like good things happen to bad people. I do not believe in karma.

I think if you take these events less personally, as in not to heart, while acknowledging that yes, it's happening to you and it's not fair and what a major hassle, it might take some of the sting out of it.

When people act abusively toward you, they are making statements about themselves, namely that something is wrong inside of them and that they lack the ability to communicate respectfully to others. When you have a string of awful luck and rotten people around you it's easy to conclude that YOU are a failure.

Now if you said you had a pattern all of your life of people not liking you and what not, I would say to take a look at yourself to see how you might be contributing to the situation.

But having read your posts over the years I am quite confident that you are a great fellow facing dreadful times.

I don't know if you believe in a higher presence but in life I have found it's best to have one Boss, one Employer, one Judge. Everyone else is fallible.

So, chin up! You're getting smacked around with rotten luck and times but they will pass! Until then, just do what you gotta do and by all means, please use your insurance to contact a therapist to help you manage your depression. There is NO shame in asking for help outside of friends and family!

 

[The Wiser Hatter]

Flat top on the work side of the problem. Does your company have EAP (employee Assistance program) this will allow you a councillor. I am a maitenance man in a large bakery and there is a lot of STRESS in my job. I have had to learn that I need help to handle it. I take med's and have a bi weekly sesson to help deal with the situations and come up with work and at home. My wife is also Bi polar and that is another whole kind of stress. With the help I get from the med's and the counselling. Life is much better now. Work life now day's suck's a lot for everyone.
Companies try to get more out of less people and do not want to spend any money at all. This add's a lot of stress on the worker's and causes them to crack from the stress. You need to get help so you can deal with it and it will make life better.

 

[Flat Foot Floey]

Oh boy. Hope things will clear up for you soon. I am no help with the legal stuff but I bet the others already pointed in the right direction. It's good that you are talking with the bank people in person. Maybe insisting on a protocol of the meeting would be good too? Just to make sure you can prove your actions (and nullify their phone calls)
Stay strong and all the best to you and your family.

 

[scotrace]

I stuck with a much-detested job outside my education, training, expertise and interest - for 18 years - because my child needed the insurance coverage. In that situation, you're a slave.
In a year, I lost the job. My marriage fell apart. I moved three times. More heartbreak. I was pretty much cut off from my children. Unemployment (or underemployment) dragged on for 16 months. My savings went to zero. Debt mounted. Divorce proceedings went on a ridiculous 2.5 years, shoveling money at attorneys for no reason. Some of my most prized possessions have been sold off to stay alive.

So I've been there. This is why I don't allow a gun in the house. Who knows what you'll do in the bleakness at 4AM?

Here's the thing: It gets better. I'm still digging out, with a long way to go, but it's better. Keep looking for other work. Look for the places in life where you DO have control, and start building there. Get outside yourself when you can, and look for ways to just be a light in the lives of others. It'll pass, you'll be happier, it gets better.

Also? Beat Chase up. They were irresponsible with the funds you entrusted to their care, and they should own up and square it.

Good luck. You have 25,000 + friends right here who think you are All That and a Bag of Chips.