Lost Ronin
One of the Regulars
- Messages
- 153
I am so sorry if this is the wrong forum for this. I am so lost. Everyone here seems level headed and intelligent and honest. I just needs some sort of guidance. Maybe an outlet, I don't know anymore....
I just turned 40 the other day.. I thought I had found the woman for my lifetime.
I was wrong. So very wrong.
A month ago, I came home to an empty house. There was the stove and a couch, that was all that was left of my life. Even the dog was gone. There was no warning of her actions. We had an argument, over a woman, who I only knew as an outside acquaintance from a previous employer. My wife went to the store, with one of my oldest friends, a guy who was always around, so I thought nothing of it. She came back an hour later in a literal rage. I've never seen her that angry. She confronted me about this woman in question. I told her the truth, the woman had thrown out bait in the form of nude pictures, in my email. Which I turned down. I am married, she was married. She had gotten the wrong idea. This was 18 months ago and I never spoke to this woman again.
The odd thing was that later my "friend" claimed she confronted HIM with the pics of this woman, and he admitted that the woman had sent me the pics. He was there when it happened. He saw them himself. He KNOWS I never touched her, which he in fact encouraged me to do. All of these red flags I couldn't see at the time.. they are so clear now.
Four days after moving out, my wife went and retrieved her laptop while I was at work. My Gmail was logged in, as I don't have anything to hide, just as my cell phone has no PIN code on it. She found the pics and saved them, then emailed them back to me from her email address with a hate filled tirade. Funny enough, she supposedly had these pictures five days before, the night before she left. Hmmmm someone is lying or someone is a time traveler.
She named this person and knew her city of residence as well as her employer. None of which was in the email, it was just pictures. Nothing more. She also knew this woman's hair color, but in the pics, her hair color was completely different. At any rate, he had to have told my wife, because the facts don't add up.
Yes, I was wrong, but I never requested the pics, and cut the woman off completely after she did what she did.
Short version to get to our current time frame, is that my ex friend told his wife, he was in love with my wife. "IN LOVE" were his exact words, according to his wife, this was a year ago or more. She never came to me with it, out of shock, embarrassment and shame. Who can blame her there?
So, he now had motive and opportunity to sink my ship, and he did. It get's even better. My neighbors later told me that HE helped her load the moving truck, the whole day I was at work. Now, people around town are seeing them together, and he is introducing her as his girlfriend. Yes, another man's wife. Whilst he has a wife of his own.
This is almost funny.
I guess my main question here after some background is this... How do I move on? I have been staying with my brother, because my house was empty and it hurts too badly to be there. I have completely changed it, painted it and purchased new furniture and things. But I can't be there alone more than an hour. It's just too hard. I am in school and working but for financial reasons I can not leave right now. It's sad because I love the house, I found it and began renting it while I was homeless, so to me it's a special place, that saved my life in many ways. Now it's tainted in a sense.
I was a mess for weeks when she left. I couldn't eat or sleep. I lost 26lbs in three weeks. Meanwhile, she never skipped a beat it seems. We spoke on the phone the night after she cleared the house out. I didn't recognize my own wife. She was so cold and ruthless and just kept on stone walling me. She kept repeating that she couldn't change how she felt, and that her "heart shifted." Which struck me very odd. What a strange choice of words and terminology to me. I've literally never heard that before from anyone. She cut me off completely and blocked me on all forms of contact you can name. Meanwhile I find out that he was constantly at my house, before I got home from work and until late morning hours after I was home. I finally had to tell him to go home and not come around so much. My wife started a fight with me over that. She said his wife was fighting with him etc. Well he needs to fix his marital problems or end things, not hide at my house.
He is now going around and introducing her as his girlfriend. I mean, this is like a bad comedy wrapped in a Shakespearean tragedy. None of our close friends can believe this has happened.
I know I am likely better off in the long run, if she did this now, after less than two years of marriage, then she would have done it in five years, or ten, and then I would be financially liable as well as being emotionally destroyed.
This has hit me harder than anything in my life, losing my parents, losing a close friend very unexpectedly to a brain hemorrhage, nothing has hit me this hard. We did't have a perfect marriage, we fought about things, mostly money, but I adored and loved my wife completely and I still do. I feel like we could have worked things out, had he not been in her ear, and many others close to us made the same statement.
I'd appreciate any insights or advice here. As of now, I just go to work and school and home, and try to stay busy. She made her choice, and in my opinion in a very cowardly and underhanded way. He betrayed me completely as well. How does one trust ever again after this?
Thank you all for listening and reading this drawn out mess.
I just turned 40 the other day.. I thought I had found the woman for my lifetime.
I was wrong. So very wrong.
A month ago, I came home to an empty house. There was the stove and a couch, that was all that was left of my life. Even the dog was gone. There was no warning of her actions. We had an argument, over a woman, who I only knew as an outside acquaintance from a previous employer. My wife went to the store, with one of my oldest friends, a guy who was always around, so I thought nothing of it. She came back an hour later in a literal rage. I've never seen her that angry. She confronted me about this woman in question. I told her the truth, the woman had thrown out bait in the form of nude pictures, in my email. Which I turned down. I am married, she was married. She had gotten the wrong idea. This was 18 months ago and I never spoke to this woman again.
The odd thing was that later my "friend" claimed she confronted HIM with the pics of this woman, and he admitted that the woman had sent me the pics. He was there when it happened. He saw them himself. He KNOWS I never touched her, which he in fact encouraged me to do. All of these red flags I couldn't see at the time.. they are so clear now.
Four days after moving out, my wife went and retrieved her laptop while I was at work. My Gmail was logged in, as I don't have anything to hide, just as my cell phone has no PIN code on it. She found the pics and saved them, then emailed them back to me from her email address with a hate filled tirade. Funny enough, she supposedly had these pictures five days before, the night before she left. Hmmmm someone is lying or someone is a time traveler.
She named this person and knew her city of residence as well as her employer. None of which was in the email, it was just pictures. Nothing more. She also knew this woman's hair color, but in the pics, her hair color was completely different. At any rate, he had to have told my wife, because the facts don't add up.
Yes, I was wrong, but I never requested the pics, and cut the woman off completely after she did what she did.
Short version to get to our current time frame, is that my ex friend told his wife, he was in love with my wife. "IN LOVE" were his exact words, according to his wife, this was a year ago or more. She never came to me with it, out of shock, embarrassment and shame. Who can blame her there?
So, he now had motive and opportunity to sink my ship, and he did. It get's even better. My neighbors later told me that HE helped her load the moving truck, the whole day I was at work. Now, people around town are seeing them together, and he is introducing her as his girlfriend. Yes, another man's wife. Whilst he has a wife of his own.
This is almost funny.
I guess my main question here after some background is this... How do I move on? I have been staying with my brother, because my house was empty and it hurts too badly to be there. I have completely changed it, painted it and purchased new furniture and things. But I can't be there alone more than an hour. It's just too hard. I am in school and working but for financial reasons I can not leave right now. It's sad because I love the house, I found it and began renting it while I was homeless, so to me it's a special place, that saved my life in many ways. Now it's tainted in a sense.
I was a mess for weeks when she left. I couldn't eat or sleep. I lost 26lbs in three weeks. Meanwhile, she never skipped a beat it seems. We spoke on the phone the night after she cleared the house out. I didn't recognize my own wife. She was so cold and ruthless and just kept on stone walling me. She kept repeating that she couldn't change how she felt, and that her "heart shifted." Which struck me very odd. What a strange choice of words and terminology to me. I've literally never heard that before from anyone. She cut me off completely and blocked me on all forms of contact you can name. Meanwhile I find out that he was constantly at my house, before I got home from work and until late morning hours after I was home. I finally had to tell him to go home and not come around so much. My wife started a fight with me over that. She said his wife was fighting with him etc. Well he needs to fix his marital problems or end things, not hide at my house.
He is now going around and introducing her as his girlfriend. I mean, this is like a bad comedy wrapped in a Shakespearean tragedy. None of our close friends can believe this has happened.
I know I am likely better off in the long run, if she did this now, after less than two years of marriage, then she would have done it in five years, or ten, and then I would be financially liable as well as being emotionally destroyed.
This has hit me harder than anything in my life, losing my parents, losing a close friend very unexpectedly to a brain hemorrhage, nothing has hit me this hard. We did't have a perfect marriage, we fought about things, mostly money, but I adored and loved my wife completely and I still do. I feel like we could have worked things out, had he not been in her ear, and many others close to us made the same statement.
I'd appreciate any insights or advice here. As of now, I just go to work and school and home, and try to stay busy. She made her choice, and in my opinion in a very cowardly and underhanded way. He betrayed me completely as well. How does one trust ever again after this?
Thank you all for listening and reading this drawn out mess.
