My shopping experience

[dog20]

I ended up going to the mall today to look for some nice, dressy clothing and I left feeling overwhelmed and empty handed. My first stop was at Dillard's but lo and behold, they were closed! Who would have guessed that they opened at 12am on Sunday? Do all the employees go to church or something? Anyways, my next destination was JC Penny and immediately I headed towards the suits. Right as I got to them, a sales associate asked me if I needed any help, which made me uncomfortable (I hate it when they hound me!). I replied, "no" with a slight shake in my voice and I continued on.

I was so overwhelmed by the sea of suits... there had to be easily over 200 all lined up next to each other. So I felt the arms and shoulders of a few of them and they felt silky (very thin) and "cheap" immediately came to my mind. I then examined a tag and I was baffled. "48R, 48L, etc." and I thought what the hell does that mean? I'm used to small, medium, and large, and for pants size x length. I went looking for a medium and a smaller number, but I wasn't able to do so. But instead of walking out of the store dumbfounded, I decided to move onward and check out the sweaters.

I remembered a female member on here posting how she loved the look of a guy wearing a long sleeve dress shirt, sweater, and tie, so that wardrobe sunk into my mind. I found a few sweaters with various patterns and colors. Some were just solid colors - blue, light blue, creme and the others had patterns- squares, diamonds, and that sort of thing. But one thing they had in common was... none of them were in my size! Now, I'm not super tall, super short, super fat, or super skinny. I am 5'7", 175lbs, and I have a 36" waist. The smallest of these sweaters was a medium and when I tried it on, I felt like a midget. The arms were way too long and I ended up looking like "Rip Van Wrinkle" (pictured below):

Was it too much to ask to find a sweater that fit me? I guess so, but that wasn't the worst of it. I then proceeded to look at dress shirts and I became very annoyed when I found out that they were all wrapped in plastic! I examined the shirt, trying to find a way to open it without damaging the casing and to no avail, it was impenetrable. I then walked out of the store as quickly as I could, feeling sad, frustrated, overwhelmed, and like a loser.

But I didn't give up... my next trip was to Macy's. Immediately upon entering the store, I noticed the glossy white tile which gleamed under the bright lights. I felt uneasy in such a luxurious place. But I carried on and headed towards the suits and I scanned the area for a sales associate. I then saw a man in a suit and I thought "oh my god, he is gonna bug me." So I turned back towards the exit, and I heard a woman say, "that suit looks good on you, it makes you look thin." I breathed a sigh of relief as I realized it was just a man shopping with his wife or a man being forced to go shopping with his wife lol. I then stepped in the suit section and hidden behind the wall of suits was a sales associate! He didn't see me though and I moved my ass out of there. I already felt uneasy about shopping and trying on fancy clothes and I knew I would feel a lot more uncomfortable if I had a sales associate all on me, asking me questions, staring at me, and trying to pressure me into a sale.

 

[Tomasso]

You seem to have an extraordinary fear of sales associates, which is a shame because one can learn so much from talking with them, the older ones especially.

 

[Barbigirl]

Shop strong

This is the first post I have read from you dog and my reaction was: Be a strong shopper!

Sales people are there to provide you service, especially in stores like Nordstroms or Macy's.

May I suggest, next time you shop instead of hiding from the sales people walk up to one and say, "I need you to measure me for a suit and shirts and write it down so I can take it with me."

Browse the lounge and think about that you like and as they measure you tell them you are looking for french cuffs, small armholes for the jacket, price range, etc" and it will put you in control of the situation.

Anyway, I was just thinking a change of 'tude would change your shopping experience.

I like that wrinkle dog.

 

[Selentino]

I agree with Barbgirl Shop strong! It pays to pick out a few favorite stores and make friends with with a few sales people who know what they are doing, you will learn so much. You will get good service and and save money. I usally head for the the oldest man or women in the store and talk to them. Over the years I've developed relationships where they will call me for a sale or even put clearence items aside for me in styles they know I want. I'm almost ashamed to quote the price a Nordstrom employee sold me a Joseph Aboud suit for once.

 

[mike]

there's nothing wrong with that dog

 

[59Lark]

you went to the wrong store and you are afraid.

AFTER reading the original post,, the fear of salespeople and plastic packing is overwhelming in that post. The same experience happened but in reverse on friday night, went into my haberdashery and was waited on by the elderly owner, shown some trousers and casually mentioned the desire for a new suit. Then when the style and size requested, size 48 double breasted pin stripe, after a few weird looks , a suit was found. Trying on the jacket with the inside button done up, and then a look at myself in the large mirrors. The shoulders , the arms all was hunky dory. Then the trouser will have to altered, price $49. was originally $249. store is closing in dec. No fear, no plastic, good service and questions answered and good price time warp. 59Lark.:eusa_clap

 

[dog20]

I went to Bealls today and I put on dress pants, dress shirt, tie, and sweater. All of them fit me but I didn't like the way I looked. I just felt really weird looking at myself, I guess getting all dressed up isn't my style.

 

[Ace Fedora]

I used to "shop" the same way as you, Dog. I would go out of my way to rebuff any contact from a salesperson ("Just browsing, thanks") because I didn't want to feel pressured. I wanted to go in, find what I want, buy it, and get out. (Fitting room? What's that?) The result, I would inevitably buy something that either doesn't fit right, doesn't fit at all, or just looks bad on me.

Now, I plan better for shopping trips, so that when I talk to a salesperson, I'll have an idea what to ask. Not only does it help my confidence, but I can quickly tell if a salesperson is trying to pressure me or help me. I also have a heck of a lot more fun in a store now.

 

[scotrace]

Learn to shop with style and gusto.



Chicks really dig it.

 

[dog20]

Learn to shop with style and gusto.



Chicks really dig it.

Can you recommend a men's fashion book for me?

 

[Feraud]

You can browse Paddy's list -
http://www.thefedoralounge.com/showthread.php?t=20977

 

[dhermann1]

Self image

Dog, you seem to have some self image issues. This could be a very therapeutic place for you! For every emotion you feel at the store, you'll find some one here who can identify. I also feel uncomfortable with sales people sometimes, but I've pretty much overcome it.
If you feel a little funny getting dressed up snazzier than you're used to, just play with it for as long as you need to. Keep trying things on and looking at yourself in the mirror. At some point you'll say to yourself "Man, that looks cool." Don't fight the feeling!
Keep experimenting. You don't need to wear a three piece suit to give yourself a style upgrade. Go as far as you're comfortable with.
Someday you'll try on a tux, and much to your amazement, you'll be able to actually visualize yourself in it, in a situation where a tux would be appropriate. This is a great form of low key, gentle, self esteem therapy.

 

[dog20]

I'm a handsome man but I have a bad wardrobe. Most of my clothes are gym clothes - cotton pants above the knee and white t-shirts/ t-shirts with a picture on them. I have a few nicer pieces of clothing such as "Sean Jean" shirts and jean shorts, but I don't care for how they look on me now. I don't see them as being as cool as they were when I bought them.

fftopic:
I do have self esteem and confidence issues and I think that new clothes would help me improve on those areas (women would start to notice me and I would feel better and more confident) but in reality, I know confidence comes from within and I am having trouble making the first step to my road of recovery.

Most of my problems come from me just not being outgoing. I am alone all of the time and I don't really have any friends. I did have a few in high school but we've lost touch and even back then I very rarely hung out with them outside of school. My other issue is women, I've never asked a girl out and that makes me feel horrible. I just never know how to approach them (I would prefer to ask out a girl that I know instead of some stranger but there are no girls in my classes or work that I want to date). Then theres the whole college ordeal... trying to figure out what I want to do and not liking my current major. That frustrates me also and in the end of the day I just end up hating my life.

 

[Daoud]

My friend, I think you would do yourself a huge favor if you were to acquaint yourself with proper clothing sizes. There's no shame in the fact that you don't know; a great many people today don't know these things as our society grows increasingly informal. Most online men's clothing stores have guides that will tell you exactly how to figure out your correct size in everything- shirts, trousers, even gloves. All you need is a measuring tape- one of the floppy cloth ones, available in the sewing department of most discount stores or craft stores. Here is the sizing chart from Jos. A. Banks, a well-respected menswear store-
http://www.josbank.com/Templates/Catalog/SizingChart.html So just take a few minutes and get your measurements and jot them down, and take them with you on your next shopping excursion.

And as others have said, don't be intimidated by salespeople. Tell them you're not sure what your size is, but you think you might be a (whatever you jotted down for your measurements)- that will give you somewhere to start. And if the salesperson is halfway knowledgeable, he(usually a he, in menswear) will already have a good idea of your size just from looking at you.
In this way, you will begin to understand the sizing and fit of clothing, and you will gain confidence in yourself. The great thing is, you will have clothing that actually fits you. Most of us have physiques which vary, sometimes a good deal, from the old small-medium-large-xl. For example, most men's shirts assume that your arms are proportionate to your girth- if it's a big shirt, you must have arms like a gorilla's, right? Not so- I have a big thick neck but short arms; my shirt size is a 20 neck and about a 3o sleeve length- and I won't be finding any shirts like that at Target or J.C. Penney.

As you go along, ask questions. There are reasons why some clothes are more expensive than others, and they're not always obvious. You will eventually learn to notice these subtle details and will be able to make more informed choices about your wardrobe.

Above all, be calm and confident. There's nobody in any of those stores to be afraid of. The sales staff are there for no other purpose than to help people like you. If everyone knew what size and type of clothing to buy, we wouldn't need salespeople, would we?
Good luck, and may the schmattes be with you!

P.S.- And don't be surprised if you can't find a sweater that fits well. Usually if I find one that fits my body, the sleeves are so long I could cut 'em off and make knee socks.....sometimes that's the way it goes!

 

[Paisley]

Most of my problems come from me just not being outgoing. I am alone all of the time and I don't really have any friends. I did have a few in high school but we've lost touch and even back then I very rarely hung out with them outside of school. My other issue is women, I've never asked a girl out and that makes me feel horrible. I just never know how to approach them (I would prefer to ask out a girl that I know instead of some stranger but there are no girls in my classes or work that I want to date). Then theres the whole college ordeal... trying to figure out what I want to do and not liking my current major. That frustrates me also and in the end of the day I just end up hating my life.

Check out two of my threads:

Learning to dance
http://www.thefedoralounge.com/showthread.php?t=17588

Golden Era Cures for Depression (even though you might just be in a rut)
http://www.thefedoralounge.com/showthread.php?t=35068

 

[dhermann1]

I'm a handsome man but I have a bad wardrobe. Most of my clothes are gym clothes - cotton pants above the knee and white t-shirts/ t-shirts with a picture on them. I have a few nicer pieces of clothing such as "Sean Jean" shirts and jean shorts, but I don't care for how they look on me now. I don't see them as being as cool as they were when I bought them.

fftopic:
I do have self esteem and confidence issues and I think that new clothes would help me improve on those areas (women would start to notice me and I would feel better and more confident) but in reality, I know confidence comes from within and I am having trouble making the first step to my road of recovery.

Most of my problems come from me just not being outgoing. I am alone all of the time and I don't really have any friends. I did have a few in high school but we've lost touch and even back then I very rarely hung out with them outside of school. My other issue is women, I've never asked a girl out and that makes me feel horrible. I just never know how to approach them (I would prefer to ask out a girl that I know instead of some stranger but there are no girls in my classes or work that I want to date). Then theres the whole college ordeal... trying to figure out what I want to do and not liking my current major. That frustrates me also and in the end of the day I just end up hating my life.

I believe these words could have been lifted from George Clooney's autobiography. Well, almost. Like I said, you came to the right place. And don't underestimate the very real effect of looking like a million bucks (NO! not all green and wrinkled!) can have on your self esteem. It's not the whole ball of wax, but it can really help.

 

[Vintage Betty]

Dog, kudos to you for going out to improve your wardrobe! You were brave to go into an area that is not your expertise. Now we just have to get you to the next step. Are you ready? Seems like you are...so let's go!

As a retail sales associate for over 10 years, I completely understand your dislike/fear of salespeople. Sometimes they are scary! And without it being Halloween week!

If I may, here's a couple tips:

1) Think about what you like. Do you want a trendy suit? A suit for winter (it will be thicker fabric, like wool)? An all-purpose suit? Look through some ads in the Sunday newspaper, and circle things that you like. Bring the ads with you when you go looking next.

2) What color do you like? If you know, take your favorite shirt along with you. The traditional colors for suits are Black, Brown, Blue, so you probably want to stay within those colors to get the most value out of your suit.

3) Did you know that salespeople are often trained to learn about suits? Most knew nothing when they started, and the suit manufacturers had to train them to understand the lingo too. Salespeople like to talk, and trust me when I say they would LOVE to talk (and talk) and teach you about suits! You do NOT have to buy anything because they are talking to you - they get paid either way. But like a wise person said above me, ask someone to measure you, and take the measurements away with you.

4) Show the salesperson your ads and favorite shirt and ask their opinion. Also ask recommendations for shirts and ties and socks. That's what makes an ordinary suit turn into something spectacular and starts getting ladies to notice you.

5) Come in with a budget in mind. Tell the salesperson your budget and ask if they have any recommendations AFTER they do step #3.

6) Feeling overwhelmed? Just say the salesperson you'll "think about it". That is you telling someone like ME that you aren't sold yet, but you'll think it over.

7) Still overwhelmed? Than think about this story, which should hopefully give you a laugh:
I was working lingerie, when a man approached me and asked me about buying a corset in his size. Needless to say, I was working in Women's lingerie and nothing would fit this poor man! I took him aside and carefully explained why he didn't want to purchase women's lingerie, went into detail about how it would hurt him, and why he did want to shop in San Francisco, and gave him some store names and addresses.
If that man is brave enough to do that, you can shop for a suit!

Congrads again for completing the first step. If I can help you, just drop a note into this thread. Let's hear back how the next trip goes.

Cheers-

Vintage Betty

 

[Selentino]

I think it's great that you're looking for help. there are many here that can offer you help. I hope you find a way to feel good about yourself and your life. Please take some steps to talk to someone maybe at school. As far as clothes, you are not alone there are huge numbers of young men today that have no idea how to dress like an adult. Dress clothes feel and look strange to them. have you thought of starting with something simple and working your way up. I once spoke with a young man who had no idea about clothes, meeting women or much else. He was smart, handsome, and wanted to learn. I suggested he start with something easy. First a new haircut style, then a nice pair of jeans something that would look nice with a sportcoat if needed, then a pair of casual boots or shoes (No sneakers), Then a nice black leather jacket. We added a nice black t-shirt and a pair of sunglasses. These are great grown up clothes for someone starting out and in my opinion if done right there is no way you can wear an outfit like this and not look and feel confident. It's a classic look and you would fit in most places young people go. This outfit was a springboard for him to feel good about his appearence, he recieved some positive feedback from the ladies wich led to having a girlfriend who was happy to go shopping with him and help him out. later he added a sportcoat and button down shirt to the jeans and from there dress slacks and suits were easy. Putting on a new outfit, the right outfit for you can really make you feel great.

 

[JimInSoCalif]

The above two posts are very good advice. I would like to make a couple of suggestions though.

As to suit colors, for a first suit the conventional wisdom is to buy either a plain (no pin stripes) blue suit or a plain dark grey (charcoal). I prefer grey, but I think more men would say blue - either is fine and appropriate for any occasion.

I would hold off on brown untill I had both grey and blue. Black is a color that women get a lot of mileage from, but men not so much. I have never had a black suit and as I am a Certified Senior Citizen, that is unlikely to change.

As to T-shirts, I would skip that step and go directly to an OCBD (Oxford Cloth Button Down) shirt which can be worn with a suit or with just a pair of jeans or khakis.

I agree with all of the rest of the advice and please feel free to ask questions here - and from a sales person too.

Cheers, Jim.

 

[de Stokesay]

Welcome to the lounge.

I can sympathise with how you feel as I too used to have problems with salespeople. I avoided them like the plague as I didn't want to feel pressured into buying something. Later, I learned that they can't actually make you buy something, all they can do is try to convince you that you actually want to buy something. Later, after you get it home, if you decide that you don't like it, you can return it (at a larger store you won't even have to return it to the same person who sold it to you). You have lost nothing and you have gained the knowledge of what doesn't work for you. Keep in mind that sales people are only trying to help you, not annoy you and that they can't make you spend money. If you realise that they really have no power over you, they are not nearly so scary.

Another thing that I would recommend is to not get a suit yet. I suspect that you may not be ready for a suit and if you don't feel comfortable in one yet you won't wear it. I would suggest getting a sports jacket. This is essentially a suit jacket without the pants or a vest. You can wear a sports jacket with jeans, khaki's or other casual-type pants, over top of a t-shirt (plain with no pictures or slogans), a golf shirt, or even over a sweater for those colder days. Of course you can also wear a dress shirt and tie with it for more formal occasions. I would suggest that your first sports jacket be plain navy as it is very versatile, but this really is up to you. You could tell the salesman that you are looking for a sports jacket that isn't too formal, to wear with jeans or casual pants. The way the sizes on suits (and sport jackets) go is the first number is your chest measurement (run a flexible cloth tape measure around your chest and back at about the height of your boobs (the widest part of you chest), and the letter that follows it is the length of the sleeves (t = tall, r = regular, s = short). You likely will not need a tall jacket due to your height, so your arms will likely require a regular or a short. In summary, size 42R would be for a person with a chest circumference of 42 inches and with average-length sleeves. The reason they don't label suits small, medium, or large, is because they fit much more precisely than casual clothes. For a comparison, think of if shoes were only made in short, medium and long lengths. There would be a whole lot of people out there with ill-fitting shoes, wouldn't there.

Dress shirts are another interesting topic. They are sized by 2 numbers. The first number is the neck measurement (take the cloth tape measure and measure around your neck, then add 1/2 and inch) This will be the first number. The second number is the sleeve length in inches from the place where your neck hooks onto your body, down over your shoulder, and down you arm past your wrist, to the place where your thumb hooks onto your hand. This last measurement may be easier if someone else measures it for you. So, a size 17 - 34/35 dress shirt will fit someone who measures 16.5 around the neck and has a 34 - 35 inch arm and shoulder length. Also, the reason dress shirts come in those little plastic bags is because they look cool in them and manufacturers think that that will make people buy more of them. All you have to do is take a selection of shirts (in their bags) in sizes that you think might fit (the size is on a little tag inside the back of the neck and you can see it through the bag from the outside) to the store employee nearest the dressing room, give them to this person and say that you want to try them on. They will then remove them from the bag, extract vast quantities of tissue paper, cardboard, and enough pins to melt-down and cast a battleship, and give you articles that look much more like an actual shirt that you can try on. Go into the fitting room and to this. Look at yourself in the mirror. Do the sleeves look too short or too long, is the neck too tight or to loose with the top button done up, and does the whole overall effect please you or not. If it seems to fit, and you like it, buy it, if not, simply give it back to the person who unwrapped it for you.

One thing that you might want to consider, living where you do, is a lighter-weight (thinner) sports jacket. Thin-ness does not necessarily mean cheap junk (in fact, some of the most expensive suits and some of the best fabric is quite thin indeed), and it might be more comfortable to wear if you aren't too hot. If you are concerned about quality of the cloth, grab a hand-full of the jacket and crumple it into a ball inside your fist, hold it for about 5 seconds, and then let it go. If it is good fabric, with a good weave, when you let it go, there should be no wrinkles in the cloth. They should just fall away.

As for sweaters, just try on lots of them. Some definately won't fit you, some likely will fit fine. The fit you are looking for is where it gently brushes your body all the way down your body but doesn't cling to you anywhere or hang in loose folds. Again look in the mirror. You'll know if it doesn't fit because you won't like the look of it.

A final thing to keep in mind about the glossy white tile that you encountered in Macy's (and probably will elsewhere), is that it is not there to look posh. It's purpose is that it is very easy to mop and keep clean so when clothes fall off their hangers onto the floor, they won't get dirty. Also, white tends to reflect light which makes it brighter and easier to see the true colour of the clothes. It's a bummer when you try something on in a dark store and it looks great, but when you get it out in the sun, it looks completely different.

Anyway, my 2 cents worth. Don't give up, and USE those salesmen. They are there to be used by you and to help you, not to take advantage of you. No matter what they do, they can't make you do anything you don't want to. You can also return anything that you don't like later (assuming it is still in new condition).

de Stokesay