Miss Manners

[olive bleu]

I don't know if it is because i have been spending so much time hanging out in the FL lately, associating with such fine ladies & gents...but i have observed some pretty apalling behavior around town. I am referring to the complete lack of manners and common courtesy.

I just got a glimpse of this thought , too ,in the thread about the use of cell phones, when someone mentioned how as children they were raised to put the needs of others first. What happened to that?

When did we become so self absorbed?

The most obvious example that comes to my mind right now is what i witness when i take the bus to & from work everyday.How many times, first of all does someone jump in front of me to get on. I have been standing there in the pouring rain waiting to hop on and some guy cuts the line. That is just overtly rude. But i think what alarms me even more is when people are not even AWARE that their behavior should be any different. If I am waiting to board a bus and i see that there are people inside that will be getting off, i stand aside and wait till the entrance is clear, and then get on.I have had people brush past me, because they are impatient with me just standing there. The entrance is really not wide enough for people both getting on & off. Why can't they just wait?

Or i might be sitting on a full bus and an elderly person gets on. I have seen men in their 20's who will not give up their seat. How is it that they do not know how to be courteous? I actually had to stand up once , when i was PREGNANT to let someone else have my seat.

We have all seen it.Does anyone have similar stories to share? or what about examples of good manners being used?

 

[Feraud]

A good post. It is when I read something like this that I think, "ah, welcome to the Fedora Lounge."
For whatever reasons, many people today have very little manners. Either they do not know or care not to.

 

[Lady Day]

YOu do not want to get on a bus in San Francisco (MUNI) then, nothing but that nonsence going on here. Ive been shoved before so some guy in his 40s could get on before me.

Ive given up my seat multiple times, made eye contact with the young fella in his seat and he just keeps on about his business.

I tell you, the bus is a wasteland for lack of any type of manners.

LD

 

[LizzieMaine]

Two horror stories for me. The first happened on the Montreal Metro a few years ago, right after I'd gotten out of the hospital. I was still in considerable pain, and was carrying a surgical cushion -- one of those red rubber inflatable doughnut thingies for sitting-on. I got on a trainfull of what l assume were college kids, took hold of a stanchion, and when the train started there was a jolt of pain so bad I went to my knees. As I got up I caught the eye of one of the comfortably-seated earphone-wearing kids, and he immediately looked away. Didn't even offer to help pick up the bag I'd dropped.

Then, this past spring, it happened again down in Boston. I was taking a commuter train in to North Station. I was having a very bad attack of sciatica, and had to walk with a cane -- and as I was trying to get up and hobble off the car at the end of the line, I was shoved back into my seat by three boys who decided to race to see who could get off first -- and when I hit the seat, I twisted my back in such a way that I cried out from the pain. The conductor yelled at them (and a conductor on the T can really yell nice when he wants to), but otherwise, nobody gave the little punks a second look. I'd have whacked them one myself with my cane if I could've gotten a clear shot, but I'd probably have gotten myself arrested for the effort.

Anyway, I am very wary of public transportation because of experiences like this. My sympathies to all who have to deal with it daily.

 

[olive bleu]

Two horror stories for me. The first happened on the Montreal Metro a few years ago, right after I'd gotten out of the hospital. I was still in considerable pain, and was carrying a surgical cushion -- one of those red rubber inflatable doughnut thingies for sitting-on. I got on a trainfull of what l assume were college kids, took hold of a stanchion, and when the train started there was a jolt of pain so bad I went to my knees. As I got up I caught the eye of one of the comfortably-seated earphone-wearing kids, and he immediately looked away. Didn't even offer to help pick up the bag I'd dropped.

Then, this past spring, it happened again down in Boston. I was taking a commuter train in to North Station. I was having a very bad attack of sciatica, and had to walk with a cane -- and as I was trying to get up and hobble off the car at the end of the line, I was shoved back into my seat by three boys who decided to race to see who could get off first -- and when I hit the seat, I twisted my back in such a way that I cried out from the pain. The conductor yelled at them (and a conductor on the T can really yell nice when he wants to), but otherwise, nobody gave the little punks a second look. I'd have whacked them one myself with my cane if I could've gotten a clear shot, but I'd probably have gotten myself arrested for the effort.

Anyway, I am very wary of public transportation because of experiences like this. My sympathies to all who have to deal with it daily.

OMG.I can't believe these things happened to you!That is way beyond bad manners...that is just mean.If i had been there i would have taken your cane and beaten them myself.:rage:

i don't want to turn this into a thread about badly behaved adolesents, but my husband who is the stay-at-home parent at present, has had our kids ' friends swear at him.my husband is not one to take things like this lightly, and the culprits are no longer welcome at our house..ever.

At the risk of soundly like my mother...what's the matter with kids today?

 

[Feraud]

At the risk of soundly like my mother...what's the matter with kids today?

I would not have put it like that. There are plenty of intelligent, polite young people (especially at the Lounge) and crass adults.

 

[olive bleu]

so right you are. I certainly meant no disrespect to the fine young people here and otherwise. I was only sympathizing with Lizzie.

 

[Feraud]

It is sad to read what LizzieMaine had experienced with these young folks.
I do not expect to see hat tipping or hand kissing but some people lack common sense.

 

[olive bleu]

That's really the bottom line isn't it? I am just concerned by what i see.If our children are growing up believing that you are weak if you let someone go ahead of you, or do something nice when there is nothing in it for you, we are breeding a generation of very selfish individuals.It is completely about common-sense & courtesy.


It has been said that good manners is simply about making someone else feel comfortable.I am not holding out for hat-tipping or hand kissing,but i am keeping my fingers crossed for respect & kindness to prevail.


For as much as i may worry about the behavior of some youth, I am far more concerned about what i see in the adults. We are the ones that are leading by example.

 

[Feraud]

I am far more concerned about what i see in the adults. We are the ones that are leading by example.

I totally agree with you on this. Most people cry about the younger generation, blah, blah. I question the integrity of the parents of these rude children.

 

[olive bleu]

Amen!:eusa_clap

 

[Elaina]

I took my son to the mall today (getting a video game) and we looked around. Nothing major.

After about an hour, we were looking at purses in a kiosk, and some girl about 15 pushed me. I'm sick, I hate people and I don't have the best temper. I turned and snapped at her, saying something like "Watch it". I got called a nice name, and I repled "It's Mrs. Bitch to you." She screamed and yelled (I let her, only keeping my temper because I had my son there) and she got ejected, I got apologized to, her friends tried to follow me around for about half an hour before they decided my shopping habits were boring. These girls were obviously well-to do, not particulalry punkish, but had the manners of goats.

We got to the video game store, son is debating on his game. I stand there and play the free system while he sorts it out, another 15 year old kid comes up to me. He's dressed punkishly, has lots of fake bling on, and frankly looks like he should have been in a rap video. He starts off by saying "Oh excuse me ma'am" and he and I spend about half an hour talking, pleasantly, about video games and his 'hood and how he comes to the mall to avoid drugs and gangs, that he'd rather look like me, but he'd be beaten up where he's at. (We also discussed his college plans).

We left, and I had to get gas. Walking in to pay, some kids that were driving in a new car, dressed in expensive clothing was using the language that should be reserved for hitting your thumb with a hammer. Two boys dressed like Marilyn Manson held the door open for me, were polite and appearing as different as the other kids.

You can't always judge by the covers, and not all kids are bad. A good portion of them should be shot, but there are those that make you have hope for the world.

 

[LizzieMaine]

I totally agree with you on this. Most people cry about the younger generation, blah, blah. I question the integrity of the parents of these rude children.

Exactly my feeling. Children learn what they live, as the saying goes -- and if kids are brought up in a me-first atmosphere, that's the way they're going to grow up.

In my day this was referred to as being "spoiled rotten," a phrase my mother would spit out disdainfully as a way of letting me know *I* better not start getting too big for my own britches. I had my moments of being a smart-mouthed self-absorbed kid, but I had sense enough never to run anybody down on a bus or a train.

 

[Lauren]

I took my son to the mall today (getting a video game) and we looked around. Nothing major.

After about an hour, we were looking at purses in a kiosk, and some girl about 15 pushed me. I'm sick, I hate people and I don't have the best temper. I turned and snapped at her, saying something like "Watch it". I got called a nice name, and I repled "It's Mrs. Bitch to you." She screamed and yelled (I let her, only keeping my temper because I had my son there) and she got ejected, I got apologized to, her friends tried to follow me around for about half an hour before they decided my shopping habits were boring. These girls were obviously well-to do, not particulalry punkish, but had the manners of goats.

We got to the video game store, son is debating on his game. I stand there and play the free system while he sorts it out, another 15 year old kid comes up to me. He's dressed punkishly, has lots of fake bling on, and frankly looks like he should have been in a rap video. He starts off by saying "Oh excuse me ma'am" and he and I spend about half an hour talking, pleasantly, about video games and his 'hood and how he comes to the mall to avoid drugs and gangs, that he'd rather look like me, but he'd be beaten up where he's at. (We also discussed his college plans).

We left, and I had to get gas. Walking in to pay, some kids that were driving in a new car, dressed in expensive clothing was using the language that should be reserved for hitting your thumb with a hammer. Two boys dressed like Marilyn Manson held the door open for me, were polite and appearing as different as the other kids.

You can't always judge by the covers, and not all kids are bad. A good portion of them should be shot, but there are those that make you have hope for the world.

Extremely well said! :eusa_clap

I'm sorry everyone's had such terrible experiences! That's just awful. And Lizzie Maine, I cannot believe that the kids didn't even offer assistance to you. That's just terrible.

I can't remember any stories off the top of my head, other than once when I was in a drive-thru fast food place with my mom she couldn't descide what she wanted, and had to re-start her order. When we got to the window the girl was so snappy and awful to my mother that I leaned over from the passenger seat when another person came to the window and said "I think you should know the girl who was serving us was extremely rude and should learn how to show respect." Grrr! No one's mean to my family in my hearing!

 

[olive bleu]

Good for you lauren!

That's definitely the right way to handle a situation like that.

 

[Polka Dot]

I do not expect to see hat tipping or hand kissing but some people lack common sense.

You're right, I can't reasonably expect hat-tipping, but that doesn't make me wish for it less.