Miss Manners 7/13/06

[Strider]

Saw this in the paper yesterday, and clipped it, seeing as how you folks might be interested in it.

Taken from the Miss Manners column of the San Diego Union Tribune:

Dressing well creates a problem

Dear Miss Manners:

I am at a loss to understand why it is acceptable to criticize someone for dressing "too well," while the opposite is totally unacceptable. Let me explain.

Last week, I attended a retirement party for my husband's co-worker, which was an outdoor Mexican fiesta. I wore a festive peasant skirt (no pantyhose), sandals, a simple top and some ethnic jewelry. As soon as we walked in the door, the host literally yelled, "Hey, you were supposed to dress casual for this event! What are ya doin'?" I was speechless.

Last month, a co-worker chided me with "Why are you so dressed up?" I was wearing a skirt with a matching cardigan and, yes, pantyhose and heels. Later in the week, when I was dressed more casually in cropped pants and a logo-ed polo shirt, she expressed her approval of my attire. I regret to say that I did respond with a very sarcastic, "I'm so glad my clothes meet your approval today!"

There have been other occasions as well. In fact, this happens to me often enough that it has really begun to irk me. Should we all just dress in our sweats and pajamas? I'm certainly no fashion plate, but I do enjoy dressing in stylish clothes. And, to be fair, I am often complimented on my choice of clothing. What response can I give to such boorish statements? The one I long to give is "Why are you dressed like such a slob?" But I know that would not meet with Miss Manners' approval.

Gentle Reader:

Indeed, it would not. But Miss Manners can at least relieve you of the notion that criticizing someone for dressing nicely is somehow less culpable than criticizing someone for dressing sloppily.

A great many people seem to think it is. On a mission to dumb things down, they bully gentlemen to take off their ties, and complain to hostesses that they should have used paper plates and napkins instead of china and linen. Presumably, they want to make their own lapses into the general standard.

But they profess to believe that informality is liberating (in spite of their tyrannical attempts to impose it). So a polite answer can be, "Well, I dress as I see fit - as I'm sure you do, too."

 

[scotrace]

:eusa_clap :eusa_clap :eusa_clap

Excellent!

Presumably, they want to make their own lapses into the general standard.

..."Well, I dress as I see fit - as I'm sure you do, too."

:eusa_clap :eusa_clap

 

[LolitaHaze]

It seems that when people critize others for being too nicely dressed (not over dressed -- there is a difference) they are just trying to justify/make themselves feel better for not looking as good.

 

[Strider]

Once I read that line, I knew I had to post it here.

 

[Rosie]

Oooo, I like that line, that will be my answer from now on.

 

[cadence]

Wow!!

I would assume that Miss Manners would be a very attractive woman, and so other women don't want her too look so good!? I'm just guessing. I would say she should dress as she feels. Why should she have to wear sweats when she feels like wearing a suit or dress just to make other people feel better? At a casual event I would understand, but at work?? That's my opinion anyhow.

 

[Sefton]

Thank you Strider and thank you Miss Manners! very well put.

 

[Lady Day]

Miss Manners has the well dressed' back. YaY


LD

 

[Tomasso]

Excellent!

Presumably, they want to make their own lapses into the general standard.

..."Well, I dress as I see fit - as I'm sure you do, too."

Those are same two thoughts I culled frome the article.

 

[Strider]

I would assume that Miss Manners would be a very attractive woman, and so other women don't want her too look so good!? I'm just guessing. I would say she should dress as she feels. Why should she have to wear sweats when she feels like wearing a suit or dress just to make other people feel better? At a casual event I would understand, but at work?? That's my opinion anyhow.

No, the woman who wrote in to Miss Manners was having the problem. Miss Manners just helped her along with how to deal with it.

 

[Mr. 'H']

But they profess to believe that informality is liberating (in spite of their tyrannical attempts to impose it).

:eusa_clap :eusa_clap :eusa_clap

 

[cadence]

No, the woman who wrote in to Miss Manners was having the problem. Miss Manners just helped her along with how to deal with it.

ok, sorry about that, i just skimmed it... well i meant to say the person who wrote the letter. thanks for pointing that out for me

 

[Cousin Hepcat]

Excellent!
..."Well, I dress as I see fit - as I'm sure you do, too."
:eusa_clap :eusa_clap

Oooo, I like that line, that will be my answer from now on.

Good idea. But we need to figure how to make a Guy's version of the line... maybe by finishing it with a drawn out, emphatic "SUCKAAAH"....

That reminds me of when I got out of school & started work at Nortel. Man I got the MOST dogging for my clothes & tie (in a friendly-like way), and they were just business casual.

Swing High,
- Cousin Hepcat

 

[scotrace]

Cousin, it's all in the delivery. While you say it, you just raise you chin a bit, look down your nose and glance at their "I'm With Stupid" t-shirt.

"as I'm sure you... do... too."

 

[The Reno Kid]

:eusa_clap Miss Manners is my hero(ine)!

 

[Cousin Hepcat]

Cousin, it's all in the delivery. While you say it, you just raise you chin a bit, look down your nose and glance at their "I'm With Stupid" t-shirt.

"as I'm sure you... do... too."

lol
....

 

[jake_fink]

[T]hey profess to believe that informality is liberating (in spite of their tyrannical attempts to impose it).

I think that's really quite insightful. Much more profound than I'd expect from Miss Manners. The illusion of freedom in our culture, eh? Or the dictatorship of freedom? Sounds like something that you'd see developed in The Baffler or in a book by Thomas Frank.

The Conquest of Cool by Thomas Frank

 

[Marc Chevalier]

Good idea. But we need to figure how to make a Guy's version of the line... maybe by finishing it with a drawn out, emphatic "SUCKAAAH"....

Here's a unisex line: "You dress your way, and I'll dress mine." Over and out.

.

 

[Paisley]

I think that's really quite insightful. Much more profound than I'd expect from Miss Manners.

I gather you haven't read much of her work. Even as a young woman, she had an uncanny insight into human nature. I don't know what her degree is in, but she seems well-read in philosophy, history and political science.

 

[Strider]

That's why I like reading her column.