Maternal Dissaproval

[KILO NOVEMBER]

If ever there was a town for straw (in the US), Miami is it.

I nominate our nation's capital in July and August as a straw-only locale.

 

[hatguy1]

I nominate our nation's capital in July and August as a straw-only locale.

Agreed. Been there a few times in the summer months. 95 degrees with 100% humidity.

 

[EliasRDA]

That hat looks good on you, & I feel your pain. Even at my age my mother will bring up certain things from 20+ yrs ago when she gets mad at me, it still hurts but I just tend to clam up & try to not let her get under my skin.

And yes, if your parents are paying for your college, then you have a couple choices.. 1- ignore her while you are there & just continue on when you go back to campus. 2- get student loans so they are not paying your way.

You will all too soon be out on your own most likely, no matter what your mother will always be your mother. She may have faults, you can still love her & keep your own way & style.

 

[hatguy1]

No criticism, just an observation:
I can see how the black hat with sideburns and little beard leads to "Jewish/Amish" associations of your look.
Nothing wrong with that as long as it does not bother you. A clean shave with "dapper" hair cut will look quite different with that hat (which fits you btw nicely).

Put a little jaunt in how you wear it. Don't wear it level on your head, but rather tilted to one side or the other a bit.

 

[thecollegeguy123]

CollegeGuy,

I've seen more than a few musicians here in Noo Awlins who wear fedoras, and carry them off with the same kind of style you project. Do an image search for "Dr. John," for an example.

I'd say the advice given earlier, to sit down quietly with Mom and tell her what's what, is probably the best plan. You could ask, "Do you want me to wear a baseball cap instead? Backwards, even? Isn't this better?"

I was finally able to get an answer out of her about what she wants me to wear. She wants me to wear baseball caps. I am not joking. She specifically said that she wants me to wear baseball caps because the fedora is a "dress hat" and that baseball caps are more "socially acceptable". When I told her that I do not like wearing baseball caps, she said it does not matter because my fedora "does not match with anything else" that I wear.

 

[HudsonHawk]

I was finally able to get an answer out of her about what she wants me to wear. She wants me to wear baseball caps. I am not joking. She specifically said that she wants me to wear baseball caps because the fedora is a "dress hat" and that baseball caps are more "socially acceptable". When I told her that I do not like wearing baseball caps, she said it does not matter because my fedora "does not match with anything else" that I wear.

Tell her it's the fedora or a giant sombrero, with fringe and glitter. See what she says.

 

[The Fedorable]

I was finally able to get an answer out of her about what she wants me to wear. She wants me to wear baseball caps. I am not joking. She specifically said that she wants me to wear baseball caps because the fedora is a "dress hat" and that baseball caps are more "socially acceptable". When I told her that I do not like wearing baseball caps, she said it does not matter because my fedora "does not match with anything else" that I wear.

Well, what do you wear with the hat? Wearing khaki pants and a button down shirt will go with the hat. I'm the same age as you, and trust me on this. Wearing khakis and a button down shirt gets really comfortable after a while, even with the hat.

 

[Fastuni]

She wants me to wear baseball caps. I am not joking. She specifically said that she wants me to wear baseball caps because the fedora is a "dress hat" and that baseball caps are more "socially acceptable". When I told her that I do not like wearing baseball caps, she said it does not matter because my fedora "does not match with anything else" that I wear.

How to interpret her statement:

Either she wants you to A) dress down (baseball cap, casual modern "streetwear") or you take the cue and B) dress up with a suit or sport-coat and dress shirt.

If anything go for B and watch her reaction. If she is going all negative again you can tip your fedora and say "but why... you suggested that I wear the hat with someting equally dressy."

Win-win.

 

[Picard1138]

Tell her it's the fedora or a giant sombrero, with fringe and glitter. See what she says.

This is what you will now wear:

Or:


-Max

 

[thecollegeguy123]

How to interpret her statement:

Either she wants you to A) dress down (baseball cap, casual modern "streetwear") or you take the cue and B) dress up with a suit or sport-coat and dress shirt.

If anything go for B and watch her reaction. If she is going all negative again you can tip your fedora and say "but why... you suggested that I wear the hat with someting equally dressy."

Win-win.

I will try option B. I will describe her reaction tomorrow.

 

[Mulceber]

I will try option B. I will describe her reaction tomorrow.

I don't hold out much hope - from what you've described, she likes to complain. There isn't anything you can do that is going to make her happy.

 

[jlee562]

The hat has good proportions on you, but might I gently suggest that black on black is not the best match with a darker forest/olive green top. I've actually been trying to work out more outfits with my new black/black Stratoliner and I'm finding it harder than I would have imagined, primarily since my wardrobe (if it can be called that) consists of lots and lots of black.

You don't need to wear a suit to "pull off" a fedora. I'm always trying to "dress down" the fedora. Heck, yesterday I wore my Homburg with jeans and a hoodie. I'm sure this is sacrilegious to some, but it works for my own sense of style (again, if it can be called that [huh] ). Just try to keep the hat within your outfit's overall color palette. At the risk of making a fool out of myself (snide comments on the internet? I never!), here's an example of how undressy I am with my fedoras, although the scarf and multiple layers are probably not necessary in your neck of the woods:

(apologies for the infernal mirror selfie, at least I didn't upload the instagram version!)

We have a saying here on the lounge, wear the hat, don't let the hat wear you. And you never know, my mother thought my fedora habit was weird at first, but finally conceded a month or two ago that I looked good in them. I'm not a parent, but I would think that a part of her consternation might be due to the fact that you're just growing up and moving away from her.

In any event, welcome to the lounge, keep us updated.

 

[Fastuni]

You don't need to wear a suit to "pull off" a fedora. I'm always trying to "dress down" the fedora.

Assuming that this refers to my comment - it's about making a little "test" how his mother would react to him taking her by her word and wearing something "dressy" with the hat.

Of course a fedora doesn't need a suit and can look swell with sportive, casual clothing. I do it all the time (strictly 30-40's though).

 

[jlee562]

Assuming that this refers to my comment - it's about making a little "test" how his mother would react to him taking her by her word and wearing something "dressy" with the hat.

Of course a fedora doesn't need a suit and can look swell with sportive, casual clothing. I do it all the time (strictly 30-40's though).

Partially inspired by, but not a direct response to, per se. Was attempting to comment generally on his mother's idea that fedoras are strictly dressy and "don't match" with the rest of the outfit.

 

[jhe888]

I still can't help you with your mom, but the hat looks good.

 

[AtomicEraTom]

I don't wear black hats for this reason. I live in an Amish community and don't wanna get confused with them by the local women folk.

That's what I almost suspected.
Whatever people's views about orthodox Jews or Amish, that's very often simply what is associated with ("dressy") black hats with larger brims.
This may have to do something with her negativity. A lighter color hat certainly can't be labelled "Jewish" or "Amish" (as silly as this is in the first place anyway).

Although her negativity should not be a reason to avoid black hats, have you thought about getting a lighter (grey, light brown or beige) hat?
A mid-grey hat with black band is VERY versatile - much more than black or browns.
I also started out with a black fedora, but soon discarded it, since it doesn't fit with my (vintage) wardrobe and also looks just a bit too "dramatic".
I received more negative comments from strangers (though I did not care) when wearing black.
Brown usually get's "detective" or "Indiana jones" remarks... but grey is the most positively received (or simply ignored - just as good).

I do think a lighter colored hat would be a good idea, a straw for the warmer months in Florida would be a good investment, as well.

Having a look all your own can be tough on family life. My family doesn't always "get it" either. Perhaps a compromise would be a good thing, if you could get her to agree. I have a bit of an unspoken one with my family. If we're going somewhere as a group, I leave my hat at home. When it's just me, I do whatever I want.

Was your mother a free spirit in her youth? Mine was and did her own thing. She always advises me against it to protect me from the kind of outcast treatment that she got for choices in her younger days. Just a thought.

 

[thecollegeguy123]

I don't wear black hats for this reason. I live in an Amish community and don't wanna get confused with them by the local women folk.



I do think a lighter colored hat would be a good idea, a straw for the warmer months in Florida would be a good investment, as well.

Having a look all your own can be tough on family life. My family doesn't always "get it" either. Perhaps a compromise would be a good thing, if you could get her to agree. I have a bit of an unspoken one with my family. If we're going somewhere as a group, I leave my hat at home. When it's just me, I do whatever I want.

Was your mother a free spirit in her youth? Mine was and did her own thing. She always advises me against it to protect me from the kind of outcast treatment that she got for choices in her younger days. Just a thought.

My mother has always been a very conservative woman. From pictures I have seen of her when she was my age, she looked like a typical person in the 1980s. Stories from her siblings, my grandmother, and old friends of the family have all described her as very set in her ways and not a free spirit.

 

[Lotsahats]

Jared, you have plenty of style! You look absolutely comfortable in a well put-together outfit, so let's cut the self-deprecation.

College guy, more power to you for the respect and concern you are showing for your mother. That speaks volumes about your character.

A

 

[AtomicEraTom]

Hmm. It would seem to me that a black fedora would be about as conservative as you could get. Perhaps not the norm today, but a conservative look, regardless.

Sometimes, parents just don't get it.

My mother has always been a very conservative woman. From pictures I have seen of her when she was my age, she looked like a typical person in the 1980s. Stories from her siblings, my grandmother, and old friends of the family have all described her as very set in her ways and not a free spirit.

 

[scottyrocks]

OP's mom is not only conservative, but a conformist. Fedoras are not what everyone else wears. Ball caps are.

I wouldn't try to change her mind. Eventually, she'll get used to it, or she'll continue to poke and prod about it until the day one of them dies.