Anyone on here happen to write the following letter to the advice column which is in today’s Daily Telegraph newspaper in the UK ?
‘My wife has given away my favourite jacket to a charity shop (it’s already been sold – I checked) and I don’t know what to do. It was a battered old leather jacket and I knew she hated it so I never wore it when I was out with her. What’s more, she is telling two blatant lies about it, more or less interchangeably: that it was on the pile to be donated (it wasn’t), and that I told her it was OK to donate it (I didn’t). I can’t get her to understand how out of order this is; it’s as though she didn’t like the jacket so it means nothing that I did. I didn’t even like it aesthetically, but it was like an old labrador, ideal for taking the dog for a walk or going to the pub with my friends.
This seems like a trivial thing to end a relationship over but that’s what I want at the moment. If she showed some sign of contrition, or at least awareness of why I was so upset, that might be something. But all I get are variations on “I can’t see why you’re so bothered”. What should I do? Everything else is fine, or it was until this. — P, via email
Dear P
Hmm. “Everything else is fine.” Really? Frankly, I doubt it. The fate of a mouldy old jacket, a marital deal-breaker? Seriously? That’s a bit like saying that the Titanic sank because someone left the taps running in a cabin sink.
Look. Your wife hated your jacket. She made no secret of that. She took advantage of a block charity clothing donation to get rid of it. She’s fibbing about the exact details. I can understand your hurt feelings. It’s a contemptuous act, framed with dishonesty; and dishonesty and contempt are often fatal to a relationship. But based on what you’ve told me, it’s a first offence. If everything else was fine in your marriage, this incident would be no more than a blip – something you could even laugh about together after a day or so. Instead, you’re contemplating the end of your marriage over an old jacket.
I can’t even guess what more profound problems lie beneath the surface of your relationship, P, but I’m certain that they’re real and dangerous. I suspect this is the tip of a great big old iceberg of resentment and anger.
You need to work back from this and find out where the fault really lies. Good luck with that, P. But forget your junked jacket: it’s the symptom, not the cause.’
‘My wife has given away my favourite jacket to a charity shop (it’s already been sold – I checked) and I don’t know what to do. It was a battered old leather jacket and I knew she hated it so I never wore it when I was out with her. What’s more, she is telling two blatant lies about it, more or less interchangeably: that it was on the pile to be donated (it wasn’t), and that I told her it was OK to donate it (I didn’t). I can’t get her to understand how out of order this is; it’s as though she didn’t like the jacket so it means nothing that I did. I didn’t even like it aesthetically, but it was like an old labrador, ideal for taking the dog for a walk or going to the pub with my friends.
This seems like a trivial thing to end a relationship over but that’s what I want at the moment. If she showed some sign of contrition, or at least awareness of why I was so upset, that might be something. But all I get are variations on “I can’t see why you’re so bothered”. What should I do? Everything else is fine, or it was until this. — P, via email
Dear P
Hmm. “Everything else is fine.” Really? Frankly, I doubt it. The fate of a mouldy old jacket, a marital deal-breaker? Seriously? That’s a bit like saying that the Titanic sank because someone left the taps running in a cabin sink.
Look. Your wife hated your jacket. She made no secret of that. She took advantage of a block charity clothing donation to get rid of it. She’s fibbing about the exact details. I can understand your hurt feelings. It’s a contemptuous act, framed with dishonesty; and dishonesty and contempt are often fatal to a relationship. But based on what you’ve told me, it’s a first offence. If everything else was fine in your marriage, this incident would be no more than a blip – something you could even laugh about together after a day or so. Instead, you’re contemplating the end of your marriage over an old jacket.
I can’t even guess what more profound problems lie beneath the surface of your relationship, P, but I’m certain that they’re real and dangerous. I suspect this is the tip of a great big old iceberg of resentment and anger.
You need to work back from this and find out where the fault really lies. Good luck with that, P. But forget your junked jacket: it’s the symptom, not the cause.’
