inlaws(screams)

[CharlesB]

When in doubt, there's always defenestration

 

[Barbigirl]

Dani,
Maybe if she is such a neat freak you can give her a list of spring cleaning, organizing and cooking. Tell her you don't want her to be bored and you can just take a break for the week and play with your daughter.

Not really a reasonable suggestion but maybe something to daydream about.

 

[Dr Doran]

When in doubt, there's always defenestration

Yeah, but that has been frowned upon after 1618 or so.

 

[CharlesB]

Yeah, but that has been frowned upon after 1618 or so.

Those people are just Sally Sensitives that can't handle teh gravity

 

[Dr Doran]

Those people are just Sally Sensitives that can't handle teh gravity

lol lol lol

 

[AmateisGal]

Thankfully, my mother-in-law is a sweetheart. Her ex-husband (and my father-in-law) is a raging, psycho alcoholic that thankfully lives 500 miles away and never communicates with us. The stories I heard about how he treated my husband and his siblings growing up makes me nauseous. But I don't have to deal with him and neither does hubby, although he's tried to make peace. Blew up in his face.

I'm pretty sure that my husband would have a LOT of stories to tell about HIS mother-in-law, though! My mom and him do NOT get along well at all, probably because he's something of a bad boy (tatoos and motorcycles, etc.) and my mom always wanted me to marry a nice, clean-cut guy with the perfect job and the perfect personality. In other words, the perfect guy that doesn't exist.

It's been a source of contention for nine years now.

 

[K.D. Lightner]

Boy, you folks make me glad I have no inlaws.

Also, we live in a tiny house so if anyone came to stay, they'd have to be in the dank creepy basement or on the living room floor.

Also, I don't understand why anyone would want to go to someone else's home and stay for six weeks. I wouldn't invite anyone to stay at our place more than a night or two and, if I didn't get alone with someone, I wouldn't invite them at all.

karol

 

[Dr Doran]

Dani,
Maybe if she is such a neat freak you can give her a list of spring cleaning, organizing and cooking. Tell her you don't want her to be bored and you can just take a break for the week and play with your daughter.

Not really a reasonable suggestion but maybe something to daydream about.

Or just put the list up on the fridge, and mention that this is the serious cleaning period of the year, and say that you'll be working on it and if she feels like it she can help you. Work hard on these things, show her you are earnest, and if she wants to help, let her ... and if she wants to do some herself, let her.

 

[Real Swell Gal]

My mother in law lives next door to me.

No complaints. She doesn't bother me. The kids love it.

 

[Paisley]

Boy, you folks make me glad I have no inlaws.

Also, we live in a tiny house so if anyone came to stay, they'd have to be in the dank creepy basement or on the living room floor.

Also, I don't understand why anyone would want to go to someone else's home and stay for six weeks. I wouldn't invite anyone to stay at our place more than a night or two and, if I didn't get alone with someone, I wouldn't invite them at all.

karol

That's one reason I chose to buy a two-bedroom bungalow: people can't come and stay with me unless they don't mind sleeping on the couch.

I've seen inlaws break up marriages. I think that most of the people on the Mayflower were probably couples getting away from their inlaws.

 

[MrNewportCustom]

I don't understand why anyone would want to go to someone else's home and stay for six weeks.
karol

I've been thinking this all through the thread. A friend's father once said to me (I was not a guest in his house at the time): "Houseguests are like fish: After about three days, they begin to stink."

If I'm visiting, my stay is as short as possible. If I'm going to be visiting for more than three days, I get a hotel room to preserve both their privacy and my own. I feel that anyone who insists on staying longer has mental problems.

I don't have any inlaws, but I remember one story my mother told me from shortly after she married my father: My mother learned not to be "the perfect wife" for the inlaws, and I encourage anyone with inlaws to learn from her story.

Her new brother-in-law, my uncle Charles, was visiting and my mother started making breakfast. She fried up some eggs for him, and when she placed them in front of him, Charles said he'd changed his mind and wanted them cooked another way. Wanting to be thought the perfect wife by her new husband's brother, she cooked more eggs in the new way he'd requested, and placed those before him. The third time he pulled the same stunt, my mother left the plate in front of him and said, "Eggs are in the fridge, pan's on the stove." He ate what she put in front of him.

Lesson: If someone doesn't like how you do something, especially something you do for them - and let's face it, Dani, you're cleaning house for her - let them do it, because you'll never, ever, EVER make them happy by doing it your way.

Dani: Since your mother-in-law is a neat freak and you're not, don't clean special for her. DON'T! Leave the work for her to do (don't tell her you left it for her, just leave it) and act tired ("I'm sorry, but I've been sooooo busy with this, and this, and this, and this, and . . . ad nauseum"), because you know that once she's finished complaining, she'll start cleaning. While she's cleaning, spend that time with your father-in-law, your husband and whoever else is around. Enjoy your break from housework! Let me repeat that, because it's the most relaxing thing you'll learn from this missive: Enjoy your break from housework!

When she's done cleaning, swallow your vomit, give her a huge hug and tell her that you appreciate the help. If you can truly fake appreciating her help, she won't go away thinking your home is filthy and that she's saved her boy from "the filth." She'll think she's actually helping and, on top of that, she'll think she's truly appreciated for it.

And what do you get, Dani? You get a clean house during their visit (with no labor on your part), time to spend with everyone else (without her being in the way), and a mother-in-law who feels apprecated. And with her doing all the housework, she'll tire out sooner and require more naps. FREE TIME! Can you say, "Win-win"?

As an aside: I have a welcome mat at my door. But it's facing the wrong way. Whenever someone mentions that fact, I shrug and tell them, "It means you're welcome to leave anytime you want." Turn your mat around.


Lee
____________________________

"Defenestration n: The act of throwing someone or something out of a window. A word that is neologism's paradigm and justification. If the word were not needed to describe the act, then the act would need to be performed to justify the word." - Peter Bowler

 

[Dr Doran]

Her new brother-in-law, my uncle Charles, was visiting and my mother started making breakfast. She wanted to be thought the perfect wife by her new husband's brother, so she cooked his eggs the way he'd requested. When she placed them in front of him, Charles said he'd changed his mind and wanted them cooked another way.

Lunatic. My first urge would be to kick his *ss hard (no breaks, only lots of bruises -- nothing permanent or requiring the wearing of dentures, which is a no-no) and then threaten to break his bones if he even considered bringing in the Law. This would be after throwing his suitcase and his bruised body out the door. Perhaps turn him into a groveling sniveling wretch to teach him a lesson.

However, I would not follow this urge. Instead, I'd refrain from showing much reaction at all. A fruitcake like this wants to see how far he can push you. This is not the kind of person I want around as they clearly have serious problems. Problems that only time, no psychologist, can fix. I wouldn't make them more than one set of eggs tops. I'd say "well, change your mind back."

You are all making very good points against being the stepford wife. I am starting to come around to y'all's point of view, actually.

 

[Dr Doran]

I've seen inlaws break up marriages. I think that most of the people on the Mayflower were probably couples getting away from their inlaws.

Nice

 

[MrNewportCustom]

Doran: I'm talking about a mid-fifties suburban newlywed couple here. Believe me, that was the ONE time my uncle Charles tried anything like that, because he learned quickly that he'd never get away with it again with my mom! It was also the one and only time my mother tried to please any inlaw beyond the first try. From that point on, she'd ask what they wanted and that was what they got.


Lee

 

[Dr Doran]

Doran: I'm talking about a mid-fifties suburban newlywed couple here. Believe me, that was the ONE time my uncle Charles tried anything like that, because he learned quickly that he'd never get away with it again with my mom! It was also the one and only time my mother tried to please any inlaw beyond the first try. From that point on, she'd ask what they wanted and that was what they got.

I see. Excellent that she put her foot down! A smart woman.

People who pull that kind of thing really (as if you couldn't tell) freak me out.

 

[Mike in Seattle]

My father-in-law is a neat freak as well, and the world expert on everything. If you don't believe him, just ask. His monologue on the topic runs about eight hours non-stop. Don't fake dozing off or even do it for real. He'll just wake you up and say, "Hey buddy, long day, huhn? Well, as I was saying..." Most conversations (HA!) with him start, "Well, lemme tell you where you went wrong with..."

I did nail him the last trip they were up. At some point, he'll reach up and run his finger on a lampshade, shelf, top of a bookcase or china cabinet and say, "Here....lookee...there's dust!" He comes running in all excited, like it's gold or something.

Knowing this was coming at some point during the week they were here, and having warned his doting child as well as current wife that if he pulled anything, the gloves were coming off and I once was going to come down on him like a ton of bricks, he waited to pull that trick until we had the party for them. Loads of friends here, nice party going on. And I had vacuumed the tops of all the picture frames, cabinets, etc. - all the points he usually hits. I think he must've brought dust with him just in case.

Anyway, he comes up to me in front of everyone with "lookkee - dust!" and I said, "Well, old man, I can tell you somewhere to stuff that finger where you'll come back with far worse on it than dust." Dead silence for about five-ten seconds, and then the whole houseful burst out laughing and he just stood there with his mouth hanging open while I grabbed a tray of appetizers to make the rounds with. "Bruschetta anyone?"

I think that cured him...we'll see next time they visit.

 

[MrNewportCustom]

You are all making very good points against being the stepford wife. I am starting to come around to y'all's point of view, actually.

Hence my credo for visiting: Your house, your rules. My house, my rules. It's simple, common sense.

If someone tries to wreck my way of life while in my home, I show them my backward door mat. And I'd expect the same from them if I tried anything in their home. . . . Not that I would try anything.


Lee
_________________________

I learned a lot of good things from my mom.

 

[Mike in Seattle]

It just came to me, and I suppose it's evil...if they get on your nerves too much while visiting, take them for a little drive to the local cemetery and get out and walk over to a vacant area and say, "And we were thinking this might be a great spot for the two of you in a few years, you know, when the inevitable happens..." and maybe en route, point out the local convalescent hospital...you know...just so they know you're already thinking ahead of the fun places they'll probably have on their dance card in the future... It's along the lines of one of the prior posts in throwing them off kilter a bit.

And if she's a clean-freak and they're staying there and she gets a little out of line, as someone else suggested, give her a list of cleaning chores. "And here's a bucket with sponges & brushes & 409 & Windex & some paper towels. I'll be back from my manicure and pedicure in a couple hours.."

 

[KY Gentleman]

Hence my credo for visiting: Your house, your rules. My house, my rules. It's simple, common sense.

Thats a good policy and one we live by in our house. (Or when visiting others). By the way Dani, things usually get better after you are able to "set some ground rules". Good Luck!

 

[Dr Doran]

Oblique ways to set ground rules: tell a (not necessarily factual) story about a friend of hers with a bad guest. Then talk about the sensible way the friend told the guest very nicely about whose house it was. Then say, "Have you ever had guests like that? Don't you think my friend handled that well?"